891. - Chris & Jason

All right, uh, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Stateside with Kai and Carter, a new podcast from The Guardian, and they are using this podcast to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions that we all have about what's happening in the world, and they do it three times a week. Jason, does that sound familiar to you?

We don't really talk about, you know, a lot of international global news items and climates and cultures and sports and things like that. We do talk about fashion and wellness, but for everything else, Kai and Carter are a great place.

All right, so who couldn't use more news? Listen wherever you get your podcasts or watch on YouTube. [upbeat music] How Long Gone. Uh, Chris Black here with you. Beautiful Sunday up here in Kingston, New York, Jason. The sun is out.

Wah gwan? Kingston in the building.

Uh, the, the other Kingston. Uh, but I was reading, 'cause I did leave my... I, I forgot my podcast kit back in, at, at the apartment, and I was reading today on Twitter that a lot of people, uh, have returned to wired headphones after they lost an AirPod or whatever, and they're shocked at how much better they sound. Wired versus AirPod. Is that something you-

Eh

... have experienced?

I, I'm, I, I love the id- the aesthetics of a wired headphone, and I love a wired headphone in general, but the, the Apple ones, the, I just don't like them. They don't, they don't fit in my ear well. I never really feel like I'm getting a dope sonic experience.

I think that I'd never thought about this before, but I l- I use my AirPods at the gym, and they don't get loud enough. They don't get loud.

Oh.

The wire- the wired headphone gets louder, which I find also interesting.

That is interesting.

And I'm, I'm not crazy. Like, I've, I've, I've been researching this for months. This isn't a, a cr- a, a crack Chris theory.

I just love how I said, "I'm not crazy. I've been researching AirPod Bluetooth volume for months."

[laughs] Yeah. I have. I've been, I've been researching it at Equinox for approximately-

[laughs]

... an hour and a half every day.

[laughs]

And I've, I've go- I don't have any data necessarily to back it up except the vibe.

I, I mean, it makes sense. I get it because, you know, the first time you, you used AirPods, you're like, "What is going on here? This is some sort of sorcery," you know what I mean?

That's true. That's true. That's-

I understand how the sound gets into my ear, my ears from the cable, but-

The sound pa- the, the-

Just, just straight 5G.

Straight, straight [laughs] 5G.

I don't get it.

This is all that raw uncut 5G going straight-

It goes into one ear, pr-

[laughs]

Pr- passes through my brain, kills my sperm, goes out the other ear, gives me colon cancer. It's fucking-

Uh, it does-

But no cables, bro. And then when you're, when you're at the gym and you're doing your little rows-

Ugh

... you're not getting tangled.

That, that's the only reason. I would, I would have, I would have divested completely from the AirPod family of products except for the Pro Max, of course, if, if it, the tangling wasn't an issue while trying to get a pump.

You know, I just thought of something.

Please.

'Cause the bi- the bi- [laughs] the floor is yours, brother.

[laughs]

'Cause I used to work out at the gym. I'd have my phone or my AirPod. I'd have the wired headphones. I'd get these Panasonic earbuds that were, like-

Yeah, yeah

... $1.15 on Amazon. I would buy, like, 10 of 'em. I would, you know, I would just, I would treat 'em like a white tee. But having your fucking four and a half pound iPhone 17 Pro Max in your pocket while you're trying to do your wind sprints or your whatever, it just doesn't work. So they should make a little, like, something the size of, like, an AirTag, just, like, a little thing that you plug in and it just straps onto your, your waistband or whatever, you know, the size of, like, an iPod Nano, and that's just a transmitter so you can have your phone-

Hmm

... on a table in the little cup holder, in the whatever, and then hopefully have that little iPod Nano be a, a step tracker as well.

Wow, okay. All right.

Yeah.

Well, yeah, let's, let's put these-

Okay

... let's put these watch losers out of business, all you, all you Gar-

Steve Jobs, you listening?

All you Garmin lovers, you better run and hide. TJ's coming with some ideas. He said-

Mm.

He said [laughs]...

Ooh, first one's free.

Check the wrist, though. Check the wrist, though.

Ooh. Ooh.

Yeah.

You thought.

That is a... Yeah, I'm, I, uh... But I'm, I... So that means, and I think we've talked about this before, but I'm traveling with three pairs of headphones at all times-

[laughs]

... which does feel absolutely stupid.

And you still, one of those is for your podcasting kit that you forgot-

No. No, no, no

... when you went upstate for your little weekend?

No. I r- I bring, no matter where I'm going, I have wired headphones for regular use, I have AirPod regulars for gym, and I have AirPod Pro Max for plane.

How many pairs of shoes do you travel with?

Mm, I try to keep it to one I wear on the plane and two in the bag max, and one of those is for, is for sport.

Okay. So you bring three pair. The same amount of shoes-

Yeah

... you bring for your headphones. You've got a formal, a casual, and a, and a gym.

That's, I mean, basically, yeah.

[laughs]

Yeah, basically. And, you know, if, as, when you liv-

Chris, there's got to be another way

When you live a carry-on lifestyle, s- not much else you can do. When you wear a size 12 and you h- live a carry-on lifestyle, there's only so much footwear you're gonna be able to shove in there.

Ooh, it's giving carry-on.

You know how it is. You know how it is. You're, you're suffering worse than me. How many shoes can you possibly bring?

Half. I can bring one shoe. I don't-

[laughs] Half.

I got a [laughs] I got a... The other shoe is dangling off. You know, I clip it to the back of my backpack like I'm a fucking high school track athlete.

It'd be really, it'd be really sick if you o- just only had flip-flops at all times 'cause that's all that fit.

Mm.

That's all that fit. I got my, I got my Havianas in the bag, but that's kinda all I can handle right now. I know it's winter, but-

[laughs]

... this is, this is kinda what I'm dealing with.

That's it. Vans slip-ons. That's it. One pair for everything. Yeah, I was thinking about, try this on for size. I, w- when you get a new pair of, you know, shoes, Vans, Converse, whatever it might be, just a casual canvas-

Uh-huh

... shoe. When you first get them, they're too new looking. You know what I mean?

Bro, you about to tell me to go ASAP Rocky mode and fucking-

[laughs]

... draw on them?

No, no. I don't want you to draw your crush or the pixies on the heel or the sole.I'm, [laughs] I'm talking... But you know what I'm talking about. When you get the crispy shoes-

Yeah, of course, of course

... some shoes you wanna keep crispy, some shoes you don't wanna, you don't wanna... You wanna have a patina to them.

That's right.

And I was thinking of how to, like, fast-track the patina process.

Well, I mean-

So, to me, the number one thing you can do, you get a new pair of, you know, Vans, Converse, whatever it is, even the Margielas, whatever. You ta- you put them in the ocean and then you leave them out to dry in the sun, like a sardine or a sun-dried tomato.

Yeah. The sun, a sun bleach is a classic method.

But I think-

But I'm-

But I think it's important to get the microbiomes and salt water and algae and all the stuff, the flora and fauna of the ocean into those fibers to then be sun-kissed. I think that really takes it to an extra place.

Yeah, it must be... I mean, you're coming from a place of beach privilege, so I just wanna put that out there.

Well, I've gotta s- [laughs]

[laughs]

I'm... You, you teed me up.

[laughs]

A lot of our listeners are landlocked. They don't have ocean access like I do. Ocean Avenue. There's a place off Ocean Avenue. I'm thinking about developing some type of shoe, I guess, shoe patina-ing blend. It's where you have to create... You have to bring the ocean to you. [laughs]

Okay. All right, Jason. All right, then-

And not in a, not in a Tommy-

All right, Jason Mark-

Not in a Tommy Bahamas kind of way. [laughs]

All right, Jason Mark, calm down. All right, you're... So, okay. Here's the thing, though. Here's the thing, and I don't know this to be... I've never dipped shoes in the ocean and let them dry. I've done it with other, o- other products. There could be some-

[laughs]

There could be some shrinkage, though, and that's-

Oh.

That, that's something you gotta, that's something you gotta consider, 'cause obviously one foot's always a little bigger than the other. You don't want to come home... Well, you don't wanna come out with a crispy pair of Vans Eras, you know, and then, and then the, the right's a little tighter than the left. You can't skate in them. You can't really stun in them.

Okay.

It's, it's a whole problem.

Does the shrinkage come from the sun or the sea or a combination of the two?

I think it's the combination of both. I think it's the combination of both, but I-

I have not considered shrinkage-

I don't-

... the state is everything.

I'm, I'm sorry that my mind's on the kind of... You know, I just, I'm a wear test guy.

Okay.

So I kinda have to think this stuff through for, for the-

Anyway, I'm gonna make a pot of boiling water, put in some kombu-

[laughs] This is-

... which is how our Japanese friends make dashi.

Okay

... which is basically just dried seaweed.

Are you about to say, are you about to say you're making a broth for your shoes?

Yes.

Okay.

Shoe broth.

Okay. Shoe broth by Jason Mark does have a nice ring to it.

Not a bad a- ... And then, you know, I'm saying a little bit goes for the Vans, a little bit, put a little tofu in there, some green onion. You got a nice little miso soup going, you know what I mean?

Okay, so you're s- okay, so-

[laughs]

So you're... Okay, one question. With, with this custom blend, Jason Mark shoe broth-

Yeah

... is it, is it possi- are you saying that even if the shoes are new-

Yeah

... are you saying that you could have the broth after the boil, or are you saying you have to have the broth, uh, before the boil, or are you saying that these are two separate pots at the same time because you have such a large, nice, uh, oven and range?

I say how much of a sneakerhead are you? Are you gonna drink-

That's a good case

... do you dri- you know, it's just like our, you know, the do you wash your hands before or after you pee?

That's true.

Do you drink the shoe broth before or you, do you drink it after? How much are you dedicated to the sneaker lifestyle?

I think if you're really, really about it, about it, then you have no choice but to drink it after, after a little bit of that gum has come off.

Also, shoe broth, what i- you know, just all the different shoe brands just boil, boil a shoe for o- you know, overnight on low, a little onion and a little garlic in there, see how, see how it tastes. You never know.

The shoe broth thing has legs, though.

[laughs]

[sighs] No pun intended.

Shoe broth has legs.

No pun intend- but I will say it's, it, there are gonna be some downsides for, like, the Jordan collector community, the Air Force One community, because they don't want creases. They don't want patina. This only works-

Yeah, th- those people... Yeah, this is not for them.

No, I just wanna make sure that, uh, you realize that you're being, I, I would say, non-inclusive to certain communities. That's all I'm trying to say.

Yeah, I went there.

[laughs]

What are you gonna do about it, you sneaker bitches?

[laughs] Okay, StockX power users, bang Jason's line. Let him know he's in the wrong for this one.

Mm-hmm. So what up, player? How you doing? So you're, you're in Kingston-

Kingston, yes

... up- upstate New York.

Yeah, there's a great hotel here called Hotel Kingsley. It's like, it's pretty interesting. There's like four different buildings, like, in the same general part of town that they own, so they all are a little bit different.

Mm-hmm.

Um, but yeah, it's an hour and 45 from New York. I got this insane, um, lipstick red Cadillac Escalade-V that sounds like a Corvette.

Balls.

It, this the cra- it's the craziest car I've ever... It's, I would say it's the craziest car I've ever borrowed. It's really something else.

Really?

Extremely, extremely comfortable, but just, like, full size TVs in the headrest.

Ooh.

Just has all of it.

Okay. Congratulations. Un- un- unfortunately, those free cars are always a funked up color, huh?

Oh yeah, they're always. They're never... The, black-

Imagine getting a black rental car

... but honestly, it's fun. It's more funny because then I'm just sorta like-

Yeah

... "Let's see what we get this time." It's like a, it's like opening a pack of Pokemon cards, you know?

[laughs]

You never know what you, you never know what you're gonna get.

Mm-hmm.

But yeah, we're here. We're here. We just came for a couple days and then, um, but I, I was impressed 'cause a lot of these upstate towns, there's a certain, you know, it's a little bit Brooklyn obviously is what it mimics the most, but this is the most, like, they/them barista upstate town I've ever seen.

Mm. Mm-hmm.

Um, but there's, there's something I think coincides here. It's the best food I've ever had in one of these places.

Mm. Mm-hmm.

Like, we've been to a handful of restaurants and they've all been good. Like, uh, like m- much better than I expected.

You, you mean in the town, not just the hotel food?

Yeah. No, no, we haven't eaten at the hotel. We haven't actually eaten at the hotel.

Oh, okay.

We've eaten at, at, there's s- you know, a bakery called Rosie's. There was, like, a real restaurant called Eliza. There was a pizza place, uh, last night called Lola. It's, it's all, like-Better than it should be considering where you are, you know? Which is kinda what you look for in these little weekend getaways from New York.

It's all you got, isn't it?

That's all, that's all, it's really all you got. I mean, the weather's-

Three hots and a cot up there, huh? [laughs]

Three hots and a cot. I went to the gym this morning. Oh, th- that's when you know you've really hit it. When you go to a gym in Upstate New York and you don't see any needles in the parking lot, it's-

[laughs]

It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's both reassuring and diminishing somehow in both, in both.

Okay, this is, this is why we holiday in Kingston and not Syracuse. No offense to our-

No offense to our-

... Cabal 315 listeners.

[laughs] Thank you for that, Jason. Thank you for representing for the clique. But yeah, it's, anyway, so we're gonna drive back this afternoon. But, but I've been really impressed with the food. There's a place called Village Coffee that is really A++-

Okay

... and the only, and the only place I've been with hot employees, so shout out to them.

Okay.

Yeah, shout out to them.

Nice. Okay, this is a, this is a cute little getaway for you. I'm sure this was your idea, not hers, right?

Oh, I've been planning this for months. What do you mean? Yeah, this is, I've been, I've been working on this. This is in my spreadsheet-

[laughs]

... that I keep on my Google Docs. So I, I, this is just one of many things I have planned for the year with all the-

When, on your spr- [laughs] on your spreadsheet, do you put how many Yelp, what the Yelp review-

Oh

... is on the Lola Pizza?

Yeah, I put, I put s- I put the Yelp review, and I also even pull out some sample reviews that are both good and bad in full text.

It's so important to get the good and the bad.

Just so, yeah, 'cause, 'cause when you're asking people to click a link, that's an extra step.

Mm-hmm.

You know what I mean? It's, it's much nicer, it's much nicer to kind of provide that all in the document for them.

The Black experience.

Yeah, it's different. It's d- [laughs] it's different.

Okay. So yeah, there's, well, there's much going on in the world. Fuck ICE and all that stuff.

That stuff is, is... You know, I heard them talking about it on Joe Budden today, and I was pleasantly surprised to hear-

Guy who learns about this from The Joe Budden Podcast. [laughs]

Yeah. I never heard, I never heard about this. No, they were just really, they were repping for Minneapolis the way that we do.

Yeah.

Like, talking about how g- how great it is.

It's a blue state, but they cool.

I, yeah, I didn't realize that it sort of, I didn't know that the love of Minneapolis, I didn't know what boundaries it was able to cross.

Mm.

You know what I'm saying?

Mm-hmm.

I just didn't re- I just didn't realize.

It doesn't seem like you would bet the house on The Joe Budden Podcast-

No

... big-upping Minneapolis.

The best thing I've seen so far from this, you know, nasty work from the, from the ICE agents is now that I think people are feeling very empowered to record with their cell phones them going up to ICE agents and just absolutely berating them-

Yeah

... in public at any time, and they just can't [laughs] they just don't, they can't do anything about it, which is, it's strange that they'll snap.

Well, I mean, they kind of can. [laughs] They can shoot you in the face four times.

No, but I mean they, they choose not to in those.

Right, right, right.

When somebody's three feet from your face calling you a pussy and telling you-

Yeah

... to take off your mask, and they, and they are able to be calm, I'm like this is such an inter- you weren't able to be calm s- three days ago.

Yeah.

Why can you be calm now? It's a very strange, it's very strange.

I mean, and I, I guess it's important that people are doing that because that's all that we really can do is, is shame these people into thinking that, "Hey, maybe I shouldn't be doing this."

I mean, it's the most low IQ job you can get. It's, it's worse than being a PE teacher. Um, it, you know-

[laughs]

... it's like this is the lowest form-

Don't come for our educators, Kyle.

No, no, I'm joking. I love-

Whoa, whoa

... I love, I love my PE teachers. I'm saying that it's, it's-

Pause

... it's, I didn't think there was anything worse than being a cop, and then they invented a new job that's actually worse than being a cop. Which is-

Yeah, yeah, that is true

... which is honestly impressive from a innovation standpoint.

Yeah, but you know, the, the difference being, and I was listening to this on JBP as well, they all had something along the lines of, to say, you know, "I know a, I know a couple people that are police officers. They're good people. They're not shitty," blah, blah. Good cops do exist even though they're few and far between nowadays.

I've never met one, but sure.

No, no, but you cannot say that about ICE agents. No.

Oh, definitely not. No, no, no.

There are no, there are no ICE agents who are good people.

No. I think that, I think if you, yeah, I think if you, I think there are people that still choose to be cops because they think they can help people.

Yeah.

And I don't think, I think people are joining ICE 'cause they, they're do- they don't have any money and they want a job.

Or they want to kill. [laughs]

Yeah, I think there's part of that, but I, I mean, I don't, dude, it's just so, all that shit is so cra- the video is so crazy. It's all so fucked.

Yeah.

It's all so fucked.

I guess in some good news, Fetty Wap out. [beep]

This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by a new podcast from The Guardian, Stateside with Kai and Carter. This is covering a lot of our bases, Jason. It's, uh, it's trying to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions we all have about what's happening in the world. And I know you particularly have quite a lot of questions.

A lot of questions, but how often? 'Cause we do this podcast three times a week, and that's a sweet spot. How many times do they do?

Three times a week. And I, I, I have a feeling just based on the platform and these talking points that they're maybe gonna be covering different stuff than we do. That's just a guess.

The Guardian is not some billionaire-owned platform. They're not afraid to say what they wanna say, brother.

Yeah, Rupert ain't sniffing around in, in what, uh, journalists Kai Wright and Carter Sherman are up to over there at, at, uh, Stateside.

Mm-hmm.

But yeah, listen wherever you get your podcasts. You can watch on YouTube. It's three times a week. And, and who couldn't use more news? You know, especially, especially when it's, when it's not, you know, from here, let's say.

[laughs]

Give, give it a, give it a listen. Give it a listen. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by our best friends at BetterHelp. Jason, we're, we're deep into May, which is, uh, Mental Health Awareness Month, and this is just a reminder that whatever you're going through, you don't have to go through it alone. Life is a damn journey. Some days feel good and others feel overwhelming. Whatever's keeping you up at night, it's easy to feel like you have to figure it all out on your own. But the truth is no one has all the answers. Well, and no journey should be alone. Having someone with you to listen, to understand, and to support you can really make all the difference.

I agree, Chris. And sometimes, you know, it, it's nice to be talking to somebody even if they're not even listening, even if you don't even get to be in the same room with them, because what you're doing is you're admitting these things to yourself and that's the most, that's the most rewarding thing you can do sometimes. So you can have a great little therapy sesh with your perfect therapist at BetterHelp. Choosing between over 30,000 people so you can get the right one just for you. Over six million people globally are using it. And, you know, have some breakthroughs. Go on that walk after your BetterHelp sesh. You know, whatever it might be. Get a nice little lunch all for yourself, maybe a non-alcoholic kombucha. And just think and be like, "Damn-I really am him. You don't have to be on this journey alone. Find support and have somebody with you in therapy. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com/howlong. That is betterH-E-L-P.com/howlong. [beep]

Oh, free Fetty. Thank- We, uh, want, as always, on How Long, go and free the guys.

Yeah.

And, uh, this is no, this is no different than, than our usual. And he, he's looking kinda ... He's, he's looking a little bigger. He l- looks like he put on some muscle maybe in, in the, when he was upstate.

He didn't have anywhere to go but up. You know what I mean? He was a slight man.

Now the question is, do you think Fetty's first day out is gonna, is gonna be good or bad, or you think he's gonna wait? Do you think he ... Did they beat him with a chain when he left jail? Is this a Max B situation? I didn't-

Mm

... I didn't really see what the, the vibe was when he was out.

I'm thinking Lil Fetty's gonna keep a low pro, hopefully. I mean, I don't know if he's gonna go back to selling drugs and, and guns and stuff like that, but I think hopefully for him, his music has continued to, you know, get streams and stuff like that. Maybe he's just had, you know, he's got those Spotify checks, a little mailbox money, the royalties over the last few years he hasn't been able to s- so it's just, like, been sitting there. You know what I mean? So he's got a nice little nest egg.

Um, no, that's not ... I'm sure he's had several baby mama who've spent all of his money while he's been in jail. But I like that-

Yeah

... in theory you're right. In theory he should have, 'cause those songs are-

No, that's a good point

... I'm sure those songs do very well on streaming. I mean, that's like-

Yeah

... he had a couple real sort of I think those are gonna exist forever type songs.

Women have a real soft spot for 1738. When they hear that in the club-

Jason knows

... it gets the people going.

Jason knows. He said, "Oh, if it's looking a little dim in here, I just put on Fetty," and all of a sudden his hoes only on the dance floor.

[sings]

I, I just wonder, yeah, I wonder what he's gonna do, 'cause obviously the sound has, has changed and developed in a bad way, I would say, since his reign on the charts. I wonder if he can come just do the same shit he was doing and people, it'll resonate because it's, it's still, it's, like, different now basically still.

We need him, yeah. Hey, Fetty, save hip hop.

[laughs]

Fetty is what I call my Siri.

That's, I think he could save, I think he could save hip hop, but I'm glad to see, I'm glad to see that we freed at least one of the guys.

I mean, it seems like one every day now, the guys are being freed.

Yeah.

Um, Ali Wong, Bill Hader finally split after two years.

What... All right. So Jason, as a, as a whi- a- as a white man in a relationship with an Asian woman, what do you think that, that Bill did wrong? What pushed this over the edge besides his absolutely bleak outlook and demeanor? What do you think that he did that set Ali Wong, one of the most annoying people on earth, what was too much for her?

Dick too bum.

I've heard that about him.

Yeah.

I've heard that about him. I've heard... 'Cause who was it that-

Don't sleep

... who was it that said, Rach- Rachel Bilson I think said-

Yeah

... like, after dating all these baddies, she said Bill's the only one that hit it right.

Yeah, that's right.

That's so, that's actually so cool.

[laughs]

It's so, so cool.

Mm-hmm. But the problem is, you know, it's kind of like, um, you know, like in superhero movies where they have to, like, access their superpower but it, like, really hurts them. You know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

In order for him to truly tap that correctly, he has to access, like, a dark place that he's been working through with therapy-

Yeah, yeah

... and SSRIs to avoid.

So every time, every time he beats, every time he beats up the Wellbutrin sort of does back flips.

Yeah, look, it looks like Superman and the kryptonite. He's gotta, you know, take a couple days solo time, rest up, you know-

I see what you're saying

... get on IV fluids and all that stuff, so.

That's why that SNL schedule didn't work that well for him. I get it.

[laughs]

It's, it's kind of a full-time job in a lot of ways. Okay.

Bill said, "I could write. I could act. I could beat it up. I can't do all three."

[laughs]

Okay? [laughs]

Okay, so you're, you're saying that Bill, Bill Hader and Ali Wong broke up because she was basically just like, "It's too, it's, this guy is just beating up too g- it's, it's taking my mind off of work. I can't focus. My Black cent is suffering. I gotta-"

[laughs]

"... I gotta, I gotta fo- I gotta focus," is what, is what you're saying?

I th- I think that Wong is a s- is a serial dater. I don't think she's ever gonna... You can't tie her down.

Mm-hmm.

And I think she's gonna be running through these white boys for the rest of her life. She's gonna eventually land on someone who's, like, a real goofy guy-

Mm

... to match her goof.

Mm.

'Cause Bill is, like, a funny, goofy guy, but he's also, like, severely depressed and a, and a dark-

Yeah, definitely

... humorous person. She needs to meet, get with somebody who's, like, a little more clowny.

Okay.

You know what I mean? A little more silly.

Do you have any, any... Since you're such a, you're so deeply in- involved in the comedy space, is there anybody from the kinda stand-up or, or comedy acting world that you would, you would prescribe?

Marcelo Salinas.

Oh, okay. Marcelo Fresno. That's, he might be a little young, but maybe she needs that.

Mm-hmm.

Okay, this is a good, this-

She need, yeah, she needs to try all the flavors. But I, I mean, I, I, I'm, I'm just imagining that Bill at one point was like, "All right, I'm out."

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

Definitely.

I don't, I'm not saying that he broke up with her, but I'm saying that, you know.

Well, I'm hearing some rumors that, you know, was, was that, were they fighting when Rob Reiner's son interrupted him?

I mean, I think that's a rumor that people want to be true, but there's not really any way of-

I don't think there's any basis for that either, but I, I, I can't go-

Yeah, there's no basis for that

... Bill Hader's had a c- tough couple months, and, and that is, I, I think-

Mm

... pray for Bill. That's, that's on God.

I don't know-

Pray for Bill

... if the Wong is just that good, but I, dating her seems insufferable.

Oh, I mean, think of, look, if you think it's bad dating us or being married to us, think how bad it is dating Ali Wong. You know?

[laughs]

That, that's, that's... We're bad, she's worse. It's, it's impossible.

Whitney Cummings probably the, the, the only one-

Dude

... who would be worse than dating Ali Wong.

Dude, I don't know if I could make it through a dinner with her. She c- she's marrying a, a professional skateboarder, you know that?

Mm-mm.

Yeah, she's marrying, um-

I hope he doesn't listen. Sorry, bro

... he's more of a cor- no, he's not like one of our boys. He's more of a core, Chris Cole, he's more of a classic core skater. He's not really in the pool guy world.

Okay. Okay.

But it's, it's an interesting pairing, 'cause I feel like she's probably dated all types as well.

Damn, Chris Cole, you got a damn million followers on Instagram.

Oh, Chris Cole can skate. He, it's, he's like, he's very good at skateboarding.

Damn, I'm looking at his IG. He's got a, a limited collab of his own knives. Sick ass knives. [laughs]

Oh, that is nice. Wow, he's, he's branched out. Okay, go off. Go off, Chris.

Go off.

Go off, Chris.

Scooter Braun-

Oh

... frustrated by athletes constantly sliding into Sydney Sweeney's DMs.

I saw some- [laughs]

Incredibly disrespectful. I saw a tweet that said, "I'm sure this will stop them."

[laughs] I saw somebody else, I saw s-

Letting people know he's frustrated. [laughs]

I saw somebody else say, "If your, if your man's name is Scooter, you're single."

Yeah. I mean, also true. Also true. 'Cause he could change his name at any time.

I think that, I, I think-

I mean, I guess he could have.

I mean-

It's a little, a little late now, but.

It, it is a little. I mean, so what-

When he was 20, he could have changed it

... do you think that he, do you think he can hang on to a baddie, A-list starlet? Or do you think that his ego and, i- is too fragile, he can't handle, you know, Wimby sliding in and saying, "Let me get on your jet ski"?

[laughs] Works every time, that line. "Let me get on your jet ski." I think that he will be able to weather the storm for let's say another, like, nine, 10 months, and then it'll, they'll find him at a time where he's emotionally fragile, whatever it may be going on in his life, and he will be hit with a Jalen Brunson DM or a whatever it is, and it'll just, one step closer to the edge, I'm about to break, and it's gonna push him over. He's gonna do the thing where he cries and snot comes out when he's yelling at her, and she sees a new side of him that she can't forget.

Can you imagine that, catching that outside of Giorgio Baldi? Oh, g- I mean-

[laughs]

... I think that they are, I, I, unfortunately, I think they're sort of a match made in heaven. Um, and I think it could work out long term if, if Scoot can get past his jealousy. Because I think she wants to date, like, a rich guy who's not totally a civilian, but also not an actor. Like, if she wanted to date an actor or a musician, she would just do that.

Scooter's perfect for the job, then.

That's what I'm saying. I think Scooter's the right man for the job, 'cause her ex-boyfriend was, like, a scammer restaurateur. You know, not that we, we don't know anybody like that.

[laughs]

Um, so it's a, so it's a little bit-

Half of our friend group.

Yeah, so I think it's, I think it's like this is the right man for her, and there are other archetypes. But it's nice that Scooter's not, like, a tech... Like, to get that kind of money-

Mm-hmm

... usually you gotta be, like, a tech guy or it's gotta be from your family. Scooter, whether you like him or not, I mean, he sorta got it up the mud. I mean, I'm sure his parents have bread, but.

He got startup money. He's, he has, um, you know, every celebrity on his contact list, and he could walk through the airport without getting swarmed.

That's kind of the dream, actually.

He doesn't have to put his, uh, ALD jacket over his head while he's riding on the golf cart through JFK. [laughs]

He might not be, he might not be, he might not be beating it up like Hader, but he's got a lot of, he's got a lot of checks in his column.

Yeah. Little Scooter dick game, [clears throat] not bomb. No.

Who's gonna be the, who's gonna be the first rapper to say hit it like Hader, though? That needs to be-

[laughs]

Somebody, somebody needs to take that from us now.

And the fact that Hader rhymes with hater.

It's [laughs] I, I mean, that's God's plan.

Volumes of material to work with there.

That's God's plan. That's-

But I think, um, the rappers, if, uh, unless we start rapping, I don't know if it's gonna happen.

[laughs] I don't think so either. Yeah, I don't think so either. I don't think so either, Jason. That's a pretty f-

[laughs]

... safe and fair, safe and fair bet. Uh-

Mm-hmm

... I, I did go to see the, the industry premiere in, on Thursday before we came up here.

Oh yeah, the, and which us civilians have to watch it tonight only on HBO.

I, I, I mean, I loved it. It was great. But it was a very, um, it's, it's, uh... Because I had seen Conrad, like, I don't know, maybe four months before, and he's like, "Oh, it's really, they really let us get away with some stuff." I'm like, "Okay, bro." You know? Like, what does that, what does that even mean?

[laughs]

And let me tell you something, they really let him get away with some stuff. And I, I, I was, um, I was, even I was aghast at some of the-

Can you give us a, is, is it, is it-

Let's just say you see this-

Is it on the level of Heated Rivalry?

Let's just say you see the star of the show, uh, put on a giant, uh, black strap-on dildo, um, and prepare to use it on another cast member. Let's just say that.

Boy, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo. I mean, I guess on the last season-

Yeah

... we saw homegirl's dad's fully erect penis while-

Yes. [laughs]

... he was getting top in the yacht. And I was like, damn, I'm seeing, like, a 65-year-old guy's hard dick right now.

[laughs] That's def-

That's something

... that's Hollywood, baby. That's Hollywood. But yeah, it was-

Mm-hmm

... it's good. I think it's gonna be... I mean, I think the reviews are, like, amazing. Um-

Yeah, I was, I was watching the la- like, the last, whatever, three, four episodes of, of season three to just, uh, you know, make my edible brain remember what h- what had happened.

Kiernan's in it a lot, and I guess the fir- but the first, the first episode is pr- is pretty funny. It's pretty, in that-

I forgot just how good the show was, man.

Yeah. I know. It's great. I know. It's rare. I mean, I haven't... Look, if you, i- I know that we've received a lot of feedback saying talk about Heated Rivalry.

Mm-hmm.

And-

I still haven't... I'm, I plan to watch it

... I still haven't. I don't

... let's, let's make a, no, we gotta wa-

[laughs]

Let's watch one episode.

It's too late now. It's over.

It kind of is. Like, w- is there anything that can be said that hasn't already, right?

Well, and once, once Fry dissects it for The New Yorker, there ain't nothing we're gonna add to it except gay jokes.

Right.

You know what I'm saying? So it's like-

Yeah, we pull up to the kill, it's nothing but bones.

We-

The New Yorker's already picked at it.

[laughs]

[laughs]

Oh, Fry's already had her way with it.

Yeah, 'cause our, our skillset as, uh, fast movers in the podcast space, three episodes a week, not a big deal, is to hit it before anyone else has a chance to. But this one-It's giving sloppy seconds, thirds, and fourths

I, I, I will say that, um, at the-

Like, our moms have probably watched it by now.

I- d-

You know what I mean?

Definitely.

[laughs]

At the, so at the industry premiere, one of them was there.

Yeah. I s- I, I saw both of them last night.

It... Last night, I'm sure. Although, one of them that was there was getting more attention than any member of the industry cast at their own premiere.

Mm-hmm.

But something, I, I was talking to someone, like an agent type, and I was like, "What are these guys... Like, what's the deal?" He's like, "They didn't have agents until two weeks ago. They have, like, nothing lined up." They're just, now they're-

Mm-hmm

... just getting inundated with offers, but there's no like... It happened so fast, there's, like, no plan.

Yeah.

Which is pretty, which is fascinating.

They're just getting offers now.

Yeah, but it's like, they're gonna... I, I just don't know, man. I feel like this is-

Hopefully they've partnered with somebody who has a great strategy for them.

I, I [laughs]

I don't want them to fumble these-

Yeah, fumble-

... these Canadians.

I'm, I'm worried that they're... I'm worried that... And again, I haven't watched the show. They seem pretty, like, they seem to have good attitudes, and are pretty, like-

Yeah.

I just, I guess what I'm saying is, I think that this could hurt you as much as it could help you. Like, this, the speed of this is so-

Oh, yeah

... is so breakneck and so crazy, and you have to try to keep your head on straight. But also, the way that, uh, it seems that Hollywood and, and celebrity moves, it's just sort of like if you don't do something immediately, you're just forgotten about, 'cause there's gonna be a new version of this.

Yeah. It's a difficult thing to navigate. Ze- hitting zero to 60 without getting whiplash like that and, and crashing the whole thing.

But the AB, I guess, like, one of them did, you know, like, Good Morning America or something, and, and it was, it was, like, Harry Styles level pandemonium.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And it's like, but it's-

People throwing their underwear at them and shit on the street

... it's six ep- it's six episodes of a TV show that was on Crave. It's insane. It's insane that, like... It's just a real testament to how the internet can drive something, like, over the line in a good way and a bad way with, like, immediacy.

Yeah, and I think it's, uh, uh, uh, uh... The, the interesting part about it is it makes you, you know, like, people would say, like, "Oh, punk rock," the r- the, you know, the, the whole... The real big part about it was that it made, you know, thousands of people think, "I could, I can start a band now," when you hear Sex Pistols for the first time.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

This TV show, the idea of it is enough to propel it into success. The show itself, no one says the show is good. They're just like, "OMG, I watch it."

That's kinda true-

So-

... dude. You're right. Yeah, it's-

Just in, just the idea of like, all right, two hot guys who are hockey players, the straightest sport you can think of, are low-key gay and they have sex with each other, and that's the pitch. And then someone is like, "Okay, yeah, th- that's gonna work." And they're like, "How? W- let me see the script." "I don't know. It's just they're gonna fuck and play hockey."

[laughs]

"Okay, um, let's do it. Good enough for me."

I mean, well, when you're doing it f-

Like, what happens in the show? Every 7 to 14 minutes, they, they fuck.

That is actually really-

Okay.

That's a great point. No one has mentioned... I've never heard any-

[laughs]

... one mention of, of any plot or, like, what happens. Never. Not once.

[laughs]

Except-

It doesn't matter.

No, it doesn't, and I think it's, I think it's cool, and I think it's really cool for, like, a low-budget weird Canadian thing to just sort of hit like this, because the, you know, the stars aligned. I think it's, I think it's all great and very interesting.

I wonder if anyone else... Like, are people scrambling, like, "All right-"

Definitely. Oh my God.

Um-

100%.

Like, log cutting championships, but they gay.

Oh, 100%. Yeah, we're gonna-

Truck drivers, but they gay.

Yeah, I mean-

You know, just think of the straightest stuff and make them gay. Let's, let's think of the gayest stuff and make them straight.

Yeah, I can g- I can s- I can see it now. Chicago Fire Santa Monica Boulevard.

[laughs]

You know, there's, like, a whole... There's a lot of ways we could do this, you know? I mean, Chicago Fire Palm Springs.

[laughs]

There's a lot of ways, there's a lot of ways to kind of switch up the style on that.

Whoa, you have a really big hose. [laughs] 6'7". [laughs] You know, stuff like that.

[laughs] Just stuff like that. When you say, when you say dialogue doesn't matter, you really mean it in this case.

Yeah, man.

You, you really mean it.

It don't matter.

It's so... All right, so you went, you went to the party, you went to the, the, the best performances party, the yearly. Hollywood is just on f- the amount of parties that are happening the last two days in LA for the awards-

You picked the wrong weekend to go to Kingston, brother man.

Uh, I think I picked the right... I, I didn't get invited to the BAFTA Amazon tea.

[laughs]

So, you know, I can't, I can't do... I can't be everywhere at once. You know how it is.

Not, not Amazon tea. It's giving Amazon tea. Um, yeah, I mean, I didn't go to any, um, other parties, just, just this one. Mainly because I didn't get invited to the Chanel party or Taylor Swift's Sourdough party or any of the other-

Oh yeah, before we get into the W-

[laughs]

... before we get into W, there's... So it says, so Taylor Swift had some sort of gathering at the Bird Streets Club in, in LA.

Ooh.

And everybody leaving the party s- s- s- also, the-

[laughs]

... the person photographed the most with... She, she brought sou- her, her home-baked sourdough bread-

Mm-hmm

... to give to her friends at this, at this gathering. Every time I go to the doctor, I walk out of that bitch feeling dumb. I got no real info. This guy in a white coat just say, "You're fine," you know, "Drink more water."

He knows how to charge my copay.

Exactly. As if-

That's about it

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What is Revolve, Man, Jason? It's, oh, funny you ask.

What's a Revolve Man?

It's a, [laughs] a place where guys who care about how they look go to shop. Revolve Man is stocked with only the elevated essentials and trend-forward styles from brands like Polo, Ralph Lauren, Salomon, Fear of God essentials for our hoopers out there, and more. It's not fast fashion and it's not stuffy. It's the sweet spot between looking intentional and not looking like you tried too hard. That's what we're all trying to accomplish out here, Jason. New arrivals drop twice a week with free two-day shipping and next-day options. Plus, returns are genuinely easy.

Genuinely, yeah. It's one of those things. We're all busy. Let's say we got an important dinner coming up at the end of the week. It's Tuesday. You're working every single day. You don't have time to go shopping and try clothes on and blah, blah, blah, or even just browse. You know, Revolve, it's all there. It's all curated for what you want, and then you click buy, you go to bed. Couple days later, that shows up in packaging that's a little nicer than y- the other places you're buying clothes from, and you've got a nice look for the big night out. And then you're like, "Wait a minute. I don't even have to return this because I enjoy this clothing and I wanna wear it again another time," versus all those dumb other websites. So whether it's a big night out, a wedding, a trip, or you just need something last minute that actually works, Revolve Man always has it. Go to revolveman.com/howlong to shop and use code HOWLONG for 15% off your order. Free two-day shipping, easy returns. It just makes everything easier. That is revolve.com/howlong and use the promo code HOWLONG to get 15% off your entire order. Offer ends soon. Don't sleep on it. And you don't need clothes too. You can get just, you know, a cool candle or an incense gift for a baby shower. Whatever it is, revolve.com/howlong. [beep] She got her elbow bakery on and said, "All right. I need to make 400 loaves of sourdough."

So she made the loaves, and the, the best picture, one of the best pictures I've seen in the last year is Somber leaving... Somber h- obviously hasn't had a piece of bread in 10 years. Look at him.

[laughs]

Somber leaving Taylor Swift's dinner party with a, a loaf of sourdough, clutching it like a pack of Camel Lights.

First time he's ever held a loaf of bread.

Do you think he's ever been to a grocery store? I bet he hasn't.

[laughs]

'Cause he, 'cause he grew up in New York, so it was either Fresh Direct or a bodega. I bet he's never been inside a grocery store.

He's never been to a grocery store, no.

But you said-

Absolutely not

... you talked to, you talked to someone last night at the-

I talked to Danielle, uh, from Haim.

And she said that, she said the sourdough's good.

I was like, "Yo, you gotta tell me, you know, real eater to a real eater, is, does the sourdough actually hit?" And she's like, "Yeah, come over. Get a slice. It's really, it's actually good." You know, who knows if she's being truthful. We'll see.

You, obviously you can't tell the truth about Taylor Swift in any way.

But she said she wants to come on the pod, and we can maybe probe her about that, see what the, uh-

See, I think she's lying

... what the crumb structure is.

She's lying. We tried to have her on-

See what her fermentation moisture levels are.

We've tried to have a Haim on the pod for two years-

Yeah

... and no one will do it. So I'm a little, sometimes I'm just like some-

Like a grease pig, those slippery Haim sisters.

I'm like, "Somebody's lying to you." You know what I mean? Some- someone is lying to you.

Mm-hmm.

Someone is lying to you.

They're all lying to me.

[laughs]

But whatever. It's fine. They'll, they'll eventually come on at some point. Um, but yeah. I mean, w- it was a, it was... I would say this was the best W Magazine party that I have been to, and, you know, we've gone to, whatever, three or four of them now. This one was, was actually turnt. Because it's, it happens the day before the Golden Globes, so people don't wanna really, like-

Get crazy

... go f- they don't wanna rage 'cause they have to be on national television tomorrow and-

[laughs]

... do press and hair and makeup and all that shit, but-

Imagine being hungover and Nikki Glaser making fun of you. Ooh, baby.

Oh, no.

That's, oof. Can't live-

A fate worse than death

... can't live through that.

But people were actually turning up. Shout out to Ross and, uh, and Harley for doing a good job DJing, and it was, I was drinking, um, oh yeah, I was t- I was talking to John, uh, Jonathan, Alana's boyfriend, and, uh, he w- he put me onto champagne, splash of vodka. I think he said it was called a Marilyn Monroe because that's what she would drink, and it's-

That's the most-

... it's a nice little alcoholic-

That's the most guy who, that's the most guy who grew up in Hollywood shit I've ever heard in my life.

I know.

That's the most my dad was in the business shit I've ever heard. I love it.

Mm-hmm. I read about it in a book that my dad gave me. Yeah, but it reminds me, I used to drink, um, sangria, and I would o- like, to me, sangria is such, like, a party beverage. It's like a turn up, like, jungle juice kinda vibe to me, but it, it is just, like, half orange juice and half red wine, so, like, essentially it's, like, the amount of alcohol that you'd have in, like-

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

... a Coors Light. So it's just kinda like, well, I drank 12 of these and I'm not even buzzing, cousin. So I would, I would spike the sangria with, like, a whole bottle of fucking tequila in it. And there's so much other stuff going on in there that you don't really taste the tequila. It just makes it a little more turnt up, and this is a similar vibe to where champagne just won't get you there fast enough, you know?

That sounds-

But then you still look chic in that you're just, like, I'm mincing around a party with my little flute. You know what I mean?

[laughs]

I don't have a problem. [laughs]

I'm that twinkle toes TJ with his little flutie.

[laughs]

That's a, that's a, I remember-

Yeah, I just put, I just put this stuff in my drink. It's called, like, GH something.

[laughs]

But, like, it really works.

So it's called the Marilyn Monroe. It's actually, um, a splash of vodka, champagne, and then a lot of molly powder.

[laughs]

It's the best. You kinda just-

That's right

... you just let loose. You have a good time. You're able, able to dance. You know, it's easy.

It's called a Tesla & Tonic.It's just a-

But I've-

[laughs] This is just a ground up red pill

But I liked it. I liked that. I saw a picture of Jeremy Allen White wearing just a leather jacket.

Yeah, I r- I, I run into him in the, uh, in the s- on the staircase. We had a little brief chat. Oh, fuck, his friend was wearing a sick-ass hat. I don't remember what it was. Um, but yeah, he was, of course, looking sick and effortlitless, effortless in his leather jacket and jeans while everyone else was in their tops and tails.

It's nice to be able to pull that off. I wonder... I can't see who made the leather jacket. It has, like, some embossing on it. I'm sure it's Louis Vuitton probably.

Mm-hmm.

Is, is, is my guess, but-

Yeah, 'cause he'll, he'll walk up to the, the front, front desk and be like, "What, you're not gonna let me in?"

Yeah, what are you gonna do?

"This is what I thought."

Yeah, what are you-

Move.

Move.

[laughs]

Move. Did you get fucked up?

Hot stuff coming through.

You're sounding a little bit hungover, but not extremely. Are you... Did you get twisted?

Oh, yeah. I'm fucked.

Oh, you did?

Oh, yeah. I, I got after it, brother man.

What time did you get home, though?

Not that late. We had, um, we had a 6:45 res at, at the Tower Bar. Shout out to Al for, for blessing, so we were up in there, you know, couple martinis in before the 8:00 PM party started, you know. Maybe we got a little something else, maybe we didn't, and, uh, you know.

Bro, are you trying to... Hold on, bro. Are you trying to be coy with me? You ain't fooling anybody, bro.

I mean, I'm trying to not be that coy.

Okay, so you did cocaine. Go ahead.

Yeah, but I mean, it was just like, it was more lu- like, people were not, like... 'Cause there's so many celebs there, and everyone is just like, "What do you, what do you do at this party?" You just stand around and stare at Benicio del Toro, 'cause he's standing right there. Like, what else can you even focus your attention on? But for some re- this year, you know, like, there were some... Like, J.Lo was there. Leo was there. Like, it was, it was top of the top. But everyone was just, like, chilling, and s- everyone was smoking. Everyone... Like, the party, it, it usually ends at 12:00, and it was going till, like, 1:00, 1:30. Like, people were still hanging out, letting it rip. So I, I don't, I don't know why or what happened.

Oh, that sucks. Sarah, Sarah had, Sarah had to, Sarah had to put down her credit card for incidentals, so that-

[laughs]

That's gonna be rough.

If we go after 12:00, there's gonna be a surcha- I know. Just do it.

There's gonna be an, uh-

Just do it. Substack will pay for it.

[laughs] There's gonna be an extra charge if we, if Benicio keeps smoking in the bedroom.

[laughs] Yeah.

That's really funny.

Yeah, shout out to Substack.

I saw that Lana Del Rey was there. Were you able to g- and, but her man was there, so you had to kinda keep it under control.

Her man was there? I didn't s- no, I didn't see her at all. I was, I was hanging out with Daniel. Yeah, bas- my buddy for the night was Daniel, uh, 103. Never. We, we got to really post up and, and politic, and he was like, "Oh, shit, there go Lana." And I was like, "Oh, damn." And then we just kind of talked about her for a while. But yeah, you know. I didn't, I do- I mean, that's how many people were there in such a small space. I didn't know or see-

I just thought that that-

... half of these-

... in particular, I just thought that in particular is... 'Cause she doesn't really go to much. You know what I mean? Like, that's-

I know

... that's not somebody who's-

She has no reason to be there

... that's not somebody you see out and about very often, especially with... But the, so the, the, um, gator chaser, uh, has-

[laughs]

... has grown his, grown his hair out a little bit, and I, I just, you know.

Guillotine chaser. [laughs]

It's not, it's not great. I think he should go back to short, but look, who am I to say? Um, who am I to say? But that's not fun.

Yeah, hopefully they didn't-

I am upset I-

... they didn't let him in

... I am upset I missed it, and it's, um, you know, my safari got canceled, so I couldn't... It's just the plans were... It's fucked. It's fucked.

[laughs]

But, you know, next year we'll be back. Next year we're back.

I couldn't go to the Golden Globes party 'cause my safari got canceled. [laughs]

Literally. L- literally. Um-

But also shout out to my new bestie, Wolfgang Tillman.

It's, it's, it's, it's Wolfgang Tillmans with an S.

The S is silent now. It's, it's-

[laughs]

He tells his inner circle that the S is actually silent.

The S is silent.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Yeah, me too. I go by Crri now, so if you could just kind of show some respect.

He said, "I'm not a Till boy. I'm a Till man."

Till man. Man. Did you see-

But yeah, we, I was, I was just, like, talking to him. I didn't know, I didn't know who he was. I mean, I know who that name is, but I, I didn't, I couldn't put a face to the name. And, uh, we were just... He was, like, looking at me, 'cause he's a tall guy, and we were standing next to each other, and we just started chatting and blah, blah, blah. And then we went and grabbed a drink, and we were hanging out. And then s- and then Jeff Henney was like, "Do you know who that is?"

You're like some, you're like some gay guy that had an accent? I don't fucking know.

[laughs]

Get in line.

Um, and then I was like, "Oh, yeah. Oh, bro, big fan, big fan," blah, blah, blah. And then I was like, "I gotta g- I do a podcast. My co-host is on your dick."

[laughs]

And, uh, and he's like, "Yeah, I know. Chris has been a problem at the house and stuff like that, and he's on a couple-

I think it's-

... my guys have to-" [laughs]

He found, he found my address on Reddit, and he has been there since.

[laughs]

He's kind of been there since, so it's been a problem for us.

He alwa- he's on my lawn, and he sends me these notes that says, "Your, your work saved me." And I'm like... And, you know. So we, I had to say that you're cool. You're actually not, like, crazy or whatever.

Thank you for that, Jason. That's big. That's big.

But the best part, he g- he gave me his business card, and it looks so 2003. It looks, like, the most... It's so good.

Well, that's the... That's the... I mean, that's exactly... All of that, having a business card at all and then having it look like 2003 is exactly what I want from him.

I was hoping that it would be more of a personal email address instead of, you know, fucking studio@wolfgang.net or whatever it is. But, you know, c'est la vie. The first step of a long journey. Um, I got to hang out with fellow podcaster Matt Belloni.

They let, they l- I didn't know they let him into stuff like this.

Lauren Sherman had to pull a couple strings to get him in.

Oh, man.

But he was, he was there with, with his producer Craig.

Yeah.

It was very funny talking to, to them in the middle of a celeb party, and they w- they were talking to me as if we were on a podcast.

Mm.

But instead of talking about people out in the world, in the ether, we're talking about people that are standing next to us.

Sta- yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So it was, it was a very interesting meta moment because hearing their two voices is just like, you know, if you listen to their podcast, The Town, then y- you know the vibe.But, you know, just like dudes speculating on what's happening in the entertainment industry.

Those guys can- those guys just gotta relax. You know what?

[laughs]

Dude, tonight- tonight's not the night to talk about fucking, you know, China open... I also g- you know, just, just quickly.

Mm-hmm.

Marty Supreme is, is over, bro. We haven't heard a word about that.

Don't, no, don't say that to my man, Daniel. He s- he said he's... there's c- still a couple more squeezes on, left on the vine here.

Oh, he's gonna be fine. I'm not worried about him. He's fucking, he's a generational talent. He's gonna be just fine. I'm just saying to you that, that the way that we were inundated with that for three straight months, and then it came out and you don't... It's just crazy.

Even the big waves crash, is what you're saying.

I'm not saying it's good. I'm just saying, like, there's no way to... It's just really, once something like that hits the peak, and then it's out, it's just, there's no way to keep the conversation going. It's impossible, basically.

I mean, I guess-

Like, it's impossible

... the only way... I, I, I think the, the, the timing of when it came out might help it or hurt it as well, because the, by the time the award cycle comes around for it, people will be like, "Ugh." You know? Like, when... I, I feel like we're on, like, the fourth year of, like, Wicked being nominated for awards.

Yeah. Yeah.

I know there's a sequel, but you know what I mean? Like, there's some movies where you're just like, "Bro, that came out so many, you know, 18 months ago, and now I have to hear about it all over again." But-

But it's, it's geese, it's geese coming out in 2024.

[laughs]

You know, it's the same. No, no, I, I... I mean, it'll be fine, obviously, and I think it can be... You know, it's, they're, they're... I'm not worried about them at all. It's just a crazy thing to think that's all we could talk about or hear l- literally two weeks ago.

Look, I'm just h- I'm just happy that we are talking about that instead of Ev- Everything Everywhere All at Once or, or these fake movies that win all these awards and people gas up that are just awful. I, I, I had, I was talking to Daniel, um, one of Tricks Point Never, and then one of the Daniels, the two directors that made Everything-

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah

... Everywhere All at Once, you know, came up to him, and he had, um... He's like a bald, kinda like dorky guy. He had a, a beer in his front shirt pocket, and he was like, "Dude, soundtrack for Marty was so fucking..." I forgot what word he said. Oh, he's like, "Oh, bro, your soundtrack for Marty slapped." [laughs]

Yep. That's sick.

He's like, "Bro, your soundtrack slapped."

That's sick. Actually, I love that.

[laughs]

That's really cool. That's really cool. That's the highest compliment you can be paid.

Only cool thing the Daniels have ever done. No shit.

Did you, uh... I need to talk to you about our friend, Bebe Rexha, 'cause she was-

Uh-huh

... she, you know that she's stuck in the Kia asylum.

[laughs]

And she said-

What if, what if... Wouldn't it be so cool if Kia, the motorsport, the motor car corporation-

Just got invented, was like, "This is our-"

... changed the name of their dealerships to asylums?

So it said, "I heard Sabrina got out. Zara, Charli, they left, they never looked back, and my fat ass, flop ass is still in here."

[laughs]

And I'm like-

I like it

... I like it too. You couldn't have said it... Oh, you couldn't have said it better myself. And thank you.

Mm-hmm.

Thank you, Bebe. And the other thing that we gotta talk about-

Get your deprecation on, Bebe

... yeah, the go, get zepp mode. The other thing we got-

I love a fat bitch that knows exactly what her role is in the, in the world, in the game. Play that card. Play your part. We love you for it.

Just don't put out any more music. Just figure something else out. There's-

No, that's the thing. Her doing this is gonna release the, you know, whatever in her brain to make her create the artwork-

To make a hit

... that will get... But I, I, I want her to be like, "I don't want to escape the Kia asylum, I wanna run the asylum." You know what I mean? I wanna be the, the baddest bitch in da Kia asylum.

That's a good, that's actually a good plan for her, 'cause-

Which makes her the people's champ, you know what I mean?

Do you think because Robin's flopping she's back in the asylum?

[laughs]

Or do you think that she's too old to be a part of the conversation 'cause she's, like, a legend?

Yeah, I mean, I, I think she has, she has immunity, she has Kia immunity. [laughs]

[laughs] No, actually, she's vaccinated against Kia, so she, she should be good to go. [laughs] Thanks to Dancing On Your Own. You've been dancing on my own. You've been-

Ro- Robin got her Kia shots, and they should be good, I think, until, like, 2029 until she has to take the test again and renew.

She can still get measles in Stockholm, but she's definitely fine as far as the, the Kia asylum goes. Uh, the other thing-

Yeah. My girl, Robin, she is flopping. Um, I think, hopefully it's just one of those-

And not, not just physic- not just physically around on the floor during her late night performance, but you mean-

But her first song, her first single off the new album I think is doing well, and, like, it was received well. There's a Jamie xx remix that people are feeling. Like, it's a good Robin song and everyone's happy. Single number two is where she w- you know, she used to kind of get her hip hop on a little bit, get her rappity raps going, and I think, um, you know, just for a, a, a, a millionaire woman in her 50s, you know, head to toe comb, we don't wanna hear her going, "Hip hop, a hibbity who."

Yeah, yeah.

You know what I mean?

We don't. No, we don't. We don't. We don't.

I want you to do some, sing some fucking lesbian shit.

Uh, that's, that's-

That's all we want

... that's all these women do. She's, she's one of the OG of singing lesbian shit. Um, speaking of lesbians, Bo and Yang-

She's the Remy Ma of white chicks. Go ahead.

Spea- yeah, speaking of lesbians, Bo and Yang, um, and his-

[laughs]

... his, his podcast partner, Matt Rogers, uh, are in trouble, Jason, because they, uh-

[laughs]

... said that you shouldn't donate to a certain political candidate, Jasmine Crockett, down there in Texas.

I was today years old when I learned who the fuck Jasmine Crockett was, dude.

But this is what hap- this is what happens when your audience is too woke and, and just, for lack of... And I hate to use that word, but the, do you... You should not... Saying in passing you shouldn't donate money to a candidate you, you don't like-

[laughs]

... that's definitely gonna lose is, that, that should not get you hung up out to, that should not get you hung up to dry. That you're getting stoned in the town square for saying don't donate to this candidate that has no chance of winning is, I don't want... That's like the woman who saidThe woman who was on camera, like, saying the, the, the woman that got killed in, in Minnesota by ICE, like, sort of deserved it 'cause she was white.

Right. Mm-hmm.

Like, this shit is getting too crazy, bro. Like, you can't... These guys are... Let me tell you something. When you're on a podcast and you're talking and you're saying stuff, like, of all the things these guys have said, I'm sure this is probably low down the list of things that are actually problematic.

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

I, I, actually, I stand with Matt and Bowen on this. Like, I think they're getting wrongfully, uh, wrongfully hung out to dry.

They need this. This is, this is their Squirrel Jam. This is their horses-

Sure

... cat fucking, you know.

That's true.

They need this to cull the herd. But to me, their, their cardinal sin was very similar to when, let's say, you know, one of your nieces falls and hurts themselves-

Yeah

... and they look to you if they should start crying or not.

Yes.

And then, you know what I mean? They should have never apologized because that lets their, you know, the, their most annoying fan base-

It's, uh, it's so good

... it's an admission of, of wrongdoing. And, you know, if you're, if you're gonna say something like that, stand up, stand by it. And if you, if, if people who are too sensitive stop, you know, patronizing your arts, then so be it. You know what I mean?

Also, these guys are-

You can't, you can't please everyone

... also, these guys are comedians, for Christ's sake.

Mm-hmm.

Like, this is not, like, these, this is not on MSNBC. They're not, they're not... This isn't in The New York Times. It's literally, like-

It would be really cool if they went back and they, they're like, "You know what? I take my apology back. I don't take back what I said, I take my apology back."

People are m- people are like, "Well, you don't even live in Texas." It's like, okay, bro. Yeah, okay.

[laughs]

So, so now we're, we're all gonna not comment on things that happened outside of our fucking metro area.

Yeah.

Like, get a life. No one, no one on earth that podcasts for a living-

I don't live in Venezuela, but I can have thoughts about what's going on over there

... yeah, ima- ima- imagine if we were like, "Sorry, if it's not happening sort of in the very, in the New York general area, the LA general area, we can't talk about..." Like, what?

Not even in your-

Like, how stupid-

... in your voting district, Bowen

... like, how stupid can you be? And of course they're not political pundits. Like, most people that talk about politics publicly are not political pundits at this point. That's, that's for, you know-

Mm-hmm

... for better or worse.

Yeah.

That's the, that's the, the disease of social media. I just think Bowen, I think Bowen and Matt, I think this honestly might bring me to, to them. Like, I might have switched my whole style up.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, Bowen, Matt, like, yeah, take back your apology and then come on down.

Come on down. This is-

The water's fine

... it's fine over here. It's fine over here. You don't need these... These people are gonna... Look, you're fine. Like, as long as you keep hanging out with Ariana Grande, these people are gonna follow you.

Yeah. This, this will not fuck your money up. Whoever is gonna be really butthurt about that, you ain't getting a check off of them any damn way.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I, I did see a, um, I did see a, a tip jar, um, here-

[laughs]

... in, uh, Kingston.

You're telling me in upstate New York there's, there's tip jars with quirky, funny messages written on them?

It's not quirky or funny, Jason. It's-

[laughs]

... a Mason jar that says, "Seldom do we hold such an opportunity to transform and reinvent." That's a quote from Zoron, and this was-

[laughs]

... this is on a tip jar, and I'm a little confused as to where the, what does that have to... Like, what? Like, what is that? Like, usually there's something quirky and clever about separating you from your money, you know, in a fun way. This is just, I don't, like, I don't think giving a dollar when you paid eight for a latte is going to transform or reinvent anyone's life. It seems a little dramatic for the tip jar, I guess is all I'm saying.

And also, is tipping socialist or is it anti-socialist?

I don't-

My brain ain't good enough right now for that

... yeah, I don't, I don't have time for that. I don't have time for that. I didn't even do any coke last night.

Like, do we... It, it, it, it doesn't feel socialist to have the people pay their service workers instead of their employer.

Mm.

You know what I mean?

Mm.

Or maybe it is.

I don't-

I don't know enough

... I don't know enough either. I would hate-

And are we pooling those tips?

Of-

Or is the hot, [laughs] the hottest barista getting the bulk of them?

The... Let's hope, let's hope it goes by looks in that, in that case.

Mm.

In that case. Um, well, look, we're getting ready to go to Mexico, baby. Um, and I'm, I'm, I'm not even ready to get in the warm waters over there.

Down Cancun way.

Can- down Cancun way. No, I'm, I'm actually, I'm looking forward to it. I think it's gonna be fun and funny and have all of the, the things I'm looking for. I think if I get to see Wilco three nights in a row, I'm gonna hear maybe all the songs I wanna hear that are a little-

Yeah

... you know, considered deep cuts. Also, quickly, RIP Bob Weir. Um-

Yeah

... even though, you know, we aren't grateful dead people here on the show, we are happy to recognize their great contributions to, uh, music and culture and, of course, graphic design. Um, and they gave John Mayer a second life with Man, which is something that I will be forever grateful for.

Mm-hmm. This one's for, this one's for you, Bob. Throw your GDs up.

Bob, Bob's one of the best shorts wearers we've ever had as well.

Oh, yeah.

Legendary, legendary shorts wearer. Has the, has the thighs out at all times, and I think he's going to be greatly missed, um, not just by fried losers. Um-

[laughs]

But yeah, we'll see, we'll see you-

That's right

... in Mexico. We're linking up in Mexico. Looking forward to it.

Yeah, and this is my version of, uh, R&B's Kelela posting on Twitter, "Where the, where the tree at?" You know?

[laughs]

If you out, if you down there in Cabo and you got a little somethin', somethin', come find your boy, Them Jeans.

There's gonna be plenty of rich 55-year-old guys that live in the suburbs of Chicago that flew down on their PJ.

Mm-hmm.

So we'll be able to, we'll be able to get you a couple of, of them.

Brother, I got you. You want a DMT pen? Put your name on it so we don't get mixed up.

We'll definitely get you a DMT pen. Definitely that.

[laughs]

Definitely that.

I mean, I can't get out of bed without my DMT pen.

No, I think it's gonna be fun. We're, we're... Our show is on Sunday afternoon?

Our show is on Sunday live, How Long Gone Podcast.

Working on some, working on-

There's no real reason to even try to promote it because it's been sold out for months, uh, and that really doesn't have a whole lot to do with us. We're just along for the ride. I'm, I'm assuming we probably moved 50% of the tickets, and the other half was kind of Wilco and MJ Lenderman and-

Yeah

... Cameron Winter's playing there as well.

Yes. It's the whole-

It's kind of a gnarly lineup

... the whole squad, the Jayhawks for the heads. It's like a whole, it's a very Chris weekend. I'm, I'm excited. But I've been working on-I've been talking to Katie and Jake and Kevin about a, sort of, you know, a, a, a what's the next Drug Buddy cover? You know, what are we doing next?

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

So I th- I... Hopefully we'll have time to work something out at soundcheck, you know, 'cause there-

What, which, which night are you gonna perform with them, you know?

I think they're gonna perform with us is probably the case. I don't think they're gonna... I don't th- I, I don't think-

Ooh

... I don't think they would jeopardize their, their good standing by bringing-

Okay

... by bringing me out to do a Gin Blossoms cover.

Smart of them to punch down-

Yeah, yeah. Exactly

... instead of, uh-

Exactly. Yeah, exactly. Exactly

... instead of us punching up.

Low stress. But thank you for the-

Better that way.

Thank you for listening. Hellongon.com is the website. We got some good podcasts coming up next week, and, uh, we appreciate you guys listening as always.

Yeah. Hey, Grok, put this episode in a bikini.

I ain't never let go. And I get right with my baby. I just left the mall, I'm getting fly with my baby, yeah. And I get right with my baby. I be in the kitchen cooking pies with my baby, yeah. Then I get right with my baby. I just left the mall, I'm getting fly with my baby, yeah. Then I get right with my baby. I be in the kitchen cooking pies. I'm like girl, what's up? Hello. Seen your pretty ass soon as you came in the door. I just wanna chill, got a sack for us to roll. Married to the money, introduced her to my stove. Showed her how to whip it, now she remix it for low. She my trap queen, let her hit the bando. We be counting up, watch how far them bands go. We just set a goal, talking matching Lambos. Then I get high with my baby. I just left the mall, I'm getting right with my baby, yeah

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