862. - Chris & Jason

[upbeat music] How long gone? He has risen. Jason, it's a beautiful Sunday, the Lord's day. I know you already hit the early service. How you feeling?

Mm-hmm. I'm feeling good, Brother Chris.

[laughs]

I got my coffee going with no alcohol in it-

[laughs]

... on God's day today, Chris. Rare.

You took-

Rare moment. I'm drinking-

Okay, so you, you're saying you left the Bailey-

My NA brew

... you left the Baileys out of, out of the-

Mm-hmm

... the brew this morning. You had some restraint.

Ooh, it's almost Bailey's season. Isn't that crazy?

[coughs] I, I don't-

Sometimes Carolyn likes a little cheeky nip of Bailey's in the, uh-

I don't know if I've ever had that

... in the AM coffee once we hit December.

I don't know if I've ever had that in my entire life. Now, now that I'm thinking about it, I, I, I'm, I'm both disappointed and proud to say that that's never-

You never had a high octane coffee?

[laughs]

High octane java?

I've had some high octane java, but it's usually just lavender syrup. But I see that this-

[laughs]

... is a little more high octane.

Lavender [laughs]. Can I get a lavender London fog?

[laughs] I told you, I, that, that girl here, that girl here in St. Augustine was like, "I just love coffee." And I was like, "Oh, what, what, what [laughs]-,

[laughs]

... what is your, what's your, like, go-to?" I thought she was gonna be onto some wild pour over shit, and she said, "Honey lavender latte is my favorite."

[laughs]

And I said, "I'm sure that's good." Honestly, I'm sure that kind of shit is good as hell, but that's why I don't even allow myself a single sip, because I'm afraid of what road-

Yeah

... I would go down.

And if you don't watch your barista make that, there's a good chance that there's no actual coffee in that beverage.

No. Well, I mean, I think people are now buying the Starbucks, you know, they're, they're buying the Starbucks size pumps of all those flavors for the house.

Mm-hmm.

So they, so you want-

Yeah

... 10 pumps, there's no embarrassment in putting the hazelnut in there. It's no big deal.

Stop trying to make pumps a thing, you guys.

[laughs] It's just you and God with the pump. It's just you and God at the pump.

Because I re- I rem- I, I, I saw, like, some article-

[laughs] Stop trying to make pumps a thing.

[laughs] I think maybe it was on Taste, uh, shout out to Rodbard, but I, I forgot what it was, but it was, maybe it was Bon App, but they're, it was, like, in, you know, let's bring back the Italian syrup culture of yore where, you know, I guess this is, you know, in, from a time before fresh produce and access to juices and things that we can make ourselves artisanally, and then you would just get... You go, you know, like, when you watch Friends or, or Frasier and all these, like, old coffee shops from the '90s, '80s, and there would be these big, giant copper or brass-

Yeah

... espresso machines and 50 different pumps with all these syrups and flavors.

Mm.

And, uh, I guess they used to make drinks and sodas and all, you know, other stuff with it. I don't know why we need to bring those pumps back. To me, the pump, it's like a literal AB one for one of, like, every single pump is, like, another mile you have to walk just to-

[laughs]

... you know, whatever it is. Or, like-

I just don't-

Like, every ti- every, like, how many pumps do you want in that? Venti, blah, blah, blah. Every single time that thing goes down, there's a new fucking, you know, 45 minutes of cardio you have to do to equalize that.

I, I, look, you know, I agree with you. I mean, I think that if you have to, if you have to add that much stuff to anything, you don't really like it enough to have it. You know what I'm saying?

Mm.

[laughs] Like, like, I don't think-

Mm-hmm

... like, if you just have a Celsius, it's less calories, and it gives you the same effect. It doesn't taste like a milkshake, but it does taste like juice.

I guess that's, that's a strong point. But people like the, I guess the, the beauty or the, or the benefit of something like a bitter coffee is that in order for it to taste like a Celsius, you have to add, you know, a lot of sugar to balance it out, and then you get those wild swings of, you know, salt, fat, acid, heat, or whatever. You get the dynamic range of-

Sure, sure, sure

... you know, it's why orange chicken or, you know, whatever, like, sweet and sour is so good. It's because in order to not make it taste like a fucking gallon of vinegar, you have to add a gallon of sugar.

Yeah, yeah, no. For sure. I, I understand why people are reaching for a venti 2,000 calorie morning milkshake with protein foam. But I'm saying that-

[laughs]

... if we thought about this shit logically-

With banana maple bacon foam

... [laughs] yeah, if you thought about it logically-

[laughs]

... you'd be like, "Wait, if I'm just trying to get it going so I can get to the job site in the morning, and I'm trying to slim down, I don't have time. You know, I got three kids, the, the house payment's due. I don't have time-

You know, I, I think this-

... to, to walk"

I agree. I think this would all be fixed if we just, um, you know, treat treats like a treat. That's my new platform.

Okay, so you're saying-

You know, if you like, you, Monday through Friday, you know, let me get a drip coffee. I'll pour a little milk in there on the way to work. It is what it is. It gets the job done, tastes good, blah, blah, blah. Sunday rolls around, we're gonna watch the game. Kids are gonna come over, you know, gonna go for a hike, do laundry. That's when I get my triple pump banana protein maple bacon-

[laughs] Yeah, yeah

... Belgian waffle foam blaster.

[laughs] It's so crazy.

And you say, "Oh, I've been waiting all week for this treat. It's so, I know it's bad for me. I do it once. It's amazing."

This new trenti.

And then it's also so strong and sweet and trenty and everything. I actually am looking forward to balancing this out on Monday morning-

Mm

... with my black drip.

It's too, I mean, I would s-

And I'm not talking about urban style dressing

... but when I [laughs] yeah, this is no D- D- DTLR looks. When I go, when I-

[laughs]

... when I've been in, a- as I've been in St. Augustine, it's coming to a close, but as I go to the different coffee shops around town, a few of them have been like, "Oh, yeah, we don't ha- like, they just don't have drip coffee available at 2:30 in the afternoon. They have, like, one in the morning-

Oh, right, right, right

... but so few people order it that they just don't have it any- they don't make another one. You know, which is, I, I get it from a business perspective, but it seems like if you're not selling the baseline of the product-

It's like going to a coffee shop and trying to get cold brew in London after 9:00 AM. Like, "Oh, mate, we've only made one ration of it. We've only made 14 ounces of it."

[laughs] "It's all we got, bruv. It's all we got." Yeah, it's just a strain. And I'm like, well, but that's what coffee is. But that being said, if I went to Starbucks, I'm sure they would have some burnt Pike's Place ready to serve me no problem-

Mm

... 24 hours a day.

"Ooh, we got you, child. It's been sitting in here for, what is it? Uh, nine and a half hours."

It's... You know what? If you want to, if you want the whole thing, we'll give you a free cake pop. Just take it off our hands.

So be- [laughs] because of that, are you... Do you find yourself having espresso later on in the afternoon?

No, no, I'm, I'm going out of my way to have black coffee every afternoon. That's what I'm... I'm having my usual-

You're a drip chaser.

I'm, I'm a drip chaser. [laughs] I'm having my, I'm-

[laughs]

... I'm having my usual c- Chameleon from the local Publix. I got that in the fridge.

Mm-hmm.

But then when afternoon rolls around, there's a place called Address that's, like, the best in town. They have a g- they have drip all the time 'cause they're real heads.

Mm-hmm.

And then there's a unfortunately named Australian chain called Kookaburra that feels racist.

[laughs] Shit.

Um, but they [laughs] have, they have like-

Oh, that's just what we call little Black babies. I don't know what you're talking about

... they [laughs] have eight locations, and, like, they sell, like, Australian style-

Kookaburra, that's very, uh, reminiscent of Larchmont's, uh, own Kukaroo-

Yes

... failed chicken startup.

Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This feels like-

Okay

... 'cause St. Augustine, I didn't know this before I came here, but there's, like, a real surf culture here. Like, real, like, pros live here. You... And so I think there's an-

Oh, okay

... Australian crossover that one wouldn't expect in this part of Florida.

They got a HBO show. They're doing a pilot over there. It's called Three Foot Wave.

Yeah, [laughs] exactly. Exactly. No, no wetsuit. You're fine. It's pretty warm. Um, so you-

[laughs]

So the, the Kookaburra-

One of them almost came to my waist

... the kook- the Kookaburra has r- you know, it's, it's more... It feels like they're trying to be, like, an edgy Starbucks. They have merch. You know, all the shit you don't need, but really it's a good business because they sell coffee and these pies that are foreign to the Florida palate, obviously. Um-

[laughs] Foreign to the Florida palate. Uh, that's nice wordplay. You have been opening that scratch pad and jotting away, haven't you? That's good.

[laughs] Yeah.

Also, not, you know-

[laughs] Yeah, yeah

... OVO Chris off the domey.

[coughs] Uh, but the... So but they s-

A bomb atomically

... they sometimes will be like, "Oh, sorry, we're out. Can we make you an Americano?" And as we've said many times on this podcast, that's not the same thing. An Americano is the w- ar- arguably the worst coffee you can get for me. I, I don't want that at all.

[laughs] Well-

Too hot

... they also-

Way too hot

... okay, well, have you tried this? Have you tried the long black? [laughs]

Yes, I've c- yeah, I've tried the long black at Kookaburra.

[laughs]

I've tried the long black. No, I've tried the long black many times.

You tried the long black at Basement?

[laughs]

You're like, "Damn, Moses 70, I thought it was just... Everyone said it was just wide, but it's long too."

[laughs] Ooh, that corner was dark. Uh, but the-

[laughs]

... but the, it's-

The lo- the, the Ameri- the, the long black, you-

I like the Americano. No, that's what I get in Europe. I- if a- a long black-

Okay. Okay

... I will get in, like, Paris because it's-

You don't do it in the country. You might get cut up-

Nah, we know

... on some-

International waters

... on some Har- some David Harbour shit.

Yes. [laughs]

But when you're ou- s- overseas, then I get the long black.

It's different. Nobody has to know.

Look twice.

Nobody has to know.

Okay.

But yeah, so I, I, I would... I do think they offer that at, at Kookaburra, but I-

[laughs] Chris, it's a simple question. Does Kookaburra offer a long black?

[laughs] I can't.

I mean, I don't know what-

I can't. I can't. I'm not-

I, I feel like I'm taking crazy pills

... I'm not an expert on this menu yet, and that's why I'll drive 10 minutes further to go to Address where the, where the coffee is-

For, for our listeners at home who aren't, are not aware of it, the Americano, you pour espresso shot into a cup and then fill it up with hot water to make sort of a reverse drip coffee. Uh, and then the long black, you fill up water in the cup and then pour the espresso on top.

Yeah, and I, I-

And what that does-

I don't know how those are different, and I would expect someone, I'm sure many baristas will-

Oh, I know what happens

... will let us know.

It's the, it's the espresso... It's the crema of the espresso.

Oh, I see. I see.

So when you have... You pour the water on top of the crema-

Kills it

... and the crema gets mixed in and homogenized with the water-

I see

... so the overall-

Okay

... in the overall mouth feel is more similar to a, to a drip coffee where the, the oils and everything is all mixed in.

It... But it isn't though. It isn't. It tastes bad. That's my whole point.

I think, I think most people make Americanos incorrectly.

You're saying they're-

It's not treated with the respect that it deserves

I see.

I've, I've had very good Americanos, and I've had some dog shit ones too.

Oh, yeah, yeah. No, I mean, I'm sure that's the case. I mean, that's, that's true about almost everything, but I just feel like that there's too much... I guess there's too much margin for error-

Mm-hmm

... that I wasn't aware of 'cause I didn't think it seemed like that te- that technical of a process, but the difference that you just named I feel like could be very big depending on-

I'm saying, though

... how sensitive your palate is.

I'm saying, though-

The countdown's beginning, bro. I, it... When I get, when I get back and I taste that sweet, sweet New York City Caffe Integral abbraccio coffee, oh my God, I'm gonna be flying. It's like doing coke for the first time. I can't wait.

Okay. When, when exactly are you coming back? What's our, uh, when, when the wheel's up?

We're less than a week out right now. We're less than a week out. We're, we're... The countdown has begun.

Huge.

I've touched it. I've touched enough grass. Uh, I have typed enough, uh, staring out of a window, and let me tell you something, bro.

[laughs]

This shit, this shit could make a weaker man crazy. I'm saying that on God right now, and I'm not even that strong.

Okay. And you're saying you're s- this, so this is making you a strong man in this scenario?

No. No, no, no. This is testing-

Okay. Okay

... this is testing my will to live a- and i- in every sense.

Just being in Florida.

Sometimes I drive by the w- the woman that's asking for change on the way to the Publix, and I almost hit her up for an oxy. It's get- you know what I mean? I know she's got them.

[laughs]

And it's, it's, it's not looking... It's, it's looking grim. It's looking grim.

Well, th- that, that reminds me, sorry for the quick detour, but when you were talking about the coffee and, like, if you really have to add all that stuff to it, you're not really a java junkie. And then I w- you know, similarly to, you know, you're not really, uh, you know, an oxy head if you're like, "Okay, I gotta have my PJs on and a good movie, and I have my big water-"

[laughs] Yeah

... "and I have this and my socks and my muH and my JUUL, and then I can do it." Real oxy head, we're chewing it on the bus.

No, we're chewing it on the bu- we're chewing it while we're walking down the fucking cereal aisle at Publix. That's the, the real, for the real Florida pill mill-

Talking about making my way downtown.

[laughs]

[gags]

For my real Florida pill mill heads, they know what time it is.

Okay.

Uh, but no, it is, it is-

They know what it is

... I would say that it, it is testing someone's, uh, uhLike it just being alone this much does-

Are you saying you can see why Florida is maybe the, like, relapse-

Yes

... failed life-

Yes. [laughs]

... capital of America?

I, well, I, 'cause yesterday I, I, I finished some stuff, and I was like, "I gotta get out of this fucking house." So I, I, I, I fired up the GMC Sierra and drove 40 minutes just to drive to basically the nicer neighborhood that's, like, 30 minutes away.

You said, "Shut up and drive."

Yeah. [laughs] Uh, yeah, that's exactly what I said.

Take me anywhere, I don't care, right?

Yeah, that, that's literally what I said. So it's called Ponte Vedra, and it was, uh, it's like Malibu vibe kind of. Like, giant houses, like, t- the Sawgrass is there, like the famous golf course. So I go get a bad coffee in a shopping center just to, like, do something and see some rich people.

[laughs]

And then I went and hit the beach, uh, solo. I brought my suit, and I was like, "All right. I'll take a quick dip, and then I'll head back, you know-"

Mm-hmm

... keep reading my books.

Did you, you didn't, you didn't bring your clubs for this one? Not even nine?

I, I, I was, I... Jason, it's gotten to the point though where I'm like, "I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go rent some left-handed clubs at the driving range just to have something to do."

This motherfucker said, "I could, I could do a couple buckets right now. You know, I guess I could do a couple buckets." [laughs]

[laughs] I could do a couple buckets. I could do... I'm, you just see out there drinking a Diet Coke with a visor on and a couple buckets. You wouldn't even recognize me.

[laughs]

So the, so I went to the beach. I, I went to the beach, and I'm like, "Oh, this is, this is great. This is so normal. You just park the car and walk on..." You know, it's no bullshit.

Mm-hmm.

There's no, like-

Mm-hmm

... it's really easy to do. I get out there. There's not a single person in the water. It's only guys that look like alcoholics fishing.

Mm.

That's it. There's no one in the water. And you know how they do it, where they stick it-

Now this is-

They get like a-

... this is a beautiful, this is a beautiful ocean scenario, right? It's like a, a nice-

Yeah

... idyllic place

... it's really, it's really beautiful. It's like untouched.

It's not like down by the docks looking all shitty.

This is, this is, like, 30 minutes from... This is, like, in between Ponte Vedra-

Yeah, I pulled up-

... and, and St. Augustine

... I pulled up a nice photo from kayak.com. It's looking real nice.

It's ni- it's nice. But these guys are out there fi- they're wearing the f- the, the Florida man look is, and this is common in Orange County too, the long sleeve hoodie to keep the sun off.

Mm-hmm.

You know what I'm talking about?

Mm-hmm.

The thin-

Yeah, yeah

... it's a brand called Huk, H-U-K.

[laughs]

And th- but they do this thing where they basically, it looks like, and you might know this as a fisher person, they have-

[laughs]

Uh, they, they've, it looks like they've gone to Home Depot and sort of fashioned these mini PVC pipes, and they stick-

Yeah, yeah, yeah

... several rods, you know, d- one, one per hole, pause, and they know David Harbor, and they, they cast them and just kinda sit there and look at their phone. And I'm like, "That, what are you even... Like, I don't understand. I thought fishing was supposed to-"

So the, so they have the, basically they have these, like, it looks like a little white PVC pipe sticking out of-

Yeah, yeah

... the sand in the ocean. They'll get a big rod, cast it out as far as they can, sinks to the bottom. They stick it in the hole, crack open a Keystone Light while, you know, tear the, the filter off their Marlboro Red and wait for something to bite.

I wish it was that cool. They're just sitting there, they're just sitting there on top of a Yeti cooler playing fucking a game on their phone.

Oh.

Like, that's literally what it was like. Like, there, there's no... I'm like, well, I thought fishing was supposed to be like you're out there. That's the whole thing.

I always... Uh, you, you have to brick your phone before you go fishing. That's a rule, guys.

I just feel like fishing, the whole point is that it's boring. Like, that's the whole point of being there.

Mm-hmm.

And I, if you, if you start playing Candy Crush, I don't, I feel like that's, that's diminishing returns.

You in a real bad, just like-

Yeah

... just like our coffee and our oxy. If you have to pull out the Angry Birds while you're doing the one thing that you love to do to relax and get away from-

That's what I'm saying

... your bitch wife or husband-

That's, that's what I'm saying

... you go there, and you talk to your friends about, "Hey, have you guys seen this, uh, Fred again?"

[laughs]

And he brought out the guy from Daphne. You know, you're supposed to chat with the player.

That's what I did. I tried to stop him-

You see the-

... and talk about that

... World Series is on right now. NBA is on right now. There's so much for our straight male dads to be chatting about, but no.

This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by a new podcast from The Guardian, Stateside with Kai and Carter. This is covering a lot of our bases, Jason. It's, uh, it's trying to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions we all have about what's happening in the world, and I know you particularly have quite a lot of questions.

A lot of questions, but how often? 'Cause we do this podcast three times a week, and that's a sweet spot. How many times do they do?

Three times a week, and I, I, I have a feeling just based on the platform and these talking points that they're maybe gonna be covering different stuff than we do. That's just a guess.

The Guardian is not some billionaire-owned platform. They're not afraid to say what they wanna say, brother.

Yeah, Rupert ain't sniffing around in, in what, uh, journalists Kai Wright and Carter Sherman are up to over there at, at, uh, [laughs] Stateside.

Mm-hmm.

But yeah, listen wherever you get your podcasts. You can watch on YouTube. It's three times a week, and, and who couldn't use more news? You know, especially, especially when it's, when it's not, you know, from here, let's say.

[laughs]

Give it, give it a, give it a listen. Give it a listen. Every time I go to the doctor, I walk out of that bitch feeling dumb. I got no real info. This guy in a white coat just say, "You're fine," you know, "Drink more water."

He knows how to charge my copay.

Exactly.

That's about it.

As if, as if I could drink more water, doctor. I, I, I don't get data. I don't get a game plan. I just get a pat on the ass and get out there and, and make it better, but SuperPower's doing something different. SuperPower sends a licensed professional to your home, or you can visit a nearby lab if you're a little freak. It's a simple blood draw, one simple blood draw with over 100 biomarkers, which is way more than what you usually get, and it unlocks a real understanding of your body. Uh, their app includes detailed information on your heart, liver, thyroid, hormones, metabolism, vitamin and mineral levels, and even environmental toxins. Ooh, ooh.

[laughs]

So from disease prevention to treating that annoying brain fog or simple optimizing for your gym game, let's go. SuperPower is more comprehensive and advanced system out there.

Make this year the year we all stop guessing about our health with SuperPower. For a limited time, How Long Gone listeners get $20 off to unlock their new health intelligence. Head over to superpower.com and use the code HOWLONG for $20 off your membership. That is code HOWLONG, and after you sign up, they'll ask how you heard about SuperPower. Do us a favor if you could and tell them How Long Gone sent you, and that'll just support us. Thanks.

This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by our best friends at BetterHelp. Jason, we're, we're deep into May, which is, uh, Mental Health Awareness Month, and this is just a reminder that whatever you're going through, you don't have to go through it alone. Life is a damn journey. Some days feel good, and others feel overwhelming. Whatever's keeping you up at night, it's easy to feel like you have to figure it all out on your own. But the truth isNo one has all the answers. Well, and no journey should be alone. Having someone with you to listen, to understand, and to support you can really make all the difference.

I agree, Chris, and sometimes, you know, it, it's nice to be talking to somebody even if they're not even listening, even if you don't even get to be in the same room with them. Because what you're doing is you're admitting these things to yourself, and that's the most, that's the most rewarding thing you can do sometimes. So you can have a great little therapy sesh with your perfect therapist at BetterHelp, choosing between over 30,000 people so you can get the right one just for you. Over six million people globally are using it. And, you know, have some breakthroughs. Go on that walk after your BetterHelp sesh, you know, whatever it might be. Get a nice little lunch all for yourself, maybe a non-alcoholic kombucha, and just think and be like, "Damn, I really am him." You don't have to be on this journey alone. Find support and have somebody with you in therapy. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com/howlong. That is betterH-E-L-P.com/howlong.

Just like, just like us, they're glued to their phones even when in nature. So I went. I take a dip, and the vibe is a little bit like this guy's crazy about me. And I'm like this is an ocean. This is m- this... I'm doing what God intended and so are you. Let's coexist together on this beach.

Is there a scenario where they know something about this water that you don't?

No, I don't think so. I, I thought about that. I thought about that. But-

Okay

... I don't think so. Some of them were standing foot in. You know what I mean? Like, if they would, they would have a couple rods set up-

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm

... and then they would have another one in their hands, and they'd be, you know, whatever, knee deep, ankle deep. Um, so I, I feel like if it was really radioactive they wouldn't even touch it. But, but-

Sure, sure, sure

... I don't... Guys like this are fishing just for sport. Like, they're not-

I'll pull up the toxicology report

... they're not taking this, they're not doing this to eat the fish. Or th- or they could be.

We don't know that.

Okay.

It was just a personal preference.

Did you see them catch anything? Of course not. No, no, no. There was one Asian family that was fully wrapped like mummies, and they had their phones in plastic bags FaceTiming with their family. They didn't get in the water either.

That's quite dystopian sounding, I must say.

[laughs] The whole thing was a psychedelic, and I'm, I got in the water and the waves were nice and choppy. It felt good. It was refreshing.

Mm-hmm.

And I d- I w- I... The reason I'm telling this story is 'cause I did something that I've never done before. I wanted to talk to you about it a- as, as a guy who's a proponent of this. I didn't go shirtless for the drive home, but I did go open button down. D- so I'm like halfway there.

Okay. A little teaser.

A little t- [laughs]

Okay.

A little teaser. I had a, I had a towel-

Little teaser

... wrapped around my snatch little waist.

So you didn't... Okay, you didn't... You, you did a nip slip is what you did.

I did a, I did a nip slip barefoot driving home too, though. So I was really trying to lean into my Florida-ism.

Mm-hmm. Is, are you letting the beard go?

Oh, yeah. I look awful.

[laughs]

Uh, but that's kinda the... I look crazy. I'm not shaving till I get back to New York. And then I saw that friend of the show, Justin Bieber, just shaved. And-

Yeah, he's looking, he's looking better

... his fans are raving about it. They love it. So I think that I'm just gonna follow his footsteps and kinda go back to, um... I don't know if I'll reach age 22, but maybe 35, [laughs] you know, hopefully.

I mean, this is... You, you're, you're gooning your facial hair. You're, you're edging it. It's... I love to do it, you know, push it as far as you can so when you finally put clipper to face you're, you have a real transformation.

That's, that's what I'm looking. I need something to look forward to. Um, but I, I would... I, I do, as you mentioned, I, I was seeing... I was on... I was up this morning doing my usual scroll, and all anybody could talk about was some guy's last name I'd never heard before.

Okay.

So for five tweets I was like, "Who the fuck is this guy that's with Fred again and why does everyone care?"

Oh.

Then I realized it was one of the guys from Daft Punk, and I was like, "Oh, okay. That makes a little more sense." I'm not a Daft Punk fan to know one of them by last name only, which is maybe that's a, that's a, you know-

Yep

... that's bad for me.

That's our, our friend, friend of the show, Thom, Thomas Bangalt- Bangalter.

Bangalter.

Thomas Bangalter. But it would be Thomas Bangalter for our, uh, English-speaking homies in America. Yeah, I saw the, a lot of those videos. Don't forget, [sighs] TJ did it first many, many years ago before social media. Not a big deal.

TJ did what first? Had a member of Daft Punk DJ-ing without their helmet on?

That's correct.

That's... [laughs]

Oh, it's 20 years ago.

[laughs] Okay. No, no, I... Look, TJ makes the world takes. We all-

Friend of the show Glenjamin has it on camera on, on YouTube somewhere.

All right. Let's get the... Glen, let's get that clip up of goofy ass Them Jeans d- drunk off of, off of-

[laughs]

... malt liquor standing next to the guy from Daft Punk.

[laughs]

What... Okay. What... This is... Thi- you're a- this is-

He did a much better job 20 years ago than he did last night. No shade to the god.

That doesn't surprise me. I feel like the, the intimate crowd was probably a little more energetic, the, or it feels.

I would much rather see him play than Fred again though.

I didn't know this, so we're wa... I'm watching the clip and I'm like, "Well, this... I don't get this. Maybe this is good. Maybe this is bad. I don't even know." Like, that's how little I understand what's going on.

Mm-hmm.

Um, but F- but I was distracted because Fred again, little dork ass, was wearing-

[laughs]

... a, what looked, what looked to be like a Carhartt or less side bag.

That's just my, my, my places and faces side bag.

[laughs] Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's wearing a, he's wearing a side bag. Fred again... Look, I'm not advocating for, for men with purses. I think it's a little pro, uh, you know, it's a little performative unless you're on contract with fucking Bottega.

[laughs]

But [clears throat] when you're Fred again, you're, you're, I don't know, the biggest DJ in the world right now besides Diplo and his Run Club, and you are on sta- does... That was... How many people was that? That was massive what they were playing.

Yeah, you know, maybe 10,000.

10,000 French people, which, you know-

I don't know. I have no idea

... tough crowdYou know, thousands of French people.

[laughs]

And he's-

A feat that nobody should deal with

... he's wearing, he's on stage DJing. He's performing in front of these people, and he's wearing his little purse across his chest. And I don't think Fred Again needs his molly that close to him, and he's not getting ID'd, and he doesn't need a piece of gum mid-set. So does he think this looks cool? Is that what's going... Is this like a, a look thing?

I think it's likely his-

Because you said you've seen him do this before.

Yeah, I think he wears that all the time, and I think it's his, like, emotional support, anxiety-

Okay

... kinda thing.

Okay.

I mean, I could be... This is, I'm, this is just all hearsay and partially, uh, insultory. But-

I mean-

Yeah, I mean that-

If you're, if you're-

If, if I'm getting paid, you know, hundreds of thousands of dollars to DJ for an hour, and I'm constantly booked and busy, I've got a tour manager, a manager. My manager has an assistant, and their assistant has one. You know, give the, give the guy your bag for a half an hour while you DJ with fucking Daft Punk in front of 10,000 people.

You're also... [laughs] He was wearing an Amal and the Sniffers shirt too, which was unfortunately covered up. That's the coolest-

Yeah

... kind of music I've ever heard him liking. So he's covering up the shirt. I mean, Fred, look, Fred contains multitudes I'm sure, but the... I was so distracted by his purse that I was... his pocket book, that I was unable [laughs] to concentrate on the fact that the guy from Daft Punk was playing a five-minute spoken word from the new Paul Thomas Anderson movie. Or was it, or was it the... What did he play? Did you hear that part where it's like this d-

I, well, the one, the thing that I saw, it was, it was like a speech of somebody talking... I, I guess this event in France was the, uh, it's a b- big historical venue of some sort, and I think it's being-

Oh, okay, okay, okay

... torn down or remodeled or changed into something. So it was like a speech announcing it from back in the day, whenever it was built. I don't know.

Okay.

So I'm sure that landed really well with all the fucking-

[laughs]

... ketamine 19-year-olds out there-

So that's why-

... in the crowd

... that's why he came out. It... Was it, oh, was it at the Pompidou? Was it the, was it the final rave at the... I, I, we should know where this was.

Yeah, I think it is.

Okay. Yeah, that, that makes a little more sense than why you would bring out French royalty.

It's the Pompidou Center.

Yeah, it's where the, it's where the Wolfgang Tillmans show was.

And the capacity is more like 5,000, not 10,000.

It's where the... It, 'cause they're, they're closing it for good or to renovate it, at least for a very long time. And that's why they let Wolfgang Tillmans do that show there where he, like, sort of just used the entire space as he s- saw fit. And I guess these parties are the final... Like, that was, last night was, like, actually the last thing that anyone was gonna do.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

And why you c- why you... Look, we don't need a fucking... We don't need Fred Again. We got Ed Banger, bro. This is France, God damn it.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, a, a friend of the show, A-Trak, had a tweet, "Fred should not touch French CDJs," and that is true. I saw another tweet saying Fred Again is sort of the, the, the third wheel of EDM. He's either... He's, he's just with these, these people. Somehow he just weasels his way in there.

But why do these guys, why do these guys fuck with him? 'Cause he's that good, and they're just like, "We gotta show respect"? W- w-

You know, I don't... It's a good question. I mean-

You know what I mean? Like, what is the-

... he could just be really nice. He could have-

He doesn't seem cool

... you know, the Skrillex syndrome when everyone's like, "He's just so nice and genuine and talented," and, "Oh, shucks, he just won me over." And now he's an... You know, he's become a cool person who's chill and stuff as a, as an adult. But I don't know. Maybe it's some Illuminati shit. Fred's dad is, you know, forcing these people to hang out with him or paying them to hang out with him. Who knows?

No, I d- I think it is... It feels like something that we don't understand, and maybe that's just 'cause we're not in the lab with Fred and, you know, we don't-

I d- I saw an interview with Four Tet actually this morning, and he was saying, "I wa-" Uh, he DJ'd a party and came in with Fred Again and just saw the way the energy shifted in the room, and then he was like, "We should, we should do a party at Madison Square Garden as soon as possible," and then-

Wow

... just did that.

Okay, so you're saying-

And they set up turntables on the floor. Th- they, he just said, "Give me the big... Th- give me the first date at Madison Square Garden. We'll put CDJs in the corner of the room on the floor and, and throw a party."

So your OG is saying that Fred, whatever he's got, people go crazy for, and there's just no denying it, which I think is probably fair.

Yeah. I, I, I think that's true, but al- I also think it's like, you know, whatever was happening last night, this French royalty and every big, cool French electronic musician is on stage, and Fred Again, you just gotta bow out. Just don't do it. He was sitting there the whole time watching Daft Punk DJ in France in this big, emotional, amazing event, and Fr- all Fred wants to do is get his little hands on that USB stick and get it and start spinning that wheel, and he's about to drop a new crazy track, and it's gonna make the crowd go sick. He couldn't just let... He couldn't let the wine breathe before chugging it, you know?

Who played the, uh... Well, who, who played the Medi remix, though? That was Daft Punk guy, or that was Fred Again?

Probably, that was probably-

Okay

... Tomas.

I didn't know, I didn't know if-

I'm assuming

... I didn't know if Fred was pandering to his audience, which would be smart in that, in that instance, I would say.

Yeah, but you can't do... If, also, if you're Fred and you're playing that, you can't play any French music. You can't play it. You have to leave that all to them.

Oh, I s- I see. So you're saying even though you know that'll bring down the house a- and you know exactly how to do it, that would be disrespectful to the French OGs that you're playing with.

Y- you know, and whatever you're opening, a comedian or a DJ or whatever-

Sure, the opener can't play the hits

... yeah.

Sure, sure, sure.

Or, I mean, you can play lots of hits. Just don't play the same ones that the guy before you, or I mean the guy after you, or the person after you is probably gonna play.

Yeah, yeah, sure. I was a-

Don't play stuff from their wheelhouse.

It was a fascinating, uh, scroll as a person who could care less. Um, it was, it was very... People were very, uh, animated, let's say, about it.

Yeah, they were. I mean, unfortunately our friend Tomas-It's hard to be a 50-year-old guy who lives in LA and then DJ a fucking giant room like that.

I mean-

A lot of the ideas in your, in your bedroom and in your head don't work in a big crowd like that in 2025, and that's a-

Mm

... that's a bummer. He was, probably was gonna craft some amus- you know, musical journey that sh- pays homage to the venue and blah, blah, blah. And, you know, in 2025 people are just yelling, "Six, seven," until somebody plays-

[laughs]

... a Fake Mink remix. [laughs]

Yeah, bro. That's why... Look, that's why I'm considering moving to Florida. They don't even know who Fake Mink is here, you know?

Right, right.

Where I... When I'm at the, when I'm at the-

[laughs]

... Publix, I couldn't a- I could poll the entire place and no one would know who Fake Mink is.

Mm-hmm. They don't know real or fake mink.

[laughs] Yeah. Maybe one of the... I don't know. There's some, there's some baggers that look a little under the influence. They might know.

[laughs]

But, you know, I... Fake Mink is beyond my level of comprehension.

I guess speaking of rap, quick aside, I had, um, I had lunch with friend of the show Kareem from, from Subway Takes. We went and had some Persian food, and we were, we were talking about, um, glazing.

Yeah.

The, uh, on the, [laughs] on the N- New York City mayoral debate, was it Curtis S- Silva who said, "You're glazing"? Like, he accused somebody of-

Did he? [laughs]

... you know, as, like, a 70-something... Yeah, I guess so.

That's fire. He's, he's, he's been unbelievably important to those debates as far as... Because Zohran looks like a serial killer 'cause he can't stop smiling.

[laughs]

And Cuomo's an idiot.

Yeah, yeah. Silva tells Mamdani not to glaze him. [laughs]

[laughs] That is just so cool 'cause that guy, like, that guy's a real New Yor- like, I think that... I- I've seen people say this, but they're like people have just not been exposed to, like, a real New Yorker like that in-

Yeah, yeah

... maybe ever, like, in this sort of, in this sort of, uh, context. And it is... I mean, he's obviously, like, done all this. He's been around forever. If you live in New York, you, like, know who he is and you know the whole story, but man, putting that on the big stage is, is-

[laughs]

... it's rivaling Trump-level comedy.

I agree. He's, he was born in 1954. He never leaves home without a red beret.

That's the signature.

And Mamdani w- Mam- Mamdani was like, they asked him, "If you weren't going to be mayor, who would you vote for?" And you can't, you know, you can't vote for yourself. And he said, "Curtis," and he's like, "You're glazing me."

[laughs]

So he is... So it's not, it's not like his team of 22-year-old marketing genius gurus told him to say that to get the young people vote.

No, he's real.

That was just off the dome in response to him.

He's on the block. The guardian angels are on the block. Like, that, that's off the dome.

He ain't new to this. He true to this.

But Z- Zohran's also getting dr- dragged for taking his chick to Omen, uh, a classic, uh, New York Japanese restaurant that is, even by New York standards, pretty expensive.

Mm-hmm.

Um, so it's tough. If you're doing the 150 prefix at Omen, it's tough to beat-

[laughs]

... the, the charges.

[laughs]

You know what I mean? It's tough to beat the charges.

Well, I, I just love that, that Eric Adams goes out to thousand dollar dinners every single night. [laughs]

[laughs]

And Lil' Zo gets his one little Wagyu slider meal-

Lil' Zo

... and he's getting skewered.

[laughs] Lil' Zo.

Lil'-

Lil' Zo got that $35 avocado salad at Omen, and he-

Lil's goo-

[laughs]

He's getting flambéed on the yakitori.

[laughs] No, but Omen is a classic SoHo restaurant, but it's an interesting... It's like a, you know, it's a... There, there was a T Magazine story about the regulars, you know? It's like Patti Smith. Like, I... You see, you always see somebody there. It's that kind of place. So I appreciate that Lil' Zo-

Mm. They have a green tea tiramisu. Legendary.

Lil' Zo has better taste in restaurants than I would have ever expected.

[laughs]

Um, but I, I just love that when it gets into-

But you've, you've seen his chick, though. She's, like, she just looks like a g- a girl that-

She worked at Vice

... you know, would be hanging out in New York and-

Yeah, like-

23-year-old me would, would definitely try to s-

Yeah, no, for sure

... try to hit that.

But I, I, I just... I wonder if he smiles like that all the time when they're alone. Like, I wonder if she's telling him, like, bad news, like, you know?

Like, is, is he... Does he stop serving young Sheldon when he finally gets home and-

[laughs] Yeah

... puts his Balenciaga shades on the table?

Like, when do you think, when, when do, when do you think Lil' Zo turns off the young Sheldon is the question.

[laughs]

Because I feel like if you're his chick, you're like, "Babe, you gotta stop. Like, you're scaring my parents" type shit.

I'm never gonna be able to finish if you are still Sheldon-ing.

[laughs]

You know what I mean?

He is... Damn, he really is Sheldon-ing.

[laughs]

But I also... I've said this, I said this to you before. Maybe it was not on the, on the show, but, like-

Lil' Zo's about to, "Uh, well, actually" into some pussy. Sorry, go ahead. [laughs]

[laughs] Like, deal... I guess I just didn't... I forget that politicians are just f- uh, they have to be full of shit and in a good mood or serious all the time. Like, there's no just... You can't be yourself because then people will find a fault that is maybe worse than your act, you know? So you, you have to always be in character, and I just think that that smile is too Chucky vibes.

Mm.

It's not, it's not... It doesn't feel good to me. It doesn't feel good. I know his heart's in the right place, but I just... T- tone it down, bro. Stop hamming it up. Stop glazing.

Yeah. Do you think it's just one of those things where that smile is just the luck of the draw, like, that's just what his physical mouth does, and it doesn't represent any-

Definitely. Oh, yeah

... or do you believe that, you know, his inability to make that stop happening is, like, a, you know, American Psycho style sociopath kind of thing? You know what I mean? Is it, is it a true-

What if I said both?

... tell into his spiritual aura?

What if I... [laughs] What if I said both? I think he comes by it naturally, and it feels dark.

[laughs]

I think both of those things are, are true.

Mm-hmm.

But I, I also think that if I... I don't think he's being told to do that by, like, a campaign advisor. Like, I think that is his natural inclination, which makes it scarier.

Right. Like, his team is like-Maybe even less, if anything. You know? Maybe even less smiling

Don't smile.

Could be something.

Look, I know you're gonna- you're gonna come out on stage with Pink Pantheress. They don't like smiling.

[laughs]

Do not smile at the Pink Pantheress show. He can't help it. He just can't help himself. [electronic tone] What is a Revolve Man, Jason? It's... Oh, [laughs] funny you ask.

What's a Revolve Man?

It's a r- a place where guys who care about how they look go to shop. Revolve Man is stocked with only the elevated essentials and trend-forward styles from brands like Polo, Ralph Lauren, Solomon, Fear of God Essentials for our hoopers out there, and more. It's not fast fashion and it's not stuffy. It's the sweet spot between looking intentional and not looking like you tried too hard. That's what we're all trying to accomplish out here, Jason. New arrivals drop twice a week, with free two-day shipping and next-day options. Plus, returns are genuinely easy.

Genuinely, yeah. It's one of those things. We're all busy. Let's say we got an important dinner coming up at the end of the week. It's Tuesday. You're working every single day. You don't have time to go shopping and try clothes on and blah, blah, blah, or even just browse. You know, Revolve, it's all there. It's all curated for what you want, and then you click buy, you go to bed. Couple days later, that shows up in packaging that's a little nicer than y- the other places you're buying clothes from, and you've got a nice look for the big night out. And then you're like, "Wait a minute. I don't even have to return this because I enjoy this clothing and I wanna wear it again another time," versus all those dumb other websites. So whether it's a big night out, a wedding, a trip, or you just need something last-minute that actually works, Revolve Man always has it. Go to revolveman.com/howlong to shop and use code HOWLONG for 15% off your order. Free two-day shipping, easy returns. It just makes everything easier. That is revolve.com/howlong and use the promo code HOWLONG to get 15% off your entire order. Offer ends soon. Don't sleep on it. And you don't need clothes too. You can get just, you know, a cool candle or an incense gift for a baby shower, whatever it is, revolve.com/howlong.

Hi, Talkhouse network listeners. It's your old friend Nels Cline from Wilco here. Wilco is touring this summer, and we'd love to see you somewhere on the road. We're playing shows this June and July in Rochester Hills, Michigan; Chautauqua, New York; Lafayette, New York; Bethlehem, Pennsylvania; Vienna, Virginia; Forest Hills, New York; Portland, Maine; Tulsa, Oklahoma; Memphis, Tennessee; LaGrange, Georgia; Charleston, South Carolina; Virginia Beach, Virginia; Wheeling, West Virginia; and Columbus, Ohio. Plus, there are even more dates, some with Willie Nelson, that I didn't even mention here. So please go to wilcoworld.net to see the full list of dates. We'll see you on the road this summer.

[static] Ready to soundtrack your summer? With Red Bull Summer All Day Play, you choose a playlist that fits your summer vibe the best. Are you a festival fanatic, a deep end DJ, a road dog, or a trail mixer? Just add a song to your chosen playlist and put your summer on track. [crowd cheering] Red Bull Summer All Day Play. Red Bull gives you wings. Visit redbull.com/brightsummerahead to learn more. See you this summer. [electronic tone]

He- he is smiling like he's off a bean, actually.

That's what I'm saying. He looks glassy-eyed.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's off the fucking, the blue Punisher. He's off a Tesla. He is queening out seven days a week, and he's gonna crash.

He's gonna crash. But he's gonna-

Get this guy some water

... hopefully he crashes after he wins.

Yeah. Do you, so you do want him to win? Okay. Well, you heard it here first, HowLongers.

He's gonna win. I didn't... Look, I don't... Like, this is one of the most twisted... These debates are amazing, and I haven't watched one in full. I've only seen the clips. I wish politics could just be debates forever. That's really the dream.

Well, that's- [laughs]

'Cause these guys are all fucking posers.

Well, that's what The Andrew Schulz Show is for, Chris.

Yeah, that's true. Yeah.

The debates never end.

I listened to Bernie. I did listen to Bernie on Tim Dillon. It was pretty good. [laughs] It was pretty funny. I feel like, I feel like Bernie, like, got a kick out it. I think he, I think it, both of, I think they, like, liked each other. I think it was actually funny.

Yeah, yeah. I think they mutually enjoyed it. I, I listened to that as well. Bernie being 84, he-

It's crazy

... he does not skip a beat, and I'm... It's g- it's gonna be one of those things where he does not have the slow, gradual Lou Gehrigs-

No

... decline over the years. You know, he's not gonna Biden out. He's gonna be-

Sharp as a tack

... he's gonna be spouting off some, like, very impressive facts as, as the good Lord takes him away.

It's crazy 'cause it- it's like, it's like when you listen to Barack, and even when he has to talk to fucking Marc Maron, you're like, "These guys are just built different."

Yeah.

Like, the way they're able to communicate is just so different, and that's why they sh- you know, are in or should be in the position that they, that they are. And then you hear some, th- these other guys and you're like, "Oh, you just, you ain't got it like that." But the, but the-

Yeah

... there's only gonna be a superstar every so often, you know? There's j- that's just how it is. You can't... That doesn't happen.

Man, could you imagine having it like that?

I c- I can't, actually.

[laughs]

Because I, I do this all the time, and I know that I am not touching Barack Obama or, or, or [laughs] or Bernie levels of, uh, conversation. Um, but I also have less important points to make, so I give myself some, some slack.

As you should. Um, well, you, you mentioned the PTA movie. I saw it this weekend.

I'm sorry to hear that.

It was good. I, I liked it. I know you don't like cinema.

No, I'm joking. I'm joking. Everybody liked, everybody liked it.

There was no hunting wives, but, you know, we got through it. Um, but it, uh, I, everyone was talking about how it was amazing, but it- it's gonna end up losing, like, $100 million probably, and, like, how or whatever that means for the film industry if a, you know, a critically acclaimed movie that's gonna win a bunch of Oscars starring Leo and Benicio and all these huge names ends up losing, you know, $100 million. What does that mean? And I, I r- I think it's becauseEveryone just called it the new PTA movie, and people had a hard time, like, naming the actual name of the film. One Battle After Another or One Battle After the Next. You know what I mean? Like, I think for whatever reason, they flubbed the name recognition on it.

I, uh, that's... It's funny that you mention... I was talking to Issy Wood this morning about that Jeannette McCurdy book, and she was talking about how good the title was, and how naming something I'm Glad My Mom Died helped sell so many books, and I think this-

Oh, of course. Of course

... this movie could have benefited from that as well. I think you're... I mean, I think... I was talking to Cho about this. I think it'll end up being fine. Like, once it's all said and done, like it probably won't lose actually $100 million, but-

Right

... I, I don't understand the game. I just don't understand the game. Like, I don't understand, like how much do awards really mean in 2025? If that's the goal, if the goal is, is for these studio guys to just get their dick sucked by The Academy and get awards for movies that no one actually sees, I, I just don't understand what the end game is.

Mm-hmm.

I don't... Like, making stuff that's popular is cool.

[laughs]

Like, I don't know. Like, everything can't... Like, everything can't be critically acclaimed. Like, I'm more interested... I mean, that's why we don't pay well at this podcast. We're more interested in the most people possible hearing this and enjoying it.

Mm-hmm.

You know? Like, that, that... It se- it seems a similar... Like, shouldn't you be able to make something that's good that also appeals to a really wide audience that isn't just pandering to critics or pandering to, like, Middle America? But maybe not. I mean, maybe that middle ground just doesn't exist.

Yeah. Well, I, I'm, I'm reading, um, I'm reading W. David Marx's book right now, and he's, you know, he's talking about the shift from when, you know, the financial crisis and you had to do safe bets, and those are often sequels or pre-existing-

Yeah

... IP, you know, Smurfs movies and stuff like that, instead of cool, you know, Scorsese flicks or whatever. The attention deficit has fucked up the theaters, and now when you go to the theater, obviously you have 37 minutes of commercials and previews, and then you have a 50% chance after getting a babysitter and watering the plants and, you know, scheduling your life around this thing, there's a group of 10 13-year-olds in there who snuck in who are yelling, "6-7," and making fart noises.

Don't talk about the Foodie Boys like that. Those are my guys.

[laughs]

Don't do that.

There's some-

Best podcast out

... Foodie Boys up in there.

[laughs]

Like, I, I... My barber, I was getting my hair cut a couple weeks ago, and he's, he went and saw it, and he said these kids were doing that, and he had to, like, basically, like, dad-

Bro

... dad yell at a group of 13-

Your bar- your barber was throwing, your barber was throwing Milk Duds at the screen. He's lying to your ass.

No.

I know what he was doing in there.

My barber wanted to swing on some minors so bad-

[laughs]

... but he couldn't, you know? And he would easily kick all of their asses even if they all came at him at once. Not a big deal, but you know, we had, we were-

[laughs] Want to swing on some minors. [laughs]

I would love nothing more than to swing on some minors.

[laughs]

But we were, we were in the theater watching it, you know, having a great time. The pacing is smooth, edible's kicking in. All is well, and then these kids start... You know, they just won't shut up. They're laughing, blah, blah, blah. They're, they're running around, getting up in, in seats and moving to other parts of the theater and, you know, throwing Milk Duds at each other or whatever, saying, "6-7," and then giggling. And then a woman is like... She had to get up and go tell somebody sh- So you, you either rat them out-

Yeah

... or you yell at them in public and they film you and put it on TikTok, or you smack one of them and go to jail. There's, you know... So y- if you have a 50% chance of that happening in the theater, why would I ever go, why would I ever spend $42 plus parking to see a movie?

I mean, I wanna see this Bruce Springsteen movie just to see it, and I just don't have it in me. I just cannot get myself to do it.

[laughs]

I look... I literally, I, I was like-

You actively want to see a movie, and you will not see it.

Bro, I, I looked... I literally went online, I looked at the theater, I looked at the showtimes, and I was like-

This is the state where... And you're, and you're in Florida alone.

Yeah. Like, I'm desperate.

Nothing to do, time to kill. [laughs]

Desperate. Like, desperate. Sunday afternoon, I, all I've done is sat in front of my computer all week and stare at a fucking Google Doc. I, I'd love to see a movie-

Mm-hmm

... in theory, and then I get... I literally, I went to the website and I was like, "I'm not gonna do this. Who the fuck am I kidding?" Like, "There's no way I'm gonna do this."

[laughs]

And just, just clicked off.

You took a cold, hard look at yourself in the mirror. [laughs]

I, I really did. I was like-

I'm not a cinephile. I'm gonna watch Family Guy.

I mean, and people hate, I know people hate that mo- that movie, but, like, I don't... I... The, the new thing I've seen about that movie, which I love, is that it's because Nebraska the album sucks [laughs] that the movie's bad.

[laughs]

And I'm like, bro, all right, come on now. Nebraska, I'm not a s-

Bad ingredients in, bad ingredients out

... I'm not a Springsteen-head, but come on, dude. That's a classic.

Yeah.

Like, you can't say that. You c- you can say a lot of things-

I agree. I agree

... but you can't, you can't say that. That's insane. I mean, but yeah, I just don't-

Nebraska is, is, is a goated record for him.

I just-

I'm not a Springsteen guy at all.

I just can't... I just, yeah. I just can't. Like, I can't bring myself to do it. I would rather watch, uh, another Drewski video or the Love Is Blind reunion-

Mm-hmm

... or, like, 30 minutes of college football. To, to... If, if I'm not working or reading a book-

Well, you know, th- this is... Maybe this, you would rather... This is the, maybe a, a, a telling, more telling thing. You would rather watch the 10-minute video of our boy learning how to play Bruce Springsteen songs on guitar-

Yes

... and being interviewed about the process than the actual film itself.

Yeah. I mean, the process of Jeremy learning to play and sing like Bruce Springsteen when he's never played guitar before in his life is m- more interesting than any movie to me.

[laughs] Yeah.

Like, personally. Like, that's, like, the... That's some o- the wildest shit I've ever heard. He's a grown man. Like, that's so hard to do. It's so impressive.

Because when Tim- like, it was very impressive when Timmy did it for the Dylan flick-

Yeah

... but Timmy's already been performing Soulja Boy songs for-

Yeah

... a long time now.

Yeah. He's a-

He's a, he is already a very musical person, whereas Jeremy not so much.

Yeah. I think, I think it's just a really... That to me is such an impressive feat that it also... I don't care if the movie's good or not.Like, that's so cool to me that that's the, that's my takeaway

And everyone give Daniel Day-Lewis his f- and I agree with you, everyone gives Daniel Day-Lewis his flower. Oh my God, he's doing a great Lincoln impression. We don't know how Lincoln really-

[laughs]

... really was, y'all. That was from the 1800s.

Deadass. I also, I've never seen a single Lincoln vine.

Lin- Jeremy didn't know how to play guitar, and then like a year later, Bruce Springsteen said, "You are doing a perfect job at this."

That, that is the vi- like, that movie's success ends there, for me. Like, that's a win.

Yeah.

Jeremy probably feels the same way, honestly. I'm sure his, you know, managers and agents don't. But I'm sure Jeremy's like, "Yeah, I busted my ass. I did it. Like Bruce said, it was good. I'm happy."

To circle this square, we need to get Jeremy Allen White and Fred again.. in the lab. And Jeremy, you get the little MPC pad, lock him in the room for a month.

Mm-hmm.

He's gonna shit out gold.

Let's see what we get. Let's see what we get. I'm, I... Look, I wonder... I- that'd be a great question for Jeremy. I wonder if he's... I wonder if since that movie wrapped, if he's played guitar. Like, I wonder if it's become part of his life.

[laughs]

Or if it was kinda like, "All right."

Like, if he can, he can put the stick down.

What do I gotta learn now, for the ne- oh, karate? All right, next movie, let's do it. You know, I don't know if it's-

[laughs]

I, I wonder if, if that's the case. But yeah, I'm not gonna see any movies.

I'm thinking about picking up the harp.

I'm not gonna see any movies. Even, even though it's, you know, desperate times, des- desperate measures, I, I, you know, I, I-

Mm-hmm

... I'd rather watch Alabama beat South Carolina in the, you know, the last three minutes of the fourth quarter. That's more exciting to me.

Are you watching college football? That's where we're at?

I mean, it's on... Well, if you're, if you're in this part of the country on a Saturday and you turn the TV on, there ain't nothing else to watch, brother.

Mm-hmm.

That's kinda it.

Especially if your, if your Bulldogs are going too, then especially then.

Well, if the dogs oh! If the dogs, yeah. No, I, I did watch a little bit yesterday. Because it's just, it's so... I sort of understand the appeal of sports in the sense that it's so mind-numbing.

You can bet on it.

Well, yeah. Es- but if you don't care, it really is just like something on where stuff happens.

Yeah.

In a way that you don't really have to pay attention to, you know? Um-

Yeah, I think-

... and that is, that is comforting

... I think I'm so unk coded and old enough to where I've become the, the unk on the La-Z-Boy chair when you're watching the game, and he's, he's saying like, "This is some dumb bullshit. Back in my day, the w- you know, the World Series meant something. You know, the Super Bowl meant something." And now, like I r- I was watching the, the World Series last night, game two of the World Series.

I watched a little bit of that too. I watched a little bit of that too.

Home runs, excitement, amazing playing World Series of baseball. You know, $100 million contracts for y- all these players. It was just making me remember when I would watch this shit as a kid, and how much more exciting it was, 'cause we didn't have our phones to compete with, and this and that. And we didn't have-

Yeah

... every, between every pitch, the screen, the video of the World Series shrinks down so a guy can come on and talk about car insurance rates or-

[laughs] I can't believe you said that too

... whatever. And the logo on the mound is projected digitally, and it changes, you know, every inning from Corona to-

Oh, dude, they got, they got-

... Allstate

... they got l- logos, they got mult- it's like the NBA with the logos. They got logos on the helmets now.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like, different brands.

And at a certain point it's like, you know, when are we, when is th- when is there too much gla- glazing happening? When are we s- pulling too milk out of this cow?

I, I'm, I'm done with I, I just... Baseball, it's the haircuts. I can't get past it. Everybody looks stupid.

[laughs]

Like, every- everybody looks, everybody... It's just there's too much self-expression.

They should not be wearing large necklaces while they're playing either.

No. The, there's too much self-expression. I- in the NFL, even college, it's, th- I feel like there's less self-expression. I feel like there's less room for little bits of flair, and I respect that, when there's a uniform in play.

Mm-hmm. I think it's 'cause you-

Every baseball player looks like he should just be on a fucking pontoon boat. Like, they don't look like athletes.

No. Many of them are fat as well.

Some do. Some do.

But, but-

Of course, but like-

... it doesn't, you know. But I like a sport where you got a fat, lazy professional athlete that makes more money-

No

... than every president-

I want-

... on, on planet Earth

... I want, I want motherfuckers th- that look like they're chiseled from fucking granite, that have guys on s- they're spending $2 million a year to keep their body looking like that. That's what I want. I want guys on-

Okay, well-

... all kinds of shit

... have your gay ass watch a men's swimming quarter finals.

No one wants to watch that. We should talk about-

Speak for yourself

... Lily, because everybody else is talking about it.

Lily.

And, uh, I'm just gonna, I need to... It, it's, it's really something.

Okay, Lily Allen-

It's really something

... just released her new record.

West End Girl.

And it's basically, uh, a detailing her decoupling from David Harbour.

Yes. The, from, from actor, thespian, uh, you might know him probably from... I guess, do people know him from Stranger Things? Is that what he's most known for at this point?

Yeah, I think mostly Stranger Things. Yeah, yeah.

Okay.

With friends of the show, did Joe?

Yeah.

His, his shooter, David Harbour.

Nah, Jo- he's like, "I don't know that guy. He came to set, I never s- nah."

[laughs]

"We never had scenes together, actually. It's crazy, babe."

"That guy weird."

"Nah, babe. No, I never went to a bar with him, babe. No, no, no, I don't-"

"He always kept asking me if I had any friends. It was so weird."

[laughs] "Oh, you're in a band? Can I come backstage?" Um-

[laughs]

But Lily, Lily drags his ass, and it's really, really connecting with people. And I, I think it's an interest-

White Girl Lemonade, they're calling it.

Yeah, they are calling it White Girl Lemonade. I, I just, I wonder... I'm very interested to see what it does from a sales perspe- like, everything now can get so big on the internet before there's any, like, data to see how actually popular it is.

Yeah.

So I'm very interested to see, like, what the tale is. 'Cause it's, from a m- marketing and rollout standpoint, it's about as good as it gets.

Mm-hmm.

They did a dinner at The Standard in London. There was a butt plug in the fucking-

[laughs]

... in the gift bag. You know what I mean? This shit, this shit is pro, dude. It's very good. It's very, very good.

Yeah.

And like-The lyric, the lyrics are though, it's a level of, like, confessional lyrics that I've ... I, I don't know, maybe I've never heard before.

Yeah.

I don't know if you have other ... I, I couldn't think of examples where it was this, because it's also such a public relationship that you, like-

Mm-hmm

... there's no doubt about it-

Yeah, I guess-

... kind of thing

... you know, comparing it to Lemonade, there were, you know, some pretty literal narrations or just, like, it- where it just reads like a, a diary entry of what factually happened.

Yeah.

Um, but I think there's more nuance and, and subtlety and things like that. But also, I don't know whose crimes were worse between David and Hov, but Jay-Z seemed to be able to recover from that pretty much completely unscathed, only growing in, growing in wealth and popularity.

I think, I think b- but I think staying married helps his case. [laughs]

[laughs]

You know? I mean, like, I think that put-

Yeah, but it was-

That put a W-

... it was her decision-

... in the Hov column

... to stay. It was her decision to, you know-

No, sure, but still-

... trust-

... it doesn't matter

... that hi- his philandering was over. Um, I, I'm not saying this is right or wrong or whatever, and I'm, I'm sure Harbour's crimes were probably worse, but, you know, he is persona non grata. You know what I mean?

Yeah, I mean, I think-

Who's gonna hire him? And then Jay-Z gets to pick who plays at the Super Bowl.

I, pfft, I mean, but that's, that's a behind-the-scenes job.

David Harbour gets to pick which girl gives him a massage.

I mean, I think he's gonna be picking for a while. The thing is, stuff like this-

[laughs]

... when stuff like this happens, he's going to get even more chicks because of this. That's the thing.

Mm.

Like, that's the thing. If he, if he wants-

He's gonna go Fuentes and start getting toxic bitches.

He, yeah, if he wants to go dark mode, or darker mode, or pitch black mode, I guess-

He's gonna have to link up with Ryan Adams and the White Boy Underground Railroad.

[laughs]

[laughs] All right. Well, I'm here. Okay.

Who's the-

Let me-

Who's the Heidi Fleiss? [laughs]

Let me introduce you to the guys. You know, dinner's at, dinner's at 8:00, lights at 10:00.

All right. What's up? I'm Ryan. This is my house. That's Armie.

[laughs]

Uh, you guys might know each other. Uh, this is David. He's, he's new. Uh, he's new to the crew.

[laughs]

So everybody just, yeah, the, yeah, we'll, we'll get ... The pizza's coming in, like, 20, so if you guys just wanna have a drink.

[laughs]

It's not good.

Uh-

It's not good for Dave. It's not good that... [laughs]

Yeah, this is, uh, this is James Franco. He's actually getting out in a couple weeks. Um-

[laughs] Franco. [laughs]

[laughs]

I mean, I just don't think there's gonna be any ... I think the Stranger Things finale is going to be played in movie theaters, and then he's, he's got enough money to lay low for however long he needs to lay low, you know? And then, and then he will-

Oh, yeah, he's, he is, he is for sure set for life. He's paid-

But I don't think he's-

... as a motherfucker and, but he's just gonna have to go into the shadows.

I don't know. I don't think he's that ... I also think it's a weird thing where he's not that famous. Like, this is making him more famous than he's ever been. If that makes sense. Like, he's not-

Yeah, for sure.

His relationship with Lily and then now this have made him more famous than he was from his work, I, I would say.

Yeah.

So I wonder, I wonder how directly those things are correlated if he does, you know, get some role or whatever, but-

Yeah. I mean, uh, uh, enough time could pass and, you know, the, the sands of time and, and justice and retribution-

Well, I just don't know if people care about anything, really. You know what I mean? Like, that's the, that's the actual question. It, it's like I, I just don't ... If Chris Brown can sell out arenas for 30 days in a row, I, I just don't think anybody cares about anything.

Yeah, for sure. It's, it's different when you're an actor, though. You know, if, if you're like, "Oh, this guy sucks," but, you know-

True

... he's, this guy's a fucking Tina-smoking guy who can't stop dancing, but he's gonna make you $3 million a night turnkey, you say, "Yeah, okay." But in our, in our data-driven world-

Yeah, that's a very good point

... where you're like, "Okay-

That's a very good point

... here's the top 100 actors that are gonna do this job."

Very good point.

Uh, this guy, if you Google his name, it's gonna say he's a really bad person. Um, but then there's this, there's the 99 other guys.

Yeah. W- yeah, you're right.

If, you know, don't Google-

Yeah

... Danny Masterson news, you know what I mean? Or whatever it is.

Yeah, that's, that's a good point. That's a good point. I mean, I think he'll, I think he'll be fine. I think she'll be better than ever, and I think this will completely reinvigorate her sort of music caree- not that she w- you know, 'cause I think she was just acting. Like, she took, you know, whatever, she put out a record in like 2018 that was low-key very good, and then had been acting and just kinda hanging out, but I think this will be a real kickstart.

Yeah, now, now she's on. You know, she's, she's snatched as hell, revenge bod. She's gonna take time to bounce on dick and do whatever she wants. Maybe go on a tour, maybe not. Nelly Furtado anno- announced her retirement, I think, today, so-

This-

RIP that

... she said she, she said she-

In, out. One in, one out

... she said she got too thick and they, they, she couldn't do it anymore.

[laughs]

Like, she, the haters were too ... W- wasn't that it, literally?

Uh, she saw that Liliane is now sample size and ... But I mean, everyone was celebrating Nelly Furtado's pogness.

I think people, I think people in our, our world were celebrating her-

Okay

... pog changeover, but I'm sure that her comment section-

Right, right, right

... was not. You know what I mean? And that's, that's fu- that's ridiculous. I, I'm, I'm really, like, I want Nelly and Ashanti to thrive as much as possible. They've given us a lot.

Yeah.

And there's, there's no ... We sh- we should not be talking about their bodies negatively.

Look, you, you-

I really, I don't, like-

... you have a new crowd. You have a new fan base. Enjoy it and give them love. There are so many communities who love a big girl like that. They don't care that you look like the Nutty Professor.

No.

Just get it poppin', make your money, have fun. Love, celebrate your curves.

Well, I also feel like people like that can strangely sell as many tickets as they could at, in their heyday right now.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Like, you know what I mean? Like, it's like this is kinda your time, you know, in, in some ways.

Nelly, we could do Nelly at the Sphere. The Sphere at the Sphere, they're calling it.

That, that's a good ... I like where your head's at on that. Brand-wise-

[laughs]

... I think that's, that's smart. I think that's really, I think that's really, really smart stuff. I'm sure it'd go-

And she's a round bitch

... I'm sure it'd go over real well. Um-Oh, man. [laughs]

[laughs]

God.

Um, I, I saw, um... When I was watching sports yesterday, I saw a commercial with, uh, David Chang, chef.

I've seen this. For Chase?

And he was talking about how he was utterly blown away by how good the, the burg- the cheeseburger or the hamburger at the Chase Sapphire Lounge at the airport was. And-

Yeah, yeah

... I wanna say, a, you know, a, a younger me would say, "Okay, come on, bro. That's fucking bullshit." But a current me is saying, "What do you think that check is for?" For him to say that the food in... I mean-

First of all-

Even, I, I will eat anything for free. The food at any airport lounge is disgusting

... I bet that burger is maybe better than you would think it would be. He got paid millions to say that.

[laughs]

Mill- I, I just, I didn't think he was that relevant, to be honest. I didn't realize b- I, I, I didn't realize that he's the guy you go to.

I think it's the Bill Simmons connection is making him-

I mean, I just was like... But I guess also, like-

... bigger

... the only chefs that are famous that I can think of or are people we know that maybe don't have the f- like Andy Baraghani and Alison Roman don't have, like, the facial recognition on that level for Chase Bank yet. And then there's, like, you know, old guys. Like, there's Gordon Ramsay and there's Nigell- you know, I, I just, I guess, like, who else is there? If you want, like, a food expert-

Mm-hmm

... that is sort of recognized by face.

Yeah

Like, on a global scale, like on TV. I don't know who, I don't know how many people there are for the job.

Yeah, and, and anyone who's not, like you said, all those people, who's not a, just a, a white guy who's gonna talk to you like he's the authority figure.

Yeah, it doesn't-

Um, but now I wanna try this burger.

Yeah, you gotta try the burger.

And, and see what it, see what it is. But yeah, go for it. But it was, it was making me think of, um, when Tim Dillon was talking about doing the, the stand-up show in Saudi Arabia and saying like, "This was a, this was a bad thing I had to do." You know, there, there's a number where you say, "Nope, nope, nope, nope. Yep, I'll do that."

This is what it comes down to once again. Nothing matters. That will, that will in no way-

[laughs]

... negatively impact David Cha- the, the only thing that n- can negatively impact David Chang is him trying to copyright fucking chili crisp.

[laughs]

That, th- the fact that that hurt him more than saying anything for money is, is, that, that's a testament to where the world is.

Mm-hmm.

You know what I mean? Like, that's a crazy... 'Cause there was that thing going viral this week too about, like, there was like a d- uh, an article written about, uh, adding miso to your eggs. Did you see this?

[laughs] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then it was like, so much of modern white cooking is just, "Hey, did you know this POC have been eating for thousands of years and it tastes so good?" And people were just like, "Bro, shut the fuck up."

Mm-hmm.

Like, who cares? Like, you gotta stop... Like n- nothing, there's no, we're past that now.

It, it's a, it's a damned if you do, damned if you don't, so then fuck it, nothing matters.

Take the money. I mean, David Chang, it's also like, I've seen him on TV. He's not good. Like, I, I, I don't know. I mean, I watched that show-

[laughs]

... a handful of times and it's like, Mario Batali was a lot better at that concept. You know what I'm saying? That's just what it is. But like-

Yeah

... I think that he can do-

'Cause Chang is eating edibles and Batali was doing bumps. He said, "Well, I got three pots going right now."

[laughs]

"Suck my dick from the back."

But I'll go to, I'll go to a Momofuku and have my fucking noodles any day of the week, and I, I thank God for David Chang for that. That's a blessing.

Yeah.

Like, I, I love his product.

I had some great kimbap at Super Peach-

[laughs]

... in, uh, Westfield Century City Mall just days ago.

And the magazine, the magazine was really ahead of its time, like legendary. I think that was very cool. But I just, I don't need to hear from him.

Mm-hmm.

I, it's just one of those things. I, and maybe I don't care what he's talking about. I'm also not the intended audience, I don't think. Like, you're definitely more the intended audience, and I feel like you do, I feel like you do take in, uh, you know, some of his stuff and enjoy it or don't enjoy it.

I, I think the, the early Ch- the early Chang days, Lucky Peach, uh, and he had a show called The Mind of a Chef-

Mm

... that I really, really loved, and it was pushing the boundaries of food innovation and exploration, and he was really, you know, he really was out there to try and see how far you could take things, and I admired that spirit. And now, you know, he's become a 50-year-old Asian dad in Orange County, and, you know, his cultural references reflect that. So let it be a lesson to never become that, you know?

Yeah, but the problem is, I think the reaper comes for all of us at some point, you know?

It ca- you know, it came for Bourdain too. He was, he was doing all this cool Bourdain stuff, slamming heroin, fucking chicks. He still ends up writing a cookbook about making a grilled cheese for your kid, and Chang was doing the same, fucking less chicks. But-

[laughs]

... he's still gonna, you know, talk about making his kids' school lunch, you know?

Yeah.

Eventually it does come for you.

Well, I mean-

Or, like, golfing and sports.

But the problem is that that stuff is so interesting to us, but that appeals to a much, much wider audience in the scheme of things-

Mm-hmm

... than, uh, fucking chicks or doing heroin. Two of the coolest things-

Yeah, I mean [laughs]

... that have ever existed can't compare to the, the crowd you will reach if you talk about golf and making your kids lunch. That is the, that is the sad reality.

His house is much bigger now that he's talking about golf and, uh, college hoops.

Much, much bigger. But I'm, and now I'm craving those goddamn noodles. Oh, baby. Ooh.

I had some, uh, I had some Goop Kitchen last night from your girl, Gwynie.

Like, uh, that Goop Kitch hits, boy. I tell you what. We had it two days in a row when I was shooting in LA a couple weeks ago, and I was like, "C- this is consistent product. This is high quality-

Yeah

... consistent product."

Cha- Chang was actually talking about how the gluten-free pizza is actually really good. And it, it was good. I agree with him there.

That's what half the people on set ordered. And I was like, "You guys are getting gluten-free pi..." And I had heard that before, and they were like, "Oh yeah, this is what you get here, Wick. We order this shit once a week on different shoots. Like, this is all I get from here."

Yeah. I mean, it, it offers a nice, uh, alternative to the Prime Pizza gluten-free, which isYou know, still the king, but it's a thicker, you know, Detroit-style Sicilian slice

Yeah, it's more substanch.

This one is a much more-

More substanch

... thinner, crispy bar pie kind of vibe. And you can order it uncut, pause, and then you could really hit the little pizza wheel and chop it up into your tiny bits if you wanna do it party style like that.

That is, I've been doing some pizza customization down here in Florida, actually. I've been getting-

I slow down now. [laughs]

I've been getting the, I've been getting a plain pie if I want pizza, and then I bring it home and shave my own Parmesan, add arugula myself.

Oh. [laughs]

Because they don't have those kind of high-end ingredients at the local pizzeria.

You said, "Let me put this miso in these eggs right quick."

[laughs] That's exactly what I said. Said, I'll, I'll let a white boy do his thing.

Okay. Did you order a microplane on Amazon Prime, or did the kitchen already have a good cheese grater?

No, unfortunately. No, I'm us- I'm using a Amazon Basics, uh, probably, but it, you know, it does the trick.

Okay.

I'm not, it's not pretty, but nothing here is, and that's fine.

You could do, you can do the food processor trick as well if you wanna get some more, you know, crumble.

Yeah. [laughs] Sure. I'll tell- yeah. Let me warm that thing up real quick and make sure it's still, it's still kicking.

But-

It's still kicking

... [laughs] I was, I was thinking when I had the Goop, you know, why is this such a thing?

Yeah.

And I really think, uh, when, when my, my... It was, it was dinner for one. Carolyn's out of town. I got a small personal pizza and a small side salad, and it came in this white, nice, high-quality shopping bag that was, you know, huge.

Oh, I- yeah. It's giant.

It's giant.

Yeah.

There's, it's, it's sealed shut with a nice Goop sticker, and I think just that merchandising makes the whole, like, yes, I got a personal pizza and a, a small side Caesar salad, but it just looks like a bag that you would get at Barneys or something like that. It was just a nice merchandised bag, and-

No, no, it's a, no, the, the packaging-

And that just makes it, that, that makes the insane price okay when the competition pizza in a box and then whatever else in a plastic bag that's tied into a knot that gets pulled out of someone's backpack, you know? Like-

Yeah

... just that little bit where that bag shows up, it just lets everybody know, "Don't worry, we're in Gwyneth's hands. We're all gonna be okay."

Yeah, it can come out of a fucking Nissan Sentra, and it still feels like Gwyneth. That's tough to, that's-

[laughs]

It's tough to do, honestly. That's like a-

Yeah

... real feat from a, from a brand perspective. Um-

I do agree.

All right, How Long Gone? Thank you, guys, for listening. We're back next week with more podcast. Don't you worry, uh, them jeans. I will, uh, I'll talk to you soon. Thank you guys for listening.

Last night, I had a dream about you. In this dream, I'm dancing right beside you. And it looked like everyone was having fun. The kind of feeling I waited so long. Don't stop. Come a little closer. And-

Slow loading screens and pixelated scenes. With Quantum Fiber speed, you're finally freed. Yay to you, the queen of stream. More binging and gaming. You're living the online dream. Downloads, uploads, all the things you can load. Every series, all the shows. With every gig, your legend grows. Quantum Fiber's love is true. Yay to you. Learn more at quantumfiber.com. Limited availability. Service in select locations only