896. - Chris & Jason

All right, uh, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Stateside with Kai and Carter, a new podcast from The Guardian, and they are using this podcast to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions that we all have about what's happening in the world, and they do it three times a week. Jason, does that sound familiar to you?

We don't really talk about, you know, a lot of international global news items and climates and cultures and sports and things like that. We do talk about fashion and wellness, but for everything else, Kai and Carter are a great place.

All right, so who couldn't use more news? Listen wherever you get your podcasts or watch on YouTube. [upbeat music] Aloha, my good brother, Jason. It's Chris. Uh, I am in New York City. It's a beautiful day before the 47 inches of snow, uh-

Falls

... falls upon our, our beautiful city. Um, h- how are you feeling?

Bro, uh, quite the opposite. You know, it's, it's 70 degrees Fahrenheit at night. Uh, we're experiencing some cloud coverage, but otherwise a, a beautiful day here on the Big Island.

Love to hear it, honestly. Love to hear it.

Having my Kona coffee. I got a shark tooth necklace.

[laughs]

The coffee was only $8 for drip coffee.

Hey, I just paid six for a drip coffee, and I'm not at a hotel.

Mm.

So think about that. You know, think about that.

New York City is just like a big hotel at this point, right?

[laughs] Honestly, yeah. In some, in some ways, yes.

Yeah, you don't, you don't say like, "I'm gonna go around the corner and get a coffee from the bodega." Y- you're like, "I'm gonna go into the, a place called the Marketplace."

Yeah.

And it has like a selection of sandwiches and, and coffee and, uh, and jewelry and stuff.

It has a [laughs] it has some... And if you just look by the counter, there's some magnets and jewelry and stuff if you need anything e- else, some extra.

It's the only thing to do here, baby.

Well, it's funny you brought that up because-

Okay

... I just wanted to give a shout-out to Maybak Zoe for getting rid of all those, uh-

Oh

... unnecessary hotel fees for people like you that, you know, when you visit, you're gonna save a little, a little cash. The Amex getting a little, a foot rub, if you will, from, from Maybak Zoe.

[laughs]

Um, so shout out, shout out to him.

So basically what he said is, "I'm gonna eliminate all of this, the hidden fees and the, you know, all the little..." You, you go on booking.com, booking dot yeah, and it says, cool, the Four Seasons, $398 a night. And then by the time you go click through, it's 750 a night with all the fees and hidden stuff and blah, blah.

Mm-hmm.

So does that mean that the price... I mean, like nothing will change except they'll just be upfront about the total price?

I, I'm not... I haven't read into the details.

It's not as if they're... Like, it's not as if the hotels are going to decide to l- lose millions of dollars.

Like, I think, I, uh... Yes, of course, they're not gonna lose money, but I don't think they were... I wonder if they were accounted for, uh, on the books, let's say. You know what I mean? I'm sure there's several bottom lines when you're running a hotel business.

Right. Like how athletes get paid a million dollars salary a year and $67 million bonuses every year kind of thing?

Yeah. [laughs]

And like, yeah, I'm-

Yeah, I think they got me so.

"That was just a bonus. My salary, as you can see, is $1 million a year."

When people talk to me about their base salary plus bonus, I'm like, "What the fuck is a bonus, bro?" Well, I, I ain't ever had, I ain't, I ain't ever had that.

Mm-hmm.

I ain't ever had that.

To me, Chris, a bonus feels transactional. It's like-

Mm

... "I'll, I'll bring you out to Miami, but..."

[laughs]

You know what I mean?

Like, "I'll fly you comfort plus, but you know what you gotta do when you get there, okay? Let's not, let's not make no bones about it." All right, but you're in-

Mm-hmm

... you're in Hawaii.

Yeah, b- uh, the bonuses are performance based. [laughs]

That's right. That's right, they are.

[laughs]

I'll j- I'll, I'll let you know. I'll let you know. You-

Show you the canoe club.

[laughs]

Take you to the canoe club, girl.

[laughs]

Hand carved.

Oh, my God.

Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I'm, I'm having a little bit of a psychosis. Shout out to our O Bears Resort family, um, for, for blessing the kid with a beautiful ocean view. We got bumped up from the mountain view to the ocean view. It's looking beautiful. We got the adult pool and the kid pool and all that stuff. But to... I've gone from the East, East Coast time zone-

Mm-hmm

... Cancun, Mexico, to Hawaii time zone, five hour time difference in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, both living at coastal, I guess, resorts. And I don't... I, I feel as if my life, it doesn't exist anymore. You know what I mean?

Wow, it only takes two trips that you didn't need to take to feel, to feel... [laughs] I... Damn, I, I used to have to use drugs and alcohol to do that. But now you're saying I can just change lo-

Well, I'm doing that too. I mean-

[laughs]

... but it's just, it's just, I've, I've never like woken up, left a, a beach resort, and then flown to a different beach resort.

Yeah. Well, I would, I would say that-

It just, it has me a little scrambly.

That, that, that makes sense.

I mean, I'm obviously not complaining.

No, that ma-

Obviously not complaining

... that makes sense, actually. That would scramble me too. That's why I only go to the beach if there's a gun to my head. And in this case-

[laughs]

... uh, I know there is, so I, I'm not-

[laughs]

I would never, I would never-

In this case, there is actually a gun to my head.

In this case, [laughs] actually, I can see it. Zoom... The camera's off, but I know it's there. Um, yeah, I, I think that that could be discombobulating a little, especially to a landlocked... You know, it's not like you, it's not like you are a sailor or anything.

No, no, no. I'm a country boy at the end of the day.

You don't spend as much time [laughs] outdoors.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you're a country boy. Exactly. [laughs]

Even though I'm from Surf City, USA, Huntington Beach, California.

At the end of the day, I'm just a country boy. That's, that's... It's a li- it's a mindset. It's a mindset. So you're... All right, so you're feeling a little scrambled, but what do you think is on deck? Are you doing some standup paddle boarding? Are you gonna go, you know, visit Willie Nelson? Like what is, what's going on while you're on the Big Island? How, how much parking lot poke-

[laughs]

... are we taking down? Like what's the-

Well-

What's the big plan?

The big plan, we get here fast and we take it slow, thanks to our partners over at Delta. Um, but I got in last night. We went to a restaurant called Seafood Bar & Grill and befriended the owner and whose name is Dave. He handmade me his signature Mai Tai.

And we had a delicious pis- piece of, uh, of steamed fish. A local-

Okay

... kind of like a, a type of softer, less steak-like swordfish-

Okay

... that I forgot the name of already.

Sometimes that swordfish can be a little tough. I'm glad you brought that up.

Yeah.

I'm glad you brought that up.

No, he said the, he said the East Coast swordfish, those are the ones that can get a little chewy, a little steak-like, and a little, you know, fibrous. And then, you know, certain forms of the more Hawaiian Pacific type of swordfish are much more delicate, easy to eat fish. I mean, some people like that steak. They... I mean, stop trying to make swordfish a thing, honey. It's, uh... Just give it up. But-

You know what? I don't know that much about fish. Uh, but I also agree with you about swordfish.

Mm-hmm.

I feel like it's being forced down our throats, pause, and I don't... I'm not really interested in that.

Yeah, there's been a lot of restructuring, rebranding, and m- and remarketing-

[laughs]

... in the fish. If similar to, like, how r- we don't call it rapeseed oil, you know. And they're, like, they're like, "You know what? This is maybe not gonna work out." Like the, like every fish, the original name is just, like, very unappetizing. Like, I feel... I don't, I, I don't, I don't remember any of them, but I'm sure listeners will send me DMs the way that they told me that Danny Elfman was the drummer for A$AP Rocky on his, uh, landslide of a performance. But I think, like, orange roughy, whenever you hear a, a f- name of a fish like that-

What the fuck is o- what the fuck is orange roughy, bro? I ain't ever heard of that

It's a, it's a, it's a very popular type of fish.

Really?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, okay, tell me more about it.

It's just, like, a normal, plain piece of white fish. But... Um, my grandma used to like it. But it, I'm sure the original name is called, like, you know, like, the mud, mud swapper or so- you know, just like something-

Sure. [laughs]

[laughs]

Oh, boy, did you see that mud swapper? I gotta fi- I gotta catch that thing. It's fucking running amok on my properties.

In, uh-

Okay

... in Thailand it's called the gutter eel, but over here it's called, you know-

I see what you... But you're, you're saying, you're saying we would rebrand the name of a fish, especially a, a, a cheap one, to make it more appealing to the, to the customer-

Exactly

... let's say.

Exactly.

Got it, got it. So the-

It's, it's all marketing. It's like how when they made Brussels sprouts link up with bacon.

Mm-hmm. [laughs]

Ooh, hold on. I gotta look this up.

[laughs] Yo, yo, yo, I got, I got an idea. So what if, what if we took Brussels sprouts, right? And then we just threw some pig in there, right? And then we heated it-

[laughs]

... we heat it up and maybe, I mean, I'm not trying to be crazy, but we could drizzle a little honey on that shit, too. If you, if you wanna get really, really with it.

Um, [smacks lips] shit.

Did you fuck this whole thing up?

No, I didn't fuck anything up. Just ChatGPT is being a biz- biz-natch.

A child just died for you to search orange roughy.

It started giving me, like, ideas of-

You gotta think about h- how... You gotta think about what you're doing, man. You're not, you're not conscious with your consumption, big bro.

Dude, that's dope. Okay.

[laughs]

Look at this, look at this.

[laughs]

Orange roughy's real name is slime head.

Holy shit, slime head. Oh my-

Scientifically, it's the, the Hoplostethus atlanticus. The fish-

Bro, hold on

... was originally called the slime head because it has a large mucus-filled canals near the head and its rough, bony skull.

Oh.

Unsurprisingly, the name did not sell well, so in the '70s they rebranded it as orange roughy.

Orange roughy is not that catchy of a name for a rebrand.

[laughs]

Slime head-

Chat, look at l- look what Chat GPT said.

Slime Head is, is... sounds like someone that's playing at 3:00 at the r- on r- at Rolling Loud.

[laughs]

But I don't know if-

Yeah, Y- YBN Slime Head 4000.

[laughs]

He was recently gunned down in the, uh- [laughs]

He went to O Block. We told him, we told, uh, YBN Slime not to go to O Block, and he did it anyway.

Known associate of Spot Em Got Em, unfortunately-

[laughs]

... was apprehended. There's a... No, l- look what ChatGPT is getting to talk- look at this. Orange roughy was w- made it sound more appetizing and premium. Huge glow up, honestly.

[laughs]

Don't tell me that fucking renaming the slime head fish is a huge glow up, honestly.

Slime head fish. Okay, so you had... But last night you had-

Show me more fish.

What did you have last night? I'm sorry. What did you have at the restaurant last night in OAE?

[laughs] Um, the O- oh, wait, hold on. I got the biggest, the biggest greatest hits list. [laughs] Okay, slime head, orange roughy. Chilean sea bass is the Patagonian toothfish. Yeah, mahi-mahi is the dolphin fish because-

What?

... they had to change it 'cause people thought it-

Bro, this is-

... was actually dolphin.

They're eating SeaWorld. They're ea- uh, this is crazy, bro. I've never thought about this at all.

Pacific snapper, that's a rock... Yeah, yeah, snake head is a mudfi- you know, it's all there. Okay. Um, yeah, it was, it was a piece of this nice, nice fish wrapped in a banana leaf, steamed with, you know, some ginger and some aromatics, some rice, some steamed veggies, a little, like, drizzled, sizzled oil on top. And it was just, like, real light, real, you know, fill you up in a, in a way that makes you, you know, your body, your body's feeling happy and stuff. It was great.

You're saying it was nourishing to the soul as well as the-

It was nourishing AF, and we were able to split it and then just share just a light, um, shit-

I thought you were talking, I thought you were talking about the bill. I was like, "Damn, bro, it's her birthday."

[laughs]

That's cra- [laughs] that's a little, that's a little crazy even for you.

The only thing we're splitting on this trip is entrees, honey. [laughs]

[laughs]

I make up for it by s- by stealing things, you know, throughout the day just to sort of get one up on the-

Of course, of course

... on the Amex bill.

They're like, "Sir, that water's free. You don't have to stuff it in your pants."

[laughs]

"It's fine. It's, that's part of the deal here at The Large."

All right. I'll pay for the water, but I'm keeping the earrings, okay?

Okay, that's, that sounds... I, actually, I had a delicious piece of fish last night, too.

Okay.

I think our... We're, we're cycle sisters as far as-

Can't believe we didn't get the globe this year. Go on, tell me about your fish.

I went to... There's a... I think I've told you about this restaurant before. It's called Tolo. It's, like, very... It's, like, in Times Square, but it's, it's delicious Asian-

Me, Tolo, you, Chris.

Wait, there's a g- a great tuna thing. There's a great... But the, the real thing-

[laughs]

The real thing that blows my mind-

Y'all do that great tuna thing here? Can you give me one?

I mean, it's like a, it's like a tartare, but it's got an Asian twist to it.

How is Tolo s- spelled?

T-O-L-O.

It's the most Manhattan restaurant name I've ever heard in my life. Go on.

Was, it was like a branz- it was just deli- the sauce was fucking amazing. I don't actually know what the sauce was, but they make these french fries they call the, like, the seaweed Shake Shack fry, and they come in, like, a brown paper bag with seaweed all over them, and they are fucking delicious. I think about them all the time.

Okay.

But it's one of those restaurants that's like-I go, you know, relatively often. It's really good, but it's always pretty mellow. But I think they have, like, a sick wine list.

Oh, yeah. Mm-hmm.

So I think that a- attracts a certain kind of customer, but great restaurant.

Speaking of sick wine list, guess how much the bottle of Veuve is at my local canteen here? It's right next to the Goop store.

Y- I'm sorry. One more, one more time.

[laughs]

You said-

You know, a bottle of Veuve, Veuve Clicquot, Veuve Clicquot Champagne.

Oh, Veuve. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, 'cause it's available n- it's, it's next door to the Goop store, or it's in the Goop store? I think that's where my confusion-

The, the, yeah, the G- it's next... The Goop store is next door to my, is to Da Market, which is my local provision shop.

Your, your local larder. Um-

[laughs] Yes, yes, yes.

You're saying US dollars on the island of Hawaii at a five-star resort.

Mm-hmm. Typically a, a bottle of Veuve Clicquot will run anywhere from-

89, 99?

No, no, no, no. You can, you can get it, like, 40 to 60 bucks nowadays.

No, you cannot. No, you cannot. You are absolutely wrong-

Really?

... about that. Full-size bottle?

Oh, really?

I buy it all the time as a gift. There, there ain't no way you're getting it-

Hold on.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm looking at BevMo! right now.

There ain't no way.

This is a good research base.

68, 68.99. I mean, there's one here at Astor Wines for 60 bucks, but I would say the average is between 60 and 80.

Okay. I mean, I guess maybe Manhattan price is a little much.

That's also true.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's also true. This reminds me of when I stopped to buy a bottle of, uh, Dom Pérignon for someone's birthday, and, um, I thought I was really going out of my way, and then I went to their house and, um-

[laughs]

... there was probably five or six bottles of Dom Pérignon sitting on the gift table.

[laughs] Put it with the other-

And I was like, "I just spent 350 on this?"

[laughs] Okay, the, okay, BevMo!, the, the, the, the base model Veuve Clicquot Brut is 59.99.

Okay, yeah, BevMo! price is different. You're right, you're right.

BevMo! price is, that's gonna be as low as it goes. Manhattan is-

Okay, 59.99. Let, I'm gonna base my guess on a Manhattan price 'cause that's getting us closer than a, than a island price.

Mm-hmm. Sure, sure.

Um, so if I'm saying 70 on Spring Street, I'm saying I'm gonna double it plus 10. I'm gonna say 150 on the Big Island. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by a new podcast from The Guardian, Stateside with Kai and Carter. This is covering a lot of our bases, Jason. It's a, it's trying to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions we all have about what's happening in the world, and I know you particularly have quite a lot of questions.

A lot of questions, but how often? 'Cause we do this podcast three times a week, and that's a sweet spot. How many times do they do?

Three times a week, and I, I, I have a feeling just based on the platform and these talking points that they're maybe gonna be covering different stuff than we do. That's just a guess.

The Guardian is not some billionaire-owned platform. They're not afraid to say what they wanna say, brother.

Yeah, Rupert ain't sniffing around in, in what, uh, journalists Kai Wright and Carter Sherman are up to over there at, at, [laughs] uh, Stateside.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

But yeah, listen wherever you get your podcasts. You can watch on YouTube. It's three times a week, and, and who couldn't use more news? You know, especially, especially when it's, when it's not, you know, from here, let's say.

[laughs]

Give, give it a, give it a listen. Give it a listen. Every time I go to the doctor, I walk out of that bitch feeling dumb. I got no real info. This guy in a white coat just say, "You're fine," you know, "Drink more water."

He knows how to charge my copay.

Exactly.

That's about it.

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[laughs]

... to treating that annoying brain fog or simple optimizing for your gym game, let's go, SuperPower is more comprehensive and advanced system out there.

Make this year the year we all stop guessing about our health with SuperPower. For a limited time, How Long Gone listeners get $20 off to unlock their new health intelligence. Head over to superpower.com and use the code HOWLONG for $20 off your membership. That is code HOWLONG, and after you sign up, they'll ask how you heard about SuperPower. Do us a favor if you could and tell them How Long Gone sent you, and that'll just support us. Thanks. Nailed it. Nailed it.

Oh my gosh.

On the dot. On the dot.

Dude, that is big.

Well done.

Okay, that's big. Okay.

[laughs]

Wow, I'm feeling really good about myself. I thought it was just-

Whereas, uh, you know, I could probably sniff around, you know, the local liquor stores in Glendale and get a fucking bottle of Cris- Cris- Chrissy for that.

I should buy a bottle of Chrissy for someone. I, I-

I know

... 'cause I feel like we used to think it was so expensive, but I bet... H- how much is Cristal actually if you buy it in the store? It's not that bad, right?

No, it's like, it's less than 300.

It's less... Is it less than Dom?

It can be. It depends on the year.

Oh, it's, no, it's about... Yeah, I mean, I'm looking now. Again, New York prices, I would guess, but, like, 350.

Mm-hmm.

Three... Astor, Astor Wines & Spirits, a famous New York institution.

Sure.

That's my baseline here probably. So 340, it's, it's a little bit more than the Dom. I would say the Dom looks nicer packaging-wise.

Yeah, and if you get a good year of the Dom, that, like a really good Dom year, I don't know what, pause, I don't know, '99, 2002, whatever it may be, it's my favorite champagne I've ever had if you can get a good year. But also, I don't know anything about wine or any of that shit.

[laughs] You're like, "It's the best. I'm not, I don't know why, but it's the best." Well, okay, so 150, are you thinking about splurging, or is this something you just caught-

[laughs]

... and you, you wanted to-

No, I'm thinking about posting a photo of it on my Instagram stories with an emoji that sort of says, "Can you believe this bullcrap?" You know? That's about as far as it's gonna go.

I think that that probably sells... I'm sure that that market has a selection of overpriced items like all markets would in that position.

Yeah.

And I bet the champagne sells better than many of the other... You know, the, the Nerd Ropes and the Airheads probably aren't moving quite as swiftly.

No, I've, I mean, and every single person I was on the plane with in Delta One, those are the people, you know, like-The, the 52-year-old really dorky rich guy who's showing his, like, 11 out of 10 wife, like, the new iOS features while she's trying to fucking, you know, go shopping on The RealReal on her phone. He's, he's the one who is like, "I gotta go down and get some Vuvé while my fucking-

Yeah

... Hims three-in-one is kicking in."

[laughs]

"I gotta fucking seal this deal."

"Babe, I'll... Babe, I'll be right back. I need to talk about this new iOS update, not to go-

[laughs]

... not to go David Choe mode or fucking Ben Edgar mode, but-

Okay

... bro, this-

Mac Rumors asked

... Mac Rumors asked. This is the worst shit that's ever happened to me. I fucking hate it.

Bro, I never update iOS on my phone or computer.

I don't know why I did it. I didn't even feel... I, I don't, I don't even know why. Like, I just clicked it, kind of. I didn't even really think about it that much.

Tim Apple caught you slipping.

He caught me slipping, and I gotta tell you what, I'm PO'd, bro, 'cause it sucks. This fucking see-through glass, whatever they're calling it, liquid glass.

Mm-hmm.

If I can't smoke something called liquid glass, I don't want it.

[laughs]

I don't want it in my life. I wanna be very clear.

Yeah, I've been, I've been taking liquid glass lately to try to-

[laughs]

... kinda lose some of the fat in my cheekbones.

I have a liquid glass subscription, so it comes every month. But I just... Yeah.

[laughs]

I don't understand how... W- why does everything like that... Is it just because it's not what I'm used to, so I'm saying it's worse? Or I... Is, is the, is the, sort of... I- is society saying it's worse?

Um, I, I think it's a little bit of both. The, it's a, it's fif- I think it's 50% the getting used to a new software. Typically, like, the excitement of the new features should neutralize the uncertainty-

Yeah

... of how to operate the new things. But also, you know, as the annals of time pass by for anything, o- uh, software updates, albums, whatever, you know, music, movies, things, things will be like, you know, the iPhone 4, that was the GOAT-ed one. The iPhone 11.3 OS update, that was the worst one. You know, like, it... There, there are objective, like-

So there's, there's the hall of fame

... good and bad. Yeah, like, like, this could be-

Don't do it

... like, truly a, a fucked up bad one, and Apple has-

Don't do it

... sort of not-

What I've noticed the most is that sort of the search bar is now at the bottom instead of the, the top.

That's psycho.

And that's, that's a f- big switch for someone like me who's searching often. You know what I mean?

[laughs]

Like, I... One thing I'm gonna do on my-

Oh, Rick Rubin asked.

Yeah. I'm, I'm searching.

[laughs]

I'm not talking about my soul. I'm talking about for music-

[laughs]

... for whatever I need on my phone, my notes app. I got-

This motherfucker is search... But you don't... Why don't you just start doing S-I-R-I searches?

What the... What are you talking about? What's... I... SSRIs? I don't take those, bro. What are you talking about?

No, no, no, just S-I-R-I.

I don't use Si-

I don't wanna say it-

I don't use Siri, bro. I'm not a f-

I don't wanna say it out loud because then it's gonna get me.

I don't do SIR. I don't use that shit. I don't... And if you text me and it says-

[laughs]

... "Sent with SIRI," I might leave you on read, 'cause that makes me-

Instant block.

That's the robot talking. I need a, I need... I want a human texting me. I don't want some robot talk.

[laughs]

Bleep, bleep, bloop, bloop ass talk.

[laughs]

I don't need that.

Daft Punk. [laughs]

I don't need Daft Punk helmet on texting me.

[laughs]

Take that helmet off, bro. Talk to me in your little French accent.

Mm.

All right. Well, the biggest news happening, obviously, is friend of the show, Harold Stylish, has, has-

[laughs]

The, the song, the song is dropping tonight at midnight. Obviously, I'll be staying up, uh-

[laughs]

... to, to kinda take that in. The rumor... So they, they did, like, a, a pre-listening for, like, the super fans where they went to record stores all over the world.

Mm-hmm.

And I did watch s- Well, I watched... There was, like, a, a super cut of some of their instant, you know, their first takes, and it was a lot of, um, it was a lot of teenage girls looking for words to describe electronic music, a genre they've never experienced before-

[laughs]

... is the vibe I was catching.

No.

So I wanna say, as a fan of, of guitar music... No, this is real talk. As a fan of guitar music and Harold's, uh, you know, past work, which heavily featured instruments, um, I am concerned this is gonna be a computer-based project, and I'm gonna have to try harder-

Mm-hmm

... to be a number one fan. And I, I just... Do you think, I- as someone who understands electronic music on a cellular level-

[laughs]

... will y- will you be able to usher me... Like, will you be able to help me? Will you be my shaman? Will you be my Rick Rubin?

I can be your hero, baby.

Okay, 'cause I, I, I, I, uh, I h- I heard one girl describe it as deep house, and I started sweating.

Mm-hmm.

'Cause you know that's, you know that's scary for me.

[laughs]

You know that's scary for me, Jason.

Yeah, that is scary for you, and I mean, there's a great sort of, uh, EDM Twitter meme of, um, you know, a DJ's worst nightmare, a deep house head, and it's, like, a video of this guy. Like s- Like, there's a dance floor and a guy playing a deep house song, and a guy's face is, like, the most judgmental face you've ever seen in your entire life, just, like, standing there in front of the DJ booth judging your, your track decisions. So, you know, the world of deep house means a lot of things. I'm sure the average, um, Ole Miss student, uh, Harry Styles fan-

No, no, this is... This was a little more, this was a little more, like, Melbourne than Ole Miss.

Okay.

Like, this was a little more urbane is all I'm saying. It wasn't... I wish it was y- I wish it was University of, of, of Texas.

[laughs]

But it was more, it was more like Amsterdam or something.

Okay.

You know what I mean?

It was in São Paulo and Melbourne.

It was a very global reach.

Okay, I got you. I got you. I mean, so, you know, so it's the same thing as, like, like, uh, like when Eminem said nobody listens to techno, and he's talking about Moby, who made some of, like, the gayest music of all... You know, he was making these, like, sort of downtempo house tracks, you know what I mean? So it was just like the-

Well, I do love Moby

... a lot of people just-

That makes me feel good

... don't know what to call what.

Yeah, that, yeah, it makes me feel good 'cause I love Moby, but you are g-

Yeah, yeah. I mean, Moby's great.

You guessed or you're guessing, um, that it could have a Jamie xx... What was the hit record called? In Color?

Yeah, the one that came out, whatever, a few years ago, two years ago, something like that.

It was 2015, dude.

I don't know. The one that was-

No, the... Oh, two years ago. I was talking about the hit one with the fucking-

Oh, right, with Oh My Gosh.

Oh My Gosh.

Own it down, own it down.

Own it down, own it down. Own it down. Oh gosh.

I have not heard the music at all, but just based on, like, the leaked images of the branding materials, it, it was basically like, um, the Jamie xx DJ sets of the last year, two years, where he's doing his festival tours, and he-

Yeah, yeah, yeah

... on the visual LCD screen behind him are just... it's just video candid shots of the crowd, you know, having a epic moment. And I, I'm sure Harry has been to a bunch of those shows with a bandana wrapped around his head on molly, and just like, "This is it, man. This is it. In four years, I'm gonna steal this idea and have Jamie do it."

Un- unfortunately, I think that, and maybe this is me digging too deep, but this reminds me more... the Harry rollout reminds me m- more of the photos-

[laughs]

... of this guy, uh, Ewan Spencer. Do you know who that is?

Ewan Spencer, yeah.

You, you would recognize the pictures. It was like-

God

... a lot of rave photos.

That's the most scruff thing I've ever heard out of your mouth, the Harry rollout.

It's so good, but this... the, these pictures are so good, and it reminds me more of that. Like, if you look today at the tour announcement, it's got, like, up-close photos of, like, people making out on the dance floor that remind me quite a lot of, like, a, a, a mix of Ewan and, like, Martin Parr almost.

Yeah. No, I know what you mean.

So I like it. I think it's cool.

I know what you mean.

But I don't know if, um... I'm anxious, Jason. But I will say 30 nights at MSG is some real letting my nuts hang type shit.

Yeah. I mean, 'cause he's done the run before, but it was never this many dates in a row, right?

And it's not in a row. It's not like, it's not like-

Oh, okay, okay

... he booked MSG for 30 nights. Like, I think that's, I think that's just difficult from a scheduling perspective.

Yeah.

Although I'm sure the holds on MSG are, uh, [laughs] are tough to get.

Sure. So what I wanna know, I mean, we were talking about this, you know, just the feat of, uh, of him doing 30 nights at MSG, quite impressive. W- I w- uh, obviously it's gonna be a big money maker for all people involved. What do you think Jamie xx is getting? So if he's gonna open all 30 shows, and let's say normally his guarantee for something like this, you know, p- DJing for an hour for a big event like that, maybe, I don't know, 40,000, 50,000, something like that?

100 at lea- 100 at least.

I mean, it dep- uh, depends on a lot of things, ticketed shows versus branded events versus whatever. But, like, obviously he's gonna get a group discount for booking 30.

I don't know if that, I don't know if that's- [laughs]

You don't think so?

I don't-

You don't think...

I, I, I-

Not even a little bit's gonna get shaved off the top?

Fuck no. Bro, there's no way. You don't give Harry Styles a discount. The last guy on earth that needs a discount-

No, I'm ta- I, I'm more curious about, I'm more curious about Jamie xx.

No, I'm saying if you're the-

Who's got the easiest job.

Yeah, but I'm saying that it, I'm... my guess is committing to that is cool for him, but also, like, that's a big commitment, and you know that the ticket, you know it's gonna sell it immediately no matter if you're there or not.

Yeah.

So you're gonna try to get as much money as you possibly can, and everyone's gonna be okay with that.

Of course, of course. What do you think-

But I'm saying both agents are gonna be cool with that because I think everybody knows what the deal is.

But I mean, I, I think r- regardless of what's gonna happen, if you get, in, in any form of business, if you... you're, you're more likely to get a discount the more units you buy. So I think they have to work out some type of package.

I don't think so. I think it's like I get 100, uh, or 150 or whatever a night for 30 nights. That's the deal.

Okay.

'Cause it's not like Harry's getting a discount, you know what I mean? Like, it's not-

Mm-hmm.

Now, are Fuckers getting the same? Probably not.

[laughs]

You know? I think that-

Of course. Of course

... I bet that... Shout out to the Fuckers. I love my-

Mm-hmm

... I love my Fuckers. But, um-

[laughs]

... I think Jamie xx is the biggest expense for, by... Oh, I mean, Shania Twain actually might be getting more in London.

Robin probably getting maybe more. I don't know. But e- it-

Really?

... either way-

Maybe. Maybe. Yeah

... Jamie xx sh- comes out, you know, with a, with his tee, r- rocks out onto the stage, plays some vinyl tunes for an hour, maybe an hour and a half, and he's gonna walk away with so much money, and that's so s- and he gets to get put up in New York at a great hotel, hang, gets to hang out, do whatever. His friends can all come and see him every night. I'm sure I'm going to go hit him up for guest list one of these nights.

[laughs]

He'll go, you know, hang out sometimes with his friends, go have dinner, hit the after party maybe, maybe not. It's just such a sweet deal.

It's, it's... I would say that of all people-

My jealousy is shining through, I should say

... I think Jamie xx deserves this, actually. I think it's kind of the perfect-

Yeah

... because I think a l- uh, in a lot of these situations, and Harry Styles has done this before, he just puts, like, whoever he thinks is cool to open and doesn't give a fuck, which I respect.

Mm-hmm.

Like, when Jenny Lewis was opening for Harry Styles, or, like, Dev Hynes is opening for Harry Styles, like, that's cool as hell to just be like, "Hey, do this." And I feel like maybe that's, it's a similar thing with Jamie xx, where it's just... but it's, it seems it is easier because he's just DJing, in theory, you know?

And it's funny because Harry's not the only person who does this. But w- you're, you're mentioning, like, it's cool when he does it. But for some reason when, like, Taylor Swift books, you know, Haim and Beaba Dooby and what, you know, whatever her version of whatever Harry's doing, it doesn't feel as if like, "Hey, come on and have fun, and we're gonna rock the show, and it's gonna be all good." This one feels a little bit more-

Yeah, it feels like-

[laughs]

... I'm gonna... No, just give me a little bit of blood. My tour manager will take that.

[laughs]

And then we'll just, we'll call it even. I think that's the best way-

Yeah

... to, to do this probably.

Transactional is the theme of the, of this episode.

No, I agree. But I also think... I mean, I, I think that's true, but I also think that there is a sort of... If you've risen to those heights of, of, uh, celebrity and fame and ticket sales as a musician-

Mm-hmm

... you s- even, even if you're Taylor Swift, you sort of know that you are the hand of God and can bless someone with, like, a life-changing-

Yeah

... opportunity. And if you like their music and think they're cool, like, what a, what a great thing to be able to do, you know? Like-

I agree

... what a g- what a gift. Like, 'cause your agents don't give a fuck. They're like, "We're gonna sell these tickets no matter what. It's not like we need a package"You know?

Mm-hmm.

Like, we don't, uh ... You, it's literally up to the artist, which is, I feel like, pretty rare. 'Cause I think at, at lower levels it becomes a real sort of h- you know, a chess game of how we can do this to sell as many tickets as possible.

Mm-hmm.

Where that's sort of out the window in these cases.

With Taylor, it does kinda feel like a humiliation ritual. I don't know why, I don't know how.

Yeah, you gotta kiss the r- You, you want the sourdough, Jason? You, you gotta, you gotta fucking give me a little blood. [tone chiming] This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by our best friends at BetterHelp. Jason, we're, we're deep into May, which is, uh, mental health awareness month, and this is just a reminder that whatever you're going through, you don't have to go through it alone. Life is a damn journey. Some days feel good and others feel overwhelming. Whatever's keeping you up at night, it's easy to feel like you have to figure it all out on your own. But the truth is, no one has all the answers. Well, and no journey should be alone. Having someone with you to listen, to understand, and to support you can really make all the difference.

I agree, Chris, and sometimes, you know, it, it's nice to be talking to somebody even if they're not even listening, even if you don't even get to just be in the same room with them. Because what you're doing is you're admitting these things to yourself and that's the most, that's the most rewarding thing you can do sometimes. So you can have a great little therapy sesh with your perfect therapist at BetterHelp. Choosing between over 30,000 people so you can get the right one just for you. Over six million people globally are using it and, you know, have some breakthroughs, go on that walk after your BetterHelp sesh. You know, whatever it might be. Get a nice little lunch all for yourself, maybe a non-alcoholic kombucha, and just think and be like, "Damn, I really am him." You don't have to be on this journey alone. Find support and have somebody with you in therapy. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com/howlong. That is better H-E-L-P .com/howlong.

What is Revolve Man, Jason? It's ... Oh, funny you ask.

What's a Revolve Man?

It's a r- a place where guys who care about how they look go to shop. Revolve Man is stocked with only the elevated essentials and trend-forward styles from brands like Polo, Ralph Lauren, Salomon, Fear of God Essentials for our hoopers out there, and more. It's not fast fashion and it's not stuffy. It's the sweet spot between looking intentional and not looking like you tried too hard. That's what we're all trying to accomplish out here, Jason. New arrivals drop twice a week, with free two-day shipping and next-day options. Plus, returns are genuinely easy.

Genuinely, yeah. It's one of those things. We're all busy. Let's say we got an important dinner coming up at the end of the week. It's Tuesday. You're working every single day. You don't have time to go shopping and try clothes on and blah, blah, blah, or even just browse. You know, Revolve, it's all there. It's all curated for what you want. And then you click buy, you go to bed. Couple days later, that shows up in packaging that's a little nicer than y- the other places you're buying clothes from, and you've got a nice look for the big night out. And then you're like, "Wait a minute, I don't even have to return this because I enjoy this clothing and I wanna wear it again another time." Versus all those dumb other websites. So whether it's a big night out, a wedding, a trip, or you just need something last minute that actually works, Revolve Man always has it. Go to revolveman.com/howlong to shop, and use code HOWLONG for 15% off your order. Free two-day shipping, easy returns. It just makes everything easier. That is revolve.com/howlong and use the promo code HOWLONG to get 15% off your entire order. Offer ends soon. Don't sleep on it. And you don't need clothes too. You can get just, you know, a cool candle or an incense gift for a baby shower. Whatever it is, revolve.com/howlong. [tone chiming] You were t- we were talking about Shake Shack fries earlier. I noticed that Steak 'n Shake did something interesting. Did you see this? They're, they're offering equity splits for their employees in Bitcoin and it, and it vests after two years.

Let me tell you something, Jason. As a fa- as a fat boy-

Uh-huh

... nothing hits. Have you been to Sha- have you been to, to Steak n Shake before?

No.

Bro, that shit absolutely slaps. And there's one near my parents' house. I'm gonna ... Next time we're in Atlanta, I'm gonna take you, 'cause it is ... The, the fries are amazing. It's, I kn- I didn't know what a smash burger was. They were doing that 20 years ago, 30 years ago.

Mm-hmm.

I don't know if I would accept Bitcoin [laughs] for employment, but-

But I think it's just sort of like their version of the 401[k] or something or, or also just simply as a means of having, uh, employees stick around longer, not having to-

Well, it's a good idea

... you know, hire and retrain people every four months.

It's, it's a, it's a good idea, and I think that, like, it feels like a choice made by, uh, an independent business where these ... I believe these aren't even franchised. I believe this is just, like, a giant corporation.

Mm-hmm.

You know?

Oh, yeah. I forgot that Steak 'n Shake, their, their old logo was, like, very similar to the, the Nazi-

Oh-

... wings

... yeah, I forgot about that too.

Like, it was, like, same overall, uh, brand guidelines as, uh-

Brand guidelines

[laughs] As the Secret Service.

Not fucking brand guidelines.

[laughs]

We should also talk about the, the Oscar nominations-

Yes

... that, uh, came out today. Congratulations to Sinners for a, a-

Mm-hmm

... I guess this is the record. The most of all time?

I think, yeah. I think the most nominations of a film ever.

Okay. I'm not, that's still not gonna get me to see it, but I'm happy for those guys. I love Ryan Coogler's-

I watched it on a plane. It was okay.

Ryan Coogler's speaking voice is one of the greatest of all time, and I, I think that that's my biggest takeaway.

Yeah. It's as if he's channeling a character from Friday After Next.

It's so good.

You know? Like, a guy that s- that Smokey owes money to or something, you know?

But did you see this story in New York Magazine by Craig Jenkins about, um, Timothee-

S- speaking of Craig.

Have you, have you-

Where Craig at?

Timothee Chalamet being a ... I, I'm not gonna say the word, JasonUm, but-

Wigga

... uh, uh, the, uh, the, the, the title, the Vulture story is, is titled Timothée Chalamet Could Only Wigga Out For So long.

Mm-hmm.

So it's basically a critique of his Marty Supreme rollout, him, you know, doing Druski-

Yes

... or wearing Timberlands, like, whatever you wanna say.

Mm-hmm.

And-

Rapping with a very white guy, so I guess that kinda cancels it out, but yeah. Um, and, and this is, like, a, a common theme that people have seen in, uh, in the world of entertainers. You know, starting out as a rapper, the Post Malones, the Jelly Rolls. You start out as-

Yeah, yeah

... this hard edge rapper with face tats, and you're trying to adopt a more, uh, you know, hip hop, Black person style, and then once you hit it big, suddenly I'm country, I'm American. And then you abandon it, and then people feel a little betrayed. Betrayed.

This feels, this feels different to me because he's... I, I do think when you're born and raised in New York City, it's a little bit of a different swag.

Yeah, I don't, I don't think Timmy falls into this because Timmy is Pauly everything.

Yeah.

He's pan culture.

Yes.

He is equal, like, he will sing you a Willie Nelson song, a Three 6 Mafia song, a Shania Twain song. He'll do show tunes and jazz standards and, you know, I, I think he's just everything. He loves basketball and table tennis and Shakespeare and, you know-

Which makes it hard to believe any of it. I would-

Bonsai trees

... I, I would say, but I, but I also think that it's true. Like, I, I agree with you. I think you're right. I just don't know if this is the... This just, I, I, I don't, it just seems like a weird hill to die on a little bit to me because I just don't... The thing about him that's so frustrating as a, a known hater is that it does all seem authentic even though it is, it is obviously i- in hopes of getting an Oscar and selling tickets to a movie.

[laughs]

It does, it feels authentic to me. I don't know, I don't know why. I wish it didn't, but it does. Like, I don't think he's, I don't, I don't think there's some, like, I don't think he's got a fucking whiteboard in his apartment-

[laughs]

... and him and Kylie Jenner are updating it with what stuff he can do-

[laughs]

... and what sort of race c- race that falls under, and if he gets it equal. You know what I mean? It just doesn't feel like-

Right, right, right.

Of course, going on Druski is not gonna win you an Oscar. [laughs] Like, if I'm Timothée Chalamet and I wanna win an Oscar, but I can also go hang out with Druski, I'm gonna go hang out with Druski, too. It's fun.

Yeah, I mean, I, I guess the, um, w- another, another point they were making is how the film campaign is different than the Oscar campaign, and w- I mean, which is natural if you, if your team of people who do this for a living know who you have to pander to. And when you're trying to sell a movie, you're trying to tr- tr- touch every single culture-

Yeah

... uh, and, and, and age range and sex and gender and whatever. You wanna cast as wide of a net as possible, whereas the Oscar nominations and victories, you're trying to specifically speak to Hollywood entertainment industry executives and people that are-

Yeah

... members of the board.

They have to be, they have to be different, I think. I mean, if you're smart, they have to be different. Like, I don't think that, like... I, I just think that everybody has to do everything now, and if you want to have a problem with that, you can, and there's arguments to be-

You can kiss my ass

... there's arguments to be made, but I'm a little bit like, I, I don't... I, I think you can be exhausted with his sort of campaigning, but I'm not sure if you can pin it on specific... I don't know. It just feels, it feels like a, a, a reasonable thing to explore. I just don't know how-

Yeah

... I, I just don't know if, if other people are gonna see it, I guess, is what I'm saying.

Yeah, I, I think the New York, the growing up in New York City of it all sort of changes how you, how you dress, and you know, like, like you said, Timberlands. That is a, you know, if, if I'm, if you're walking around in certain parts of the world or the country and you're wearing Timberlands, as a white person, it might stick out a lot more so than, you know, on the streets of Manhattan.

No. In, in New York, it's a winter shoe.

Puffy, puffy jackets and Tims and whatever, you know, Air Force 1s. Like, the whitest kids you've ever seen in your life in Manhattan are all wearing Air Force 1s. You know what I mean?

If I go outside, if I go outside on Saturday when it snows, every fucking white teenager is dressed like Jadakiss.

[laughs]

That's just what it, that's, that's just, I mean, honestly, I don't, I don't know why.

It is true.

I don't know-

Because it's like-

I don't know how to explain it

... the, the option is, like, do I wear this North Face puffer that is affordable, goes with everything, lightweight, easy to wash, or do I get, like, some weird, like, wool overcoat from Banana Republic that, you, you know, makes you look like-

Makes you look-

... an investment banker-

Yeah, like, what is, yeah

... or something. [laughs]

Yeah. No, it is, that is kinda true.

No, you don't watch that show, The, uh, The Traders, right?

No. I feel like I should, but for some reason it's sort of, I've just missed it a little bit. I, I know that it's quite popular, mainly from following Raven Smith on, uh-

[laughs]

... Instagram.

Yeah, I've n- I've never seen it, and I don't plan to 'cause it kinda feels like an extension of, like, having game night at your friend's house.

I think that's probably fair. I, I, but people b- love it in a way that's, like, sort of like when Love Island took over the world, you know? And it was, like, all anybody could talk about.

Mm-hmm.

This is a lesser version of that, but a similar... I, I'm seeing similar chatter, I would say.

It's a game of deception. That's evergreen where I'm from, but everyone seems to be hating on, um, Rapaport.

I mean, what's new?

People have always been hating on, on Rapaport, but now he, he's sort of thrust into the center stage so everyone can see just how insufferable he is, and I feel like, like, everyone loves fucking with him 'cause he always snaps, you know? Like, there's a classic video of somebody, like, throwing a snowball at his head-

[laughs] Jesus

... while he's, like, doing a live-

So good

... live vlog or something.

[laughs] This is so good.

This whole crap with this cancel culture and the w-

Shut up.

Sh- shit.

Shut the fuck up. Nobody wants to hear it.

Little fucker.

You've been talking all fucking weekWe don't care what you have to say, just stop talking You got me right in my fucking head, asshole. All right, stop. Jesus

He, he gets knocked down and gets up again so much, and I'm wondering if he's gonna have like a, a Kramer from Seinfeld, you know, lapse of judgment, and he's gonna snap and just like d- whatever version of him screaming the N word at the-

I mean, look, I-

... at the improv

... I think we could only hope.

Like, is Rapaport gonna do... Is he gonna snap and like-

Is he Republican now?

... kill a guy or something?

He is, right? He's like sort of gone-

I don't know if he's super Republican. I think he's like anti-MAGA, but he's definitely, he's definitely anti-Zoran.

Well, he wants to run against him. I don't, I used to s- sadly enough, Rapaport OG po- OG podcaster.

[laughs]

I mean, that, he had some, he, there was a moment where his podcast was really popular an- and this is like-

Yeah

... during the early days, I would say.

A lot of awful people have been doing it for a long time.

It's actually true. N- n- no shots at us.

How long can this guy get the smoke from everyone? Like, he's, he's like the villain of the world, like every single... He has no fans.

No, he definitely does. The, I mean-

[laughs]

... everybody that's that hated has fans, or they wouldn't even... Trust me. But did you see the video of him eating?

He's in the Kia asylum deep. Wait, what'd you say?

Definitely. Did you see the video, the picture of him eating or the video of him eating?

Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. That's some of the-

Him shoveling

... that's some of the best shit I've ever seen. [laughs] Like, knowing that you're being videotaped 24 hours a day and do-

[laughs]

... and not being able to help yourself with the shovel. Like, we've all been hungry. Don't, don't get me wrong.

[laughs]

But the, the, he looked like, he looked like a fucking Hungry Hungry Hippo character, deadass.

Well-

Like, it looked like the ball-

He, he has the eating habits and behavior. It's, it's a skill issue. The reason why he's shoveling is because, you know, his opposable thumbs and dexterity are not enough to like handle the silverware and eat accordingly. You know, he's not so good with the fork and the spoon and the knife just quite yet, so we've adopted like an elementary shoveling technique. And then the irony, I think I saw like a side-by-side photo of like, 'cause everyone is talking shit on Zoran for eating food with his bare hands, s- you know, in the, in the style of some parts of the world, um, and then him shoveling the, the food-

See, that, that just reminds me-

... over the paper plate with his bare hands, you know?

When I was in Japan, I, I was at the sushi place solo, and the white boy next to me in like a-

[laughs]

... barber jacket and fucking Red Wing boots, now, now, obviousl- things I love too-

He's listening to this podcast right now, of course

... was eating, was eating sushi with his hands. I was like, "Bitch, do not." Like-

What?

Now, you can't-

I, I eat sushi with my hands.

No, bro. Sorry. White boys not allowed. That's just how it is, man.

That's, no.

No.

No, no, no. It's, it's not a, I, I think this is a skill issue and a confidence issue, and it, it transcends race.

Nope. It's not. No, it does not. That is, that is not your culture.

The same way, like, like this morning, Carolyn and I were walking around and like t- two local surfer guys were like, uh, telling us that the swell is good today and we should go out. And we, we told them, you know, we're not surfers and we're probably not gonna go out. Um, but I think Carolyn called him bra.

That's unacceptable. If I, if I were him, I would've-

[laughs]

If I were him, I would've punched you, 'cause that's, like you gotta answer for that, big dog.

You better check your bitch before I check her first, bro. [laughs]

[laughs] Yo, I swear to God, bro, I'll take off this wetsuit and I'll beat your ass, okay?

[laughs] But s- so my point is she said it in a way that was 100% subconscious-

I don't, I-

... natural

... that's, that's fine

... and in her m- but the thing is, in her mind, it came out smooth and natural. In my mind, I was a little bit like-

You were like, "Don't you..." [laughs]

There was, there was a 10% of affectation going on. It w- it didn't, it didn't sound-

Well, th- I'm saying-

... 100% true. And then the same thing, white boy, if a white boy-

No

... picks up that ni- nigiri-

No

... do- and then takes it, takes it down in the mouth with the right confidence, the, you know, whatever, you know.

No.

The same way that they know that, you know, like it can sense your fear. The, the nigiri can sense your fear if-

[laughs]

[laughs] And if you grab that bitch, dunk it-

I, I, I'm not saying you c-

... and down the hatch

... I'm not saying you can't pull it off. I'm just saying to you, when you're in Japan and you're a white boy that looks like, like Iowa City white and you're doing that, the- they are laughing at you. That's all I'm saying. Like, you can do whatever you want.

Mm-hmm.

I'm just telling you, the local people are laughing at you-

Okay, so what about-

... because-

Look, what, let's say-

They're like, "All right, Jiro, chill out. Use the chopsticks, okay?"

Let's say you look like me, not an Iowa farm boy.

Well, you, I mean, I mean-

Let's say you look like a guy like me, whatever that means.

I would love for you to describe that, but we don't have time. We only, [laughs] we only have 15 minutes left.

It translates to long eel sex tourism-

Okay. [laughs]

... the, in their symbols that they would, they would write down.

In their symbols. [laughs]

[laughs]

Okay, got it. Okay.

Um, but no, chopsticks on the nigiri, it's a, it, it really, I, I don't do it because it's a cool thing of like, "Check this out. You can actually, you know, uh, you can actually eat the shrimp head if it's real..." You know, like it has nothing to do with that. I'm not trying to show off. It's because when you-

It's better

... when I pick it up with my hands, it stays-

Yeah, I, I agree with you. I know it's the better-

When you grab it with the chopsticks, even if you're a good chopstick user-

It falls apart. No, no, I-

... it can fall apart

... look, I, I, look, I recognize, I know that you were right. I am just telling you-

Mm-hmm

... it's like if you walk into a bodega-

Mm-hmm

... and you're like, "Oh, let me get a chopped cheese the Aki way, please."

[laughs]

It, they're like, "All right, bro. F- all right, sure." It's the same. They're, they're talking shit about you. It's like when I go to the, you know, it's once I learn, once I learn Vietnamese and I get my nails done, it's over.

[laughs]

You know what I mean? It's a similar-

Okay, so-

... it's a similar thing

... you're saying it's giving, "One bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich, please."

Yes. It's v- that, to me, that is what... I, I don't, I think it is the correct way to do it, and it definitely r- uh, helps retain the form of the nigiri.

Right.

And it's easier to eat. I'm just telling you, if you're gonna walk in there looking like a Tumblr post from 2012-

[laughs]

... you gotta be careful about how you act.

Okay.

That's all I'm saying.

It's the equivalent of, of-

That's all I'm saying

... your mom walking into the Hard Rock Hotel in Cancun and saying, "Hola."

Yeah. [laughs] Yeah, exactly. "Hola, how are you guys? So good to see you guys. Where can I get a quesadilla?" Um, I wanted to mention, I saw a quote. You posted something on TwitterUm, there's a video of you-

What?

Yeah, there's a video of you. It looks like ... Yeah, you, uh, you reposted it, so I don't know, but it's a video of you sitting at, like, a restaurant. You're wearing, like, a black shirt. Um, and it said, you, you ... I mean, I c- I don't wanna play it.

I wanna check this out.

But you basically say, "I don't give a fuck about politics. I just wanna go do drugs and talk to bitches."

[laughs]

And I was, I was a little surprised.

That does sound like me. That does sound like me.

I was a little [laughs], I was a little surprised that you would say that. Not because so, you're so politically active, but I know you're not a, you're not a huge drug user. You're obviously a married man. So I just, I wanted to know, is the blowback from the stuff in Miami getting to you? 'Cause it feels like a reaction-

Yeah, man. I mean-

... that I wouldn't expect from such a calm, eel-like, eel-like figure. [laughs]

Yeah, I don't really, I don't really club in America anymore.

[laughs]

It's just kinda torched. I'm kind of like, I'm in Switzerland.

I-

I'm in Chile.

It really killed me that that's the, the, that is a, that's not a quote from Jason, obviously.

There's a really good scene in Indonesia right now.

That's not, that's not a, a quote from Jason after he escapes to Bali to start his new life.

[laughs]

That is, um, that is from-

You're talking about the big clav.

That's big clav. Uh-

[laughs]

... and also, a, a enemy of the show, enemy of the state, really, Ni- well, not the state. I guess the state of How Long Gone. Nick Fuentes said it would be sick to marry an OnlyFans chick.

[laughs]

So I think these guys, I think this, like, th- these guys are sort of unraveling after, after their embarrassment.

[laughs]

Their bottle service-

After Hitlergate?

After Hitlergate. After HHgate at the club.

[laughs]

These guys are c- completely unraveling. Like, I, I don't-

Look, you hit them where, hit them where it hurts. Rev- revoke their access to Miami nightclubs, and what, what do the Tate brothers have?

Dude, it's, it's been ... It's actually a-

It's removing the wasabi root from the sushi master's belt.

[laughs] It's really, I was really bothered by that whole thing. And now I'm like, well, maybe it's for the best 'cause these guys seem to be unraveling and making themselves look somehow even worse, which is more entertaining for me as a bystander.

Yeah.

So I, it, it, it's sort of working out in the end. God's plan, if you will.

Yeah. God, God's ... You know, I, I think I said on the last episode or the one before that these people, they have 48 months to live. Like, you, you go down this path-

Yeah, any day now, one of them is gonna die.

Yeah. I mean, there's no, there's no way of leveling the playing out unless, you know ... I mean, I guess if Kanye is ... Like, he's sort of, like, half-touring. Like, he's doing shows in Mexico and Korea and, like, you know, different markets where his, his troubles and his actions are-

Did we talk about, did we talk about this?

... are more forgiven and just a, he's just more far away from it, you know?

Did we talk about this? That, which was really interesting is that-

About what?

... that basically the, the reason c- I think the reason Kanye's able to choose certain places to still perform and, and put out music, et cetera, is because they don't have the same relationship to, like, Judaism and the Holocaust.

Yeah.

Like, they don't know, like, they don't ... A- it's so fascinating to me 'cause obviously it's, it's a, I mean, it's a giant, like, thing you learn in school. But, like-

Mm-hmm

... not in Taiwan or, or whatever. It's how it was expl- somebody was explaining this to me. Like, the, the reason these places are being chosen is not, like, he's spinning a globe around and-

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm

... you know, putting his finger on a place. It's like-

Yeah, yeah, yeah

... it's places that w- where what, what he's done is, is not as offensive because they don't know as much, or they aren't as aware, I guess, maybe.

Right, right. It's not, it's not because they-

Embrace him.

It's not ... Yeah, they, it's not, they, they don't have different political thoughts or whatever. It's just, it's just not-

They don't condone it. They're not ... Yeah, exactly. It ... I just, I'd never even considered that.

Well, mer- merely a blip on the radar. And, and, and also-

Yeah

... places where a intense fandom exists to where you're able, you know, the, the pros outweigh the cons if you're down there. You don't know nothing about that. You know about the World War II, but I don't wanna get into the details of it, you know what I mean?

[laughs] Yeah, I know it happened. Uh, my teacher mentioned it, but I didn't really dig into it.

[laughs] Um, I had this in my notes from a long time ago, but I never brought it up, but you know, um, all the weird photos of Jonah Hill where that, that have come out where he's wearing the ... Everyone's like, "Oh, he looks so different." He's wearing the wig and the crazy clothes.

Yeah, for a movie.

And but, when ev- and there are all the pictures of him saying, like, his transformation is crazy, and they'll do the before and after pic. But, you know, m- not, not every place is saying that he's wearing this crazy outfit and he looks insane with his wig and goatee and all that stuff 'cause it's for a movie. And I feel like since a lot of people, uh, just are assuming that that's how he looks in real life, he should release a current photo of himself so people don't think that he just, like, looks like Zoolander or, like, LMFAO now, you know what I mean? Don't put it in The Wire. Just post it on Instagram Stories, you know, me and the kids with a cupcake emoji over their face or whatever it might be.

[laughs]

You in the gym.

Yeah.

You know, you doing the battle ropes or just something to where, you know-

I would love to see actually a picture-

... here's me wearing a fucking, a, an O'Neill or a, you know, a Body Glove T-shirt and-

A picture of Jonah Hill doing the battle ropes at Dogpound in a rash guard would set the world straight-

Right?

... right now. No, you're, you're right.

Set the world straight.

We need Jonah back, bro. I, I'm ready for Jonah to come back. He's one of the great actors of our generation. The guy, the guy needs to come back. Like, we, whatever ... I know he's working on stuff, but it feels like it's been two decades since we've heard from him. And I know the swells in Malibu are gonna be absolutely gnarly, but-

Dude, the, the Pacific calls, brother

... we gotta get you back in front of and behind the camera 'cause it's, it's hard out here.

Well, I mean, I think these, these paparazzi photos of him from the movie set means that-

Yeah, he's doing something. He's doing something

... he's in the lab. He's in album mode.

No, he's in album mode. And God, God bless because I, I mean, ba- based on what's going on out there in Hollywood, you know, we, we need all the help we can g- I think Jonah could save it, honestly.

Yeah.

If Jonah, if Jonah Hill and DiCaprio link back up, everything could be fixed.

Mm-hmm.

You know, you don't have to lie-

Yeah

... about numbers anymore. You don't have to worry about the China opening when you work at a post office in fucking Minneapolis.

[laughs]

You can just, you can ju- they, it'll just be something for the whole family to enjoy.

Bring the kids and the wife onto the red carpet again, you know, just-'Cause, 'cause Seth Rogen, he's kinda... He was... He got all held up and, and won all the awards, and then he got knocked down 'cause, uh, w- Paul, uh, Pamela Anderson said that it was fucked up that they were sitting at the same table-

Oh, yeah

... after he made, like, a fucked up movie about the worst part of her life without even talking to her about it. So, you know.

I was actually surprised to... I mean, obviously you can legally do that, you know?

[laughs]

But, like, I thought... I just assumed that Seth Rogen knew enough to know that, like, just because you can doesn't mean you should. And, and the, the least you could do is call Pam and have a chat, especially if you're just gonna do it anyway.

Right.

Like, if you're just gonna do it anyway, you might as well call her and, and tell her. It's, like, the right thing to do, sort of.

Just to be like, "Hey, just giving you a heads-up." Not, not asking for permission because you're already gonna do it, but just letting them know.

Yeah.

I mean, I don't picture myself doing that if I was in Seth's Hey Dudes. I would just be like, "I'm gonna make this movie," and then if I run into the person who I made the movie about-

No

... I'm gonna go, like-

No

... the Jay-Z emoji and just be like, "Ooh, awkward sauce. [laughs]"

No, that, that's the-

And then forget about it the next day

... but, but, I mean, that's fine if... But, but that's the kinda thing where if you were gonna do that and I knew that, I would tell you not to do that, and you would be like, "You know what? You're right. I'll call her." Seth Rogen should have 15 people in his life-

Mm

... that are gonna say like, "I see your point, but I think you should call her. It'll be better in the long run," and it doesn't... Like, if you're gonna do it anyway, what difference does it make?

Aziz is gonna be like, "Give her a call. Come on."

Yeah. I don't, I don't understand why no one would-

It's a good point.

I mean, maybe 'cause-

It's a good point

... maybe now he's, like, the boss, so everybody's as- afraid of him, you know? He's, like, got that energy going or, like-

Mm

... "You can't tell me shit. I'm the big dog." But-

I ain't gonna, I'm gonna, I ain't gonna cross jefe

... it's also, like, it's all, like, sex stuff. I don't know. It's just... It doesn't feel super respectful to women, and I know that's r- I know that's rich coming from me, but I, I mean it.

[laughs]

Like, I just think that's, like, bad... I think it's just bad juju. Like, I think you should not-

Mm.

Like, even if, even if she hates you, if you call her and do the right thing, at least you feel like you tried.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, it does, it does feel like the last sort of death knell of that era that he came up in where, you know, the objectification and slut-shaming and, you know, the whore calling, you know, that was a little much, you know, m- much more commonplace back then.

Yeah, for sure. And I, I mean, I think that, like, obviously that stuff is, for better or worse, part of the public record, you know what I mean? Like, that's just what it is, and that-

Like, yeah, when's the last time you heard anyone call anyone a slut?

No.

As in, in, in, like, a non-

Never

... in a derogatory way.

Literally nev-

You know what I mean?

... literally never.

But, like, when we were kids, you'd be like, "You're a slut," and then the whole room would be like, "Mm."

No, that was, like... That was the worst wor- I mean, it's the same thing with, like, a word like cunt. Like, you hear it all the time now, but it has no... It's not bad. Like, it, it used to be, like, that's the worst thing you could say.

Mm-hmm.

How could you say that? It's like, dude, what do you mean? It's a word.

Now I, I heard your dad say it when he was watching the Georgia Tech game.

Hey, now, don't... Hey, now. No, no, no, no, no. He would never say that around his Tigers.

[laughs]

Well, don't do that. Don't put that on my dad.

Over at the Chili's he'd be like, "This Awesome Blossom's cunt."

Don't... [laughs] Wait, free refills on my diet Coke?

Pardon my French, Christopher.

Go off, cunt. [laughs]

This quesadora is, skinny girl quesadora is, is cunt.

[laughs]

Nah, I mean, it is better when it's not giving or serving or blah, blah, blah. Just we need to bring back just regular cunt, you know?

It just is. It just is.

We can't, we can't say giving cunt anymore. That's half-assing. That's saying wigga instead of wigger. We gotta go-

I agree

... cunt

... I agree. Keep it-

Period

... keep it a whole stack. A whole motherfucking stack.

Um, speaking of gay stuff, when... I can't wait until we stop talking about Heated Rivalry, but they are the official Olympic torchbearers for the Milano Cortina Winter Olympics this year.

Thank God they were able, we were able to get them that job before they-

Is that the most Italian thing of all time?

I mean, dude, it's, it's honestly, like, I, I don't know how much more trotting out they can do before they have to get a job.

What's more Italian than two straight guys pretending to be gay?

That's s- that's Italian culture. Besides cigarettes, that's, like, what I-

[laughs]

That, that's Italian culture.

The only thing more Italian is two gay guys pretending to be straight. I don't know.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true. Or wearing fake designer clothing. That, that is also-

Mm-hmm

... a big part of Italian culture. We don't even have to talk about scooters.

No, no, no.

Um-

Please.

No, n- no, no.

What are you doing to me?

Um, all right. HowLongGone, Jason, uh, enjoy your vacation. Happy birthday to Caroline. Hope you guys have a nice time on the Big Island. Um, we will be back with more podcasts.

Yeah. Congrats to Caroline Ellison for getting free looking like a snack.

Free the guys.

Little baddie.

Free the guys. Uh, she's out, um-

First day out looking for a munch.

Yeah, I guess we'll just be back. Yeah, we're, we're back one on one, and then we're back next week with some more pods. I'm gonna be in LA for the, for the Grammys, and then we're gonna be shooting, uh, shooting another episode of, uh, of our sort of, uh, cultural rundown, um, over in Burbank, which is exciting. We're gonna try to get that on a real cadence for you guys moving forward here in 2026, so.

It's all about content.

Oh, and, and also, Jason, my, my, uh, my Magna came today, my, my pack. And I have to say, the, the lemonade iced tea, the, the Arnold Palmer flavor makes me feel like I'm at a, at a country club in Alpharetta.

Whoa.

If, you know, it feels like I'm pulling up on the cart on the 16th hole in the suburbs of Atlanta, and it feels good, I gotta say.

Okay, so you, you go up, the Arnold Palmer is in the, the big plastic sweaty ice-filled jug.

Oh, yeah.

And there's a handwritten sign that's something that would appear in your mom's laundry room that says, "Not too sweet"?

Yes.

"Just how I like it."

Not too sweet.

"Just how I like it."

It's perfect. No, I was, I was chugging it today at Equinox, like, wow, this is, this is very nice. I really like it.

Good.

I, I appreciate the push from a lemon lime or, you know, whatever, the more traditional-

Mm-hmm

... sort of sport drink.

Make water yummy again is the campaign, Chris. But like I was telling you before over, um, AOL Instant Messenger-

[laughs]

... wait until you try that apple flavor.

Okay.

It's gonna knock your dick off.

I'm not an apple juice guy by, by nature.

Oh, you're not an apple juice guy?

No.

Mm.

No, I'm an adult.

Not even a Martinelli's sparkling on a special occasion?

I mean, maybe when I was vegan and I got it from, you know, Sevanda and it was all we could have as straight edge-

Oh, yeah

... you know? But you can get that at Kroger actually. All right. HowLongGone, howlonggone.com, uh, is, is the website. We'll be back with more podcasts for the rest of your fucking life. Thank you for listening.

Mahalo. [upbeat music]

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