882. - Chris & Jason

All right, uh, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Stateside with Kai and Carter, a new podcast from The Guardian, and they are using this podcast to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions that we all have about what's happening in the world, and they do it three times a week. Jason, does that sound familiar to you?

We don't really talk about, you know, a lot of international global news items and climates and cultures and sports and things like that. We do talk about fashion and wellness, but for everything else, Kai and Carter are a great place.

All right, so who couldn't use more news? Listen wherever you get your podcasts or watch on YouTube. [upbeat music] How Long Gone, recording in progress. It's Chris Black. Uh, still in Tokyo. Them jeans was Gucci.

What is Gucci? It's me, Jason. How's it going, bro?

Oh, it's good. Uh, it's good. Been up since 5:00 but feeling productive. Last night I hit a wall. I just hit a, I hit a wall. I, I couldn't... I had to... I, I... You know, when people say you're gonna walk a lot or whatever, I'm like, "Yeah, bitch, I live in New York. I walk a lot."

Mm.

And I don't think my dogs have ever barked this loud in my 43 years on Earth.

Okay. What... I wanted to ask you this last week, didn't get to it. What's the, uh, what's the footwear? What, what, which Hokas are you wearing?

That's the, that's the problem. [laughs] I should be. Uh, I'm wearing, uh, my usual, my usual lineup of penny loafers, Converse Chuck Taylor All Stars. Uh, I have my, uh, boat shoes from The Row, and that's, that's about it. So, I mean, I have my, I have my shoes to exercise in, of course, but those, I've, I reserve those for the gym only. You know what I mean?

Mm-hmm.

You have to separate church and state.

Yeah, but I mean, walking around in some, some Vans or some Chuck Taylors, it's not that bad compared to sockless loafer 30,000 steps.

I actually, I actually think it's worse in some ways. I, I can't tell, but my, I, I-

Tell me the ways.

Bro, I just don't... I think it's all... I'm saying I think all of my choices are equally bad, is what I'm trying to say.

Mm-hmm.

I don't think there's much of, I don't think there's much of a difference. Um, but the dogs are barking. I'll find somebody to put some, uh, put a hurting on my fascia at some point and try to, you know-

[laughs]

... loosen, loosen this stuff up. But I'm just, you know, I'm, I'm limping around like a fucking, like I, like I really did something to myself, when all I did was look at clothes for, you know, 48 hours straight.

Can you go to, like, a Japanese foot massage place?

Oh, yeah. I'm gonna... Yeah, I'm gonna... Yeah, I'll find something. I'll find something. I'm, I'm gonna see, I'm gonna see David Marks tonight for, for sushi, and I'm gonna ask him for some real... Like, 'cause I know he's g- I feel like he's got, 'cause he's so tall, I bet he's got some big dogs on him.

Mm-hmm.

So I'm sure he's, I'm sure he knows-

[laughs]

... what, what time it is, you know? And I, I know, also know... Actually, he wears a lot of New Balance, so maybe his feet are taken care of.

Yeah, just some nice New Balance.

Maybe he stole that. Maybe he stole that.

Great shoe to walk around in. It's, uh, it's not like he invented the idea of this.

No, he did, no, he did, no, he... [laughs]

[laughs]

No. No, he did not. Uh, no, he did not. That's for fucking sure.

Yeah, I know.

No, he did not.

This reminds me, when I was down in, uh, in S- not in Sifnos, in Ischia, and every- everywhere throughout the city, they had the natural springs, the hot springs and the baths and the, the cold plunges and the hot baths and all that stuff. But then one of them is the Japanese walking hot bath, cold bath.

Mm-hmm.

Over rocks. You know what I'm talking about?

No. So, so it's like a massage. Is that the idea, that the rocks are, are giving you relief?

Yeah, it's like a small NASCAR track-

[laughs]

... that you walk on. It's, you know, maybe like 30 feet long, and it's just, like, an oval shaped loop. Half of it is burning hot water, half of it is cold water, and then the bottom of the pool, it's like, it's like two feet of water. It's like up to, you know-

Okay

... between your ankle and your knee.

Okay.

And it's f- the floor is just small stones, so every footstep is, like, painful and massaging and-

That sounds awesome.

[laughs] It, it, it is. It's very challenging.

But that's what I was gonna ask. I wanted to ask about the balance aspect, 'cause you know I'm not really, I'm not a gymnast by any means. Um, so is it, is it tough? Like, how protruding are these small boulders, I guess is my question.

It's very pain- Well, the, the difference is some people will hold on. Like, in the middle of it, there's always, like, a little rock wall or a rail-

Oh

... or something that you can use.

We have a pussy, we have a pussy option, is what you're telling me.

There is a pussy option.

[laughs] Okay.

Opzione de poochie. But you know, real heads, of course, hands behind the back, old Asian guy walking around style is the true way to do it. Some footsteps are magical massaging steps, and some of them, you know, searing pain as if you're, you know, walking down the beach and stepped on a hard something that just-

[laughs]

... really smashes into a very sensitive spot on your foot, you know?

A sensitive, a sensitive area on the foot. That sounds, that sounds... I mean, that is really music to my ears. I need to, I'm gonna start, I'm gonna look for some videos on my algorithm later, get that shit tuned up.

I would love to see you do it. I'd love to see how long you can last, 'cause it really truly does hurt. It's a bastard.

That's the problem. The-

And you wanna make sure you don't get stuck behind a slow person, too.

Oh, God, when you're... Yeah, that's-

'Cause the shark's gotta keep moving.

The sh- [laughs]

Horses keep moving.

[laughs] Yeah, sharks, sharks gotta keep moving is what I say in the mirror every morning when I'm getting up to go to the gym. I know exactly what you're talking about.

You, you need to get your mom to get one of those home sweet home, um, you know-

Oh, yeah

... cursive woodworking-

That's a g- [laughs] Yeah, yeah, yeah

... prints above the door, and you tap it every day on the way out. Alex will love that, right?

[laughs] I tap it on the way out like I'm a, like I play at Notre Dame and I'm heading out onto the, heading out onto the field for the fucking... Yeah.

I mean, in Chinatown, every day is Friday Night Lights. You never know what's gonna happen.

That's-

You never know who you're gonna see out there on the streets.

God, nothing is more true. I was, I was, um, as we were mourning the loss of, of Orange County, uh, legendary punk-Uh, and hardcore venue Ch-Chain Reaction, which, I mean, I've, I've been to a handful of times. I'm sure you spent a lot more time there than I did.

Mm. Hmm.

Um, RIP. You know, it's one of the shittiest greats, but we, we hate to see those things go away after 30 years. That's a, that's an insane run-

Yeah

... actually, for something that didn't sell alcohol, so I don't know how they were making any money. [laughs]

Yeah, good point. Good point. Yeah, I mean, I guess the, you know, the all-ages crowd, they will still buy tickets, 'cause they don't have any other option.

It's true. There's no other way to do it, yeah. But I-

They have to go there to enjoy it, not because, like, it's a place to get drunk.

I was with... So, uh, I was with my friend Brooks here in, in Tokyo, and he, we, we went to this, like, whatever. We went to the neighborhood with all the crazy vintage stores, et cetera. It was, like, 25 minutes out of town, and I'm kinda, I'm running low on steam, and he's, like, ahead. He does this for a living, so he's, like, r- he's looking for stuff. He knows what he's looking at. I'm kinda like, "All right, I'm... You know, I could sit down," if that was an option. And then we found this place, and I think it was called Splat or maybe Splash.

Mm.

I can't remember. And he's like, "You're gonna-"

Yeah.

"You're g- you're gonna like this one. You're gonna like this." I'm like, "All right. Okay." You go up there, and it is, like, the most hoarder, teenager bedroom vibe. Like, you can't move. There can only be two people in there, and it's dedicated-

Mm-hmm

... I would say mostly to ska punk. [laughs] And-

Oh.

And things that are in that zone. So I'm like, I'm like, "Oh my God." There's all kinds of other shit too, but the T-shirt, he sh-

Tokyo's hottest nightclub is Splat.

This guy sh-

It has everything.

Yeah, it's got everything. It's got Skanking Pickle long sleeves. And he-

[laughs]

... showing me, so he's showing me all these T-shirts, and Brooks is sorta like, "Dude, do you know what this is?" And I'm like, "Unfortunately, yes, I know what all of this is."

[laughs]

And it was, it was re- re- but it reminded me... It's like a, a, it reminded me of bands that would play at Chain Reaction. You know-

Oh

... like a Less Than J- a Less Than Jake, you know, tour shirt. It was just, like, a, such an insane look. And I mean, obviously Tokyo has plenty of that stuff that's very, very specific, and that's the whole point.

Mm-hmm.

But this one was w- it, I feel like this genre of music was popular for, like, five years [laughs] at one, in one very-

It's extremely niche. Was the-

It's extremely niche

... was the stuff priced correctly? Was, were there, were there grails? Did you cop anything?

I didn't cop anything. I've actually not really been copping. I'm, I'm sorta overwhelmed. I'm paralyzed by choice a little bit. Um-

Hmm

... I got a great, I got a great, like, fishtail parka army th- and you know, that's kinda it. But I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go kick the tires some more today. But the prices, I didn't even ask the prices because I, as much as I respect the Specials and Skanking Pickle and Less Than Jake, I'm not gonna wear those shirts.

No, of course not.

You know, I'm not, I'm not, I'm, I'm all set. But it was an unbelievable, it was an unbelievable, um, time warp. Like, uh, like I couldn't, I, I just couldn't. I hadn't thought about these-

Hmm

... words in so long.

Yeah, that reminds me of, um, there's a club, it was a, a venue in, in Huntington Beach where I grew up called Old World, and it was, like, a German restaurant, and they would have Oktoberfest every year. I mean, it, it, it was designed to look exactly like an old, like, German beer hall.

Yeah, yeah.

And they had this event, it was an all-ages weekly event called The Wreck Room, but wreck was spelled W-R-E-C-K, like a car wreck.

We had a r- w- we had a wreck room, we had a Wreck Room in Atlanta too-

Really?

... funnily enough. But, but yeah, go a- yeah, we had a Wreck Room that was an OG Atlanta venue.

But I, I pulled up the flyer. We, it's from, like, the OC Weekly from, you know, 1993 or whatever. N- 1999, we'll say, maybe '97. It's sponsored by Rusty. It's every Monday.

Sponsored by Rusty? [laughs]

And it has Rusty Surf.

Not, yeah, to be clear, that's not a person or, or the chips that you love. It's a p- it's a, it's a surf brand.

Yeah, it's a [laughs] yeah, not Rusty's chips. It's a surf brand.

[laughs]

Classic R logo.

Of course. It's a great logo.

It's al- also sponsored by Blackflies, as well as Fly Girls, as well as Emerica and-

Oh baby, g- we got it all

... uh, Electric Ink Magazine, Wahoo's Fish Tacos.

[laughs]

Um, but you know-

Dude, that's-

But there, there would be ska, pop punk bands in the main room, Dial7, you know, Geoffrey's Fan Club.

Oh yeah, okay. Okay, sure.

You know, that kinda thing.

What a terrible genre-

Vitamin R

... of music. What a terrible genre. It's unbelievable how bad it is. Go ahead.

But then there was also the dance area spinning disco and house and, you know, they would, it would be, like, real legit, like, good kind of DJs that are kind of beloved nowadays. And then there was also a skate jam half pipe, and every, every Monday Tom Penny, Omar Hassan, Sal Barbier, Chad Muska, Rune Glifberg-

Oh baby

... just sessioning. And I would be, you know, 15 sitting on top of the vert just like, "This is the sickest fucking day of my life."

Dude, that is ac-

"Oh my fucking God."

That's actually-

And it happened every single Monday

... that is the most Southern California paradise upbringing story you've maybe ever told.

All right.

Where it's like that really was, that really... It's, it's, it's just interesting when, like, a suburb, um, is the center of a culture. Y- you know what I mean? Whereas, like, I, I think usually we think of major cities, but, like, Orange County in that era, the, between the skateboarding and the music, it really was, like, a, a hotbed.

And, and also we're, don't sleep on it, the, the birthplace of, of MMA in America-

Of course [laughs]

... as well.

I'm telling [laughs] I-

Round and Pound. I mean, and, and this was-

I apologize

... this was happening-

I apologize

... right down the street fla- from Vinyl Solution, which was our hardcore record punk store where you can go and get all your dope, uh, Teen Idol seven inches and things like that.

Fucking gay. Of course.

But then-

Of course

... in the same shopping center, there was, like, a sort of, like, construction worker bro bar that ha- it was basically a bar that had pool tables and, and arcade games, and on the walls it was just painted with, like, flames everywhere. You know, just, like, standard OC shit.

Sure. [laughs]

It was just like the whole place was flamed up like your sleeve on your arm.

Standard OC [laughs] standard OC shit.

[laughs]

Looks like my motorcycle and my arm.

And we, and we would, when we first started drinking, we would go there because it was funny and we li- we didn't know, like, cool bars to go to and hang out at. So we would go to this place, and we would call it Flames N' Games, and we would just, you know-Do a couple pills and just, you know, have some White Russians and-

That's-

Play shuffleboard and dart stuff

[laughs]

Dart stuff.

Nothing like taking a couple ecstasy pills, having a few White Russians, and playing darts with the homies. That, that sounds like a real-

Mm-hmm

... that sounds ba- that, that, the, the gut health alone I'm, I'm terrified of, but the, the, that... How long could you possibly stay at a place like that? You know, that's a-

It was your pregame spot, bro. Don't even worry about it.

Oh, okay, okay.

[laughs]

I apologize. I apologize.

But that, but that last year reminds me, I was just watching a video of some, a skater, I don't remember what his name is, but he just did some like gnarly-

We were talk-

... 12 stair, something like that

... we were, we were talking about this last night. He 360 flipped that, that famous spot. Um, dude, what, what the fuck? Let me look it up, 'cause I was just talking-

But somebody referred to this skater as, "Every time I see him, I think American History X Games."

Yeah, Chris Joslin. That, that's his name. We were talk- I, we were literally talking about this last night, and that shit, I saw it exactly what we were talking about.

We're talking about this in Japan? Wow, global.

Well, I mean, I'm talking about in Japan with, with white boys who skate, so it's not really-

Mm

... it's, it's not, it wasn't that. But I, I did... That description of him was perfect. He really does look like-

[laughs]

... like he could be like a firefighter.

Well, I mean, the American, the X Games part of it means you're into dope action sports, and the American History X part of it means-

Yes

... you may or may not have a sort of white power tattoo on your chest somewhere.

He could have both.

Like, uh, like Pete Hegseth or-

[laughs]

... um, a literal Nazi.

[laughs] Pete Hegseth. Uh, I mean, we got to ta-

[laughs]

We got, we got so much to cover. I, I saw earlier that, um, somebody had basically been... Like, there's a reissue of the first XX album, and someone had done a review of it and been like, "It sucks." [laughs] Basically, like we were all like, "This album actually sucks," which I was... I have not heard anyone... I didn't know it had been long enough for people to hate that album.

Mm.

And I assume this per- this person, I mean, look, it's for Paste magazine. This isn't for fucking, you know, this isn't, this isn't, this isn't-

Oh, Paste

... how to spend, this isn't How to Spend It, you know what I'm saying? But I was just like, "Wow."

Paste is taking big swings, Hail Marys. I, I applaud it.

I just wonder how old this person is and if, a- and if it's... I have just not heard this narrative, but I guess it comes for everyone eventually, you know? But I was, I was surprised to see that because that album, to me, is sort of considered a, a classic and, and no one really fires at it from f- in my memory.

Let me look this guy up.

Let's find his address and stuff too.

[laughs]

If you don't mind. You can find his home address, phone number, parents' names.

I found his Twitter.

We can't tell how old, but if, this feels like something a 25-year-old would say kind of.

Mm-hmm.

You know? But who knows? He could be our age. I was just surprised 'cause I think that album-

No, it looks like a young Asian man, and I see he posted a selfie on Twitter with a I Voted sticker in his mouth. Oh.

All right, I'm out. Never mind. That's it. [beeping] This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by a new podcast from The Guardian, Stateside with Kai and Carter. This is covering a lot of our bases, Jason. It's, uh, it's trying to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions we all have about what's happening in the world, and I know you particularly have quite a lot of questions.

A lot of questions, but how often? 'Cause we do this podcast three times a week, and that's a sweet spot. How many times do they do?

Three times a week, and I, I, I have a feeling just based on the platform and these talking points that they're maybe gonna be covering different stuff than we do. That's just a guess.

The Guardian is not some billionaire-owned platform. They're not afraid to say what they wanna say, brother.

Yeah, Rupert ain't sniffing around in, in what, uh, journalists Kai Wright and Carter Sherman are up to over there at, at, uh, Stateside.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

But yeah, listen wherever you get your podcasts. You can watch on YouTube. It's three times a week, and, and who couldn't use more news? You know, especially, especially when it's, when it's not, you know, from here, let's say.

[laughs]

Give, give it a, give it a listen. Give it a listen. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by our best friends at BetterHelp. Jason, we're, we're deep into May, which is, uh, Mental Health Awareness Month, and this is just a reminder that whatever you're going through, you don't have to go through it alone. Life is a damn journey. Some days feel good and others feel overwhelming. Whatever's keeping you up at night, it's easy to feel like you have to figure it all out on your own. But the truth is, no one has all the answers. Well, and no journey should be alone. Having someone with you to listen, to understand, and to support you can really make all the difference.

I agree, Chris, and sometimes, you know, it, it's nice to be talking to somebody even if they're not even listening, even if you don't even get to be in the same room with them because what you're doing is you're admitting these things to yourself, and that's the most, that's the most rewarding thing you can do sometimes. So you can have a great little therapy sesh with your perfect therapist at BetterHelp. Choosing between over 30,000 people so you can get the right one just for you. Over six million people globally are using it and, you know, have some breakthroughs. Go on that walk after your BetterHelp sesh, you know, whatever it might be. Get a nice little lunch all for yourself, maybe a non-alcoholic kombucha, and just think and be like, "Damn, I really am him." You don't have to be on this journey alone. Find support and have somebody with you in therapy. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com/howlong. That is betterH-E-L-P.com/howlong.

Every time I go to the doctor, I walk out of that bitch feeling dumb. I got no real info. This guy in a white coat just say, "You're fine," you know, "Drink more water."

He knows how to charge my copay.

Exactly.

That's about it.

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[laughs]

... to treating that annoying brain fog or simple optimizing for your gym game, let's go. SuperPower is more comprehensive and advanced system out there.

Make this year the year we all stop guessing about our health with SuperPower. For a limited time, How Long Gone listeners get $20 off to unlock their new health intelligence. Head over to superpower.com and use the code HOWLONG for $20 off your membership. That is code HOWLONG, and after you sign up, they'll ask how you heard about SuperPower. Do us a favor if you could and tell them How Long Gone sent you, and that'll just support us. Thanks.I would say, yeah, he looks, he does look 25 at the most.

Okay. Then that, that makes a little more sense to me then, because I was like, Pace paid you, you know, $30 via PayPal for this.

[laughs]

And it will get clicks because it's an attack, it's an attack on a millennial classic-

"Has the XX's debut album always sounded this limp and dull?" Interesting.

Yeah, I just don't... I don't know. I think it actually holds up pretty well, considering how much stuff from that era doesn't. But, you know, who am I?

Yeah. His, he wrote in August, "Jid's moments of brilliance fail to gel on God Does Like Ugly." So he's, uh, he's covering Jid.

[laughs] All right. Well, okay, just the, the spread is wide, thank God. The spread is wide.

He probably went to see Autechre performatively. But, you know, I would, I would probab- But, um, me at 25 would probably be doing the exact same shit.

Uh, fr- You know what, though?

I would be a, a twisted fire starter like Benny would be.

I think because, but I think because of our... I think because the internet was less a part of our lives, there wasn't... I feel like there was less hating going on, or maybe it just seemed you only heard your inner circle's hating, you didn't see the world's hating.

Yeah. I mean, actually, I was talking about this with Carolyn this, uh, on the way home from... We went to the beach today, and on the way home we were talking about the, um, Devil Wears Prada, and about how when, when she saw that movie 20 years ago, it was, she was at the perfect age to fall in love with it, you know, as a teenager. But if you were a 38-year-old intelligent, culturally interesting person who worked in fashion when that movie came out, you would s- you would say, "This is the dumbest-"

Yes

... stupidest movie of all time." But y- because of the nostalgia, you, you're unable to see that now because it holds such a, a special place in your heart. So we might be experiencing that with the XX as well. Like, if we were all cool, interesting, intellectual, cultural critics at the age of 40 when, when the XX's album came out, we might definitely think it is some limp, dull shit.

Yeah. Well, it's just, it's funny because music is so limp and dull now that I wouldn't, I, it doesn't sound... I don't know. I, I was just surpri-

Yeah

... I was just surprised to see that, that's all. I was surprised to see it. Um-

It's a swing

... it's a swing, yeah. But we, we really need to talk about your boy Timmy, 'cause he's now, he, he's now-

[laughs]

He's talking sideways now. He's beating his chest a little bit, and the, the ego is coming out, and I think it's really... I think the... First it was selling the Marty Supreme merch, and now he's basically saying, "I'm a gift to the, to God's green earth. Like, fuck Daniel Day Lewis, I'm him." And-

Mm-hmm

... I worry, I worry that, um, this is not gonna end well for him.

Flying too close to the sun.

It's just a little bit like you can't say that. Like, you just can't.

[laughs]

And people are like, "Well, if this was this and that..." You know, people... I- And I'm just like, dude, like, the... People are comparing him, like, "Well, athletes say it." And I'm like, that's a very different... I, I think a- I think playing basketball and acting are two very different things.

Mm-hmm.

And I don't, I don't, I don't think we can really compare those two things and the attitudes that they require.

Um, acting is not a competition sport, unless you want it to be. But y- you sh- once you make it that, then it stops being cool, it stops being art, you know? It's not... It's just like, I want... I'm not doing this because I love it. I'm doing it because I wanna be the best. And I'm sure he does love it, but-

I just don't, I-

But also, you know, to take the other hand, if you wanna go Michael Jordan with it, you have to create competition even where it doesn't exist, and sometimes you have to invent somebody-

I'm fine with that

... to defeat.

I'm fine with that. I do that all the time. I'm just saying that you don't have to talk like that. You can do all of the stuff you want [laughs] in your head.

[laughs]

But saying, "I'm putting out some top-level shit for the last eight years," is like, dude, you're... How old are you? Like, you can't... No, you haven't.

[laughs]

If you're putting out top-level shit like that, people would know about it, I think.

But also with, with, as an athlete saying that, you have statistics to back it up-

Numbers

... and numbers to back it up-

Yeah

... and say like, "Yes, I did get the most triple dubs, uh, you know, in, in January," whatever it might be. Versus, "Hey, man, I did a better performance in my movie than you did in your movie."

Yeah.

And that's not a quantifiable... You know, it's a completely subjective art.

Dune is good, though.

[laughs]

Dune is good, though. I know, but w- I, if he doesn't, if he doesn't win an Oscar for this movie, I feel like we gotta put him on suicide watch.

[laughs]

I feel like the amount... Like, he's doing, he's doing professional wrestling appearances now.

[laughs]

He's literally giving quotes about his favorite ECW, like, slam. Like, it's g- it's getting to the p- I, like, I don't know how much further promotion can go, kind of. I, I feel like he's hit the end of the road.

So, so people are like, "We wanna make sure all our bases are covered with this marketing rollout." And he's like, "What if there's more bases?" And you're like-

I, I think he's-

... "We don't need... All the bases are there and, for the game." And he's like, "Let's, we gotta, we have to touch every single market in order to make this the, the biggest A24 film about ping pong in the '50s." You know what I mean?

I mean, look, I, I, it's, it's unbelievable what he... I mean, him and Kylie in the matching orange Chrome Hearts, um-

[laughs]

I have to say, I do like that.

[laughs]

That's pretty funny.

Well-

Him wearing the, him wearing the Chrome Hearts ping pong paddle cross-body holder is pretty funny.

It is funny. Yeah, the, the, the other quote I read, he wore contacts that messed up his, intentionally messed up his vision-

Yeah

... so then he, when he wore his glasses in the film, they were truly prescriptive glasses to help fix his eyesight that he then did destroy. And to me, you know, does, is that helping the performance? Is that helping you slip into the role more because you can see better, you know? Is, is that moving the needle?

Like, can people really take this kinda shit seriously? Can people really take this kinda shit seriously? Again, like, you do whatever you gotta do to sell it when you're, uh, in front of the camera. You don't need to ta- Like, i- if it's good, it'll be good. You don't need to, like, give all the... You know what I mean? You don't have to give us all this information. It's only hurting you, really.

I think, I think that we believe that you don't have to, but people in his situation might believe, like, you know-Maybe this is the competitive edge that I need to win the competition that I've created in my mind. This is considered, you know, it's like getting into a prestigious college. You wanna have as many extracurriculars on there. You wanna pepper your, you know, whenever you submit your performance to the Golden Globes and pay them all the money so you can get the award or whatever, you can say, "Hey, I did this. Hey, I, I had to lose a bunch of weight. I had to make myself ugly. I had to fuck up my eyesight and re- regain it." You know, all that stuff.

But it's just like, [laughs] dude.

It do- it's one of those things where people are just like, "Okay."

Think about what acting really-

"That's cool."

Think about what acting really is. This is-

That's not acting then. The, you'll, at a certain point, you get so method that you aren't-

But that's, that's what I'm saying

... you're no longer acting

... but it is. Like, you're playing dress-up with your friends and telling a little story. That-

[laughs]

... that's literally what this is. Like, let's, let's re-

[laughs]

... let's remember what this is. Like, that's, and that's fine. It's the same way people are like, "Athletes are playing children's games for millions of dollars." Like, that can be true, and that can be your passion, but that's not a d- that's just the reality of it. Like, bro, you're playing dress-up in a period piece about ping pong, and you think you have just, you know, you think you are touched by God. And I just think you can be good at something, but it's, it's not that serious.

And I, I'm not sure. I haven't seen the movie. I don't know much about it, but I believe he is playing a fictional character, right?

Um-

Like, Mar- Marty Supreme is a r- not a real person-

No

... from the '50s who was a ping pong player

... it, no, it, it, it is based on, it's based on something real-

Okay

... I think.

Well, I mean, whether or not it's based on a real person or not, nobody knows the story of this person if he is a real person, so nobody knows if-

Yes, it's, it's, it's, it-

... this person wore glasses or what kind or what his prescription was. You know what I mean?

Loosely based on Marty Reisman.

Okay.

A real life American table tennis legend, which is, you know, an underappreciated sport, obviously.

But, but I guess what I'm saying is it's not, you know, Timmy playing Bob Dylan or-

No

... any other biopic where-

Yeah

... it's like, by golly, he really nailed how John Lennon wears his glasses, or he really nailed how, you know, this person does this. He's really nailing something, and he's the only person that knows it's being nailed. So who, who is this for?

Who is it for?

I don't know if Mart- if he's doing a good Marty. He's not even a real person.

I was really on board with this whole thing. It's taken such a turn. It's taken such a left.

[laughs]

And I, I don't know. Maybe it just started too early. I feel like we've been hearing about this movie for a year.

It did start too early, and it, it reminds me or makes me think, um, there was, there's a podcast journalist, Ashley Carman, and she's talking about how we've, with enough time now that the clipification and the video and the blah, blah, blah of podcasts has been around now for a couple years, it's moved and shifted the whole po- podcast landscape so much. You're nothing without the video, and the clips are how you promote it and how you get new listeners and new followers. But the statistics and the, the numbers are coming back saying it doesn't necessarily translate to more people listening to your podcast. People feel as if they more or less have seen enough, you know. I've seen the s- the, the three clips from Amy Poehler and Tina Fey on their fake video podcast-

I don't need to-

... so I don't need to go and I don't need to-

... put in an hour and a half

... yeah, I don't need to listen to it in the car or whatever when there's a billion other things I could listen to and watch every day. So I feel like the same thing is gonna start happening with movie trailers and clips and promo and stuff like this. People are just excited that Timmy is doing anything because our lives are boring. So when the movie comes out, I, I feel as if I've already seen it. I don't really know if I need to. Like, you know, like, the, the excitement is sort of gone and the desire to experience what's going on.

See, I feel like the movie, I feel like the movie's been out for five years-

Yeah

... at this point. Lit- literally. I feel like it's exhausting.

Half the people we know have already seen it.

I mean, that's true.

It doesn't come out for another month.

That's true. It comes out on Christmas. I'm sure people will see it. It'll, I'm sure it'll do well. It's gonna make money. He might even win an Oscar, but I just don't know if this, I, I don't know. It just seems like a lot. And I think you're right. I think there's, there's a certain level of it where even the most charming, engaged guy, which he is, at a certain point it's like, all right, bro. Now you're starting to, like, have, like, Adderall ego trips on the mic, and it's a little bit like-

[laughs]

... I think maybe we could walk it back, take a week off.

Yeah. You know, you want, you want people to let the acting do the work for you, and you, you imagine you would never in a million years hear Leo or Daniel Day-Lewis or Pacino or any of the greats, you know, going on Jimmy Fallon and talking about, you know, bragging about how he's really locking in-

I think [laughs]

... and how he's really going method with it.

Really lock the fuck in. I mean, I think, I think that's the thing. I think it is a generational difference, so I feel like, yes, of course Leo, Leonardo DiCaprio would never do that. But-

Mm

... like, Timmy's also not on yachts in Cannes fucking prostitutes and doing coke and fucking chicks while he's listening to music in his AirPods, you know?

Mm-hmm.

It's, it's j- it's, there's just generational [laughs] differences here.

But also I guess, I guess Leo is, he's go- he's going for fuckable. He's going for mystery.

Yes.

Let the, let the work do the talking for you. I wanna know, you know, I don't know if Timmy, I guess I don't know if Timmy's ever been in the fuckable category, but.

Well, he is according to women everywhere, but it's different. It's d- it's definitely different.

Yeah, but I mean, you know, do women wanna be around him 'cause he's fun and awesome? Or do women wanna fucking-

I mean, based on wh-

... pull that tree?

Based [laughs] based on-

[laughs]

... based on how he's pulling historically, it's not... 'Cause what I like about him that's cool is that he's this, like, LaGuardia High thespian who only likes absolute, like, IG style baddies. He kinda keeps it in his own. He's not dating, like, other artistes. He's dating Kylie Jenner or, uh-Or Lily-Rose Depp.

Mm-hmm.

You know, he's not ... I, I appreciate that about him because it still makes him feel like a teenage boy.

I mean, but whatever it is, we're talking about him.

No, it works. No, it's definitely working. I wanna-

This little motherfucker.

I wanna shoot our boy. Our, our boy Jonathan, uh, is getting killed, um, because there's a picture of him and his girlfriend, Alana from the band Haim-

[laughs]

... leaving, leaving a party, and they're saying, they're saying our boy-

Silver fox

... they're say- And, and he has a beautiful head of gray hair. Like, it's, it's enviable, the gray hair. It's beautiful.

Mm-hmm.

And-

Yes

... they're just drag- They're saying he's 50. Like, "How old is this guy?" Like, you know, all this shit.

[laughs]

And I just wanna ... He's 39 years old. I just wanna be clear.

Age gap relationship.

Yeah, I just wanna be clear it's an age appropriate relationship, and I- they're in love, and I think we need to leave him alone. What ... Like, I don't understand how gray- gray hair is distinguished. It's cool. I don't, I didn't know there was this sort of negativity towards it.

I think it's b- I think the, the gray is very gray, and she, bless her heart, looks very young. So you know, if you are a impressionable 19-year-old Haim fan and you want her to be dating Timothee Chalamet or a beautiful, sweet, innocent young boy who's the same age if not one to two weeks younger than her, whatever-

[laughs]

... and everything is all wonderful and happy, the thought of a-

What? [laughs]

... a woman in her 30s dating a man in her 30s who has gray hair is [laughs] should not be such an asinine-

It's ju- Justice, justice, justice for JH, baby. But I, I was s- I, I'm, I think that the-

The guy's a catch. He drives a little white vintage Porsche around town. He eats kazunori. He's just like a little pimp, you know?

[laughs]

He's jet setting. "I gotta go to New York for a thing, whatever," you know? It's like-

[laughs] Gotta go to New York for a thing. I gotta be ... Sorry, I gotta be in New York for a thing.

It's like 36 hours. It's just like-

I'll just, I'll ... Dude, I'll be ... I barely packed a bag. I just have a duffle.

[laughs]

Um, I, I just ... But the, the age gap relationship thing has been funny on Twitter 'cause young people are literally, like, talking about two or three years just, you know, as be- And, like, that's y- I- When you're an adult you realize that that stuff completely doesn't matter after the age of, like, 21.

Yeah. And I think maybe COVID really screwed up all of our timelines because, you know, in my mind I don't know if I want some of these people to be, you know, 33 years old.

Mm. That's true.

Like, I, that, I feel like-

That's true

... because if that, if, if Alana from Haim is 33 and she looks like a teenager, then what, what does that mean about me when I look in the mirror?

What, what the fu- [laughs] Yeah, what do I look like? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[laughs]

That's true. It's setting us in a, in a, I think, a cult-

If we got 10 years on her, what's going on? [laughs]

Yeah, this, this could be bad for us. This could be really bad for us. I also, we also should talk about, um, your boy Quentin Tarantino, um-

[laughs]

... just dragging, dragging funny face Paul Dano, and people coming to defen- I, I'm just like, I think it's ... I don't care about Quentin Tarantino at all, and I saw somebody saying that it's crazy that he's never addressed the fact that he's ugly. [laughs]

[laughs] I just think it's funny that he's never addressed the fact that he's ugly.

Yeah. They're, they're like, "I just, I think it's actually crazy and psychotic that he's never addressed that he looks like that, and that i- is a red flag for me."

[laughs]

And I was like, that is, that's just a really, really funny thing to say. But I think it-

Look, I'm no prize pig. That's why I picked up the camera, you know?

I, I don't know anything about ... I mean, I know Paul Dano. He's, he also ... Paul, there was a, there was like a five-year period where every fashion magazine shot an editorial of Paul Dano, and I see all of my photographer friends, like, reposting, sort of celebrating Dano. Um-

Mm-hmm

... and you can tell by looking at him he's a goddamn freak.

[laughs]

And, like d- like an absolute ... You know what I mean? Like, I don't know, but I don't know if he's a good actor. I assume he is, but I don't know if I'm giving him that credit because of how he looks.

He is-

You know what I'm saying?

I th- I think he is a good actor, and I think that overall he is known as a person who is a good actor who takes his work seriously.

Yes.

And-

Yes, yes. I agree

... you know, I think he w- um, Tarantino's quip was he thought that he ruined There Will Be Blood. He was the wrong person to be playing that particular role versus Daniel Day-Lewis. You know, like, you need ... He th- he thought you needed more of a big dog to do this. But also, you know, you're playing someone's son, so he has to be, you know, relatively young, and I think-

Oh. Oh, yeah

... I th- I think that he, that-

Yeah, yeah, yeah

... and also I think, I think whenever everyone r- realized that he wanted to be g- uh, uh, people should be calling him Paul Dano and not Dano, I think maybe that was a little-

Mm

... chink in the armor for him-

[laughs]

... where it's like, "I don't, I don't wanna do that, bro." You know what I mean? [laughs]

Obvs- Dude, that's a, that ... Ask me to pronounce your name properly, bro, get the fuck outta here. Don't, don't play me like that. No, I just, I love the ... And I mean, Tarantino's just getting killed, but I think he, I think people have wanted to ... This goes back to this is an overarching thing that we keep seeing, whereas these people who are considered, like, geniuses and beloved, they just, they talk too much, they d- something happens and the world just turns on you. And it's, it's an, it's such an interesting phenomenon where the work hasn't really changed, people still like what you do, but something you're doing just doesn't gel anymore with, like, popular culture at large, and people start turning on you.

Yeah. I, uh, but also I like that Tarantino is like, "I'm an old dog from the old generation. I have $100 million, a lot of power in this town, and I'm gonna say Paul Dano is the weakest actor in SAG." [laughs]

Who did he say? I mean, that, it's so funny, dude.

Which is a, which is a great and funny quote-

Sick burn

... in a, in a world where nobody says a single bad thing about anyone.

But who did he, who did he say this, who did he say this to? That's the question. Is this, like, Variety or The Hollywood Reporter or The New York Times, or is this fucking Dax Shepard? Is this some podcast? No offense to us.

I don't ... Yeah, I'm not sure who he said it to.

If you're gonna spit a bar like that, you need to make sure that's in some legacy media is all I'm saying. That needs to be, th- that needs, that feels like something that cannot exist, uh, on a, on Call Her Daddy.

And the, the irony is Paul Dano has won the Screen Actors Guild Award for outstanding performance-

[laughs]

... in a motion pictureHe's won the, the literal award defining that you are not the worst actor in SAG, but in fact, that year, the best actor in SAG. He... And also Tarantino called Paul Dano, quote, "weak sauce." [laughs]

Any guy, any guy who likes, like Taran- any guy who likes-

Oh, he said it, he said it on, on the Brett Easton Ellis podcast.

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Oh, it was paywall. That's what it was. It was, it was on... That's what it was.

Yeah, he s- he said There Will Be Blood, it's supposed to be a two-hander, but Dano is weak sauce, man. [laughs]

[laughs] See, I feel like I-

Which is the, exactly what Tarantino should be saying.

It's so cool, but-

But also, he's supposed to be playing a weak sauce guy. That is the irony, that his dad is the least weak sauce guy in the American ir- or American oil boom.

And he is... Yeah, yeah.

You know, he, he's willing to step on the neck of his own child, do whatever it takes to become the most powerful man in the world, and the irony is that no matter what he does, his bitch-made little son is not going to go along-

Yeah

... uh, in, in succession.

Yeah, I don't know.

So you need him to be weak sauce. Like, we need these actors in these roles to be annoying. Like, um-

San- dude, [laughs] s-

... the girl, um, the girl in I Love LA, um, who's-

Ode- Odesa

... yeah, Odessa on that show. Like, I think a, a part of the reason why she was cast in that is because Rachel Sennot is smart enough to know this person is good at playing an annoying person that we love to hate, hate to love, you know what I mean?

Yeah, that's... No, I agree. That's the... That's, like, good-

And, and Paul Dano was cast in that role because he is able to be-

He's weak sauce. [laughs]

He's able to be a, a weak sauce person that, that annoys Daniel Plainview, his dad, as well as the audience, so we really feel like we're in it. And we also really need to f- you know, if we're on Rachel Sennot's side and you're dealing with this annoying problem client, we need to feel annoyed by this problem client as well for it to all work.

He definitely was too op- he definitely doesn't know what a podcast is, and he's probably knows Brett.

[laughs]

And he probably just got opened-

No, Tarantino has done a lot of pots. He's done a lot of pot interviews.

That doesn't, that doesn't mean he knows what they are, though. Do you know what I'm saying?

[laughs]

That's, that's... This is still-

Is this thing on?

Yeah, he doesn't know... He... If it's not printed on 70 millimeter film and available for two days-

This is for the E! Network, right?

... at New Beverly, it's not important to him.

[laughs]

So I think he d- I honestly think he knows what a podcast is, but he doesn't know that people listen to it maybe. Maybe he thinks it's just a recorded conversation amongst friends and it's not distributed.

[laughs]

That could be... I feel like some distribution rights stuff, he's scarred from over the years maybe.

That's very possible, but also the fact that you don't care to look into it is also w- exactly what I want-

Same

... my Tarantinos of the world to be doing.

Same. I agree.

Let, let it spray because you can take the damage.

He's gonna have a couple more duds in him, though, before he sputters out.

He wa- like, uh, he's also... It's a little self-immolation. He's been threatening to never make another film again for years, and everyone cries and complains, like, "No, no, no, you're the best. You can do it." And he's like, "No, I'm done. I'm done." Maybe this is his way of, you know-

He's gonna alienate-

Seppuku

... he's gonna alienate every actor so he can't make a movie. He's just gonna start going-

I'm gonna make myself... But this is, this is also, uh, Cord Jefferson's, the film, the plot of his film, American FictionBased on the Spike Lee joint, uh, where you're like, "I'm gonna go full recharge just to crash this plane." And then the world's like, "Hell yeah, this is sick." You know what I mean? Like, Tarantino's trying to crash his plane and, and maybe the, the anti-woke mob is gonna embrace him more.

[laughs] Spike Lee is, has ruined his legacy with clothes. I don't even know, I d- I don't even know if he can make a ... He could never make a-

Oh, absolutely

... he could never make a movie good enough to, to rebound from the, what the clothes that he wears sitting courtside at the Knicks game.

It's true.

Um, there's n- there's nothing he could do artistically.

He could do Avatar 4.

There's nothing he could do artistically.

And still.

There's nothing. No, I d- I don't see it for him. I really don't see it for him.

Um, should we, should we talk about our friend Jeremy O. Harris, or is that a little too touchy, watchy?

No, bro, I'm over here. I'm trying to free Je- I'm trying to ... I b- I was asking-

So you're, you got, you have, um-

I'm boots on the ground. I, I tried to ... I, dude, I was at the ... I, I saw some cops on the street yesterday, and I opened my translate app.

Visvim on the ground.

I t- [laughs] Yeah, I got my, I got my, I got my Visvim moccasins on the streets of Shibuya.

Mm.

I'm opening up my translate app. I'm going up to cops being like, "Where ... Let me free the guys," and they don't understand.

[laughs]

That when I say free the guys in Japanese-

Mm-hmm

... they don't understand what I mean.

Right, right, right. They're like, "Max B. got out like four weeks ago."

Yeah, they f- they, I said free the-

Jim Jones posted it

... I see, I said Free the Wave, and they don't know who I'm, they don't know who I'm ta-

[laughs]

They don't, they don't know I'm talking about a playwright.

Okay. They're like wa- different kind of wave god, Jeremy O. Harris.

I mean Jer- all right, Jeremy got popped. He had a little something in his dopp kit. We've all been there. I mean, to be, to be fair, Rock.

We've all been there.

We've all been there. I, the amount of times that I've r- dug into my fifth pocket and found something that shouldn't have been there after taking a flight-

Yeah

... is, I mean, that, we've all been ... If you party, this has happened to you.

It's, it's kind of like a entertainer's delight. It's, but, but with an international jet setter. Like, there's always-

Yeah

... if, if you're traveling internationally that much-

There's residue

... you know, the, the, the suitcase is never unpacked. It's, the go bag-

Dude

... is always ready to go.

Dude, that's real.

And sometimes the go bag got a little go-go in it.

Especially, [laughs] especially-

[laughs]

... and this is a little pro tip, uh, f- the, the dopp kit, I, I have a whole separate set of my needs that stay there. I never unpack the dopp kit.

[laughs]

All of my facial creams, moisturizers, cleansers.

Boy, you sound like Trent Reznor ass.

All my, all my shit's in the bag. I got my, I got my fragrance. I've got my eye cream.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Toothbrush, toothpaste. You never open it. It stays in the suitcase, and it's ready to go.

Mm-hmm.

So you don't have to refill it. And if, look, a little molly gets in there, uh, sh- I don't know, man.

Mm.

It was sitting next to the other thing. You-

The molly gets stuck in the margin deodorant on the inside.

Dude, exa-

You know? [laughs]

Exactly. Exactly, bro. What are you supposed to do, bro? But I think this is a, I think this is an error in a, in a, in a, in a, a jet set party lifestyle. This is kind of what the, the ... This is what you're playing with. This is the kind of fire you're playing with here.

Mm-hmm.

But the worst place it could possibly happen, I'm gonna say Singapore is the worst.

Yeah.

But I feel like Japan's top three worst places it could happen.

Yeah, Japan is very strict with that stuff, but the punishment's not as severe as other Indonesian regions.

No, I mean, I, I'm, I, I kid you not when I say free the guys, but I hope, I hope, 'cause I, I mean-

Yeah. I, I remember, um, there's a DJ, UK DJ, BBC guy, like 15 years ago, Groove Rider, and I, he was in, uh, UAE, and I think he had like, you know, like a nug in his pocket that somebody gave him at a, you know, a, a gig in Turkey or something like that, and he was flying over, whatever, and he got, he got four years for, you know, a, a nug in the fifth pocket.

Nah, bro. I ain't doing ... I mean, I was reading up on Japanese jails, and it's, it doesn't sound ... I think you're not allowed to sit down.

Ooh.

It's tough. But good for the, good for the glutes, of course, as long as your hams can stay loose, but that's not, that's not great.

Yeah, that's ... What's the name of the fitness class with the woman's name in Studio City? [laughs] It's not Terry. It's like something-

Oh, oh

... Tracy Anderson.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. [laughs]

He's getting free Tracy.

He's getting free [laughs] Tracy, free the guys, free Jeremy. But no, I mean, hopefully he gets out soon because I really do think that's a mistake everyone has made, but I, you know, I, I think that the, uh, dealing with, uh, the law in extremely foreign countries is, uh-

Yeah

... 'cause, you know, like this is my first time in Japan, and I am learning, like English, they don't really do that. Like, it's not really ... Like, they'll, they'll give you an iPad to order from and shit, but it's not like when you go to some of these places and everybody just kinda speaks English.

Mm-hmm.

It's pretty mu- it's pretty much like we speak Japanese, and, and you're here, and good luck-

Yeah

... is the, is the vibe that I've gotten, which I respect 'cause that, I think that's what keeps a culture rich, you know?

[laughs]

And I gotta say, I haven't seen that many white boys. I have not seen that many white people.

Speak English or die, bitch.

Yeah. I haven't-

I haven't seen that many white boys. It's off-season.

I guess so. I guess so. But I, I was surprised. Yeah.

I don't know ... Yeah. Do you know the migratory patterns of the Western white boy as he moves into-

Dude

... the Japanese regions to mate?

Dude, I mean, I've, I've-

[laughs]

[laughs] I, do you think I would've seen ... I, I mean, I went to Dover Street Market in Ginza. I didn't see any. I went to the-

You bring your duck call over to Dover Street-

[laughs]

... and you didn't get any hits?

Yeah, I went to the new La Mer store. There wasn't even one. It was crazy.

Ugh.

Bro, I went to so-

If it's quiet at the La Mer store, pack up-

I went to this La Mer store

... and head back

... the La Mer store, which is in this like beautiful old house, and it's like in a neighborhood. It's an unbelievable retail experience, like, like 10, 10. And of course, there's like a really hot, like, Japanese guy working there, and he speaks full English, like no accent. And we're talking-

Yeah

... and you know, he's like-

He's a better DJ than me probably.

Well, I'm getting to that. And he's like-

[laughs]

... "Oh, what's up? W- you know, where are you from? What's up?" I'm like, "Oh, bro, I'm, you know, I'm from New York. I'm just here for, you know, for, for a week kicking the tires. My first time." And, and I'm like, "Oh, have you ... What, like, what's up?" He's like, "Oh, my dad's from Oregon, but my mom's Japanese, so I like grew up blah, blah, blah." And then I'm like, I'm like ... [laughs] He was like, "I was actually just in America for like six months." And I was like, "Oh, where, where were you?" He's like-Newport Beach. [laughs]

Mm.

I was like, "Bro, for what?" He's like, "Oh, that's where the model apartment was." I was like, "This motherfucker."

Oh.

Okay. He was extremely good-looking and very cool, but I was like, "Wow, this guy's really got it all." And then he followed me on Instagram, and I looked at his Instagram, and he's a real model. It's, this ain't no play play shit.

Good for him.

So I was impressed. I was impressed. But I was like, of all the places to go ... Imagine the culture shock from Japan to Newport Beach.

I mean, may ... It, I would say it's not, it, maybe it's not that different, but I thought about it for four seconds and it's, yeah, it's-

[laughs]

... worlds apart.

Like, New York, New York to, like, Tokyo to New York, Tokyo to London, you know, Tokyo to, to, you know, Shanghai, whatever. But Tokyo to Newport, bro, uh-uh.

The only real through line that I'm thinking is, like, Honda Civics are run, run prevalent in both districts.

That's, that, that's-

But otherwise, I don't know

... yeah, other, otherwise I'm not seeing a, a through line, a through line. But yeah, I was, uh, I was just happy to hear Newport Beach brought up, you know, on, on the other-

Sure

... on the other side of the world.

Newport Beach mentioned.

[laughs]

Um, oh yeah, well, yeah, so I went to the beach today, hit Erewhon on the way. Owen Wilson sighting at the Erewhon Calabasas. No place I'd rather be-

Do you have, do you have a-

... all in the world

... I feel like you might have an Owen Wilson impression. Do, is that po- I don't wanna put you on the spot, but is that-

Not really. Not real- I mean, you, all you have to do is say, "Wow."

Oh, yeah, that's-

And that's pretty much it.

[laughs] That's true. There's a ... He's got, he's got one or two that he's known for. If you can get those, you're, you're good.

Yeah, you just say, "Wow."

Okay.

But, um, I wanted to talk about the, uh, Golden Globe Podcast Awards.

The ones that people are paying for?

Yeah. Well, I mean, this is the first year where podcasts were, got their own category in the Golden Globes to try and get more, I guess more star power over there.

Oh, no, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I was thinking of the Variety thing where the deck went around, where it was like, you can pay basically 100 grand to get the award. This is, this is the actual Golden Globes, so this is a little ... They, they're not gonna let you pay to play like that.

Well, you do, you do pay for your award for the Golden Globes, but it's not just a direct ... It's not like the little PDF for your peptides where you just go down the list and let me grab one of them, one of them.

Sure. Sure.

It's, it's a little more, it's a little more Jared Kushner-y. You gotta spread it around for some holdings companies and this, that, and the other thing. It's a little Kawhi Leonard financial wizardry. But we got, uh, we got our man Dax Shepard, Armchair Expert, Call Her Daddy, Good Hang with Amy Poehler, Mel Robbins Podcast, SmartLess, and NPR's Up First. And all of the, every show, in order to be nominated, you have to submit yourself and pay, I don't know how m- well, I don't know how much money you have to pay to submit. But you have to submit yourself, which is why we have this list, and it's not like, you know, This American Life or Joe Rogan or any of these podcasts that are much bigger-

I mean, to, to be fair-

... and better and lo- and have, you know-

No, to be fair-

... much more of a legacy

... this is what it should be. Like, this is what it-

[laughs]

'Cause it's just more Hollywood shit. It's like-

But also, yeah, I mean, it, it's the Golden Globes, so it's the epitome of an award that means nothing, so it might as well be podcasts that mean nothing.

I mean, look, I, I think, I think, let's not-

I mean, not all of them

... let's not ... I don't, I ... No, but I think everybody wants to win. I, I, that whole, that whole mindset of like, "Fuck the Grammys, fuck the Oscars-"

Mm-hmm.

"... I don't give a fuck, I don't need awards," shut up, dude. You do. It would be nice to ... It's nice to be recognized by your peers, no matter how corrupt it is. Like, it's nice to be recognized, it's nice to get a trophy, it's nice for your work. It also means you'll make more money. It's just a good thing to happen. This whole, like, denial about it is crazy to me because you're lying. Like, maybe it's not the number one thing you care about-

Yeah

... but you definitely care.

It's, it's a milestone that you won't say no to.

Everybody cares. Yeah. Everybody cares. Stop. It's like a, you're lying. But I mean-

Unless you're truly punk rock with it, but I would ... 99% of the people, they do care. B-

There ain't no t-

[sighs]

There ain't no podcaster that's 100% punk rock with it, I'll tell you that.

It's true. Of course.

Even Toby, even Toby from HBO would take, would take a Go- [laughs] a Golden Globe

... H2O, not HBO.

[laughs]

Yeah, I heard, I heard Warner Brothers and, and H2O are gonna merge, actually.

[laughs]

So, but I, I think that for me, like, where my line is with that stuff, like, if somebody wants to give me an award, I'm, I'm stoked on that. I'm happy to acce- accept it. Everything is all good. But when you have to submit yourself and pay money-

Well, everything is s-

To me, that's where it stops

... everything, every award you have to submit yourself.

And obviously, y- w- yeah, when, when, and when you are a, a band or an actor or whatever person that's big enough to receive one of these awards, you're not the one who's licking the stamp and writing the, the check to the Screen Actors Guilds yourself. You're telling your, your team to do it. Your manager is handling it for you so you don't have to go, you don't have to, you know, put the dog down yourself. You pay your vet to do it kinda thing. But to me, that's the part where it's like, I don't, I wouldn't ... I don't want an award that I have to buy.

Well, I mean-

I want an award that I win.

Yeah, of course. But, like, you're buying them all somehow. Like, if you're-

Yeah

... like, I'm saying, like, in, in indirect, like this, like, if Pinsky Media's selling fucking $70,000 tickets and that's, like, a clear way to buy one or whatever-

Yeah

... for the, for the Golden Globes. But it's like, I mean, the Grammys or the FYC stuff for the Oscars, like, people are spending millions of dollars to make sure-

Oh, yeah

... that their client or their artist wins the award. So it's s- it's just sorta like, how, how willing are you to look the other way on how much they're paying and how?

Yeah.

You know what I mean? It's like, I, I think it's like there's direct ways which feel slimy and everybody gets mad about, but, like, this is the system. Like, those billboards on Sunset Boulevard aren't free.

Yeah.

Like, the back in f- the back cover of Hollywood Reporter's not free.

I guess it makes sense to have a fake award for a fake industry about-

Agreed

... a fake, you know, your, your ac- your a- acting is fake and the award is fake, so it should all be fake.

But I think it's gonna hel- I think it, the, what people forget and what I think is, is overlooked is that it does help your career. Like, it's not in vain. Like, it's not like some-

Definitely.

It is an e- obviously it's an ego thing, but it's also, like, once you're an Oscar-winning actress or a Golden Globe-winning actor, that does matter. Like, that matters to someone who makes decisions.

People are rarely turned off by it when you-

Yeah

... invite your Hinge date over to your house and you got a couple Emmys behind the, uh, McIntosh amplifier. No one's gonna be like, "Ew, you have Emmys?"

Yeah. Yeah. It's just, I don't, I don't know why. I mean-

My pussy dry up.

But does Amy Poehler deserve one? Who knows? I mean, I, I like her work in Parks and Rec.

Like, "Wow, you have a Grammy," and then you go and you're likeComposing mixdown. Ugh.

[laughs]

Ugh.

Oh, I thought this was-- Yeah, I mean, I don't know. That's exactly-

Non-classical mixing engineer. Ugh.

That's exactly the list, though, that I thought it would be, of, like, who would actually. 'Cause, like, I don't think that ... I- I'm surprised there's NPR on there at all. I guess they felt like they had to do that.

Okay. Well, I will, I will ask you this. Who do you think will win, and who do you think should win?

Uh, hopefully Call Her Daddy wins.

I agree with that. I would love to see that.

Call Her Daddy should win.

Oh.

Like, I think Call Her Daddy is the most, I-

He said bet it all on, put 600 down on the roulette table. Put it all on daddy.

It ain't, it ain't the first time I put 600 down on a-

[laughs]

... on a blonde hottie. But I think that, I think that-

Okay. Well, I- it would be cool if they did a poly market, not for who's gonna win that, but for, like, more, you know, tiny incidental statistics like, you know, this quarterback is gonna, his shoe is gonna fall off in the third quarter, or whatever it is. You know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like over-under on how many times Call Her Daddy says, "You guys," during her acceptance speech. You know what I mean?

Well, I'll tell you what, I don't wanna hear the speech. That's for sure. I think she should win, but I don't wanna-

Ugh

... I don't wanna hear her talk.

That's gonna be, that's gonna be some Paul Dano level art.

That's, that's true. That's-

Her getting a Globe.

Her coming up there with an Unwell Energy drink, like for, holding it in front of the camera.

Okay. Maybe this is a better question. Who is going to be the most self-deprecating in their, in their award speech?

Dax Shepard.

Because-

Dax Shepard, for sure

... Dax is very self-deprecating. Call Her Daddy is very self-deprecating.

I think that Call Her Daddy is the most culturally ... Like, I think that has been, I think that is, like, an, it's just a bigger deal than the rest of these. Like, we, like, Armchair Expert is popular, but it's not, there's no, like, there's no ... I don't know. It's like people listen to it. Call Her Daddy is, like, a movement, for lack of a better term, and-

Yeah

... I don't mean that with, with respect. It just is.

I think, yeah. [laughs]

It's like people worship at the, at the foot of her. They don't worship at the foot of Dax Shepard. They listen to it 'cause it's on.

Dax is not invited into the, uh, into the booth during the Super Bowl.

Yeah, it's a different ... She's doing a different-

Call Her Daddy is.

She's doing a different thing, and it's impr- I mean, from a business standpoint, it's unbelievable. It's amazing. 'Cause I don't think it's very good, and I've tried to like it 'cause I respect the whole thing. But, like, I mean-

It used to be good. The old daddy

... it hits a, it hits a note that really works for a certain kinda person, and I think the certain kinda person it hits a note for is the girl who's spending the most money on everything. You know what I mean? [laughs] Like, like she's buying-

[laughs]

... she's buying the nicest Stanley mug. Her, her, she's got a fucking Birkin if she, if she's got real bread. She's buying tickets to the show. You know, she's buying the sweat suit. It's, like, people who shop and spend money, and that's the audience that you want if you really wanna, like, create a juggernaut kind of.

Mm.

'Cause it can't just be, like, I like show, you know? That's not enough.

[laughs] It can't be I like show. You have to factor in your hoodie sales and your CBD-

Exactly

... moisturizer sales.

And to give her credit, she's not, she wasn't famous, you know what I mean? Like, she, she really did get it out the mud in some ways.

She, she jugged it.

Like, compared to the other people on this list, you know what I mean? Like, Amy Poehler is a household name.

She is. And her podcast feels like it's only been around-

It's been, it feels like it's been around-

... for six months

... for six months. I mean, I think it kinda has.

But that's the other factor is since it's the very first time the award is being given out, do you factor in the fact that Dax has been doing this for years and he's got hundreds of episodes? Or, you know, do we give it to NPR because they really, you know, are sort of the godfathers of it, the ones who deserve it?

I can't believe, I can't believe-

The Tom Cruise honorary award

... I can't believe we didn't give it to Maron since he retired. This feels like the only time you could've given it to him.

Well, that's 'cause he thought it would be [beep] to submit himself for a Golden Globe for podcasting.

Oh, I, I, I don't-

That's why he didn't do it. And Joe Rogan didn't submit himself either.

Yeah. I, I don't, I think Maron wants the acceptance of, of this kinda person a lot more than Joe Rogan. Joe Rogan lives in Texas and smokes cigars. Marc Maron is an actor, actively. Like, he quit podcasting to be an actor.

Yeah, Marc Maron just thinks it's all stupid, and Joe Rogan's like, "I can't be in the same room as the lizard people."

Yeah, I mean, yeah. Marc Maron, what's stupider, winning a Golden Globe for your groundbreaking podcast or playing guitar? What do you think in, in that? What do you ... I, I think you ... I think it's this is better than your licks.

Yeah. Would him and Tim Heidecker rather get a Americana Grammy nom or a Golden Globe podcast nom?

That's a tou- that's a tough call.

Tough one, huh?

That's a really tough call.

They're both in the Americana space. Like Sugarfish.

[laughs]

Um, holi- holiday parties, shout out to our friends Pia and Davide. Went to their, their annual holiday bash at their home.

Who was the sponsor this year?

Uh, it was just the good old Baronchini people, the LPA people, you know? There, there was a martini tower. There was a Santa Claus. There was carO- there were carolers.

Not carolers. Wow.

Funke catered. They got the Funke baked ziti and the Funke focaccia.

I do love that.

Cigarettes everywhere.

I'm, I'm so happy I'm not going to-

Expensive dogs

... I'm not going to a single holiday party. It's unbelievable. I missed, I-

That's crazy.

This is the ... I, I went out of town f- when they all happen, and I didn't even, I don't think about it because I don't care about Christmas 'cause I'm an adult, but it's kinda crazy.

You care about socializing, though.

I do care about socializing, but I don't, when people ... I don't know, dude. When, like, I don't ... The, Christmas is, is the wrong thing to celebrate in my opinion.

[laughs] I think maybe we're, in the business world we're celebrating another great year doing business with-

That's true

... you and yours.

That's true.

And that's why-

That's true

... yeah, Carolyn and I this morning on the, on the dog walk, we were talking about how us as a family, we need to have our own Tom Cruise coconut cake that gets sent out and-

If I have to hear about that fucking cake one more time. I feel like I-

I know

... somebody like Matt Belloni needs to prove that he gets it or stop talking about it.

[laughs]

Which is really funny.

Matt, I know you're just doing screen grabs of the cake from Shutterstock or Imgur. I know that. I need you holding the coconut cake with today's date on the LA Times.

Yeah, newspaper.

On the Vari- yeah, today's issue of Variety

It's really funny. It'd be really funny if you did that. That's really funny

But I mean, the, the, the thumbprint cookies that I make every year, I'll talk to somebody, you know, Roy and Allie, see if they got a, a commissary kitchen and a couple bakers, give them a, give them 300 for the day and just bake off 500 of these cookies.

I need 100, so let me-

Send them out. No, bro, come on

Let me get 100. I'll put, I'll pay these fucking bakers, bro. Let me get 100.

You want a honey pack?

No, I don't want 100.

Okay.

No, no, I don't want 100. Don't-

Okay, well, I mean, the more you get, um, you know, just, you just know this wholesale-wise, like I can give you a better deal per cookie cost-

Sure, sure, it's a, for [laughs]

... if we, how man- depending on how many units you want.

Oh, don't talk to me about SKUs right now.

With, with so few SKUs on your [laughs]

[laughs]

Yeah, I wore my, I wore more, my Hanover hat today to the beach. I was almost considering dunking it in the ocean to give it that-

We'd love a dunk

... that sea kiss and then letting it air dry out. I was worried it was gonna get shrinky on, on me though.

Yeah, I know. I, I've, I've actually, I don't think I've ever done that, but I guess, I guess it would shrink a little bit. I mean, it'll stretch back out.

You gots to do it.

I, I would-

Yeah, it'll stretch back out

... I would assume, but that's, that's a lot of work.

Yeah, go home, do a cold water wash, and then a-

Yeah, yeah

... little hang dry. You'll be all right. But-

Save good, good money.

Uh, I am, I'm gonna be DJing in LA Friday the 19th at Homage. I played there last year with a friend of the show, George, for Carolyn's birthday in January, but this will be like a little holiday party kind of DJ set. I'll be playing, I think, from 11 till 2, um, at Homage, downtown Chinatown. Everybody is welcome. Up into the pub, come through, say howdy. Chris, I believe, might even be in town as well.

Oh, there's, there's-

For a ring ting, tingle in town

... there's no believing. It's a fact, baby. I'll be there.

[laughs]

Oh, and I'm gonna feel... Damn, I'm going home for one day, which feels like a real mistake, but you know, whatever. Here we are. I, I didn't plan properly.

You know LA is in between Japan and New York, right?

Oh, yeah, yeah. Definitely know that.

[laughs]

I definitely know that. I had a whole plan, and then I looked at the plan, and I realized I'd made an error.

Sure.

But you know, whatever, it's fine. I'll be okay.

Look, I, I would say for the amount of flights that you've taken in 2025, your on base percentage, your error rate-

That's pretty low

... is still very low. You're still, you're still doing very, very, very good overall, and I, I'm, I'm also happy and pleased to report I'm Diamond Medallion again for another year.

Wow. Good for you, man. That's, that's welcome, welcome back. It feels good. I, I love an- when any of my friends and family join my other family, my chosen family, the Delta, the Delta family of brands.

Mm-hmm. This ain't lab grown either, bro.

No, no, we don't do that lab grown shit over here.

Earned it.

Uh-uh. Uh, how long gone? Thank you guys for listening. Um, we'll be back next week, or yeah, back next week with more podcasts. I don't know what fucking day it is. Um, if, uh, you have a list for Tokyo, don't send it to me, please.

[laughs]

Um, and, uh, we'll, we'll, yeah, I'll talk to you later.

Uh, no matcha, right?

No, no matcha, for the love of God. Actually, I think after we finish later today, there's a coffee shop that was recommended to me by my friend Zach Weiss, where they just blast classical music and no one can talk.

Ooh.

Which, which it apparently has been there for like 100 years. I, I'm fascinated by this. This feels like something I need to kick the tires on.

That sounds pretty wonderful.

I know. I know it does. Nothing like getting hella caffeinated and not being able to... You know, it's like doing coke alone. Um, but-

[laughs]

... we'll, we'll see how it goes. We'll see how it goes.

Doing coke alone. Yeah, after this, I'm gonna hit the showers and then go get some Peking duck.

Oh, that's nice. That feels celebratory in its own little way. That's nice.

Doesn't it? A little holiday duck-

A little holiday-

... for the season

... for the holiday duck. All right. Thanks, guys.

All right, bro. Well, have fun. Tell, um, tell W. David Marks I said hello.

I will. I will. All right.

Bye. [outro music]

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