886. - Chris & Jason

All right, uh, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Stateside with Kai and Carter, a new podcast from The Guardian, and they are using this podcast to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions that we all have about what's happening in the world, and they do it three times a week. Jason, does that sound familiar to you?

We don't really talk about, you know, a lot of international global news items and climates and cultures and sports and things like that. We do talk about fashion and wellness, but for everything else, Kai and Carter are a great place.

All right, so who couldn't use more news? Listen wherever you get your podcasts or watch on YouTube. [upbeat music] How Long Gone. It is a beautiful Sunday. We're inching towards Christmas, Jesus's birthday.

Happy B-Day. Yeah, we were just discussing right beforehand, you know, the, the fellas is a gay discourse, is it... At a certain point your Wi-Fi speeds can be too high and too strong where it's suspect, right?

I... Oh, 100... Yeah, if your Wi-Fi is too fast, it... I have questions.

Mm-hmm.

As a man. As a man.

Just what's going on in there, you know?

No woman has ever dealt with Wi-Fi speed. That's what keeps them beautiful and, and, and pure, is that they don't worry about shit like that. That's a man's job.

Yeah, women put the Y in Wi-Fi, am I right? [laughs]

[laughs]

They don't know shit. Stupid. Um, yeah, we're just, uh, days away from our holiday break. We got Christmas Eve Eve coming up soon in just a couple days. It's gonna be raining in LA for all of these days-

Oh, really?

... which is not good for my, my holiday schedule.

Well, I mean, yeah, Orange County in the rain is not a- as romantic as, as I would like it to be.

Yeah, it's-

Is my guess

... it's hard to, to look over, get a, get a, a lychee martini at The Montage and overlook-

[laughs]

... you know, gray skies.

I remember a couple years ago when we were in LA and we drove a convertible to your house on Christmas Eve, and I was like, "Damn, this is how good life can be."

Right?

I was like, "I didn't know, I didn't know it was like this." But it can't be like that every year.

No, it cannot. Um, let's see. So there, there's a bunch of cool stuff in the news relevant to our interests. We, we covered some stuff as we recorded a little special that's gonna come out soon, but we can kind of talk more about that and then, um-

Well, I mean, I, I t- I f- we, we would be remiss to not start off with, um, the end of Bowen Yang's tenure-

Mm-hmm

... over at SNL. I watched it. I watched some clips.

I haven't. Well, I'm gonna watch it tonight, famously.

I didn't watch Cher, obviously, 'cause that's crazy to me. She lip, she lip-synced her way through it as, as she should. I think Cher's earned her right to lip-sync.

Oh, for sure. For sure.

I don't... People get mad about that. I'm like, "Dude, she's a legend. Just let her. Who cares?" Like, she's not there because she can sing, she's there because she's Cher.

But she used to be able to sing very well. I mean, I'm sure she obviously can st- still sing well, but she's of that generation, you know, '60s, '70s, when you h- you had to be able to sing, dance, play four instruments.

Totally.

You know? You had to be a, a real true entertainer and a true talent, and that kinda stuff doesn't, you know... Now, it's like, "Can you dance? Good. Doesn't matter if you can sing. Can you sing? Good. Doesn't matter if you can dance." And that's, that's about it.

You can pick one. You can pick one. I, I would agree with you.

Yeah, like the, the, that band The Carpenters, like the, the f- the b-

Yeah, yeah

... the sister and brother. Like, the, the girl drummer of The Carpenters was, like, you know, 16 and just a world-class jazz drummer, you know?

It's, it's cool. They don't make 'em like that anymore.

You had to, and you had to be able to sing and dance and choreo and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

They did, they did, um, they did do a Cameron Winter, a quick Cameron Winter bit, which I thought was really-

Really?

Well, they did, like, a holiday duet thing, and one of them was Cameron Winter and Benson Boone, and the, the, the gag is that Benson Boone just flips and breaks something. He doesn't... You never s- you never see him sing. [laughs]

Got it.

But it was a funny, it was a funny, like... And they got the guy, like the indie guy that, like, lives in Brooklyn to do-

Right, right, right

... to do, the guy who plays Trump.

Damn, that's a big, that's a big l- big move.

But Bowen Yang's send-off-

To do, uh, to do Cameron on there.

Yeah. Well, it was, look, it was, like, it was, like, one of seven. So it was, like-

Still

... a low-risk kind of inclusion.

Still, you know, that's... Your, your up- your stock has risen if they're spoofing you on SNL.

No, totally. Totally. But the Bowen send-off was a, he was working in the Delta One Lounge. So I really wanted to like it. Um, but-

So send-off meaning, like, that was his last one? His last skit?

Yeah, basically the, the, the, it was like he was retiring from working at the Delta Lounge, but it was obviously about him leaving SNL.

Hmm. Like it's his last day at the Delta Lounge kind of thing.

And Ariana Grande was his wife, and Cher came out as his boss.

Mm-hmm.

And I'm like, you know what? Like, that's too much. Is he really gay royalty on that level to get the Cher and Ari send-off? I, I don't, I didn't realize that, honestly. That seems like the hallowed halls to me.

Yeah. But with, uh, with SNL, it's kinda s- slim pickings. It's, in the world of SNL he is, he is on that level. But I guess in the world of everything else in the world, he's still, you know, not a big dog just quite yet-

I guess he might be-

... in the, in the hallowed gay halls

... he might be top 10 gays right now for some people. I wouldn't do, I wouldn't give him that, but I think for some people that's possible. If they live in the West Village and they like matcha, I think it's really possible.

So I guess more, more importantly, let us speculate why he's leaving.

Oh, I, I know why he's leaving, 'cause he thinks he's a, gonna be a movie star. That's why anybody leaves SNL.

[laughs]

They think they're bigger than that show. And to some e- and sometimes it works.

Mm-hmm.

And for every, you know, and for every Will Ferrell, you have a Sherry Oteri or whatever-

[laughs]

... you know, that doesn't, doesn't really, doesn't, doesn't really hack it out there in Hol- And I, I mean-

Yeah, but I think with Sherry, she's one of those people, and I don't wanna get too far into it, but she, I don't know if she may... She may have left when it was time for her to leave and not, like-Before her time to pursue a famous acting movie career

I think she-

Or whatever it may be.

Yeah, but I also think her characters were, like, household names at a certain point.

Mm-hmm.

And I don't know if-

They don't have those anymore

... that happens anymore.

No.

Yeah, I don't know if that happens anymore, but I, I think that, um, I think he thinks he's gonna be a movie star, and he, maybe he will, but I think that the way h- he is, quote unquote, funny, um, it really works on SNL. I don't know how that works in Wicked Part VI.

Right, right, right.

You know what I'm saying? Like, I don't know how that... Like, I think that's the... It's like, it's like when we talk about Druski. Druski's really good at skits. That's what he should do.

Mm-hmm.

Like, he probably shouldn't be trying to be in movies. Can- they, they clearly don't do well.

And he should not be doing stand-up. There's, there's just different forms of it. He might excel at stand-up, but probably not, you know? The sa- and Dave Chappelle excels at stand-up, but when he's on SNL, I would... He's not the, the greatest ensemble actor.

No, I don't... I mean, I, I don't-

Could be worse, though

... I just think that, like, I get it. SNL sucks schedule-wise, and the money's probably kinda mid, but, like-

Money, yeah, money's probably mid. I, I think that it's, to me it's less of a testament of him being too big for the show because of his inflated ego or, you know, whatever his schedule happens to be right now, where it literally is bigger. But I think it, it shows just how low SNL is right now to where, you know, you c- you can only take so many weeks of, of just being the only thing that people really seem to care about on a show that's just flailing and flopping and, you know-

I mean, this is what they say about SNL every year, though. This is how everybody talks about it all the time. So I don't really-

I know, but I, I'm-

I don't think that has-

... I'm, I'm looking at it from a, from a macro-

No, dude

... standpoint

... he wants to be, he wants to be in movies. He wants to be famous, and this fucks up his schedule. It's, it has nothing to do with money. It has nothing to do with podcasting. It has to do with, like, "I think I'm a movie star, and this is holding me back."

I, I think he's-

Se- and also, seven seasons is a long time.

Yeah, he had a good run. I, I, I really wonder what, like, when, when he does the, the Bravo Culturista Awards annually or whatever, what the ratings for that is compared to the ratings for an episode of SNL, and I don't think they're too far away from each other. If-

Well, that's not a fair comparison, though, 'cause SNL's on every week, and that's a one-time thing. You know what I mean?

True.

That's, that's not really-

But also, I think it evens out in the wash that being a, a very, very famous show that's been on for 50 years with, uh, A-list movie stars on as guests and bands every week. You know, for them, just Bowen and his friend can do a bunch of gay jokes, uh, you know, in tuxedos for an hour. Why would I do that on... You know, it's, it's gonna get more eyeballs than SNL.

I don't think anybody's watching those. I think that's a clip show. That's, and that's not a shade. That's no shade.

Mm-hmm.

I think it's like everything else. It's just all... No one's watching it all the way through.

Sure.

Yeah, I mean, whatever. We'll, we'll see what happen. I mean, the award show is, is brilliant, so I think that is his, that is his greatest contribution so far.

Mm-hmm. But what, what does it mean when, uh, when Bowen Yang, not of A-list person, becomes too big for SNL?

Well, he's not too big for SNL. He thinks he's too big for... That's, that's two very different things.

I, and I don't think it's because he's big. I think it's because SNL is so low right now.

I think he's good at the internet, too. I mean, I think everything he does is very, like, clippable for the inter- All those characters from SNL are extremely, like, that thing. Like, it's like a... You know what I mean? It's, like, for fat chicks to send to their friends.

[laughs]

It's like that's his entire being. It, it, and it's... That's a lot of people. It's smart. It's, it's br- it's really great, actually.

I agree. I agree. Well, you know, hopefully he ends up having a great, awesome, wonderful career. It's so weird how everyone in my life, it's so divisive. He really doesn't have any people that are, like, cool with him. It's either, it's either obsessed or I cannot stand him.

Well, that's, that's... Hey, man, I can relate. So I, I know. [laughs] I think that's how it is for a lot of people these days because we live in a... We still live in a classic or trash society.

Yeah, we do. We do. But s- I mean, I don't know anyone else on that other than, uh, Marcello Hernandez who just does, you know, "Isn't it funny if I talk like my uncle?" And that's, that's the only shtick. Other than him, everyone is just kinda like, "You know, they're pretty good. You know, that's funny, and that one's not so funny," whatever. But with Bowen, like, just ran- you know, full adult liberal-minded people are just like, "I fucking hate him."

I mean, that's-

You know what I mean?

But that's power- that's a better place to be than, "Oh, I don't know. Whatever. It's fine."

[laughs] It's true.

Like, I'd, I'd rather be, I'd rather be reviled and loved than middling.

Yeah, I guess maybe what can Bowen do to become cool?

Oh, nothing. That's not his game.

[laughs]

I mean, that's the thing. That's not... But that's just not his game. He will be successful. Don't, I don't know if he'll be a movie star, but I think he'll be successful. But I don't think it's because he'll be liked. That's not what, the game he's playing.

Who's, who, who is the, the little, the small gay boy guy that is best f- best friends with all the models?

Oh, uh, Jake Shane.

Right. I think it'll be kind of like that where he... Like, nobody thinks he's cool, but it'll be... Like, he'll have his own little, like, world and harem that he's built up.

Yeah, it's fine. You m- you make m- yeah, you make a lot of money. I mean, I saw a video of Jake Shane at a University of Texas football game with Glenn Powell.

What the?

And I was like, "Bro, this is going. This is g- this is some wild stuff here."

Doing what?

How the fuck are you guys... Are you setting Glenn Powell up with your friends, or are you and Glenn Powell dating? Which one? What's going on here?

Jake is the new Epstein. He gets in close. He takes his photos. I saw somebody say Epstein was like the, the cobra snake of, like, international arms dealers or whatever. [laughs]

[laughs]

"Hey, just a quick one over here. Yeah, so good, so cute. Yeah."

"Jake, Jake, Jake, over here. Over here. Jake."

But, but with Epstein down and out for the count allegedly, um, we need new people that can gain access to these high-level folks to compromise them so we can use, you know, all of these people. We gotta go hang out with cis maleMovie stars at the Hook 'em Horns game and get some tea, and then that way, you know, Netflix can control what that person does or else they'll release the photos

I did find out Jake Shane's, Jake Shane's parents are someone. They're like Hollywood.

Okay.

He didn't come, he didn't come out of the blue is what I'm saying.

[laughs]

He didn't get it out the mud-

[laughs]

... is all. He, he, he's-

Okay

... going into the family business, which-

Not like big boy fr- in, in, in Kansas City. I mean, in, uh-

No, Caleb, Caleb ge- is getting out of the mud.

Yeah.

Caleb's getting out of the mud, and that's why he's-

Caleb's getting it out the mud

... you can, you can feel that. That's why it's so funny.

Yeah, we need all of our cr- when, at what point will, will non-mud, [laughs] non-mud getters stop being tolerated in society?

Unfortunately, I love, uh, the s- the children of celebrities, so.

I know, I know that you are a nepo head, and I know that there are a lot of people out there who are either indifferent about it or cool with it, but I think, you know, ev- every year over year, our, our ire for the nepos is increasing. So at a certain point-

But I don't see, I, I really don't... In a, in an instance where it's someone who is, uh, bad at what they do and they keep getting opportunities, that's one thing.

Like Bronny James?

Yeah. Like, but I- overall, I think if somebody's good at something, like who cares?

Yeah.

I don't give a fuck where they came from. Like that doesn't matter to me. Like I don't care if it was hard or easy. If you're good at it, you're good at it.

Yeah. Well, you don't care, but most people whose lives are hell do care because they need someone-

My life is hell.

[laughs]

Don't get it twisted. My, I, I hate every second of being on this earth, but I still can-

Yeah, but you're not a, you're not a blamer.

No, I just think, yeah, no, I'm not. I don't, I don't think you can be like-

You're, you're saying, "My life is hell and stupid, and I... That's because this is the house that I built."

Exactly.

Look at the house that Black built. [laughs]

I got it out the mud building my own house, and it's unfortunately on an uneven, on an une- on an uneven piece of land. [laughs]

And some, some village people, they, they build their huts out of mud, and some people, you build yours out of-

Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun

... it's called dumb feces.

Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun.

So y- not to go Trent Reznor, m- but you, you, you, you're a empire of dirt. Is that what he says?

Uh, he might.

You could have it all. My empire of dirt.

On, on the, uh, on the Hurt song-

Oh, that's a classic

... that's what you did. You built your empire on, on shit. You hate everything. Your life sucks, and that's because of you. But a, a lot of other people out there, they're like, you know, like, it, it ha- one- once a week, there's a new person who's like, "I am such a good actor, musician, DJ."

Well, you saw that with that, that, today, that fat, white family, that, that band from the UK-

[laughs]

... who had like a moment a couple years ago but were like-

Wait, that's the name of the band?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by a new podcast from The Guardian, Stateside with Kai and Carter. This is covering a lot of our bases, Jason. It's, uh, it's trying to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions we all have about what's happening in the world, and I know you particularly have quite a lot of questions.

A lot of questions, but how often? 'Cause we do this podcast three times a week, and that's a sweet spot. How many times do they do?

Three times a week, and I, I, I have a feeling just based on the platform and these talking points that they're maybe gonna be covering different stuff than we do. That's just a guess.

The Guardian is not some billionaire-owned platform. They're not afraid to say what they wanna say, brother.

Yeah, Rupert ain't sniffing around in, in what, uh, journalists Kai Wright and Carter Sherman are up to over there at, at, uh, Stateside.

Mm-hmm.

But yeah, listen wherever you get your podcasts. You can watch on YouTube. It's three times a week, and, and who couldn't use more news? You know, especially, especially when it's, when it's not, you know, from here, let's say.

[laughs]

Give it, give it a, give it a listen. Give it a listen. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by our best friends at BetterHelp. Jason, we're, we're deep into May, which is, uh, Mental Health Awareness Month, and this is just a reminder that whatever you're going through, you don't have to go through it alone. Life is a damn journey. Some days feel good, and others feel overwhelming. Whatever's keeping you up at night, it's easy to feel like you have to figure it all out on your own. But the truth is, no one has all the answers. Well, and no journey should be alone. Having someone with you to listen, to understand, and to support you can really make all the difference.

I agree, Chris, and sometimes, you know, it, it's nice to be talking to somebody even if they're not even listening, even if you don't even get to s- be in the same room with them because what you're doing is you're admitting these things to yourself and that's the most, that's the most rewarding thing you can do sometimes. So you can have a great little therapy sesh with your perfect therapist at BetterHelp. Choosing between over 30,000 people so you can get the right one just for you. Over six million people globally are using it, and you know, have some breakthroughs. Go on that walk after your BetterHelp sesh. You know, whatever it might be. Get a nice little lunch all for yourself. Maybe a non-alcoholic kombucha. And just think and be like, "Damn, I really am him." You don't have to be on this journey alone. Find support and have somebody with you in therapy. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com/howlong. That is betterH-E-L-P.com/howlong.

Every time I go to the doctor, I walk out of that bitch feeling dumb. I got no real info. This guy in a white coat just say, "You're fine," you know, "Drink more water."

He knows how to charge my copay.

Exactly.

That's about it.

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[laughs]

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Yeah. Sick, sick band name. They're honestly pretty good, but they went on some crazy rant, like comparing Epstein-

Fat white family?

... comparing Geese to Epstein, [laughs] like about Spotify. It's just like, dude, like Geese went- g- yes, they went to private schools in Brooklyn. I don't f- they're not like, they're, you know, they're not... I don't know, man. People just need to understand there's levels to this shit. Like-

Mm-hmm

... it's not, I don't think their career in music is, is because their parents made money in completely different careers.

Mm-hmm.

I just don't really think that's how it works.

There's always gonna be people that get a little, you know, boost on the starting line. Fat white family.

Of course. But I just mean-

That doesn't mean nothing

... I just mean that if you, if that bothers you that much, then you... Like if you, if you work at the post office and you're a great singer, and you think the reason that you're not famous for that is because your spot's getting taken by people's children-

Mm-hmm

... you gotta re- that's just not, that's just not [laughs] ... That just seems like a crazy way to go through life, is all I'm saying.

Yeah, but you know, it's, it's easier to do anything in the world but admit to yourself in the mirror that you are not as good as you need to be at what your dream on this earth is.

Every day I wake up in the mirror and I look at myself and I, I know I can't play guitar. And I still can't play guitar.

Mm-hmm.

And it, it, it's just that I have to live with that, and that's, I'm fine with it. I've gotten through it, and you can too.

You have gotten through it. I have also. But so many people, you know, because the, the problem is it's like the equation, like I've done this, this, and this. My executive coach that I paid $700 to told me, you know, luck is a combination of hard work and talent, and, you know, like, whatever.

[laughs]

And you're like, I work, I work at GameStop. I'm, all I do is work. I go home and I work on my beats. I'm working so hard, and what it, for whatever reason, I am not Metro Boomin or whatever it is. You know what I mean?

Like l- look, life, look, we all get dealt diff- different hands, you know? And that's just what it's gotta, that's just what it's gotta be.

Some of us don't even get hands.

[laughs]

Okay?

Think of it that way.

[laughs]

Hey, hey, you know who can't make beats, guys? Without hands, so consider yourself lucky.

Yeah, all the people out there who their entire life is ruined and destroyed because people whose parents are rich or are talented or interesting had kids, and those people are doing stuff that you're not. Go look at handicapped people. Go look at-

[laughs]

... wheelchair motherfuckers, blind motherfuckers, missing a limb, whatever, you know.

Somebody's always got it way worse than you.

You know, the guy, you look at T.I.'s head.

Bro.

You know what I mean?

I just got a trailer for T.I.'s new comedy special, and I watched the entire trailer, and there wasn't a single joke in it. It was amazing. It was like him saying s-

So it's like Joe Rogan stand-up

... it, it was like him saying stuff really animated, like really like loud and, and annoying, but it wa- none of it was funny. It was no punchlines, and then it would cut to the audience and show people laughing, but you could tell those two things weren't connected.

[laughs]

It was im- it was real- it's really amazing.

Like, like a Will Smith video when the crowd dancing is not dancing at his concert.

He's going by his street name. He's going by his legal name, though, for the, for the-

What is his legal name?

Something Harris.

Is it Tip Harris?

Yeah, but I think it's, I, I think-

Oh, Clifford Joseph Harris Jr.

No, then he's probably, then I think it's Tip Harris. It's not T.I.

Yeah, he-

I think that's, that's what-

He changed his name from Tip to T.I.

We ain't going to Clifford. [laughs] Clifford Harris does sound more like a comedian than, than Tip Harris, but-

So T- Tip was his name, and then when he got signed and started, like, making music, the, he was, he got signed to Ar- Arista, and Q-Tip was on there, so there was confusion at the label, so he moved it to T.I. instead of Tip.

Oh, I thought it was because he was like, "Yo, I ain't calling myself Tip. Pause. That's not, we ain't, we ain't doing all that."

I think for, for a childhood nickname, Tip is a good name. I like it.

I bet the label was a little bummed when they made him change his name, and they looked at the record sales year, year over year wi- [laughs] during, during his reign of terror.

Look, Tip, Tip did what he needed to do when he needed to do it. He got in, he got out. You know, he, he bagged him the queen of hip hop, Tiny Harris. [laughs]

Well, they also got... You know, they settled. They did that settlement and got like, she, she just got like $200 million or something in some insane settlement.

[laughs]

Like, they never, like the, the rich get richer.

I just love that somebody's name is Tiny Harris. [laughs] That's what he calls his little unit. You about to meet Tiny Harris now.

[laughs]

And ain't nothing tiny about Tiny.

Tiny's the enforcer. Tiny's the one you don't wanna F with. Y- you don't wa- you do not wanna m- T.I., I'll flick his ear. I don't give a fuck. But Tiny-

Tiny, it's like, uh, like Solange and Jay-Z in the elevator. Tiny whoop the shit out of old Tip.

Oh, yeah.

Right?

Yeah. Yo, Ti- Tip, Tip is, the fact that he hides his bruises under his Atlanta fitted is, is not lost on me.

[laughs]

That is not lost on me.

She whoop on me Jake Paul style.

I didn't... Man, Jake Paul, I don't wanna be like every other podcast with two guys and talk about boxing, but-

We have to, bro

... he got his jaw broken two places.

Okay, this is obviously a psyop, right? You know what I mean? 'Cause everyone is, is saying Jake Paul, you know, you can't just buy every fight. When he, when he fought-

Yeah, you can. You, I, dude, I wi- I'd get my jaw broke in two places for 80 million, and so would you, and if you wouldn't do that, you're stupid.

I think he, he kn- I mean, he's treating it like wrestling or whatever, like this is all theater, so he knows that he has to take a fall every once in a while because nobody w- at a certain point, people are gonna stop tuning in and buying tickets and being interested in a guy who just pays people to, to lose to him. It's no, it's no fun. So he does need to himself lose every once in a while, and he knows he's getting so many dope bonus points for being truly injured and, and breaking his jaw and having surgery.

I mean, being able to post the... Nothing's cooler than the, the hospital bed selfie. I hope to one day be able to do that myself.

Yeah. What kind of injury do you wanna be tapped up in?

Uh, not- nothing super, nothing super critical. Maybe just some dental stuff or something. You know, I don't want, I don't want my life to be on the line, but I, I-

Veneers

... yeah, what, yeah, whatever. Yeah, something light. Nothing, nothing too crazy. No heart problems or anything.

Okay, no heart. Yeah, so I was, I was, uh, speaking of Joe Budden, I was actually looking at his, his episode count. He's, he's at episode 888.And How Long Gone is at episode 886 today. So that means, you know, I'm thinking like those NASA tables where it shows when this planet is gonna cross over to this planet. I think there's... We are, in the next month, we could have more episodes than the Joe Budden Podcast.

And, and that's the only number I would like to compare to the How Long Gone [laughs] and the Joe Budden Podcast.

All, uh, all, the only stats.

The only stat we're looking at-

It's just us versus Budden

... I'm not looking at bank account. I'm not looking at-

[laughs]

I'm not looking at viewer count. I'm not... No, I'm good.

Yeah. We don't care about that.

Just, just sheer amount of output. Yeah, I'm not worried about that. Yeah, I was listening to them today, and they really, they re- Y- Have you noticed that when you listen to that show that they really think they, they think everything's a little bit of a psyop? They think everything is like, well, they, they pushed the button, and then look what happens.

[laughs]

And it, it... I think it's a little bit like... It's, it's one of the dumber parts about that show that I kinda like, is that they think everything is, like, somebody pulling strings from on high.

Well-

And, and that things don't just happen

... psyop. But, well, I mean, because psyop explanation is a good jumping-off point to funny, interesting conversational moments, it's not, it's n-

That's not what they're doing, though. They believe it. It's different. It's... I don't think it's because... It's can be anything, anything.

That's okay.

And that's the-

Even, it's even better if they believe it because then you get some truly, you know, engaged and spirited discourse.

Well, what's-his-name thinks the Earth is flat.

Yeah, that-

One of them thinks the Earth is flat

... it, it, it's, nobody wants to tune in to listen to seven guys wearing Kid Super hoodies and being like, "Hey, man, the Earth is flat," and everyone's like, "No, it's not. No, it's not. No, it's not. No, it's not. No, it's not. Okay, let's go pay some bills."

[laughs]

You know what I mean?

Oh, I wanna, I-

Or it's like, "Hey, this is all a con- you know, like, conspiracy theories, psyops, this and this, and p..." You know, that's what... Even if you disagree with it, it's still interesting to listen to people. You know, like, people listen to How Long Gone because you and I, you know, we can argue and disagree about everything, and that makes for entertaining convo.

Thinking everything is a conspiracy theory feels very low IQ to me.

[laughs]

That, that's... But, but that is also what they're trying to do over there.

I would say to me, I, I'll push back on that, it feels inquisitive. It feels curious. I feel it s- it's a sign of high IQ.

I d-

You know what I mean?

Yeah. [laughs] Yeah, sure. I mean-

Yeah, it means that I'm not just going to give up and be lazy and say, "Oh, that just happened," or, "That's probably just a thing," or what- I'm not gonna-

Look, I don't believe we l-

I'm not gonna put the wool over my own eyes

... I don't believe we landed on the moon. I'm just saying I don't think-

Question everything, bro

... I don't think the Earth is flat. I don't think the Earth is flat. [laughs] That's all I'm gonna say.

Okay, Earth not flat, but you think moon landing for sure, that was not real.

It c- it feels, it feels manufactured. It feels manufactured.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, it does. It does.

I think Trump needs... You know, Trump is doing whatever he can to get us off the scent of the Epstein files, unless it's a Democrat in the photo, then it's fine, but-

Are you talking about the, are you talking about the picture of, of Noam, [laughs] Noam state smasher Noam Chomsky on the plane with Epstein?

We got, we got the Chomp- [laughs] we got Chomps. We got Bubba, you know?

Uh.

There's a lot of, uh, Bill Clinton photos.

The picture of Bubba, the picture, the, the picture of Bubba with the, in the hot tub-

Yeah, Bubba's in the tub

... where it looks like he's got his h- where he looks like he's getting topped off, but he's not, that, that is... 'Cause, 'cause it's either already happened or about to happen.

Mayb- I mean, yeah, yeah.

That is-

He could have a underwater aquatic, give me a little piece of underwater bone.

He got a, he got some mermaid head. [laughs]

Yeah. Who knows? This is how-

If anybody can-

Bro, this story goes all the way up to the top

... if anybody can pull a mermaid, it's Jeff

... follow the money. You think mermaids are cheap? They got one.

I don't... The pictures are pretty amazing, and unfortunately-

By the way, sorry, b- before you can move on, I was saying we need to have, um, w- Trump was saying, like, "Well, I'm gonna release the Epstein files. I'm gonna release the JFK assassination files, UFO stuff, moon landing stuff." He was promising all that. If you have, like, five different classified documents that you promised to release so people would vote for you, and you have r- everyone is pressuring you to do the Epstein one because he, he's in several hundred of these images, to, to satisfy them, get them off the scent, release the moon landing stuff, release the UFO stuff, release the JKF stu- JFK stuff. Like, just throw us a bone, or else we're never gonna leave him alone about this stuff.

No, I, I, I agree. I mean, he's never gonna be left alone. It's also, like, uh, apparently from what I've read and seen, there's enough photos where you can just, you can be Peter... You can meter these out for years.

Oh, yeah.

You, you can do a drop every month. Oh, b- I think the US government, I think to-

[laughs]

... can kinda get rid of some of our debt, they should maybe put the Epstein photos on Patreon.

[laughs]

Something I've been, something I've been thinking about is if, what if Donald Trump launched a Substack and it was a subscription-

[laughs]

... subscription base to get access to the Epstein photos? That would do more numbers than Ryan Lizza. That would be the biggest-

Uh-huh

... that would be the highest paid... And I know the Substack people wouldn't love that, but I think that behind closed doors, everybody would be dapping up.

Yeah, that would really stimulate our economy. It would get us out of our trillions and trillions of debt probably, right?

Like, you really wanna use these paywalls for good. Like, let's, let's see something. Let's really do something. 'Cause if I wanna see-

Yeah, Trump, build the wall

... if I wanna see a 75-year-old-

The paywall

... white guy getting topped off by someone who's been trafficked, you know, $10 a month is pretty, that's cheap really.

Yeah. Was One Night in Paris free? Uh, uh, uh.

[laughs]

Was Ray J, Ray J and Kim K? That g- that's gonna cost 29.99, and you know, and, and millions of dollars were made on that.

Y'all, y'all paying $100 to see Jake Paul get his jaw broke.

Mm-hmm.

Imagine what you would pay to see the, like, just the h- most powerful people in the world doing bad stuff.

Just to see Bill Gates with all those 11-year-olds unblurred, you know?

You know what's, you, you-

Remove, remove the redactation

... you know what's really interesting about all this, this, this stuff, is there's no drugs.

Mm.

And I find that to be fa- Like, what... Y- So you're just hang- There's no... I- You never see alcohol or drugs really in any of this stuff-

Right

... which is so interesting to me.

Yeah. So in your mind, you're like, "What kind of freak-off is this?"

Well, I'm saying if you're doing something that bad, which they are, you should be trying to forget that you're doing that.

You, you would, you would think that a l-

You know what I mean? [laughs]

If, if I'm Bill Clinton and I'm in the jacuzzi, there'd be a h- a, you know, a spent Heineken bottle nearby at the very least-

Yeah

... or some, you know, Mai Tais are coming out.Guilon made some white Russians, whatever it might be

That's... No, that's what they call, that's their code word for trafficking. But yeah.

Guilon. [laughs] Guilon's like, "I made white Russians. Uh, this is Svetlana, and she's-"

[laughs] I just don't, but I'm serious, I just like, wow, this is... 'Cause, 'cause you know, Trump famously doesn't drink or do drugs.

Mm-hmm.

And I'm like, wow, this is so interesting that these people are able to do all this awful stuff completely sober.

Yeah.

Or at least, at least to our knowledge sober.

Well, you know, the, the, the reptile people are able to kill because they're cold-blooded. It's just inside of them. They do not need to have some poppers or some 2C or, you know, a, a couple molly, molly bumps. They're just like, "Hey, I'm too busy being a powerful, wealthy person. You know, doing some euthanasia and some, uh, genocides of certain nationalities and things like that. I do not have time to have a hangover."

I mean, yeah.

You know what I mean? [laughs]

Yeah. I mean, I, I think that the one thing-

And, and also those... the, the people that are the most fucked up is, like, w- the opposite of the weekend you wanna be high for this. Like, "I need to be sober for this. I need to remember all of this. I need to have some great digital photos of this, and that's what, that's what gets me off." Not-

That's true

... doing a bump and having a, an espresso martini.

That's true. That's true. But I was just... I, I... as I clicked through some of those photos, I'm like, wow, there's not even a... Like you said, there's not even a beer bottle.

Mm-hmm.

Like, it's, it's just... And on a private plane, I mean, the beer's free for Christ's sake. You know what I mean?

[laughs] I mean-

Take, take one

... the guy can probably afford it, right?

Yeah. That's... I mean, apparently. I mean, th- 'cause they also posted that, like, document showing his, like, net- all the pro- like, the net worth. Like, all the accounts and, like, the properties and shit.

Mm-hmm.

And it was... Uh, I tell you what, that island's worth a lot of money.

[laughs]

I, yeah, I didn't know.

[laughs]

I, I hadn't really priced out an island before, but I think if I'm, if I'm not mistaken, it was 66 million.

Yeah. And obviously some islands more expensive than others. I can get you into a starter island. It's not gonna be in a, as much of a desirable neighborhood, but-

You're, you're more at a point where maybe a timeshare island would be best for you. So you get two weeks a year, you can pick those now.

[laughs]

You know, summer fills up, so just kinda consider that when you're making your choices. [laughs]

Oh, oh, oh, honey, there's nothing for summer. Yeah, you understand that, right?

Uh, July 4th weekend, you're crazy. No, July 4th weekend is out of the question.

Yeah, I mean, you can, you can get cheaper islands for sure. Um, but it's not... I think, but he was-

But I've, I've liked-

... 'cause, um, his, Epstein's island was in, like, a hot spot. You know? And it was in, right on the Gulf of America, right?

Yeah, I think it... Yes. I, I think based on location alone you're gonna pay a little bit. You know, it's like any other-

Mm-hmm

... h- high-end zip code. You know, location, location, location.

You wanna get the worst island on the nicest cluster, as they always say. [laughs]

[laughs] No, no, I don't mind if the room's small, as long as it's in the nicest hotel, I'm happy.

Yeah. Isl- island ownership is one of those things where do we trust anyone that has their own island?

No. No. If you have your own island, I, I... you, you're doing something bad.

And also, and also just, like, having... You know, like, for the person that, like, I bought the one house in the Palisades that's still standing, no neighbors, but not in a fun, you know, Kobe Bryant who the neighbors kind of way. It's more in a no neighbors because there's just nothing around.

Yeah.

It seems if I lived on my own private island, I would be scared all the time.

No, I don't want... No.

And n- every night you are susceptible to penetration on all of your shores from, uh... And it's just you and your security guard who's, you know-

Not penetration

... jacking off in a booth.

Not penetration. Not penetration. [laughs]

You know? It... I'm in the middle of the mother freaking ocean out there on this private... And, you know, who knows what's out there? Who knows what evil lurks?

No, it's too... No, it's, I mean, beyond animals and, and opossums, there's also, you know-

Yeah, and then something bad happens, what are you gonna call the cops on your private island?

Do you have to have your own... You probably have to have your own police force.

Yeah.

And if you're Epstein, you don't want police anywhere near you.

Well, I get bit by a rattler. My, my private snake bites me.

[laughs]

And then what? I gotta get, "Okay, well, the next flight to Cuba is taking off tomorrow at 4:00." Uh, I got 17 minutes to live. You know what I mean?

That's tr-

It's just not-

I, I, I think that the th- that's the... There are a lot of downsides to island ownership, and we're not-

[laughs]

... we're not just talking about taxes. You know, there's a lot of kinda day in, day out problems with island ownership.

The maintenance.

But I love that Diana Ross-

I mean-

... is caught up in this

... and speaking of Wi-Fi.

I love that Diana Ross is caught up in this. Like, guys, Diana Ross, you know, she just went... Like, that's the thing, when you got this much money, you hang out with celebrities 'cause that's how it goes. Like, not all of them were, were diddling. Like, you... Come on. Like, let's, let's, like, think logically here.

No, I g- I mean, definitely not Michael Jackson. He has no interest-

No

... in that kinda stuff. But-

Yeah, Michael Jackson

... it makes you wonder. I mean, you know, unfortunately your boy, Mick Jagger, he was posted up there. And I w- I was watching, uh, the Chappelle special last night, and he was talking about when he invited Mick Jagger to go perform at his club in, in Ohio, and he was asking Dave, like, you know, "They got, they got hoes in Ohio, though?"

Yeah.

You know, like, that kinda thing. Like-

See, well, we're gonna criminalize him for that like every other person Dave Chappelle has asked.

So all, all that is to say M- Mick, you know, a bit of a known poon hound.

Yeah, of course.

But in a lovable way because he was also, you know, the sexiest man alive for, for many decades, and he just has that swag. But [tsks] I don't know, man. It s- it seems like those photos of, of Mick, he's, like, on the borderline. I don't think he's interested in, in sleeping with children. But I don't know. When I look at the Chris Tucker, how much time he was spending on there, the, the Tucker of it all is a little strange. I don't know why.

For one, for once th- the guy named Tucker's in the wrong, and it's-

[laughs]

... it's nice to see. It's n-

[laughs]

Yeah, he looks too happy. Like, everybody else looks like, yeah, I w- I'd rather... Like, those pictures of Bill Clinton.

Yeah, you s-

The vibe is-

... you see the, you see the Mick Jagger-

I wish he didn't take this

... or the Michael Jackson.

You know what I mean? [laughs] Like, I wish you didn't do this. Chris Tucker's cheesin'.

And he's like, "Yeah, I b- I bet you did. I'm taking these for a very specific reason." But, like, when it, when you see the MJ or the Diana Ross or the Mick Jagger, you're likeYou know, they g- they got invited to one or two dinners. They're hanging out. It's a whole thing. David Blaine's gonna do some magic. It'll be fun, whatever. But you got the feeling that, that old Tuck was a, was a confidant, a consigliere.

I think, I think, I think Chris Tucker was an integral part of the operation. [ding] What is a Revolve Man, Jason? It's... Oh, funny you ask.

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[laughs] Whereas I think some of these people were just simply guests from time to time-

Mm-hmm

... when a rich guy called them and said, "I'll send the plane." Look, the, the reality is I, I don't care who you are, if somebody tells you, "We're having a party, I'm gonna send the plane," I'm gonna say 9 out of 10 people are saying yes.

Yeah. But I just, I wanna know what, what Chris Tucker brings to the table. Did he just happen to make-

Bro, he's humorous

... Epstein laugh so mu-

Yeah

... is it just that?

He's definitely, he's the court jester.

'Cause when, 'cause he's like, "Okay, we're bringing, you know, Bill Gates or whatever," you know, these huge names. It makes sense why they're there.

You wanna talk about scaring the hoes, Jason? Bill Gates. Like, you gotta have one guy-

[laughs]

You gotta have one guy that's actually-

Oh

... good-looking and funny to keep everybody fucking spirits up.

Okay, so you're saying Chris Tucker, everyone loves him. He's funny. He's joking. He's not, like, a pervy guy. He's just, like, Amer- Ev- everyone loves him, and he was probably such a-

Well, he, he's reasonably-

... a delight to be around

... he's, he's also reasonably good-looking, where people would wanna have sex with him. Bill Gates, you gotta pay.

Bill Gates is not a rizz master. He's not charismatic AF.

Bill Clinton, on the other hand, Bill Clinton, on the other hand, is... I think he invented rizz, from everything I've been told.

You would think I invented rizz. No, I mean, yeah, of course.

So I think he's fine.

Some, some people need help more than others.

Yes, of course, and I think that obviously money and, and, um, threatening [laughs] works pretty well, but-

Mm-hmm

... charisma still is one of our, our greatest virtues when it comes to sleeping with the opposite sex.

I mean, it is truly the number one.

Or same sex. I don't wanna, I don't know what they were doing out there.

Of course, yeah. His mind, that's what they were thinking.

[laughs] Ch- Chris, Chris Tucker, it's so funny.

[laughs]

It's just so funny that he's there. So you, so you watched the Dave Chappelle. I didn't know you hated yourself that much. [laughs]

I think you might like this one, Chris. I think you might like this one.

The last thing I wanna hear is Dave Chappelle talking about fucking Charlie Kirk. I, I, I just don't. But I'll, I'll watch it, sure. We're about to have a lot of free time.

Yeah, we're gonna have, we're gonna have a week off. But-

What channel? What, what network is it on?

It's on Netflix. It was a, it was a surprise thing, uh, after the Jake Paul fight. Like, when the fight was over, Chappelle went on live and said, "Surprise, bitch. New special-"

Oh, yes, of course

... "dropping right now," which I-

It's like when-

I think it's fun. It's cool

... CBS drops a bad sitcom right after the Super Bowl, trying to get us to tune in.

Exactly, but it, except this is the exact, e- exact thing that people want to watch after that. You know, you've been watching a bunch of people beat each other up. You're faded. You, you got Cutwaters in you, and then boom, out of nowhere, Chappelle's gonna start talking about Charlie Kirk? Let's do it. You know what I mean?

That's, that's true. It is. No, no, it's, from a business standpoint, it's brilliant.

Versus, like, all right, that was another stupid, bad Super Bowl blowout, boring as hell.And now an all new episode of Chicago Fire.

[laughs] Oh, yeah. Oh, you thought, you, you, you thought Shelton wasn't coming back? You're wrong, bitch. Get ready.

And now-

Go Eagles

... Barry Weiss is gonna interview Allison Roman.

We're gonna put Barry Wei- Barry Weiss is gonna do standup actually for a full hour after the Super Bowl.

[laughs]

She's been kinda aiming for this for years. We're finally giving it to her.

ASAP Weiss.

I finally, I, I f- I watched the Counting Crows documentary on the plane yesterday coming back from LA, and, um, obviously I loved it for, for many reasons. But, um, there's a huge part of the storyline where, like, after August and everything after, af- you know, basically after Mr. Jones was this, like, giant hit, and he, like, can't... Like, he's got people, like, camping outside of his house type shit.

Right.

And Johnny Depp and the other guy, the co-owner of Viper Room, call him and they're like, "How are you?" And he's like, "Not good." And then he, he basically says they put him on hold [laughs] and they're like, "All right. We got you a suite at the hotel. The flight leaves at 7:00 PM. Come to LA and we'll, like, we'll take care of you." And he started... So he goes for Kate Moss' 21st birthday party-

Mm-hmm

... at Viper Room, which is maybe the, the m- thing I've wanted to do the most in my entire life.

[laughs]

And then, and then he, he just, he's there so much that he starts bartending because it takes his mind off of everything, and he becomes sort of like a full-time bartender at The Viper Room in its absolute heyday.

Yeah. You know you're down bad when bartending saves you.

I just... But he kept, and he gave... So basically the woman who ran the club, who was also the bartender, was like, "Yeah, so I just got to party with my friends," and he would just give me all the money-

Mm-hmm

... [laughs] 'cause he didn't need the money. I was like, that is a dream scenario for a, a bartender.

I mean, yeah, it, it is great, and I think it's nice when we can hire these celebrities out to do some of that work, take our, uh, take the, the load off of our shoulders. But the, the thing that stuck out to me the most during that, or during that time, was everyone was talk- everyone was mentioning that era, which is what, like, early '90s, and they're like, "This was-"

Yeah

... "the, the last time where real fun and good-

Yes, yes

... stuff happened."

Yes.

It was right before digital photos, social media, and all that stuff. It was, it was the last moment before everything got ruined.

And they, well, there's like a-

Where you could, you could have a real clubhouse in the middle of, like, on the middle of the Sunset Strip, tourists everywhere, clubs everywhere, bars, restaurants, all this stuff, and you got one spot where there's a little upstairs room, and you truly are only allowed in there if you're on the inside. And you could be a random bro, you could be a, a gay guy who's taking photos, you could be a celebrity, Mick Jagger, whatever it is, and you're in that room, and you can do whatever you want, and that's it. And that doesn't exist anymore.

There's, like, a c- there's one guy who's, like, took a lot of pic- He was like, "Yeah, basically I took all these pictures o- of that time because I knew that. Like, I knew basically, like, if, if I don't do this, no one will, and we won't have these, you know, moments or whatever."

That's why I podcast. If I don't do it, who will?

Yeah, [laughs] well, actually, yeah. [laughs] I wish that was the case.

Turns out several million will.

[laughs] S- turns out everybody you've ever met will happily.

But I won't like it as much.

But it was good. I mean, if you like Counting Crows, it's pretty good. I, I think that the, um, it's-

Even if you don't, it's good

... it's a little too ringer-y, you know? It's a little too, like, well, in the 1990s, the, let me... All these things they have, but, but the way that they use, like, the, they use-

A ringer motherfucker. Love to see the '90s coming

... but it looks good. Like, they actually did a good job. Usually these things have, like, stupid, like, animations or something for interstitials. This just had, like, sort of, uh, like, wide view LA sunsets and shit. It was just kinda nice instead of trying to make it... Remember that Kurt Cobain documentary that came out and it had all the fucking illustration?

Mm-hmm.

It's just like, dude, this is for children. Don't do this. This is stupid.

[laughs]

Just stop.

Oh, yeah. I forgot, you hate a cartoon. [laughs]

Stop. Just stop. It's so stupid.

What is an illustration if not a cartoon? But yeah, I know, I know what you mean, the ringer of it all. It does have a certain stink to it. I don't mean that in a derogatory way. It has a certain-

Well, they just take everything to this, this sort of unbelievably dorky level. When we're talking about, like, The Viper Room and Adam Duritz being a stick man even though he's not the best looking guy on earth, and it brings it back to, like, well, bl- You know, it just, it's just like, dude, stop. Like, we don't need-

Well, when, when's the last time... I, I mean, do, do cool documentaries exist anymore? I feel like, you know, the, the whole process of it, we're all sort of admitting and in on the, you know, nerdiness of it all.

Well, I think they think they ha- I think that my feeling is that they think they have to do that so that regular people will watch it because they, they think they need to overexplain everything, so, like, the absolute, you know, the viewer who's the least interested will, will, like, feel like they're learning something. And I think it's-

Of course, of course

... which sure, but also-

You're, I think you're too close to the Crows to really appreciate this is the problem.

I mean, I just don't f-

They need to make a, what if, what if the ringer was like, we made this w- you make two of every documentaries, one for the normies-

One for the heads and one for the fucking s-

... and one for the fucking s-

Two cuts

... one for, yeah, one for the heads, bro.

The other thing that was interesting, I will s-

Deluxe edition

... I will say was that there's, I guess during the, they were kinda like, th- there's the week between Christmas and New Year's, and, like, no one does anything. The music business is totally dead.

Yeah.

And that's when they released the video for Mr. Jones 'cause they knew it would be like, MTV would have to play it 'cause there was, like, nothing new coming in.

It's almost as if they stole that idea from us.

Yeah, that's what I was thinking.

[laughs]

It's like, wait a second. Where did you guys get this idea? Hold on one second.

Yeah. It, it made me remember, there, there was some revisionist history going on because when, when Counting Crows did come out, they were talking about on that documentary, like, it was not cool to listen to them. Like, they were-

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

... it was whack. And I remember, even though I was a kid when it came out, I remember being like, "This shit is gay, bro." Because, because, uh, I forgot who was mentioning it, the, one of the talking head people, but they're like, "Like, we, every day we listen to Guns N' Roses, and Def Leppard, and White Snake, and whatever."

Yeah.

"And then one day Nirvana came, and then it was over. We just stopped."

Yeah.

So everyone was either listening toYou know, Nirvana, Soundgarden, Alice in Chains, metal, Metallica, gangster rap, all this shit, and then Counting Crows comes out and we're like, "Bro, this is whiny as a motherfucker, bro."

That's why it worked.

But also when-

That's why it worked

... when the whiny is just that good, it takes off, just like our, uh, our, our friend Bright Eyes, you know what I mean? 'Cause when, when I first heard Bright Eyes, I was like, "Bro, this is gay as fuck."

I did not, unfortunately. I bought it on vinyl-

[laughs]

... and went to every show, and so I, I-

[laughs]

I mean, I would rather... I would say that Mr. Jones, even though that's not even my top five favorite Counting Crows songs, is-

Strolling through the barrio

... will live in, will live on longer than almost everything from that era, for whatever reason.

Of course, yeah. It's just, you know, some songs, y- you don't get to choose what song becomes your big one, right? Ice Spice didn't get to choose. [laughs]

[laughs] Dude.

And, and she didn't get to choose Big Guy.

She-

It just happened.

[laughs] When you make-

[laughs]

... when you're able to just produce genius like that, you have to let go and let God, as far as where it ends up.

Ice Spice having a big week. Um, yeah, what do you think about, um... We were a l- we were talking a little Charlie Kirkey. Everyone seems to be talking about his, his widow having, you know, uh, righteous gemstones, the best time of her entire life just, you know, a month after or whatever. Her husband was assassinated on, on live TV, basically, and e- everyone is saying this is a little too much. Like, even, even the MAGA people, and the Turning Point people, and the Christian fundamentalists are like, "This is psycho," you know?

Yeah, it's definitely psycho.

What's, what's going on?

It's definitely psycho. I mean, I think this is maybe what she was, you know, excluding the murder, this might, what sh- this is definitely what she was probably trying to do her entire life, you know? But when you marry somebody that's the star, it's tough for you to also be a star.

[laughs]

So this is her, this is her time.

But it does seem to be working, and people are still giving her millions of dollars every month, it seems.

Oh, yeah. I mean, because people who like Charlie Kirk are dumb, and people who like his wife are even dumber.

I, I'm, I'm wondering what d- I don't know what the end point is. Like, w- what, what they're promising will be given in return for all of the donations.

All the money.

Like, w- are they working toward... I, I think it's, like, having JD Vance be vice pr- or become president in three years or whatever. That seems to be the only-

I mean, look, if I'm her

... goal for this church.

If I'm her, I'm promising whatever I can and getting your bread, and then if I can't do it, I'm just d- gonna disappear, and I got your money, you know?

But I'm, but I'm, I'm asking what is she promising?

Oh, I, I don't-

You know, do we, do we know?

I don't, I don't pay attention to that enough to know. But I assume it must be something of, of... Well, obviously everlasting life. You know, you'll go to heaven.

[laughs]

But, but maybe there's more to it than that.

I j- it, it, it... I was just thinking about it yesterday, like how, how do millions of people in America who are, like, struggling to put food on the table and keep clothes on their kids' back, how are they being separated from their $17?

I mean, this is, this is religion to its-

I don't know.

I mean, that's what church does. It's the same thing. This is church for these people. They, they would rather give the money to her than to their local-

Yeah

... you know?

But with the church, they're, like you said, they're giving you the promise of, of eternal heaven existence and, you know, a, a beautiful afterlife. [laughs]

What, what's more important to you, Jason? What's, what's more important to you, eternal happiness or getting these liberals the fuck out of there? That's the question.

Maybe you just answered the question. But I'm, I'm just wondering how in 2025 are, is that, is that grift still working?

You're, you're just-

You know what I mean?

... uh, as, and we do this often here, but we underestimate the stupidity of the American people.

Mm-hmm.

And I think this is a, a clear case of that.

We need to have a nice religious war, right? We gotta have a cleansing, don't we?

Oh, I'd... Yeah, clean. Yeah, put these people in the shower.

'Cause [laughs]

Let's get these people cleansed.

'Cause we had the, we had the Civil War. We had the, the, the North and the South. W- I think we need to have Christians versus-

Everybody else?

... everyone else. Or j- yeah, just church motherfuckers versus-

Well, this is, this is the-

... non-church motherfuckers

... this is, I believe-

We, we gotta decide

... I don't have the numbers in front of me, but I believe this is the, the, the Church ain't doing so hot these days, you know, compared to when we were kids.

Oh, really? Yeah.

I mean, I don't think... I think that religion in general is just sort of, like, it's, it's not what it-

It's gone into the underground, man

... it's not what it used to be. Let's say, I don't think it's considered an absolute must, uh-

[laughs]

... by people the way that it was in the '90s.

Yeah, I mean, 'cause before, whatever, you know, 100 years ago when it was like, "Hey, we're living through the Great Depression. I'm eating fucking dirt for dinner every night. My kids have no teeth, and everyone's dying of a new bacteria 'cause we don't have medicine yet," or whatever, "But don't worry, this existence of hell is gonna be over soon, and then you're gonna be in heaven forever." But then it got really good for everyone for a long time, and now the, I don't know if anyone is like, "Hey, I'm willing to... I'm okay with having an awful life-"

Yeah

... "if it means that the next time it's gonna be awesome."

[laughs] Yeah, yeah, yeah. We all... Maybe we figured out that that next time stuff isn't necessarily true. You know, there's not a lot to back it up.

And it, and it's just a shame that, that the ultimate coping mechanism has to have a dollar attac- dollar sign attached to it, you know?

I, look, I agree, and I hate to say that.

And it's tax-free.

That's why I donate. That's why I, I tithe-

[laughs]

... my 10% every, every Sunday over here at, at Dime Square Methodist.

This is gonna be the new A24 movie.

I can't handle any more A24 movies. They gotta chill out for a little while.

[laughs] Take five, y'all.

When are you gonna go see Marty Supreme? Did you pre-buy your tickets on Fandango?

I've not pre-bought. Um, I, I just learned. I was talking to Mikey, uh, on Friday night, and he said that he already saw it. It's, I didn't even know that it's already out in, in-

It's out in New York and LA, yeah

... in larger cities, and that's why we live here, you guys, so we could get, so we could see Marty beforehand. Um, you know, maybe I'll see it this week. Who knows? I'm, I'm curious to see it. Mikey said that he actually liked it.And I don't li-

I wanna see it

... I'm not really, I'm, I don't like Safdie movies very much. But he said he doesn't either, and this is the one that changed him.

I actually, I'm fine with them. I just wonder if I'll... I, yeah, I'm gonna see how bad it gets in Atlanta. Like, how bad... If it, if it gets bad enough for me to go to Phipps Plaza to watch Marty Supreme, I'll let you know.

Yeah. When... 'Cause you obviously not a, not a big movie watcher, not a AMC Stubs member, but you'll watch a movie every once in a while on the plane or whatever.

I've seen all the Safdie, I've al- seen all the Safdie movies coincidentally. The, now that you said that, I realize that.

But unless, unless it's, like, a, a screening or a private whatever, debut launch thingy red carpet, when's the last time you, like, went to a movie theater and bought a ticket and saw a movie?

Hmm. I think that Korean movie that I liked so much.

Which one? Which one?

Remember the Korean movie about the, it was, like, about the early 2000s?

Oh.

We both saw... I think you saw it too. It was good. It was really good. I really liked it.

Oh. Not D- Didi?

Yeah, Didi. I think Didi might be the last movie that I went to-

Didi

... went to the theater for.

Okay. Didi.

I think.

Did you watch that Boy- Boyhood movie? Link, Linklater?

Yeah. Oh, the lo- the one that was like, they shot it for 20 years?

Mm-hmm.

Yes, I did.

That was a good one for sure.

I'm a big Linklater actually. I, I do, I love all of his movies, now that I say that.

Who was the rapper that said we should Linklater?

[laughs] It's gonna be Kid Cudi and you're gonna be bummed.

[laughs]

It's gonna, it's gonna be Corey Ramon. [laughs]

No, it's a girl. No, I think it's Slater.

That doesn't count. That's not a rapper.

Oh, look. Come on. It's on, it's on Crank-

That's really funny, but-

It's on [laughs] Crank It Up.

That... [laughs]

He wanna fuck Slater. Richard, we should link later.

[laughs]

Get to my hotel, suck him off in the elevator.

That's A+ stuff, though.

I spilled the salt shaker, buckle bunny, bad behavior. I'm on junky time, drop doms, big truck, crank up. Sublime, that's right, that's right. That's what I fucking like. Damn, this is sick.

This is made for you. This is really Jason coded.

I don't like the song very much. I'll put it on the end of this episode, but there's some-

This is Slay-

... something about-

This is Slay, Y-Y-Y-T-E-R?

Yes, correct.

Okay. Okay. Okay.

Correct. Uh, which I think is a very divisive character in the gay music world.

Okay. Sure. Well, I mean, you know, the good ones are-

She's the Counting Crows-

Yeah

... of WeHo.

She's now- [laughs]

Of toxic gays

Yeah, she's, she's the Counting Crows of Santa Monica Boulevard.

[laughs]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Uh, I went to Bistro Ha last night.

Oh. Bistro with a T, right?

Yeah.

On the end.

And I-

Bistrot

... I gotta say, it was good. I r- I really liked it.

Were you able to find enough vegetarian options?

I had something that I, I don't, I, I wish I would've taken a picture of the menu, 'cause I don't know exactly what it is.

Yeah, you definitely don't know what's going on there.

It was like a curried lobster on a puff pastry-

Mm-hmm

... of some kind.

Mm-hmm.

And it was fucking delicious. [laughs]

Okay.

It was so good. And I, I... Those are things I don't usually... I mean, obviously, who doesn't like puff pastry? But I just really, really liked it, and I was not expecting... Th- I, th- it came with sweet breads, but I, I asked for them not to include the sweet breads, so.

Okay. I'm, I'm looking at it right now. There's some, there's some chilies. Is there fried sage on there?

Yeah, it was, it w- it had a little kick to it, for sure.

Okay. Yeah, it, it looks, it kinda looks like a biscuit or, uh-

Yeah, yeah

... it could be something like a pate chaud, which is like a French Vietnamese kinda thing.

It was delicious. Yeah, there was also, like, a fluke that was, like, ki- uh, that's... Everything had, like, a nice kick to it, obviously, but I was-

Sure

... I loved it. It was really good.

Vietnamese motherfuckers love that little spice. I'm actually gonna get some pho after this. Uh, I w- I went, Carolyn and I went to Morihiro last night, which is, like, a Michelin star sushi spot. Used to be in Atwater, now it's in Echo Park unfortunately.

Wow. I love, I love, I love Michelin star sushi Echo Park.

[laughs]

It's s- these words don't belong together.

$400 omakase.

F- uh, $400 each?

Yeah, each. We didn't, we didn't get that though. We, we went a la carte off the menu. Um-

I like that. I like when you do the a la carte in those situations and you somehow end up spending more money.

[laughs]

I, I know you didn't, but I feel like that's happened to me before.

I know. I, I s- I kn- I, I ended up spending $400 but just total.

That's not cra- That's not... I mean.

It's not crazy. It's not crazy. Uh, but-

Was it good?

Yeah, it's, it's really good. It's really good. We should go there. It's, it used to be only, like, the only reason to go was the omakase, and when it was in Atwater, I felt so crazy. I couldn't spend, like, the amount of money I would spend at Noma to go eat next door to Wine and Eggs-

Yeah

... and, like, a store that sells, like, cups, you know?

Yeah.

With a bunch of, uh, my Uber Eats guys chain-smoking in front to pick up their Dune orders to go up to Topanga or whatever. But now that it's in a nicer spot and it has a full open, or it has a full bar with, you know, get the lychee martinis but, like-

Yeah, yeah

... super mixology level vibes but... And the best part is he makes, like, California rolls and, like, fri- like, shrimp tempura rolls.

Oh, I see. He's not like-

And he's using real, he's using, like, imitation crab the right way.

Shit is how it's supposed to be done. I don't care if it's like-

But he, like, went through and sourced every single imitation crab and found the right one, and he makes his own rice. He li- he, like, grows his own rice-

That's some shit

... and processes it himself.

Dude, what? Okay.

It's crazy. But so it's cool to have that level-

Yeah, that's awesome

... where before-

Yeah, that's crazy

... you would get, like, uh, th- you know, this is the, the crazy rare abalone or toro or sea urchin shit. It's nice to have that level, that Michelin level with the California roll, you know what I mean?

Yeah, that's-

And have it be, you know, like, 16 bucks or something like that.

That's a really cool approach actually. I, I like that a lot.

And also, I had a l- I had a little steak, and it was served with this tempura sweet potato where you f- you fry a whole sweet potato. You, like, you dip it in the tempura batter-

Mm

... and then they fry it for 40 minutes on a low temp.

Whoa.

I know. Crazy, right? 40-minute fry.

That's a long time.

So the outside just turns, like-super kind of paper thin, crunchy, crispy. And then the 40 minutes of kind of slow oil cooking makes the inside cook like medium rare, kind of like a steak almost. And it gets like kind of, I don't know, it gets like satiny and velvety and like the middle is different than the center. And then like, as it goes in and out, all the textures are different and everything. Really good. Super good.

That sounds very good. That sounds very good.

We'll go. We'll pull up.

I need to, well, we don't have a lot of time, but I know you listened to the Timothy verse. I don't know if you wanted to-

On Ease Duck Kid?

How many mics would you give it if you were, you know, if you were, I like that he shouts out Kylie for being rich. That's my favorite part.

Yeah, that was a nice part. And it was cool of him to do that because I still almost don't even believe that they're in a relationship. You know what I mean? Like, can you just imagine them like hanging out together? Just, it doesn't work for me, for my mind. I think some people were saying like, once you, when you are a person like that, who's flying very close to the wigger sun, the verse is where the, you know, the rubber meets the road. That is where you get the definitive-

Decision

You know what I mean?

Like how-

Like when you go, yeah, you go into the doctor and blah, blah, blah. I think this is happening. You don't know until you get the MRI. That's really going to let you know, or we're going to do, we're going to do a blood test and find out exactly what your blah, blah, blah is. You can't, you can't hide it. You can't fake it. You can't get a stylist to make you look cool. You can't have the right barber, the right jewelry, the right every, you know, you can do, you can-

I feel like he wrote it himself too. I feel like he wrote it himself.

You could buy your way into it and have other people help you out. But once you're doing that, that's when you know, and he did not pass the test for me.

I mean, of course not. I mean, I, like, of course not. Of course not. The other thing that happened before we go is that-

And he makes Ease Duck Kid sound good.

What's her name from I Love LA, Odessa?

Yeah.

They found out that she used to date Jaden Smith when they were in like high school.

Says everything you need to know, huh?

I know. I thought that was so funny. Those two fucking freaks.

Those two Zionists.

Okay. How Long Gone. Thank you for listening. Merry Christmas. We'll be back. We have one more episode next week before the holidays. We're going to take a little break, but we will be putting out our end of year special that we shot in LA this week.

Yeah. Coming to you live from Burbank.

Coming to you live from Burbank. Thank you guys for listening. We'll talk to you next week.

Bye-bye.

He one the fuck Slater. Richard, we should link later. Get to my hotel and suck him off in the elevator. Saint Laurent jacket on the ground. Money maker. I spilled the salt shaker. Buckle bunny, bad behavior. Bitch, I'm on junkie time. Drop downs, big drip right here

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