874. - Chris & Jason

All right, uh, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Stateside with Kai and Carter, a new podcast from The Guardian, and they are using this podcast to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions that we all have about what's happening in the world, and they do it three times a week. Jason, does that sound familiar to you?

We don't really talk about, you know, a lot of international global news items and climates and cultures and sports and things like that. We do talk about fashion and wellness, but for everything else, Kai and Carter are a great place.

All right, so who couldn't use more news? Listen wherever you get your podcasts or watch on YouTube. [upbeat music] How Long Gone, the Lord's day, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, them jeans. Thank you for joining me to podcast today.

Big day today, Chris. Big day. Why? Don't know yet, but it's-

[laughs]

I feels... I feel it in the air.

It feels big. It feel-- When something feels big, I mean, is there a better feeling?

It's... It reminds me of The Secret from 2006. You know what I mean? We're-

Oh, wow. Wow.

Why is the day gonna be big? Because that's... 'Cause the day is gonna be big.

Dude, dude, I totally for-

We're manifestati-on.

Manifestation. When people would write themselves, like, $10 million checks because they thought-

Well, the one [laughs]... The, the best one was the... You, you do that, the, the million dollar check or, like, the hundred dollar bill or whatever, and then you tape it to your ceiling above your bed so the first thing you see when you wake up is the money.

Oh. This is, this is kind of pre-Grind-

Chasing to the bag.

This is pre-Grindset, too. The, The Secret was ahead of the influencers. The Secret was ahead of the guys selling workout programs on Instagram.

I learned about it from W. David Marx's book, Blank Space, available in stores now. Originally published November 26, 2006. So basically, you know, 20 years ago now.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

It was really big one year.

Give or take, though. People really believed it. People really believed it. And I, I've been meaning to ask you about this, uh, 'cause it happened a couple days ago, and I feel like this is, this is tailor-made for How Long Gone, but there was a video of, um, New York legend Jim Jones Kapo.

Mm-hmm.

Um-

From the Diplomats crew.

New York legend F-A-B-O-L-O-U-S.

Oh.

And they were celebrating a birthday and-

Fabolous' 50th, if I recall.

Fabi- [laughs] Yes, Fabolous' 50th.

[laughs]

I'm s- I'm sure he was wearing the ugliest outfit known to man. I can't remember. But, um, they're together. There's somebody else in the video, I don't remember who, but they sa- they, they [laughs] basically, he won't blow out the candles on his cake-

[laughs]

... because that's gay.

Right, right, right.

Is what [laughs]... They pause him. So he's fanning. What's gayer, blowing them out with your mouth or fanning them like a, like a chef trying to cool off a dish?

So we've got, first of all, I just pulled it up. The cake itself-

Looks like a dick. [laughs]

It does look like a dick. It's a, it's... Is it, like, in the shape of a guitar or his signature or something? I don't know what it is. But, uh, Jim Jones is wearing an AC/DC T-shirt, and Fabolous is wearing a Mercedes Benz beanie. And, you know, it's... it feels like there... It's like first day out energy. You know what I mean?

Welcome home, Max.

Jim Jones. Yeah, so-

[laughs]

So the, so the question is he's, he's blowing it wa- he's waving his hand over the candles like he's trying to put out the fire with just the force of hand because blowing on it is too gay for somebody like him. A, a-

[laughs]

You know, a guy who wears silk pink durags is worried about his sexuality. But is it... The problem is it, it's not working. He's hitting it with his hand and the candles aren't blowing out.

Yeah, it's not working. [laughs] It's not working at all.

So the, the, the funny part is, ironically, if you had, like-

[laughs]

... a diva like the, one of those Chinese fans. You know what I mean?

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

If you, if you went to the drag brunch and then, you know, you just smack the boots down with one of those little hand fans, like how we got at Charlie's wedding, all of those candles would be deceased.

Done. De- done for. Dead.

[laughs]

On, on day backs. I just-

[laughs]

I found it to be, I found it to be one of the most...

[laughs]

As much as I love pause culture, and it makes me laugh every day how stupid it is-

[laughs]

... 50-year-old men-

Did you just say pause culture?

Pause culture. 50-year-old men-

[laughs]

... not blowing out candles because they think it's gay is just too far for me. That, that's kinda... I didn't know there was a line, and this week, thanks to Jimmy and Fab, I have found the line.

Substack is not a culture.

[laughs] Yeah.

Pausing is, uh, my culture, and we've found the line.

It's a more interesting culture, I'll say. But yeah, I just thought it was a, I thought it was something that was, um, sorta blew my mind. It did take the internet, well, certain corners of the internet, by storm.

Rap House TV said, "Fabolous really didn't want to catch a pause violation by blowing out his birthday cake," crying emoji while laughing-

Pause-

... birthday cake emoji.

I gotta start carrying around... I... We should make, we should make some, like, NYPD style traffic tickets but pause violations and sort of hand them out in real life.

You know, there's, there's a time where it was funny to bring, like, the, the football yellow and red cards out and then-

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

... somebody would do a violation, and you would smack that. I guess the card would have to be more of, like, the, uh, LGBTQ plus flag colors or something like that if you were to do some type of pause violation, right?

This is a nice idea, something nice and, something nice and laminated, maybe the same thickness as sort of like a backstage pass.

Yeah.

You know what I mean? So I could wear it, I could wear it around my neck and then just hold it up when a violation-

Yeah, you-

... is, is caught. You know, I could just... I... And signal.

I think that's a good idea. Uh, people will be like-

So I have to carry my wallet

... it really, it surprisingly does have a good weight to it, this card. You-

[laughs]

We didn't cut corners over here.

Oh, wow, Chris. Okay, Chris was serious about the paper stock on this.

Over there, done to death.

I've not, uh... This is-

Uh, print bro

... this is nice. [laughs] This is nice. Uh-

Done to Mifflin is what your ass is doing making all these damn cards.

Got him.

[laughs]

Oh, man. You know, I'm, I've, I've been seeing a lot of, uh, Office stuff lately because I think that the, the world, obviously the, one of the greatest shows of all time.

You mean the TV show-

It's-

... not just general office stuff.

Yeah, not... But, but it seems like people are uncovering that, that Jim, AKA John Krasinski, is in fact a dickhead.

[laughs]

Um, in the Ryan Reynolds sense, I think. Where it's like this nice, like, boy next door, like, aw shucks hottie from our favorite TV show in real life is actually a complete asshole.

Right, right, ri- like... Okay, so we're not talking about his, his character. We're talking about in real life he's revealed himself to be not cool.

Yes. Like, very-

Whereas before we didn't necessarily think he was cool, but we were letting him rock because of the art that he was giving us?

Exactly. That is exactly it.

Got him.

And I think there's rumors of a divorce as well, um, in the Krasinski household. So it's just-

Who's he married to?

Uh, married to what's her name? Um, she looked like Isla Fisher, but not her. The one that looks just like Isla Fisher.

You know, he'll be fine. He'll land on his feet, but you know, everybody is really-

Emily Blunt. Emily, Emily Blunt, who-

That's right.

Emily Blunt. Sorry, I, I... How could I forget that? That's so disrespectful.

Is she a baddie?

She is a baddie. She is a baddie.

Yeah, so him and Sacha Baron Cohen will just be able to just go start trawling for 23-year-olds at Soho House.

Bro ho... Yeah. Who ca- yeah, those motherfuckers are gonna be at the Bird Streets Club in Casa Cipriani fucking hitting the Johnnie Walker with the ladies. They're fine.

I saw Ali G had a little, little thottie-

Oh, he had a thottie

... like, last week.

I love when people... What do you expect him to do? You know what I mean? Like, what the fuck you... Of course, the, the thing that's, that's changed since these guys were married is influencers happened. These guys have been married for-

Mm-hmm

... these guys have been married for so long-

[laughs]

... they didn't have access to a fucking corn-fed baddie from Iowa-

[laughs]

... that just moved to LA and got her filler put in. You know, they, they didn't have access to this.

These motherfuckers got married when MySpace was popping.

Literally though, so they didn't have access.

[laughs]

So Sacha Baron Cohen downloaded, you know, he d- he downloaded Instagram, fired up a burner and was like, "I didn't know it was like that." He didn't realize it was like... And, and Krasinski's gonna have the same thing.

He didn't know there were so many well-fit birds. But the question is, when you do that, when you are however those, you know, Sacha Baron Cohen's 53 or something like that, who knows?

Yeah.

Does he, you know, once he's done with the divorce, it's all said and done, he gets flamed, you know, he's, he gets his bounce back body, his Men's Fitness cover.

Uh-huh.

Is he feel... Uh, 'cause I, I guess the th- the thing is when you're that age and then, you know, an, a very attractive 26-year-old woman-

They ain't even seen Borat

... presents herself.

They don't even know the joke.

[laughs]

They, they don't even know there's like... Who's this rich guy? I like him.

Um, yeah, sh- this, yeah, this rich guy, he does all these funny voices. It's so random.

[laughs]

Anyway, he has a Bugatti. But i- so when, so put yourself in his shoes. Is he just opening up his phone and then these attractive 26-year-old women are presenting themselves to him, or do you think he's firing up the Raya and he's putting on his hunting jacket and he's putting on his red eye, red dot no scope and his night vision goggles and he's going out there to catch him some birds? Or do you think he's just sitting on the couch watching Bill Maher, opens his shit up and he's like, "Oh, damn. I mean, I'd be a fool, a young me would, would be upset-"

Hmm

... "if I didn't take this one down," you know what I mean?

I'm gonna say all of the above.

[laughs]

I'm gonna say all of the above, 'cause I bet he's-

Okay, so much like our, our full service agency brigade talent, they're both receiving inbound and outbound inquiries.

[laughs] Exactly. I think so. I think he's famous enough, they might not remember Borat or Ali G, but one of their girlfriends might be older and be able to tell them about it.

Talladega Nights, you know, he was, he was the f- gay French F1 racer, you know, that's, that's maybe-

I've never-

... where that demo found him

... I've never seen that film.

You ever s- you never saw it?

No, but that sounds like a good... That sounds like a, a slightly later starting point, which would be good for him as far as, as face card-

Yeah

... face recognition goes. You know, that's like-

Face, face card?

His, [laughs] his face card recognition.

Ali G's face card did not decline, mama.

Never. Never.

Um, yeah, so good for them. Uh, you know, come on the pod. Not you, um, guy from The Office though. Krasinski, you're a, you're a twat.

Well, Krasinski I want, I wanna preserve him as Jim. That's, that's, like, that's... I, I've never seen him in anything else. Like, I don't, I don't... What's he? He's John Wick now I think.

The, I think that he, he does movies now where he's sort of like-

Big movies

... "I'm the lone patriot fighter," and he's like... I don't know. Him and, I don't know. They... Everyone gets too hunkified. Like, all these guys, once you hit a certain age, they have the midlife crisis. They g- they get their Dax Shepard on, they get the $200,000 Ford Bronco Tesla re-

[laughs]

... remod. And then suddenly they can't turn around in an elevator because their fucking shoulders and traps are so huge.

It's true.

It's ov- it's overkill, but I mean, you know, these are people who were maybe bullied in school as children-

I, I think they were fine

... and this is their one-

I think they're fine. I think that they, I think that it's a money thing. I think it's you do, you, you do Jim, you're the aw shucks, like, maybe I would see this guy at a Pavement show, kinda, you know, guy next door. And then they offer you $50 million to get ripped to be in, like, three John Wick movies and you're like, "Fuck it. Why not?"

Mm-hmm.

But it does sort of... You're right. The, the pressure to get absolutely jacked to make money in Hollywood, once again, the patriarchy is striking, and I don't like it at all.

I don't know if it's to make money in Hollywood, 'cause Krasinski's the only one who's really putting that body to work on, on s- on camera.

Well, I mean, if you, what's his name, the comedian that's not funny?

[laughs]

Did it famously. Uh, what's his name?

Um, oh, Kumail. Kumail did it. Yeah, yeah, that's true.

Yeah, Kumail did it for a movie. I think, well, I'll say this, I think the r- the, the impetus is always, "I have a role." After that, whether anybody sees the movie or not-

Well, okay, what about Dax? He ain't getting no roles, bro.

Uh, D- Dax, but he's on camera every day, and he's got a-

That's true. That's true

... and, and his wife hates him, and he hates his wife.

Mm-hmm.

And he's got a co-host that's-

[laughs]

... worse than me, so I feel sorry for, I feel sorry-

So he's like, "I'm sitting on the couch. I'm trying to make-"Ellie Kemper cry while, um-

[laughs]

... while the stitching on my Buck Mason V-neck is falling out

Dude, he's... No, he ain't even... Bro, he wishes it was Buck Mason. That motherfucker wears plaid shirts that look like they're from Target, deadass.

[laughs]

He's too rich. He looks like he's buying d- buying plaid shirts. There's a certain kind of cheapness to them-

[laughs]

... that I can't pinpoint, and I don't know, I don't even know where he's... I saw a picture recently of, of Ashton Kutcher leaving one of those Beverly Hills delis that he was at for lunch.

Mm. Okay.

And he was dressed in a way that was so unbelievable. Like, to be that rich and good-looking and look that bad is an effort. Like, I know these guys only wear clothes they get for free.

This, you said this is a New York deli?

No, no, LA. It was, like, a Beverly Hills-

Oh, okay. Okay. I-

Yeah, yeah, yeah

... I just pulled it up. "Ashton Kutcher spotted stepping out of Beverly Glen Deli-"

Look at him

... "in Beverly Hills-"

Look at that outfit

... "after enjoying a relaxed breakfast." Okay, so he has a Realtree camo LA Dodgers hat. Check.

That's the best, that's the best thing he's got on.

[laughs]

That's the number one piece of the fit.

[laughs] He's got a, he's got a pink hoodie of unknown brand. It's a soft kind of pastel pink, maybe the type you'd see with a Glossier logo on it. And then, uh-

He, he wishes. Again, he wishes.

[laughs]

Glo- Glossier merch nicer than this. They're doing-

Glossier hoodie would be a step up is what you're s-

Step up.

[laughs] And then, uh, a little kind of khaki Carhartt chore coat, I guess, that would be.

Like a... But, but again, it's like a chore coat he got from the sale section at Huckberry. Like, it just doesn't make sense.

It's one of those chore coats where if you get it for Christmas, you're like, "Oh, thanks, Mom." Like, you almost got there. Like that kind of a-

Yeah, yeah

... but Ashton Kutcher has-

Yeah

... let's call it $700 million. I don't know.

Yeah. Yeah. Savvy tech investor, you know? He's not... We don't just know him from film and TV and Punk'd.

He's got, he's-

He's made his, his fortune

... he's got the graphic designer hiking boots and some just plain weird khakis where the-

Awful fit. They got the ba-

The, the tapering, the tapering on them is all wrong for his thin-

It's just a crazy, it's-

... long physique

... it's a full crazy... Like, I know these guys don't care, and I, I respect that, but there's a way to not care in a jeans and a T-shirt like a normal person. 'Cause that-

Mm-hmm

... starts to... The, the mix of fabrics here is so flammable that I feel like it's un-

[laughs]

... I feel like it's unsafe-

Literally and metaphorically

... to drive one of his electric cars 'cause it could combust. Like, it's so crazy what he looks like. I, I couldn't... That picture somehow shocked me more than most, like-

Right

... celebrity-

Shocked me to the core. Okay.

Thank you to our Backgrid family for providing that.

[laughs]

My, my favorite.

Bee grid. Throw your Bs up. But let's say you, you know, he's, he's a few years older than we are, you know? His la- We'll call him late 40s probably, something like that.

Yeah, yeah.

He's been living in LA for decades. He's been famous. He has millions and millions and millions of dollars. You're a full-grown adult man. You're going out to eat in Beverly Hills. What, regardless of your status in the world, uh, you know, how much money you got in the bank or how famous you are and how many people are gonna wanna take a picture with you, you know, just, just straight up dressing normally to go to a restaurant in Beverly Hills is, you know-

That's... Yeah, I didn't even think about the absolute gutter-

Like he's what, he's dressed like he's, like, bopping down to the bodega to get his BEC the aki way or whatever. Like, "Oh, so hungover. I gotta get my blue Pedialyte and, you know, go home and watch I Love LA, binge it," whatever. But he's, he's getting into his G-Wagon and going to Beverly Hills and dressed like he's in line to get a Plan B-

I just [laughs]

... in Missouri.

No, he does look like... [laughs] Dude, he looks like he's-

[laughs]

... he looks like he's at the CVS trying to get a Plan B and a Flyover City. That's exactly right.

[laughs]

But I just, I just don't understand what the... Like, it seems harder-

Let me get two while we're here, actually. Hmm

... Oh, you sell them legally here? All right, I'll get two.

[laughs]

It seems, it seems to me that w- that look, that look that... And him and Dax, you know, homies. They have a similar look. It's, it feels like effort is being put in, but I just don't know where... Like, is Mila Kunis saying, "Oh, yeah, that looks good, babe?"

[laughs]

Is there a style... Like, who is, who is encouraging the... It's crazy because he's such a good-looking guy. I mean, he's a, he's literally a corn-fed hunk model-

Yep

... that g- Like, that's why he exists. He famously, and I'm sure you mimic this look, he made the Jesus is my homeboy T-shirt a must-have.

I almost, I almost wore that, um, for the GQ 90s-themed party.

[laughs]

But I, but it, it was-

That would've been. That's like-

... more 2003. Yeah, it was more 2-

It's 2000.

But yeah, hi- him and Timberlake-

Yeah. Classic, that

... cleaned up. I mean, Carolyn, she had... Like, when I first met her and, like, went over to her house, she had a poster, and it was from, I forgot. It was, like, a, from a YSL show that was at, like, the Hollywood Palladium. Like, kind of early days, whatever it was, when he was still kind of like a baby-faced model. And, like, he was maybe a, a, at, at, at the time maybe the hottest man on earth.

Oh, yeah. Oh, absolutely.

Like, when he was, like, a 19-year-old model, just, you know, 6'2", buff, and just what- whatever that face was, you know?

No, he's very... That's my pro- That's also my problem. I think when you have what it takes from a genetic standpoint, no Sydney Sweeney, it feels like-

[laughs]

... you should be able to put on the right T-shirt and the right pair of pants and the right shoes. Y- you know what I mean? I'm not asking you to wear a suit or a tuxedo. I understand you're going to a casual lunch with an agent.

Mm-hmm.

But I just feel like it's a, it's, it's, it feels purposeful is what I'm saying.

Mm-hmm.

The way that Taylor Swift dresses bad on purpose, this feels like that in, in its own different way. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by a new podcast from The Guardian, Stateside with Kai and Carter. This is covering a lot of our bases, Jason. It's, uh, it's trying to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions we all have about what's happening in the world, and I know you particularly have quite a lot of questions.

A lot of questions, but how often? 'Cause we do this podcast three times a week, and that's a sweet spot. How many times do they do?

Three times a week, and I, I, I have a feeling just based on the platform and these talking points that they're maybe gonna be covering different stuff than we do. That's just a guess.

The Guardian is not some billionaire-owned platform. They're not afraid to say what they wanna say, brother.

Yeah, Rupert ain't sniffing around in, in what, uh, journalists Kai Wright and Carter Sherman are up to over there at, at, uh, Stateside.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

But yeah, listen wherever you get your podcasts. You can watch on YouTube. It's three times a week, and, and who couldn't use more news? You know, especially, especially when it's, when it's notYou know, from here, let's say.

[laughs]

Give, give it a, give it a listen. Give it a listen. Every time I go to the doctor, I walk out of that bitch feeling dumb. I got no real info. This guy in a white coat just say, "You're fine," you know? "Drink more water."

He knows how to charge my copay.

Exactly.

That's about it.

As if I could drink more water, Doctor. I, I don't get data. I don't get a game plan. I just get a pat on the ass and get out there and, and make it better. But SuperPower's doing something different. SuperPower sends a licensed professional to your home, or you can visit a nearby lab if you're a little freak. It's a simple blood draw, one simple blood draw with over 100 biomarkers, which is way more than what you usually get, and it unlocks a real understanding of your body. Uh, their app includes detailed information on your heart, liver, thyroid, hormones, metabolism, vitamin and mineral levels, and even environmental toxins. Ooh, ooh. So from disease prevention-

[laughs]

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Make this year the year we all stop guessing about our health with SuperPower. For a limited time, How Long gone listeners get $20 off to unlock their new health intelligence. Head over to superpower.com and use the code howlong for $20 off your membership. That is code howlong, and after you sign up, they'll ask how you heard about SuperPower. Do us a favor if you could and tell them How Long gone sent you, and that'll just support us. Thanks.

This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by our best friends at BetterHelp. Jason, we're, we're deep into May, which is, uh, Mental Health Awareness Month, and this is just a reminder that whatever you're going through, you don't have to go through it alone. Life is a damn journey. Some days feel good and others feel overwhelming. Whatever's keeping you up at night, it's easy to feel like you have to figure it all out on your own. But the truth is, no one has all the answers. Well, and no journey should be alone. Having someone with you to listen, to understand, and to support you can really make all the difference.

I agree, Chris, and sometimes, you know, it, it's nice to be talking to somebody even if they're not even listening, even if you don't even get to be in the same room with them, because what you're doing is you're admitting these things to yourself, and that's the most, that's the most rewarding thing you can do sometimes. So you can have a great little therapy sesh with your perfect therapist at BetterHelp. Choosing between over 30,000 people so you can get the right one just for you. Over six million people globally are using it, and you know, have some breakthroughs. Go on that walk after your BetterHelp sesh. You know, whatever it might be. Get a nice little lunch all for yourself, maybe a non-alcoholic kombucha, and just think and be like, "Damn, I really am him." You don't have to be on this journey alone. Find support and have somebody with you in therapy. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com/howlong. That is betterH-E-L-P.com/howlong. [beep] Interesting, yeah. The, I mean, the Taylor Swift-

It's crazy

... y- you know, the, the way she was dressing back then. You're... I mean, currently you're just like, "This... There, there's no way that this isn't all planned and strategized."

Yeah, I don't think Ashton Kutcher's trying to look relatable to a teenage girl. Like, yeah, like is he trying to look relatable to the guys that live in Austin? Like, I don't know what, I don't know what sense... I, I just don't know who the, who he's dressing for.

Hey, man, the H- the Hollywood world is tricky and treacherous. They'll pluck you from obscurity and turn you into a monster.

And, well, that's what we forget, I think, is that all of these people are dorks. It's... They're not musicians. They haven't been beasting in the underground and, like, loving counterculture for their entire lives. They're, like, hotties that played high school football.

They, they hit the genetic lo-

Yeah

... they hi- they hit the genetic lottery.

They did. They really did.

Lottery. Um, okay, let's see here. We were talking about Substack earlier. Charlie is a Substacker.

And I, I loved it.

You, I saw you post that.

I loved it. I loved it. People were like, "She can't write." I'm like, "Shut up, dude. This is, this is, this is one of the..." I think that's a great example of Substack being the only option out there if someone of, like, to distribute something.

Mm-hmm.

Like, that's, that's what it... But I loved it. I thought it was great. I thought it was fun to read. I thought it was straightforward. I don't know.

Yep.

I like that she didn't charge for it. [laughs]

Yeah. I mean, I, I've, I always like... In, in a time where it's very, very rare to see when... I mean, I, I always love it, and I hope if it happens to me one day, I will, I will do that. But when people get famous and then talk about it because it's entertaining to everyone else.

Yeah.

You know, and, and I guess, like, comedians kinda do it 'cause they're a little more, like, open and, like, less to lose and just whatever. But where you're, when celebrities and famous people who are doing amazing, interesting things talk about it because they know everyone wants to hear about it, and it's super entertaining, and it's like, "Wow, that's crazy. Tell me these crazy stories about when you're on this private jet, and then this happened, and blah, blah, blah, and then..." Versus so many other celebs are just like, "I'm just, like, so stupid. I'm like, I don't even know two plus two, and I just man- magically got this job, and I'm so lucky-"

Yeah

... "and I really don't deserve..." You know, like, tell me some fucking crazy shit, bro. Talk about it. Be open about it.

Uh, you can't... I mean, it's a different... I, I think that she has been able to cultivate a relationship with her fans that will allow for that, and most people haven't. Like, if Ariana Grande did that, it would ruin her career.

Yeah.

You know what I mean? If Ariana Grande was like, "Cynthia Erivo's actually a bitch. Like, fuck this shit. I'm doing Wicked for the bread," like, it wouldn't-

[laughs]

... fly in the same way, you know? It just wouldn't.

Give them some bread over there on the set at Wicked, huh? No gluten-free either.

Has there ever been anything less cool than Wicked? I can't r- I cannot wrap my head... I hate it so much. I hate hearing about... I wish I didn't know anything about it.

What's the straight equivalent of Wicked, do you think?

NFL RedZone package? I don't even know.

[laughs]

Like, I have n- I have no idea what the straight-

Big Bang Theory?

Big Bang Theory is, is s- straight, but it doesn't... Yeah, maybe. Honestly, something like that that is, like, sort of just, like, part of culture without... You never noticed it, or, or you never thought about it, but you know everything about it because you've been forced to learn by having eyes, you know?

I'm gonna look it up right now.See what good old ChatGPT has to say

... them pret- them pretending to like each other is their best acting job. That's the best-

[laughs]

That's the best acting they're ever gonna do. It's not even that believable, but it's, it's the best acting they're ever gonna do.

Okay, look, bro. I sa- I asked ChatGPT, "What is the equivalent of the Broadway play Wicked, but for straight people?" And it says, "Hamilton."

Yeah. Yeah, okay.

A massive universally appealing blockbuster musical, a cultural juggernaut, bada bing.

Bada bing.

Yeah, 'cause, 'cause, like, Lion King isn't dorky, it's just Lion King, you know?

Dude, I always for- I kinda forget about Hamilton. What an awful blemish-

[laughs]

... in our culture. What a fucking crazy... Like, we should never have made him fa-

[laughs]

Giving Lin Manuel- Manuel Miranda fame and money is one of the biggest mistakes we've made. That's up there with electing Trump for me.

And the, the... And it would... I would get mad because he would appear on, like, Curb Your Enthusiasm, I th-

Everywhere

... because he would infiltrate into these, you know, our, our nation's great minds, and they... And endear himself to them somehow. You know, it was like, uh, some type of, um, you know, little scam that you would fall for quietly and not talk about it, like.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I will give him credit though, he seems to have sorta disappeared.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Or at least he made his money and knew maybe that he had oversaturated the marketplace.

Smart. Most people don't know how to do that. Yeah, so good job, Charlie. Thank you for writing that. We need more stacking like that.

[laughs]

You wanna talk about the 100 grams of protein bowl at Sweetgreen?

[laughs]

There are a lot of people who are like, "You're talking about this on the podcast. If you don't, what does your podcast even mean?" You know?

I don't... I didn't read the GQ story, but the... I love the guy, the f- the p- the guy just being like, "I ate the Sweetgreen 100 gram [laughs] protein bowl and regretted it immediately." Like, he was just... He looked sick from the after picture.

Mm-hmm.

I mean, is- but is th-

And some people can't handle 100 grams of protein in one sitting, especially if you're a, a guy in a cubicle all day. It's more of a, a power lifter's meal, right?

Well, that, that was the, that was the question I was gonna ask you. I don't know anything about gram... The only grams I know about-

Hey

... aren't protein. Um, but I don't, I don't really understand. Like, o- obviously, f- based on the response, 100 grams is extreme, an extreme amount. That, that is not... But when I'm watching all these buff guys eat their fucking ground beef and cottage cheese and shit-

Mm-hmm

... like, is 100 grams light, or is 100 grams... You know what I'm saying? Is 100 grams light for, for a real one?

Right, right, right.

Or, or you know what I... I don't know where it falls.

I th- I think, I think 100 grams in one meal is, is a lot.

Okay, okay.

It's, it's excessive. And I think it's the type of thing where only certain people who need that much fuel for their fire should be consuming.

Sure. And most pe- yeah, and like you said, most people that work at, at KPMG don't need that.

[laughs]

Like, this is for professional athletes basically is what, is what it sounds like. But is it-

Well, I mean, either that or just, like, you know, you're... or, or you're a large person, or you require, you know, uh, a lot of fuel because of your job-

Sure

... whatever it might be, and not necessarily a CrossFit instructor.

Yeah, you know those... Yeah, you know th- [laughs] you know those construction workers are hitting Sweetgreen for the $30-

[laughs]

... 100 gram protein bowl and I... [laughs] Yeah, that, that's, you know-

Gotta have something to wash down the 7-11 br- breakfast pizza.

What is the... Okay, so what is... What's in it? Uh, is it all chicken? Is there a mix?

Let's see here. I'm not sure.

I haven't looked at... I've tried to avoid it because it kinda grosses me out.

Right, that much protein, pause, right?

Just, just the idea of... I just think that eating like that, as, as we said in, in one of our chats, like, eating like that is just so depressing to me.

Mm-hmm.

And the fact that it's become, like, quote-unquote, cool because it's, like, another trend on Instagram is just... It's, it's just gross.

Yeah. I agree. I mean, it, it is a little excessive, and I think, you know, for the... People say you're supposed to have... for every pound of weight you have on your body, you should be eating that, a gram equivalent of protein.

Sure.

So, you know-

So this is, in this case, this... Okay. So in theory, a 200 pound man-

So if you weigh, if you weigh 200 pounds-

You have to eat two of these

... you should be having-

[laughs] You have to eat two of these.

You j- you have to eat two of these. But, you know, spread out, that's, that's spread out through the entire day. That's breakfast, lunch, dinner, whatever, and that's you really cramming that stuff in because your body is really-

Of course

... you know, expelling so much energy.

But what... Okay, what's in the bowl?

I'm trying to fricking find it. I can't find it.

I'm gonna look at the stor- I'm gonna look at the GQ story from, from Tyler Chin here. Hold on.

Mm-hmm.

[laughs] I love this quote. It's so good. "However familiar the parts of this concoction, its sum was still impressive. At the risk of being obvious, 106 grams of protein is a lot of fucking protein."

Yeah.

Let's see. All right. "I learned the Power Max Protein Bowl includes four portions of roasted chicken, two portions of quinoa, two portions of spicy broccoli, and two portions of green goddess ranch."

Got it. Okay. Okay.

So basically, they, they just, they remixed it. They, they took ingredients they already had on hand and made it protein maxing.

Yes. And I think that, I mean, I'm sure it was because a lot of, you know, workout people who need a lot of protein for the crazy workout they just did are going in there and saying, "Let me get, you know, four servings of chicken," the same way they'll do it at Chipotle-

Chipotle, yeah

... or whereverwhere else, you know.

I wonder if y-

Broccoli is a, you know, it's a great, healthy, nutritious fiber. Quinoa, uh, you know.

Quinoa tastes c- quinoa-

Jurors out on quinoa

... quinoa is up there with matcha as far as tasting like dirt, but I-

[laughs]

I, I understand it, it has a place in the world.

People are afraid of rice nowadays. People are still afraid of rice.

I just find... I, I f- but I think that the Chipotle thing, a- and I've never experienced it, but it seems like it's sort of... The whole, the reason why that is popular is 'cause it's been sort of gamified online. It's not on the actual menu.

Right.

Like, people just go in there and order like that, so it, it became, like, a trend.

I think so. I think so, yeah.

Which seems like a smarter approach than marketing this, because now Sweetgreen's only gonna get killed for this 'cause it's gross.

Maybe yes, maybe no. I mean-It, the, the, the problem I feel like, uh, the main issue that I see with it is the same reas- or the same thing that happens with every, like, fast casual or fast food restaurant where, you know, the, the plating and the imagery and the marketing materials varies wildly from the actual product that you receive. You know, like-

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm

... when people do, like, "Here's what I got at McDonald's, and here's the ad that sold me on it," and one of them looks like it's been run over by a car, and one of them looks mouth-watering and delicious. When you make the food look really that mouth-watering and delicious and perfect in, on your marketing images, and then you get that viral thing that you're selling to go viral, and you realize it's not very photogenic or video friendly.

But that's every, that's every fast. That's, I mean, you know. You go to Wendy's, it ain't looking like that either. [laughs]

I know. Like I was saying, it's, it's every fast food restaurant and fast casual restaurant because, you know, it's just the... When it, when you're, when you're that big, you know, what a- what actually is gonna come out, it's, it's impossible to have control over-

Yeah, definitely

... every single thing. You know, Chef doesn't get to wipe the, wipe the plate with his little towel-

[laughs]

... for every, [laughs] every kale Caesar that goes flying out, um, off the robotic line.

I just, I guess I, I, as a p- as a person who's spent a lot of time in Sweetgreen in New York City, I ain't ever seen a surplus of guys that look like they need 106 grams of protein-

Mm

... at lunch.

Mm-hmm.

I would say, I would say it leans a little more, uh, feminine and maybe just a little smaller-

Mm-hmm

... in, in general body size. But I'm only, obviously my sample set is only from one location, so who am I to say? Maybe Midtown's a totally different ballgame.

Totally different ballgame, Chris. Go to the Sweetgreens I'm hanging out in, it's-

Oh, these guys are getting- [laughs]

... good-looking, attractive men who are really heavy.

[laughs]

Big guys. Not heavy from fat. Muscle actually weighs more than fat. Did you know that?

Huge guys. Huge guys.

[laughs]

Uh, we should talk about big, the, Don linking up with Maybach Zoe.

Uh, Donald Trump and Zoran Mamdani.

Yeah, they had a nice little link up. I, I, I think it's c- I think it's cool that-

They had a key in the Oval

... that Trump [laughs] folded like a napkin.

Right.

Do, do you think, 'cause I've seen so many people talking about it and, and why they think he did this, and I don't know if I have a theory or an answer or if he just likes winners. That's the best-

Like why Trump invited him or why Mamdani agreed to go?

I'm saying why he sort of made it... No, Mam- they both, he has to invite him, and Mamdani has to go. Like, both of those things are true. But I'm saying why do you think it was, it was so friendly and not contentious? A- and do you think that was something Trump was advised on, or do you think he just straight up likes winners and doesn't give a fuck and is happy to, like-

Right

... like, is it better for him to be nice to him? I don't, I don't really understand the, the reasoning.

Yeah, I mean, there, there, there could be a few different options. There could be, you know, he really believes that this guy is oozing rizz and charm, and he was legitimately wooed and won over by Zoran because he's, you know, he's an enigmatic personality, perfect politician, and that's just what he does. He was even e- easily able to take down Donald Trump. There's some of that. Uh, you know, my brain went to not so much did Trump's team or the powers that be advise him to make this copacetic, but more so the, the drugs that he is given at certain times of, of the day in certain dosages. Maybe they gave him the, you know, they sprinkled a little bit of molly water or a little tusi or something in there just to make his mood a little more jovial and agreeable and just kinda like, "Hey, it's all good, man."

I-

Like, no. I... Do you... I have a cigarette. No, your friend can have a cigarette too.

[laughs] It's all good.

Like, that kinda-

I wonder, I mean, it feels... 'Cause I know that Don is getting murdered on, like, you know, cost of living.

Yeah, and that, that's, that's the third, the, yeah, the third thing is, like, is my sinking ship gonna be able to float a few more months if I, if I tie-

Yeah

... my buoy to-

I just find it-

... this guy's boat 'cause he's zooming right now all the way down to Venezuela.

Those two hamming it up, though, is, is, is really funny. And I love that, [laughs] I love that [laughs] JD Vance had a stomach bug. [laughs]

[laughs]

He said, and not even, he said he might have a stomach... That's the literal quote. "I might have a stomach bug to avoid meeting." That's-

I might have to wash my hair that day.

That is so fucking funny to say I might have a s-

I might have a stomach bug is-

It's so good [laughs]

... you know?

It's so good.

I mean, that's, it's, it's good to have these reminders that our, our government is run by people with, you know, middle school level social skills-

It's so fu-

... and, uh, and strategies.

All of it, all of it is so funny. And, and I guess, I think to some people it's not surprising. To other people it... It was just a great, it was a great moment of everybody sort of being surprised-

Well-

... i- in, in a way

... who, who do you think it's, it's hurting more? Do you think the, the MAGA Trumpers are more upset-

MA- MAGA

... or do you think-

MAGA Trumpers

... all the, the libtards are more upset that he's hobnobbing with-

No, I think-

... their enemy?

I think that they don't love that. Jimmy Kimmel and his wife don't love that.

[laughs]

But they also know that it's, it's the president. Like, what the fuck you gonna do? Like, it- you have to... You know what I mean? That's sorta like a, I, I don't know how you avoid-Building with the president, if you're the mayor of the most important city in the world and you are trying to get things done.

Yeah.

Like, obviously you're not gonna see eye to eye, but part of being a politician is that, and we've forgotten this in the last, whatever, 10 years, but-

It's politicking.

Yeah. It's, they're literally politicking. But I don't-

Yo, what's your math, Don?

Yeah.

Yeah, well, okay, so, so you, you think it's a, it's more damaging to Trump than to, to Maybach's Zo.

I think yes. I think the real, like, Trump lovers are like, "What the fuck is he doing talking to this illegal?" is the vibes.

Do you think that Trump knows that he, that's gonna happen? [laughs] This illegal. Do you think Trump knows that's gonna happen bec- and he's doing it as a smoke screen to have people talking about anything but the Epstein files?

Epstein's already over. I think Ev- I think people, besides people-

He's, he's putting his head on a stake.

I think he's, I think it's-

One of his heads.

One, yeah. [laughs]

[laughs]

I don't, I don't think it's a distrac- I think it's, like, something that had to happen, and he hon- he handled it-

Yeah

... this is, this is the right, I don't know if he was advised on this, but this was the right thing to do. Like, you can't have him come to the White House after he just had that level of victory, and s- you've seen the way people love him, and then you make fun of him to his face. And Mamdani knew the same too. He, he knew the same, like, "I'm not gonna come in here and be like, 'Yo, your hands are fat, and you got bruises, and your hair looks like shit.'"

[laughs]

Like, you know what I mean? They both, they both sort of-

They're, they're, they're both successful politicians because they both knew they have to show up for this, and this is gonna happen-

Yes

... this is part of the game.

Yeah, easily yes.

And that's why JD Vance is not a real politician because he said, "Ooh, mm, I might have a stomach bug that day."

I had something weird last night.

That's why he was mean girling.

Yeah, he said, "I think-" [laughs]

Well, do you, okay, do you think that if Zo Khan, if Biryani Mamdani was the president, roles are reversed. If you, if he was president and Donald was just running New York City-

Yeah

... not all of Saudi Arabia, I mean the other way around, only the mayor of New York, would Don refuse to go tap in at the Oval Office, or would he even-

Great question

... even him-

Great question

... the most... Okay.

I think, I think everybody knows the president is the president, and you sort of, if you get the invite to the White House, you ain't hurting anybody but yourself if you don't go.

Okay, well, I will push back on that. Um, the Philadelphia Eagles, my Eagles, go Eagles, in, after they won the Super Bowl in 2018, they did not go visit the White House with Trump. Golden State Warriors, 2017, s- old Steph's-

They're not politicians, though.

True. But I mean, I'm saying people, people will refuse to go, and these are all people who-

I don't think politicians are in a position to refuse to go if you're trying to get something done. It's the president of the United States. A football player with nothing to lose-

Yeah

... like, who gives a fuck? I don't give, like, that tradition is stupid. Like, who gives a fuck? Like, why, I wouldn't wanna do that anyho- whoever the president is. I think if you're impressed with meeting the president, you got problems.

Yeah. So, so when Tom Brady ha- when Tom Brady thinks he has a stomach bug, it's less-

Yeah. [laughs]

... impactful.

I just don't, yeah, I mean, it's just like, a- athletes aren't smart. I don't care what they do out, all, out, I don't care what they do at all.

Almost all of them.

I don't care what they do at all.

Almost all of them.

But I definitely don't care what they do when they're not on the field or the court.

Damn, I, I got a good quote. Larry Bird, after he won, I don't know what year, but Re- Reagan was in office. NBA star Larry Bird declined an invitation to visit Ronald Reagan, saying, "If the president wants to see me, he knows where to find me." [laughs]

[laughs] Okay. That is very cool. And La- and Larry Bird-

Let that one cook

... Larry Bird said, has said that to his publicist after he had 14 Coors Lights too.

[laughs]

So it's not, that's coming from a good place. I wanted to talk about, um-

He said that right after he punched a, uh, punched another mirror.

I wanna... [laughs]

[laughs]

Oh, Larry, no one hated Larry more than Larry hated himself.

[laughs]

Um, I wanna talk about this, this Marty Supreme merch, uh, infection.

Okay.

What is a Revolve, Man, Jason? It's, oh, funny you ask.

What's a Revolve, Man?

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Genuinely, yeah. It's one of those things, we're all busy. Let's say we got an important dinner coming up at the end of the week. It's Tuesday. You're working every single day. You don't have time to go shopping and try clothes on and blah, blah, blah, or even just browse. You know, Revolve, it's all there. It's all curated for what you want, and then you click buy, you go to bed. Couple days later, that shows up in packaging that's a little nicer than the, the other places you're buying clothes from, and you've got a nice look for the big night out. And then you're like, "Wait a minute, I don't even have to return this because I enjoy this clothing and I wanna wear it again another time," versus all those dumb other websites. So whether it's a big night out, a wedding, a trip, or you just need something last minute that actually works, Revolve, Man always has it. Go to revolveman.com/howlong to shop and use code HOWLONG for 15% off your order. Free two-day shipping, easy returns. It just makes everything easier. That is revolve.com/howlong, and use the promo code HOWLONG to get 15% off your entire order. Offer ends soon. Don't sleep on it. And you don't need clothes too. You can get just, you know, a cool candle or an incense gift for a baby shower, whatever it is. Revolve.com/howlong.

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That's going on. So I, you know, we've talked about, uh, Timmy's sort of generational, uh, press run that he's been on. He's kind of... I mean, he's done everything. He's done it, I would say, almost perfectly. Uh, tip-topping it all off with the, the Druski, uh, Could Have Been Records auditions, which is the coolest thing anyone could do. But the merch and selling the merch to the dorks that would buy it feels, feels like a m- a, a rare misstep in the, in the Timmy-verse.

Right.

And I, I, I... Do you feel, do you feel the same? 'Cause to me, obviously Kid Cudi wearing it is not cool, but Tom Brady wearing it is funny and cool. But as soon as, uh, you see it on the streets of Bushwick, to me it just, it makes the movie feel less cool.

Yeah, it makes me want... I, I want that to happen after I've seen the movie, not before. I think that's the differential kind of thing. 'Cause back in our unk-ass era, a movie would come out, and then it would hit, and then everyone would start dressing that, as that, and doing the Halloween costume and quoting it and blah, blah, blah. We, you know, we didn't know so much about a film before it came out. You watched the trailer in the movie theater or on TV and you say, "That looks good, I wanna see it."

Mm.

The, the, the lead up and the rollout and the amount of work that has to be done to get a movie just out of the red, the whole thing is, is fucked out and, and all the juices have been squeezed out of the-

I mean, I don't-

... the whole property before it even plays.

No, I, that's f-

So-

That part, I mean, like, there's just more places to do press, you know what I mean? Obviously, like, you gotta go do fucking Hot Ones and Subway takes and now New York Times Cooking has... And the fake tiny desk and-

Yeah. Well, I mean, long story short, you have to ruin a film just to have it be a s- financial success.

But do you have to sell something? That's the question.

Mm.

Selling yourself and trying to sell what you're promoting is a classic... That's how the world works. This new edition of making money is different because i- it's, it didn't ex- it didn't exist before, really.

Mm-hmm. Well-

It definitely not in the way it does now.

What you me- you mentioned is it, it doesn't make the movie less cool when you see somebody walking around with the, in, in Bushwick or whatever with that merch. Is it more excusable when you see them walking around in Oklahoma City or Portland, Oregon or, or a more tertiary market where you're like, "Oh, this makes sense"?

Well, I don't think they could get it... I don't think they sold it online. I think it was only in New York.

Okay.

That's the other thing. Yes-

Right

... it would in theory. I mean, I just don't think that...

[laughs]

I don't know. For me, obviously, you know, I, I don't need to be a part of a movie subculture. Like, I don't think that's cool. Like, I, I don't... It, it just doesn't resonate with me at all. But-

Mm-hmm

... I thought that when he, when he was wearing it and it was like, "What's going on?" Like, we, we talked about here, I thought it might actually be Supreme.

Yeah.

Because that's how popular he is at this point and like-

And it looks like something that Supreme would make

... and it's so cool, and then you come to find out it's, you know, it's not that, and then I saw a guy on the street literally in Brooklyn wearing it with a little fucking, you know, with a little mullet and, and his Carhartts on, and I was like-

[laughs]

... Jesus, Jesus Christ, like, this just went from the most anticipated film... It still is, of course, but I, I just don't know if... I don't know. I just feel like it-

I'll, I'll still go see it, but I will be less excited about see- seeing it, and I might be a little more, you know, I might have the hoodie up as I'm walking out-

When I saw-

... of the theater. I might be a little more embarrassed.

When I saw Tom Brady post on Instagram, I was like, "This is so funny and cool." Tom Brady wearing it, like, that's so weird and stupid. Like, that's really funny. But as soon as you see, as soon as there's a lineup for it and it's, like, people that are just thirst... I don't know. It just doesn't feel, it doesn't feel like the right thing to do, you know?

[laughs]

You could've just put it online after the movie comes out, and you still would've made the same amount of money if not, you know, 10 times more because it was a, a wider audience.

I, I think it's the power of Timmy. I think he's, he knows-

Definitely

... how to get this stuff done, and unfortunately, some of it is not cool and it's dorky. And then the, the, the gatekeepers have been like, "C- cool, we've been losing billions of dollars every year-

Totally

... for the last few years."

Might as well put a dent in it.

Let's let this fucking kid's ideas, let, let 'er rip, see what this guy's got.

Yeah, let's [laughs]...

And it's, the problem is it's working. He's just saying like, "Oh, why don't you just do it this way instead?" And they're like, "Oh, well, I just, I couldn't sleep at night if I did that." And he's like, "Whatever, who cares?" And the rest of the world is like, "Yeah, whatever, who cares?" And he's right.

And he's right. I mean, that's the problem. He's definitely right. He's totally right. He's totally right.

But then the problem is Timmy, as long as he stays a good-hearted young man, everything will be fine, but if he realizes his power and he sort of doesn't need MGM and Paramount and Warner Brothers or A24 or anything, he can just say like, "Hey, Tom Brady, give me $100 million. I have a dope idea for this movie." And he's like, "All right, bet. Let's do it. Run it up." And he's like, "I'll promote the whole thing, and it'll be guaranteed." And everyone's like, "Cool, great." And now why do I need a movie studio?

I mean, making a movie is a lot of fucking work. It's the same way people are like-

[laughs]

... I w- I, I wanna be on a major 'cause they do all-

Would you rather get paid by Timothee Chalamet or, you know, Jeff Bezos?

Well, this is what I've talked about musician- They're like, "I'm gonna have to pay somebody to do the work, so I'd rather the record label handle it than me have to deal with it every day." You know what I'm saying? Like, somebody... Like, it's not like I can't-

Hey, hire an accountant.

I mean, sure, if... I, I just don't think... That, I think that is an extreme example, but I also think that, I think that Timmy will... I mean, eventually the, something is gonna gotta give. Like, you can't have hit after hit. Nobody does, you know?

Mm. Sure.

This is not-

Sure, sure.

This will be a hit. This will be, definitely be a hit. I have no, I have no question.

It'll be, it'll be a hit if his-... SD Kid, uh, rapping career takes off, it might hurt his, uh, screenplay green light-

That-

... green lighting and things like that

... that's, I also wanted to talk to you about, um, your buddy Donald Glover. Um-

Yeah

... musician, actor, loser. He, um-

[laughs] Donald

... he played, I, I saw somebody call Flog Na, Flog Na Naw [laughs] which is pretty funny, yesterday.

[laughs]

Um, and I guess he had had some health issues, and that's why he had been, like, you know, whatever. There's, he hadn't polluted the world with any more Childish Gambino. But he made some canceled trading cards at, for the merch stand, and it's Diddy, R. Kelly, and Target, but then Drake is also featured, and I, I just wasn't-

[laughs]

I wasn't, I thought Drake was-

Okay, now I know-

I, I need-

... why you've got a little extra venom for my man Gambino

Well, I, no, I've, I've always, I've always hated Donald Glover. That's on record. But I, I think that, I think that Drake obviously is out of favor after losing the battle to Kendrick Lamar. There's no question there.

[laughs]

But I thi- I don't think he, I don't think he belongs in the, in the rankings with Diddy and R. Kelly and Target, for Christ's sake.

I lo- I love your Victorian logic. "I'm not canceled, I'm simply out of favor."

I don't under- I mean, doesn't that feel a little extreme? Does it, doesn't feel like, I mean, he's had 100-

It's a shot. He's taking a shot

... Donald Glover can't, bro, Donald Glover can't take a shot at anybody. Come on, bro.

He just did. What's Drake gonna do about it?

He's shooting blanks. I mean, D- D- Donald Glover is, is one of the least cool people to ever exist in sort of-

[laughs]

... in the Hollywood canon. But and, and people say the same thing about Drake, but, but Donald Glover's had a couple songs that people like, and Drake's had 100. I just don't think, I don't understand why you would classify him with people that are in jail. [laughs] That's all, that's all I'm saying. You could say he sucks-

Yeah

... but I don't know if, I don't know if, I don't know if he belongs in the same arena.

Okay. Well, don't come for my Kels, okay? He's the one, he's a real singer, not like your Lil Aubrey. But, you know, I, I think that, uh, w- when we're, when we're attacking other people, when we're creating these, quote-unquote, "beefs" that may or may not be real or, or fake or fabricated-

We don't know anything about that. We don't know anything about that. [laughs]

You know, that's something I was thinking about recently, about, like, we need to do more open, like, podcast beefs because, I mean, that's what every other industry is doing to, to move their needles, and-

Well, how much time do you have? I can explain to you that Akash Singh is being cucked by his wife from Flagrant 2, but I don't know if, I don't know-

[laughs]

... if our listeners wanna hear about that, so.

I don't know any of those word, those words are not in the Bible.

It's, it's cool. You should, I'll send you a link. It's a pretty funny, it's a pretty funny thing. But, but-

Okay

... I agree, every other industry does benefit from this.

So if he, if he's having a harmless beef with somebody, first of all, he's punching up, which is why it's, um, Trust Me at The Top, It Isn't Lonely. Drake is, is at the top still.

Mm.

So if you're gonna send shots to somebody, that's punching upwards, not punching down, so people are mo- most people are gonna be okay with it. If he's coming for a young-

Totally. Totally, totally

... young broke rapper, people are gonna be like, "That's not cool, Donald Glover. You have millions of dollars." So there's that part, and then also, you know, he m- he made $80,000 selling Drake is a, is a canceled playing cards at a music festival at Dodger Stadium. So, like-

Hey, t- totally

... that's funny.

No, I think it's funny.

I mean, I'm, and I'm not defending. I'm only, I'm only playing childish advocate [laughs] just for the sake of-

Chill, chill, chill

... good podcasting.

I think he's trying to say that Drake is a childish advocate, and that's the problem.

[laughs]

Chill, chill, chill, chill, chill. But I, I just-

What a kid's ad-

But it is funny. No, of course it's funny. It's hila- it's hilarious

... vlog on with the children. That's what he says down in the St. Barts.

It's hilarious. It's, it's very, very funny. But I just was, I was just like, this guy, like, I, who's buying that? Do you know what I mean? It's definitely funny, but I don't know if he made 80,000-

A lot of people, a lot of people are gonna buy that. A lot of people. I mean-

I don't know. I think they'd buy a chi- sadly, they'd rather wear a Childish Gambino hoodie so people can see it-

[laughs]

... than keep their canceled cards in their notebooks.

Look, I'm just talking about merch markups.

Canceled cards.

You know?

It's, it's funny. It's funny. It's really fucking funny. I have to give him-

Yeah

... credit on that.

And he said that he had a, he had, like, a, a heart attack or a stroke.

Seizure

... and then he went, he went to-

Oh, no, he had a stroke. Yes, you're right. It was a stroke, and then he thought-

He had a stroke. He went to the hospital, and they're like, "Yeah, bud, man, you had a stroke," kind of thing, which is, you know, I hope if I ever have one, it'll be one of those things where you find out afterwards and not where you have to go to the ambulance.

I mean, he's so, he's, he's very young for a stroke, but I guess when you're making-

Yeah

... you know, under, when you're under that much pressure, it, it, things will come for you a little quicker.

Yeah, and he, he had, he had a quote-

Yeah, that shit's scary

... that said, like, "Un- until you see your, your second life-"

Mm-hmm

... "you, you don't realize that you only have one."

Yeah, I mean, I, I'm sad that that, I'm, I'm upset-

Which is, like, you know, it's a very Gambino thing to say

... I'm sad that that happened to him because it's scary, and I, but he's still somehow the corny... He can even make that sound corny and not harrowing-

[laughs]

... which is a, that's a skill in and all, in itself, in itself. I, um, I went to see-

[laughs]

... Geese, uh, at Brooklyn Paramount, which I hadn't been to Brooklyn Paramount. It is very fucking nice. Um-

Okay

... but so I, I go to Brooklyn Paramount.

Big, it looked like a b- I saw some photos. Big, big-ass room, yeah?

S- they did two nights. I went to night two. It was a very, it's-

Okay

... yes, it's big. Um-

Okay

... and I was upstairs with a bunch of, you know, a bunch of friends of the show were, were in the building.

Was the balcony powered by any brands, or it was just regular old VIP?

I think it was just regular. I didn't see any, I didn't see any signage.

Good.

Well, first of all, Willie, who manages Geese, and Cameron, his dad, he introduced me to his dad.

There wasn't, like, an Airmail lounge up there or anything like that? [laughs]

I don't think. Not at the G- not at the Geese show.

[laughs]

Willie introduced me to his dad, and his dad, who's, like, a, you know, a full-grown adult man, like, I think lives in New York City, was like, "Wait, Chris Black from, from How Long Gone?" And I was like-

Whoa

... "Yeah, man." And he goes, "Oh, yeah, I really like the episodes when you guys have a guest." [laughs]

Wow.What the f-

And Will-

That's some shots, bro

... and Willie was like, "Dad, you're out of fucking pocket." It was so funny.

[laughs]

It was so funny, 'cause the dad definitely thought he was being really nice. He did not understand. It was so funny. I, I really appreciated it. I really appreciated it.

Okay, so that, what do you, did you, did you catch his name? I don't remember.

I don't, no, I don't. I-

Okay

... I did not catch his name. I mean, I-

Hey, Daddy, if you're listening right now, you're the first person who's ever said that.

[laughs] Yeah.

Usually people say-

That's what I told him. That's what I told him. I was like, "Willie-"

Usually the real fans are like, "We love it, the one-on-one episodes more so. You know, you don't need to be talking to another bitch-ass writer about another bitch-ass book." And this guy's like, "Hey, you guys kinda suck. The little first 15 where you guys talk about your little collagen powders and, uh, Barry's Bootcamp-"

That's my f-

... "that shit's stupid. When you talk to Liz Phair about what her kids had for dinner-"

That's what I want.

Let's go.

The good stuff. So w- I'm standing at-

Hey, man

... Geese starts playing.

Mm-hmm.

And I'm standing there. Kenny, Kenny Beats, Kenny Bloom.

Producer of the, of the Geese record.

Producer of the Gee- producer of the Geese album. And I, our-

It's basically like you're, you're hanging out with Suge Knight at the Chronic Tour of 2001.

[laughs] Yeah, exactly. Thank you. Thank you for making it sound-

Just saying, it's an audio podcast

... as cool as it is

... gotta get visual with it.

[laughs] All right, so I'm, I'm with Kenny, and we're, we haven't seen each other in a while, so we're just chopping it up, talking, you know what I mean? And we're kinda standing a little bit behind everyone who's really locked in, you know?

Uh, so the-

And-

Is this while the band is playing or in between songs?

Yes, this is... No, this is while the band is playing.

Okay, okay.

This is while the band is playing. Kenny and I are catching up, and a, a, a gentleman standing next to me, and let me describe him for... He had, he of course had a mullet, a little mullet.

[laughs]

And he was wearing a, a chore coat that probably was, like, of an Urban Outfitters level. And then I think this says it all, Jason. He had a, a, a canned IPA in the pocket of his chore coat open.

Mm.

So he didn't have to hold it, so he's putting, he placed the beer into his pocket as sort of a holding-

Yeah

... you know, instead of having to use his hands.

Very Geese show coded behavior.

Very Geese show. He, so he leaned over to me and said, "Hey, man, could you guys be quiet? I really like this band, and I've been looking forward to this show for a long time."

[laughs]

And I was so taken aback that I didn't even... I, I didn't have time to be like, "Shut up, bitch." You know what I mean?

[laughs]

I didn't have time to say anything, and then I realized that if I would've been alone or with someone else, I just, I'm very glad I was with Kenny. I didn't embarrass him. As, as, since he is, since he is part, since he is the architect-

Oh, okay, okay

... I didn't, I would, it would've been bad if I-

Yeah

... called this guy a name or told him to get the fuck out of my face like I normally would've.

So you're, so we're taking this as a win.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. [laughs] We're ta- exactly.

Chris successfully knew how to act in this situation, and you're proud of yourself.

I'm, I wouldn't, I, I'm more disappointed in the guy for not understanding that you cannot say that to someone at a loud-ass...

[laughs]

Like, this is a, this is a, a band playing on a giant stage. You know what I mean? This isn't, we're not at the symphony. This isn't, this isn't-

Yeah

... this isn't the ballet.

They're howling. They're screaming.

Yeah.

We got bombs in the car. The, everyone's yelling.

People are moshing, you know what I mean? Half the crowd is on cocaine.

Right.

It's not, this isn't the right environment to shush someone, and I was just kinda stunned.

Okay, so w- we're, you and, you and Kenny Beats, couple of tall guys, so no, you know, are you able to go lean into the ear and, and tell things?

We were doing that.

'Cause I don't, I don't, I-

We weren't, we weren't just screaming into the void. We were-

Yeah, 'cause you, you are not a, you are not a concert yeller.

No, not at all.

And I don't think Kenny is unless he's, like, gone off the hen.

No. [laughs] Yeah, yeah. He's at the, maybe at the Rico Nasty show the behavior's different, but at the Geese show-

A little bit different, yeah

... he knows how to b- so we're having-

So you guys are leaning in, talking directly into someone's ear while a very loud band is playing-

Yes

... on a huge sound system.

Yes. And I would never be, like, I would obvi- I would never wanna disrespect someone playing. I do think that's rude, and I, I wouldn't wanna do that. But I think this guy was bitch-made-

Mm

... and felt like he... Like, "Hey, bro, if you wanna have the private Geese concert, get your money up. This, this ain't where you're at, bro."

[laughs]

"If you want to, if you wanna get the invite to the Chase Sapphire private Geese show where they covered Leonard Cohen or whatever, you better f-" But he was, he was in VIP, but he was, I guess he wasn't V- VIP.

Mm.

So I was a little... I, I didn't, I didn't know what... I just feel like, like, I don't ever, when, when, and you don't either, when someone's, you know, watching TikTok without headphones on a fucking airplane or a train, you don't say anything 'cause you don't wanna get into a fight.

Right.

You, you recognize it-

Mm-hmm

... but you don't say anything 'cause it's like who knows what's gonna happen. I don't wanna get hit in the head with a DS II.

[laughs]

You know? And this guy-

He's behaving like somebody who hasn't been really checked before.

Exactly. The confidence this guy had with telling me-

'Cause he from New Hampshire

... to stop talking when a, a fucking loud band is playing is... I've just, that audacity, I would never do that under any circumstance. I would simply scoot over because everyone gets to have their own experience at the show. It's like it, it, it, it doesn't... You know what I mean? It's just like you can't police that kind of behavior at a, at a, a venue with 3,000 people in it.

There, yeah, there's, there's two modes. You either take the high road and say, "You know what? These guys are annoying me."

Yeah.

"I've really been looking forward to this Geese show, and I got a, you know, a blah, blah," you know, "and I'm going to enjoy it. I'm gonna walk 10 feet in any direction and get away from them, and I will never have to think about these two people ever again." The other option is you have to confront them in a offensive way. You have to say, "Can you guys shut the fuck up? I'm trying to watch the show." Like, you, you can't, you can't just say, like, "Hey, guys, I've been really-"

Yeah, you can't hit me with the-

"... hoping"

... the soft boy therapy speak when you're trying-

There's nothing in the middle. It has to be like-

Yeah

... "I am w- I am ready. I'm, I'm so upset about this that if it comes to it, I'm okay with fighting," or, "I'm just gonna walk away 'cause this person's annoying the shit out of me." It could be two guys talking. It could be a drunk guy puking, and you just want... Versus just like, "What the fuck are you doing, bro?" Like, you just, you just walk away.

If he would've said that, I would've been like, "All right."I wanna ... You're right.

[laughs]

If he's like, "Hey, hey, Big Bird, shut the fuck up," I'd be like, "All right, all right."

"Guys, can we shut up? I'm trying to watch this show, guys."

Yeah, there's ... I just-

If you say it like that, you're like, "All right. Respect."

It was just a very interesting ... I, it really put me, it put me off.

But I th- I think, I think young, young people, you know, oftentimes social situations because of whatever reasons that they've been brought up with and everything that they've consumed and been learned and taught and all that stuff, there's just certain, like, practices like that that are, if we don't talk about them, are gonna be lost. Just, [laughs] just like how they, we have to preserve the recipes of our ancient forefathers.

Yeah. We, we have to pres- [laughs] preserve the recipes of social behavior.

Uh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it's like, hey, guys, you don't ... This is ... We, we figured out how to do this, like, thousands of years ago. Here's how you do it. Works every time. And then people are like, "But that runs the risk of being offensive." And then everyone's like, "Yeah, who cares?"

Yeah. If he said this to, like, a drunk fucking barista.

[laughs]

It, best case scenario is saying it to me and, and Kenny, honestly. Best case scenario.

Yeah. I mean, I would've just been giggling the whole time. That would've been me.

I, I did. Well, Kenny was like, "Oh, I thought that was your homeboy."

[laughs]

And I was like, "I would never hang out with somebody who would say something like that, first and foremost." He was like, "I literally thought that guy was your friend and was saying that to you 'cause you knew each other."

Mm-hmm.

And I was like, "You wish." You, you would hope that that would be the only reason to talk like that to a stranger.

And now, now I'm thinking, I'm wondering w- if there has been a situation where I had a can of beer in my jacket pocket like that. I'm sure it's happened before.

Maybe if you're, maybe if you're apple picking upstate, you know, your hands are full or what, you know, maybe-

I was thinking a little more Godspeed You Black Emperor show, but we can-

Okay. Sure

... we can do apple picking. Yeah.

Either ... Well, those are two sides of the same coin.

Mm-hmm.

This, the guy that was at the Godspeed You Black Emperor show with a beer in his jacket is the same guy now that's going apple picking with the, with the beer in his jacket.

Yeah.

That's the thing.

If you move from maple syrup to apple cider.

Oh, damn. Damn.

Yeah.

Really makes you think.

That went ... It, it was a, it was a Queb- Quebecois to a, an, uh, upstate New York pipeline.

We gotta tap the Rockies. We gotta tap the Rockies.

Um, couple other thing. You w- we, you, you mentioned Jimmy Kimmel earlier. Um, his, his wife and Bill Maher got a little tiff going on. See, this is p- this is part of the beef that I was talking about moving the needle.

I mean-

So basically Kimmel, or, um, uh, Bill Maher was calling her out for-

Yeah, because she was on her, she's on her, like, disown all family members that disagree with you politically.

She said i- it ain't, uh, it ain't nothing to cut a family member off if they're full MAGA because we're clearly in a fight against Donald Trump, who's trying to cancel my family's show.

[laughs] I, I mean-

Which, which I think is a, a, a fine thing to defend and stand up for. But then I, I read more and she gave these certain family members, like, a 10 question-

It's crazy

... ultimatum document. And basically, like, you know, if you did not pass this quiz or whatever, adios kinda thing.

How do we get to a point where you can't, like, have a holiday meal with someone you don't agree with for an hour and a half?

Fox News, I guess.

I ... No, totally. And I, I'm sure that her family members are awful.

Red Scare?

Uh, yeah. [laughs]

Just kidding. [laughs]

I also, I also just don't, just don't talk to them then. Why does it have to be, like, a thing? Like, if you don't wanna talk to somebody, you don't talk to them. You don't have to make it like-

So you're ... So we're saying don't break up with your racist cousin, just ghost them.

Yeah. You don't have to ... Like, if, if somebody is that far down the rabbit hole, they ain't trying to hear from you anyway. They don't care what you have to say about it. They're not, their mind isn't gonna be changed, which is fine.

That's what I was thinking.

Don't go to the-

If you really are a, an anti-lib MAGA person, you should be stoked to not have to go. The only, the only-

Yeah. [laughs]

... the only factor-

Yeah, this is sick

... is like, "I'm poor, and they're, they're rich, so every time we go over to their house-"

Imagine, imagine being-

... you know, we're liv- we're living large

... imagine being like a, living in a trailer park in Missouri and your fucking cousin-

[laughs]

... who's got a f- half a billion dollars and lives in Beverly Hills and husband is famous is sending you a fucking Google Doc questionnaire about your-

[laughs]

... beliefs so she can decide whether she cuts you off or not. It's pretty crazy when you think about it that way.

Yeah. You know what'd be cool? She sends you, it's the, it's your boarding pass. It's a QR code for your-

[laughs]

... Delta one flight from Missouri International to, to LAX. But first there's a little CAPTCHA. Yes, no, I'm not a robot. Just answer this, a quick Google Form, just 10 questions.

Dude, that's so funny.

And then if you answer it correctly, your boarding pass-

We're actually ... Yeah, we-

... will be revealed.

We did, we did rent the house in Cabo again for the holidays. Here's your tick-

[laughs]

Just, just click on this link, and if you answer a few questions-

[laughs]

... we can make sure to get you signed up. Uh, there, the chef is coming back. It's gonna be super fun. It's gonna be super fun.

It's like, um, it's, it's in the realm of an NDA, where you're like, "Hey-

Yeah

... I'm gonna invite you to Thanksgiving. Just, uh, initial here, initial here, sign here that you will not mention politics, January 6th, Pizzagate, blah, blah, blah."

[laughs]

"If so, you understand and agree by signing here that you will be asked to leave." You know what I mean? That, uh, that's not that ... I, I kinda like the idea of that almost.

I mean, it's funny. The whole thing is funny, but it's just, like, it's just so self-serious. And like not ... It's just, it seems ... Like, you have to understand the point of privilege that you have to cut off family mem- You know what? It just seems crazy to me, to be that rich-

But in 2025, yeah

... and that's what you're worried about, and that's what you're worried about.

But what, what is family in 2025? You know what I mean? Be- fir-

Who cares? If I-

[laughs]

If I have that much money, I'm dodging taxes. I don't give a fuck what my cousins are doing.

[laughs]

I'm fucking taking up residence in Dallas and Nashville so I don't have to fucking ... Like, what are you worried about? Like-

But, but I'm, I'm saying if, if, you know, for since the dawn of man, family has been very important because that is your core group and your people. But now because of the World Wide Web and social media-

Yeah

... we all have our chosen families and people all over the world that we've become real family members with. So if, if a chunk of your blood literal family is like-very racist and are awful people, or just you just don't like them for whatever reason and they don't like you, great. Cut 'em off.

Yeah. You're on the, you're on the private plane with Jennifer Aniston going to the beach. Like, you don't need to worry about your cut-

Yeah

... like, you're not changing their mind, they're not changing your mind. Let's just walk away. It's all good. It's all good. It doesn't need to be any more than that. Like-

Mm-hmm. And also, if I'm, if I'm a MAGA bro, just because your cousin fucked my sister doesn't mean I'm gonna ride or die for you. I don't really think Jimmy Kimmel's that funny.

No, he- no, definitely not. I, I don't think that either.

He was g- he was good on The Man Show.

[laughs]

[laughs]

He used to be good, and then he lost weight, and, you know, I don't know, it just didn't work, it doesn't work the same. He can't deliver the jokes the same.

Yeah.

Um-

Kept employing that chef who was on Epstein's plane 7,000 times.

Oh, I forgot about that. Yeah, your, your-

The great pit master, though

... your hands ain't clean. Your hands ain't clean, Jimmy. Uh, even-

No

... even though you're using the nicest soap over, [laughs] over there in Brentwood.

Covered in some of those beef rib sauce.

How Long Gone. Thank you guys for listening. Uh, happy Thanksgiving to those who celebrate. And, uh, we'll be back this week with, with a few podcasts, um, to keep you occupied when you're with your MAGA family members.

I'm gonna, I'm gonna eat a, a sweet green protein bowl. I'm gonna show you how to do it all in one sitting, not like a little bitch.

Yeah, you can't, you can't take that shit back to the office refrigerator. You gotta finish that shit in one sitting like a man.

Show you how it's done. And then lastly, one quick question fashion-wise. Do you, is there anything that you can do to de-itch a sweater? Not to go menswear guy on you, but if I, I just got a great sweater, a J. Crew vintage XL tee. Fits me like a glove, perfecto, but it's got a little scratch to it.

Unfortunately, this is a Jason problem. You just gotta nut up. It sucks. We, we've all dealt with it before. The only thing I can say, which is not really applicable for the Los Angeles, uh, temperatures, is wearing a long-sleeve tee underneath it to keep you covered.

Condom layer. I'll do, I mean, I'll do my, um, my Uniqlo heattech.

Yeah, you could do a heattech. Yeah, for sure.

It's a barely there layer. Actually, Skims should make, like, shirt condoms for s- for itchy sweaters.

For itchy sweaters. [laughs] Yeah, that's, yeah, that's a good-

Kim, I know you're listening.

It's a small, it's a small but vocal group [laughs] that, that are looking-

Put North on the phone. [laughs]

That are lo- yeah. Put Northy on the phone. She's in development.

[laughs]

Um, great question, though. Uh, all right. Thank you for listening. HowLongGone.com is the website. And we will talk to you guys soon. Bye-bye.

If they want it, cowards get it. They still wonder how I did it. Now y'all with it. These niggas see how I spit it. Huh, these bitches see how I get it. You can hear my coupe a block away. Bitches be yelling, "Let me ride," like they swooping Dr. Dre.

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