887. - Robby Hoffman

All right, uh, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Stateside with Kai and Carter, a new podcast from The Guardian, and they are using this podcast to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions that we all have about what's happening in the world, and they do it three times a week. Jason, does that sound familiar to you?

We don't really talk about, you know, a lot of international global news items and climates and cultures and sports and things like that. We do talk about fashion and wellness, but for everything else, Kai and Carter are a great place.

All right, so who couldn't use more news? Listen wherever you get your podcasts or watch on YouTube. [upbeat music]

Hey, guys. Jason here. Really quick, just to let you know, Chris's mic was a little staticky and weird on the intro so I'm using the Zoom recording for that. But for the interview with Robbie, everything sounds normal, so feel free to skip ahead if you don't like the audio quality, or just enjoy it with us. I hope everyone has a great holiday season and a happy New Year. We'll see you guys later.

How Long Gone, the magic is in the room with us now. I'm in beautiful Atlanta, Georgia, on, on this, uh, we're what? It's Christmas Eve Eve, as they say in the business, I believe.

Eve Eve. What business is that, Chris? The business of love?

The business of consumerism, bro. Think about it.

Guilty as charged.

[laughs]

I've been buying.

I've been f-

I've been buying.

You've been buying for yourself or for others and your, or, and your loved ones?

Well, mostly, um, loved ones and other ones, as this is the holiday season, but sometimes the gift is, is for somebody else but you could be using it also, and I'm a little guilty of that.

Okay, so you're buy- I, I saw this, um, actually I was gonna ask you about this. I saw a, a Breville stove top pizza oven-

Okay

... that looks very sexy, but apparently it just doesn't get quite hot enough for the real heads.

[laughs]

And I was... And it's, it's, like, 700 bucks and it, but it looks really nice, and I was just like, "Oh, it must..." I knew there had to be a downside.

The Breville Smart Oven Pizzaiolo pizza oven, stainless steel?

It looks nice, right?

It does look nice, but at, at $700. It says it can, it, it can reach 750, but we, we know it's probably coming in more of a 590, right?

I- and that's not, I mean, that's just not gonna work for the blistering I'm looking for.

Our, our standard ovens can hit 550, so it's not really getting my little pee pee too hard.

Oh, I see. Okay, okay. So the leoparding is only gonna happen with a 900.

There's no leoparding [laughs] with the Breville.

[laughs]

Goddammit.

[laughs]

But if we're almost post-leoparding, you know? Leoparding is a little old hat, I think, now.

Oh, okay, okay.

Well, I mean-

Trend-wise. Trend-wise. It still tastes good, of course, but...

Yeah. Like, the same, the same reason why we prefer just spaghetti and meatballs at the end of the day compared to the truffle cacio e pepe with the caviar, and we want the burger from In-N-Out and not the one with truffle and caviar and gold and, and all that shit, you know?

Yeah, sure, sure, sure.

Sometimes, I mean, most people are just like, "If it, if, gun to my head, you know, give me a classic kinda d- Domino's-style thin crust or, you know, a Brooklyn slice or a Quarter Sheets pepperoni, whatever. I don't need to have the, this mozzarella was flown in on a small donkey," and you know, like...

Like I always say with pizza, I just want it to taste good. I don't really care about the ins and outs of it. But, but I just saw that, I was, I was like, that's a nice gift, especially for someone who doesn't know that their oven gets that hot already.

Mm.

That seems like the perfect, perfect-

Yeah, no, also every, every oven is different, of course, and everyone should-

Yeah

... of course, have not... They should have two oven thermometers in your... I-

Oh, my bad.

You can get... Well, you can... Every oven has a built-in thermometer. You can trust it as far as you can throw it. You go on Amazon, you can get little kind of oven thermometers. They're, like, five, seven bucks. Get two of them. Put one in, like, the top left corner, one in the bottom right corner-

So you're getting a full spectrum

... and then take a composite, take a composite temp of both of them, or even all three of them, because oven temp can really vary so wildly. And I'm in this head space right now coming off of my classic, uh, faux Stewart family holiday cookie bake-off, which went down last night.

How many did we get under the belt? No Santa.

We got, uh, we got about 50 cookies made yesterday.

Okay. And, and how, what is the time? I, I guess I don't know what the time per cookie average would be.

[laughs]

But-

What's, what-

I, I don't, I'm not a number-

Well, my TPB-

You know I'm not a numbers

... last year was, what? Like... I don't know. I mean, I would say in or- to make 50 cookies total is probably two hours.

Oh, okay, okay. So it's not crazy.

But, but we're... I've been doing this for years, and there's a whole system, and Carolyn helps, and it's a one-two punch. We prep it out, we got it all, you know. There's a, there's an assembly line going on.

I, I assumed it was a well-oiled machine. Um, and I'm upset to be missing those cookies this year, but I, I think next year, I know you've teased getting a more serious operation going so that-

Yeah

... wider distribution is possible.

Yeah. And, you know, holiday gift giving from the, from the How Long Gone corporation. It could, may, you know, is gonna be blueberry jam filled, and then we need a green one for the-

Mm

... for the color, you know. I don't know.

Mm.

Mint jelly thumbprint cookies sounds bad.

I think sp- I think spinach, I think spinach would work great.

Spinachi.

You know, for something-

Classic basil.

For something... [laughs]

We'll do a pesto-

For something s-

... one and a blueberry one. It's gonna be good.

For something savory. Uh, I went to Miller... Remember the restaurant we went to before your bachelor party, before you went to Magic City? Miller Union-

Yeah

... in Atlanta?

Yeah.

I went last night, and it was so fucking good, and I was so happy to g- I don't know. I just didn't, I, I didn't remember it that well, and then we went last night, and it was a crowd pleaser, even with Alex's parents, who are not, you know, they're not picky picky, but they're not not picky, you know what I mean? Th- that's the-

Yeah

... it's that, it's that time of year.

[laughs] It's that time of year for what? For, for city-

Well, you-

... city mice to come have some good old country food?

Well, to try to, like, to, to try to please everyone with a restaurant choice, and it's a li- it can be difficult, um, to get everybody's palate on the same page.

Luckily, all, all parties involved were white, so there was no crossover there, right?

Oh, yeah. We, yeah, we, we made sure to be clear, no spices on any of the food.

Okay. [laughs]

Yeah, we, we went out, out front

Well, I, I need to know, I need to know Alex's parents bite of the night, and then the, uh, the infamous Chris Black bite of the night.

Well, I think, well, Al- Alex's mom and I both love... We had a, it was like a grouper in a curry.

Mm.

It was very good.

You've been d- you've been playing in the curry seafood space lately.

I know. It's not really my f-

How among listeners with a keen ear will notice

... [laughs] It's not usually my thing, but I, I, I don't know, and this, and this, and a- it was, had a bunch of vegetables in it, but there was a, um, there was also a, Bill got a mushroom bolognese that was very good.

Oh.

And there was some grouper hush puppies as well. I didn't wanna get too crazy.

Grouper-

But, you know

... hush puppies. Good Lord.

I know. I know. That's the most Southern, that's the most Southern shit of all time. But it was a f- yeah, it was, it was just a, I don't know. It was just exactly, it made sense. It hit the spot, and sometimes... 'Cause I can't take them to Elmira, you know what I mean?

No.

They don't wanna, they don't wanna be around people doing coke.

No, and you shouldn't take yourself there either. No shade.

[laughs] No, I just, that's the only thing I'm thinking about is how I can escape to get one burrito before we head back to New York City.

You're gonna be able to get one burrito. Come on.

I, I think so. I would think so. Well, I just don't like to eat them for lunch. That's the, it's just too much for lunch.

No, I agree.

Yeah, it's too much for lunch.

It's a guaranteed nap time after that, right?

Huge nap. Huge nap.

Yeah, sometimes I've, I've been noticing if, if I ever eat a large lunch, like a substantial-ish lunch, I'm, I, and I go back to work, like if I'm editing and I, I take a break to eat lunch, I go back on the machine, I could literally, I just work until my eyes just-

Yeah, yeah

... my body just shuts down and, and I just, and I just, like, sort of go lay on the couch for 10 minutes and then wake back up and then go back to normal, but I have no control over it.

No.

It's just like, boom, I'm out.

It's crazy that that is a thing. I mean, I, I think we need to land somewhere in the middle. I think the sort of bowlification at the desk, mouse in the other hand, AirPods in, lunch is bad, but I also think the three-hour gluttonous lunch is bad.

[laughs]

So maybe we can just land in that sweet spot of, you know.

Well, I, the problem is I am landing in the sweet spot, but sometime- But I, I think it's just, like, my body, we're, all of our bodies are so different and I think that's so important, but my body just responds, does not respond well to a lunch. Like, I'm, I'm a breakfast guy.

Breakfast-

I'm a dinner junkie. I could probably eat e- every day.

Look, dude, I don't, I don't... I, I'm just gonna be honest.

[laughs]

Like, I eat dinner almost every day.

I'm addicted to it, but you know, lunchtime, I love a g- love a lunch. I used to lunch all the time, but I think, I think-

Well, I like the social aspect of it because breakfast, as I've said many times, like, I'm not, I'm not really eating it, and I'm definitely not eating it with someone at a restaurant.

No.

Like, that's just not... That, that's Chris time.

My breakf- I do three breakfasts either. Uh, sometimes it's no breakfast. I probably eat breakfast half the week. If it's, if I'm feeling eggy, I'll just, I'll do, like, three, three scrambled eggs just straight up. If there's some protein from the night before, a little steak, a little chicken, whatever, throw it in there. If I have some grouper lying around, of course I'll throw that in.

[laughs]

And then I'll make a, an oatmeal, and then the, and then the other one is, like, some yogurt.

Yeah.

Just, like, a little y- yogurt and some honey, Davide style, and that's it. But if I do anything more than that, then yeah, my, my whole day is shot.

Yeah, having-

I do all of my crunching and munching on dinnertime.

Yeah, you can't have, you can't have a bunch of pastries.

And that's just my body. Not everyone's the same.

No, not everybody's body's the same, and it's b- it's, it's brave of you to share.

Don't watch me. Watch TV.

That's, that, that's what they fam-

You don't want this life, brother

... that's what they famously say. Um-

[laughs]

Yeah, I, uh, I'm, like, I'm in the holiday spirit. I, you know, you can hear it in my voice, so I get to go to the mall after we finish recording, which is my favorite thing to do.

Which, which mall that is? Lenox?

We're gonna hit, we're gonna hit Phipps and Lenox hopefully. We're gonna do a, a double double 'cause they're just across the street, you know, bang bang.

Right, right, right.

It's no, it's no problem.

And you have so much time to kill that-

No, honestly not really, but en- en- enough to... Well, well, it takes an hour to park this time of year.

[laughs]

So you gotta factor that in. And there's no room-

What about valet, bro? No valet?

There's no room. The valet, there's too many Hellcats, man. You can't, there's no room. The valet's full. The Bentley trucks, the Hellcats.

[laughs]

The fucking Double R's. It's all-

So okay. So you show up, the scat packs have it all accounted for.

Bro, they got it all. Dude, it's n-

There's no room for your-

No

... what, what kind of car did you get this time?

I got a, unfortunately an Audi Q7. Um, so I'm not-

[laughs]

... super pleased with it, and they-

Why is that unfortunate? 'Cause it's too big?

No, Au- Audis are for women. Uh, that's just-

[laughs]

I don't know how else to say it. And it's, it's, like, the biggest one, which I like-

[laughs]

... but it's more, it's not, it doesn't sit up high. It sits like a-

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's, like-

It sits like a sedan, which I think is the point, is the appeal

... it's a bit of a bastard child between a station wagon-

Yeah

... like an Audi Q4 wagon sitting on something and, but it's not a full high up. But I think that's the beauty of the, of the Audi spirit, but you're coming straight from the Land Rover Sport where you're sitting up high, boxy.

I want-

King of the road, king of the Lululemon store

... I want Range Sport black. I don't... And they had one, but it was, it was like a whole f- I was gonna have to change paperwork, and I was like, "All right. Forget this. Let's get outta here."

But I'm sure the, the, the, the interior experience on the Audi Q7-

It's fine

... has gotta be, it has to be much more of an upgrade 'cause-

No, it's not

... I like the out- No, the outside of your Land Rover Sport, sleek, sexy, clean, all black. Inside it's, it's giving utilitarian, it's giving, you know, the G- the Jeep Grand Cherokee-

No, I disagree

... has a nicer in- interior.

I'd prefer, I'd prefer... No, this, this shit is stupid. It has two screens. It has one for a, a s- for temperature control, an entire screen for temperature control, and a separate smaller screen-

Oh, no

... for-

I'm looking at... Do you have, do you have quilted seats or no?

I don't even know. Probably, but I don't like that either. That's fussy. That's grandma shit. I don't want quilted seats.

What?

No, I don't want that. I want ostrich.

Bro, quilted seat, quilted seats is, is so sick, bro.

No. No, it's fine.

Maybach.

I mean, it's fine. I don't think about seats at all really, except for lumbar support of course.

[laughs] Okay, so-

I never thought about, I never thought about seats once, bro.

Okay. Little Chrissy wants to be high up, king of the road, and that's all that really matters, okay?

That's, that, that really is all that matters. That really is all that matters.

Okay.

So I, I'm, I'm happy to be... But, but w- w- but the point of this story is that they're not gonna keep the Q7 up front to say the very least, so.

Okay. Okay.

The, the Neiman Marcus will be flooded with, you know, Lambo trucks.

Q7, small fish, big pond. What color did you get? You get baby shit brown? You get something nice?

No, it's a s- it's a silver. It's fine.

Okay.

It's fi- it's fine. The, I would say silver is better than white but not better than black.

I, I hate to say it, I don't wanna be a poo-pooer, but I really don't like the Land Rover. I think I'm, I'm, I think 2002 was the last year the Land Rover looked good.

That's a, that f- Just to be clear, that's a Range Rover

Sorry, Range Rover, Range Rover

Because the Land Rover Discovery is the one I really want, but that is the most mom of them all.

Right, right.

And it's, it might be the biggest, I think, at the, like, the way it, the top is.

Mm-hmm.

Like, it, like, it go- I- and maybe it's higher in the back. But I don't know. I don't, I don't care.

But just, but a, a, so a Range Rover is a type of Land Rover. It's under the Land Rover.

I think Land Rover is the parent company, and then Range Rover is that-

Right, right, right

... and then Defender. They had a Defender, too, but that's the worst. I mean, that-

Mm-hmm

... the only thing that makes you look like a graphic designer more is a new Defender or the other, the station wagon is a fussy little car for a man.

Okay, well the-

That just says that you like Japan too much and that you li- you know what I mean? The r-

No, station wagon, that's pimp shit.

No.

Is there a way that we could weave this convo back into more of a lesbian demographic based on our guest today?

I mean, I would say a station-

I guess we are talking about Land Rovers and station wagons. [laughs]

I would say a station wagon's really lesbian, actually.

But we're, we're not hau- the, the only thing we're hauling is a Christmas tree.

I, I ain't hauling shit except a suitcase, really.

Okay. So Chris, he's interested in lumbar support. These lesbians, they're literally hauling lumbar.

[laughs]

From Home Depot.

Yeah, yeah. None that we know. They wear Carhartt, but I don't know how much I'm gonna, I don't-

I'm gonna f- I'm, she's gonna finish that deck like the Navy.

Finish the deck like the Navy. Yeah, our guest today is a friend of the, longtime friend of the program, Robbie Hoffman. His new special is on Netflix.

Mm-hmm.

But let's, let's see if she shows up. She's con- go- confirmed twice, and it is on the calendar, but for some reason I'm not feeling super confident this holiday season.

You feel a little, little tickle in your... Is it because she's a comedian? Is it because she's a woman?

It's just be- it's just, it's bec- no, no, no. No, no.

[laughs]

It's, it's just because it's that time of year. I feel, you know what I mean?

Oh.

I feel like people are, are, are checked out. That's all.

Yeah.

That's all.

Where she's, she's having a, a little Bailey's in her morning coffee at the cabin. It could slip her mind.

That's all. That's all. But I'll, I'll text her. We'll see. [notification sound] This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by a new podcast from The Guardian, Stateside with Kai and Carter. This is covering a lot of our bases, Jason. It's, uh, it's trying to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions we all have about what's happening in the world. And I know you particularly have quite a lot of questions.

A lot of questions, but how often? 'Cause we do this podcast three times a week, and that's a sweet spot. How many times do they do?

Three times a week. And I, I, I have a feeling just based on the platform and these talking points that they're maybe gonna be covering different stuff than we do. That's just a guess.

The Guardian is not some billionaire-owned platform. They're not afraid to say what they wanna say, brother.

Yeah, Rupert ain't sniffing around in, in what, uh, journalists Kai Wright and Carter Sherman are up to over there at, at, uh, Stateside.

Mm-hmm.

But yeah, listen wherever you get your podcasts. You can watch on YouTube. It's three times a week, and, and who couldn't use more news? You know, especially, especially when it's, when it's not, you know, from here, let's say.

[laughs]

Give, give it a, give it a listen. Give it a listen. Every time I go to the doctor, I walk out of that bitch feeling dumb. I got no real info. This guy in a white coat just say, "You're fine," you know, "Drink more water."

He knows how to charge my copay.

Exactly. As if-

That's about it

... as if I could drink more water, doctor. I, I, I don't get data. I don't get a game plan. I just get a pat on the ass and get out there and, and make it better. But SuperPower is doing something different. SuperPower sends a licensed professional to your home, or you can visit a nearby lab if you're a little freak. It's a simple blood draw, one simple blood draw with over 100 biomarkers, which is way more than what you usually get, and it unlocks a real understanding of your body. Uh, their app includes detailed information on your heart, liver, thyroid, hormones, metabolism, vitamin and mineral levels, and even environmental toxins. Ooh, ooh.

[laughs]

So from disease prevention to treating that annoying brain fog or simple optimizing for your gym game, let's go. SuperPower is more comprehensive and advanced system out there.

Make this year the year we all stop guessing about our health with SuperPower. For a limited time, How Long Gone listeners get $20 off to unlock their new health intelligence. Head over to superpower.com and use the code HOWLONG for $20 off your membership. That is code HOWLONG, and after you sign up, they'll ask how you heard about SuperPower. Do us a favor if you could and tell them How Long Gone sent you, and that'll just support us. Thanks.

This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by our best friends at BetterHelp. Jason, we're, we're deep into May, which is, uh, Mental Health Awareness Month, and this is just a reminder that whatever you're going through, you don't have to go through it alone. Life is a damn journey. Some days feel good, and others feel overwhelming. Whatever's keeping you up at night, it's easy to feel like you have to figure it all out on your own. But the truth is, no one has all the answers. Well, and no journey should be alone. Having someone with you to listen, to understand, and to support you can really make all the difference.

I agree, Chris, and sometimes, you know, it, it's nice to be talking to somebody even if they're not even listening, even if you don't even get to s- be in the same room with them, because what you're doing is you're admitting these things to yourself, and that's the most, that's the most rewarding thing you can do sometimes. So you can have a great little therapy sesh with your perfect therapist at BetterHelp. Choosing between over 30,000 people so you can get the right one just for you. Over six million people globally are using it, and you know, have some breakthroughs. Go on that walk after your BetterHelp sesh. You know, whatever it might be. Get a nice little lunch all for yourself, maybe a non-alcoholic kombucha, and just think and be like, "Damn, I really am him." You don't have to be on this journey alone. Find support and have somebody with you in therapy. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com/howlong. That is better H-E-L-P .com/howlong. [notification sound] So do, does the calendar not-

[laughs]

Does your calendar not have time zones on it?

No, it doesn't, and that's why I wish I could show you.

[laughs]

I'm gonna actually show you, but I'm gonna be out because I'm not-

For the record, we, we know that this is Chris's fault, okay? So don't worry.

Okay.

That's, that's your... Hold on. So just to be clear, Robbie's holding up a, what looks to be a-

This is my calendar.

You don't have an a-

[laughs]

You don't have an agent or somebody that does this for you?

No, I use this because of the time zone thing. Because even when, even when it's good, it still screws up, and flights have been wrong.

Damn.

It's not all synced yet. They need to figure this out. And in fact, you're catching me at the weird time where I have two going.'Cause this is 2025.

We're on, we're on the-

Sure

... cusp of '26, Robbie.

And look, I got a charm for 2026, which is-

That's nice. That's, yeah, it's like a pair of Crocs. What is the, um, what are the... Okay, where are you getting these custom journals from? Because your name is-

These are Moleskine. They're not-

They're just Moleskine, okay

... custom. They're Moleskine. I do the five-day planner. Um, I lived with Seth Tolen when I first moved to LA, and she had the mini book. I want, if Moleskine could make even bigger than this, I like a full page. This is the biggest they have, the XL.

[laughs]

And I'd love it in a different color. They only make black and blue in this size.

Where do you, where do you get the, where do you get the name embossing done? Do they-

Dollars. So this is $33.

Okay.

Maybe it's $39. And the name is $8. Now, I, my name is too long. I would wish it was on one-

Mm

... line, but it's too long, and then it makes me feel, for Indian folks, or people who have really long names-

[laughs]

... that they're shit out of luck, because my name isn't that long.

I- imagine the Vivek Ramaswamys of the world, what they're dealing with.

[laughs]

Charging by the letter.

Oh, never mind people in my family. Menachem Mendel, he's not-

Yeah

... getting his name on one of these. So-

Oi.

You'll see in 2025 I have the star embalmed, and then I, they n- they put on a charm, so I upped-

Yeah

... with the charm.

The charm really has, like, a middle school thong kinda Pokemon.

It does have a middle school thong vibe to it.

Robbie, really quick, do you happen to have headphones you could throw on? Is that possible?

Yes, I do. Give me a sec-y.

Okay, thank you. That way when we're, when we're talking we don't... It doesn't drown out your audio so our listeners can really hear you.

Okay, because I have the ones, I'm using old school iPhones one that have the speaker right near me.

No, I mean, you, you could do that if you can give it a try. The only issue is sometimes it brushes against hair and, and the shirt, and it'll get a little-

Oh, yeah, yeah, my hair is down.

Okay.

My hair is down.

Your hair, your hair's down.

And I'm wearing a shirt, so.

A rare, a rare hair down moment for the holidays with Robbie Hoffman.

Yep.

It's not, it's not, uh, it's not usual for you to have that, right? This is when-

My s-

After the special

... my sp- exactly. There's Robbie Hoffman before the special-

[laughs]

... and there's Robbie Hoffman after the special.

I know.

Mm-hmm.

I'm, I'm glad you agreed to do this. I thought you might have switched up on us, even though we're day ones.

No, I don't switch up on the fellas.

Mm-hmm.

[laughs]

That's one thing you don't do.

Mm-hmm.

Good to know.

Okay, yeah.

Quite literally.

[laughs]

Quite literally. [laughs]

There's a, there's a, there's a few tags in that one, huh, Robbie?

Yeah. Wow, we're cooking. Three minutes in.

Ba-da, ba-da bing. Yeah, so-

It doesn't take much

... speaking of, yeah, your, your special is out. It came out last week. I was listening to, um, the Tim Dillon podcast yesterday, and he mentioned, uh, going to a Silverlake comedy release party-

[laughs] Yes

... instead of being invited to Conan O'Brien's holiday party.

Which they were on. He's full of shit, because they were on separate nights.

Okay. Okay.

Well, it was a really funny, it was a really funny joke, though.

Wait, well, hold on, hold on. Um, let me finish, though. Let me fin-

Yes.

And he mentions on that if he were to be asked to go to Conan's party, then Rob Reiner would still be with us today.

I agree with him there.

[laughs]

I will give credit where credit is due.

Because he has experience talking schizophrenic people down from the ledge, and he-

I agree

... which I think is a great way to make a joke. You know, comedians have to do that. So was that your party that he was attending in Silverlake?

I will say that if Nick Reiner, I'll address both. I will say-

Yeah

... that I don't know if it's a good thing, but I think him and Nick Reiner would have gotten along.

Yeah.

Again, I don't know.

[laughs]

I think, you know, they could have fucked with each other. I don't know if Tim wants to, you know.

Yeah.

But I do agree with him.

So you say Tim would, Tim would have bought him a, he would have bought him a few more days at the very least.

Yeah. Tim and Nick, a- and, and Nick Reiner could have fucked with each other. I, I, I-

Mm-hmm

... I could see that. That said, yes, it was my party.

Uh-huh.

Yes, it was the night after, and Tim was lucky to be invited.

I agree.

With all the bullshit he's spewing, and there's some other people, some sensitive... You know, I, I walk the line. I walk the motherfucking line. We got-

Yeah

... people who are politically inclined, who are, you know, um, into activism and performative online whatever, and we have the Tims. And everybody came to the party and, like you said, we made it happen. I think Tim may have felt more fake with people because a lot of people didn't know him.

Mm-hmm.

But I was happy for people to get to know him.

Right, right, right.

And it starts at the small talk, unfortunately.

[laughs]

I would have liked to see something go down, a little standoff of some kind, you know? I, I think that would have been fun for everybody.

It did, it did seem like he was a little uncomfortable being in that environment, and he mentioned it being a Silverlake rental.

Yeah.

And, you know, he was throwing some shots.

[laughs]

He was throwing some shade. It sounded like he was very fish out of water, uncomfortable behind e- you know, enemy lines a little bit.

And by the way, no, he's content farming.

Yeah.

Because the apartment... First of all, I hope to rent forever here.

Thank you.

Okay.

You think, you don't think I have a, I have a house elsewhere? I'm not buying in this fucking state that's about to be in the water.

You're thinking about the future.

Mm-hmm.

I'm thinking about-

Yeah

... the future. I don't know how to fix anything, and it's a beautiful rental, and he loved the rental. He's very two-faced. You know how gay men are, right? For the content, no, no, no, no, no, you know.

[laughs]

Like, it's like pushing, pushing, pushing.

[laughs]

But he's a doll-

Yeah

... off camera, and he knows I don't care if he pops off and whatever, because that's what the gays have to do. They've been doing it forever.

No, I, I think I like that.

And then when they're there-

It's a, it's a-

Yeah

... it's very, you know, we respect each other, but we all play a little h- a little harder, you know, when all the dogs are in the dog park. We play a little rough. We get along.

Listen, we're entertainers. I respect it.

Mm-hmm.

I respect the game. We respect each other. I myself, you know what, it's so funny that every time I see Tim, and I literally idolize and love him-I'm so nervous around him that I can't even be myself still.

Really?

I think he's the kind of guy for me, and I've told him this, 'cause we're friends but he's like, "What are you talking about?" And I'm like, "I literally can't get comfortable yet. It'll take me two years." That's what happens when I really respect somebody and how they work and-

Hmm.

That doesn't, that doesn't bode well for us then, 'cause I feel like we hit it off pretty quick.

[laughs]

Yeah, I wasn't so intimidated by the fellas.

[laughs]

Well, when you say Tim is the kind of guy for you, what do you mean by that exactly? For friendship or something perhaps more?

Oh, no, I meant like the kind of guy that where I look up and then I become friends with them. Like, that doesn't happen so often.

Ah. Right, right, right, right, right. Okay.

I'm-

Gotcha

... choking on this morning drink.

[laughs]

I'm having, I'm doing Bryan Johnson's, I have his, uh-

[laughs]

... pink vitamin drink.

You, you said, "My morning drink?"

Yes. It's a pink... It's supposed to have every vitamin that you need. You put one scoop of the powder, it's instead of taking like a-

Bunch of supplements

... I guess a multivitamin.

Yeah.

And it, and it's, it's called, uh, the Blueprint Longevity Mix?

Yes.

[laughs]

Bingo is his name-o.

Do you use one of those, uh, electric whisks or do you just use a-

I do, yes.

Wow.

I love it.

Wow.

[laughs]

That's, that surprises me for some reason.

That was the sell for me of the whole-

Okay

... thing.

Makes it more fun.

Yeah, was getting to use-

So do you think that this powder is a bunch of bullshit? Is it some snake oil, or are you feeling, are you feeling longer?

I mean, I'm choke... I, I don't like that it's a powder because it makes it feel like there's dust in my throat.

[laughs]

You gotta mix it with water first, Robbie. Don't just-

No, you do mix it-

[laughs]

... but they, it doesn't completely dissolve, this one. I'll say my one thing-

It's too powerful. It can't fully dissolve, I mean, that-

It's not fully, like, dissolved like when you make like Minute Maid or something.

[laughs]

Sure.

Yeah, of course.

Or if you use a nice Magna Drip Drop or Liquid IV, those fully dissolve no problem. Whisk free, just give it a shake.

Right. That's true, actually, so.

Yeah, no shade to Bryan.

What was your, what was the catering situation at your event, at your party?

Walk us through the spread.

What did he say?

He didn't say anything. I'm j- I'm, I'm coming to the source.

By the way, he loved the catering, I'll tell you. He didn't mention, but I-

Well, I don't think he's ever not loved catering-

No news is-

... based on what I've seen

... yeah.

[laughs]

No news is good news for him on the food-

Yeah

... right?

[laughs]

Right?

[laughs]

Tim, I hope you're fucking listening. I love you, you fucking asshole.

[laughs]

No news is good news.

Now listen.

Okay. Did you, were you cooking-

Art's Deli.

Okay. Wow.

I did Hanukkah.

Okay.

Right? So the whole night, my special was released, which, not that Netflix had to be cute, but they came, they loved the special, and they, not for nothing, like, they gave me a holiday day, a December day. It's very difficult to get. I mean, I was told, I never even thought of when they would put it out because I was just so grateful to be-

Mm-hmm

... finally home.

Right. You'll, you'll do Hitler's birthday if you get a Netflix special. You don't care what day it comes out.

Oh my God, that would be a dream. See, they didn't offer me that.

[laughs]

But I mean, look at the m- the month was stacked. They had, you know, Matt Rife.

The Jake Paul fight.

Yeah. Ricky Gervais, Chappelle, and to give me a Sunday Netflix and chill night, it was just a really nice bode.

[laughs]

[laughs]

I mean, for your debut special to get Netflix and chill on a Sunday night, that, they're confident in you.

Yeah, it's really hard, because they put their specials out, Matt Rife came out the first Sunday. I didn't think I was gonna get a Sunday, you know. I've heard of inaugural specials getting a Tuesday on a slow week-

Yeah

... in the middle of the year. You just don't know. So when they were... So it's, that's been just such a treat that they've been taking care and enjoy, and for real liking it.

Yeah.

I was at something where, um, I was just standing alone, also probably like Tim at the food table at some point, not at my house, it's something else, and a guy came up to me and said, "Hey, it's Ted." And I was like, "Ted what?" And he said, "Ted Sarand-" A- And I'm like-

[laughs]

... "If your name is Ted Sarandos, you can't come up to people."

[laughs] You just can't approach anyone.

Like, I'm not-

They come to you.

No, but it's like now I'm stuck in a conversation alone with him.

You, you gotta kiss the ring whether you're in the mood to or not when, when Ted saddles up to you.

He kissed the ring to me.

Oh.

Excuse me, Jason.

[laughs]

Well, look, Robbie, you were a lot cheaper than Matt Rife, so he's happy about that.

Perfect, and Matt Rife made him a lot more money, so you know, it's all-

It's all fair. All is fair. All is fair

... all is fair. Um, I got, uh, so I, so then they said, "And not only holiday, we know exactly where we're putting you, the first night of Hanukkah," which is cute. Netflix doesn't have to be cute.

They don't have to be cute.

Mm-hmm.

They don't have to be-

They're sharks. They don't have to be cute.

[laughs]

So I decided to go Hanukkah. So I had, um, jelly donuts, I had the, uh, the chocolate, like the, the chocolate coins. I had the menorah. You know, not just to have pizza or sandwiches, I wanted to get Art's Deli. It's an institution.

Mm-hmm.

I actually didn't know of it. Somebody I'm working with, I said I was gonna get Canter's, and she was like, "Canter's sucks."

Not wrong. Good room. The food's not great.

Yeah. Well, you know, when my mother comes to visit, I bring her to Canter's, and we've always had-

Mm-hmm

... a wonderful time, but I was like, "It fucking sucks."

Sure.

"You're right."

[laughs]

And she was like, "Art's Deli," and so, um-

I've never heard of Art's Deli. I'm also not Jewish, obviously, but-

Studio City old school spot-

Studio City, yeah

... from the '50s.

I was gonna, I was gonna do that or Nate 'n Al's.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No Langer's?

Langer's didn't have quarter sandwiches.

Mm-hmm.

They only had full sandwiches, which I found aggressive for a party.

Yeah. I agree.

You know, I want people to be able to take a quarter of this, a quarter of that. We had all the sides.

Mm-hmm.

The dessert was phenomenal. Oh, and I had a full bartending service.

Yeah, that's a, that's a really nice touch. I think that's undervalued in these situations.

Well, I used to think it must be $6,000. Like, when I went to somebody's rich house and I'm like, you know, to me, I'm likeI remember clocking that.

[laughs]

And I was like, "Oh, I wanna do that one day." And you know what? The pack- they start at $300.

Yeah, no, a- and they're hot.

I was like, I didn't know that-

They're hot too, right? Did you get a hot one?

You can hire a bartender. No, he wasn't hot, but he was good.

[laughs]

No, ours lived in a van, to be honest with you, but, um-

[laughs]

He coulda spared me the sob story, but anyway, I tipped him 100%.

[laughs] Wait, he literally did live in a van and told you this?

Yeah. Yeah.

What?

He actually lived in a beautiful van.

[laughs]

But he's a touring, I mean, he's a touring bartender.

Like, like a mobile dog washing service, but for-

And by the way, Tim was a doll, too. He ordered Siggi's for the whole party. I totally forgot about Siggi's.

That's nice.

You mean cigarettes, not yogurt.

Yeah. What's yogurt?

There's a brand.

S-I-G-G-I-S, Siggi's.

Oh, shit.

Chris is making a little yogurt joke.

Oh.

Risky.

That's for, yeah, that's for all our probiotic heads out there.

Gotta respect it. Yeah, so by the way, just to close that out, Tim was the only one uncomfortable.

[laughs]

Because he's made an ass out of himself and everyone, which is fine, and I respect it.

Mm-hmm.

Everybody else had a great time with each other.

Yeah.

A- and by the way, the party continued. You know, some of these people were not industry, and I know Tim doesn't like. Unless you're not elbowing, you gotta be Elon Musk for him to have a good time.

[laughs]

A lot of these people are just cool people. Um, but that said, I love him, I respect the game, and he's two-faced like every other gay fag I know. [laughs]

[laughs] Okay.

How late did the, how late did the party go?

Well, it's, it, it, it, you know, there's always, like, the after party to the party, which is almost the best part. The people, you know, your closest friends who stay around. Never mind that my brother Shmully and my sister-in-law Mariana were sleeping, were staying with me, so.

[laughs]

So you're saying Shmully was asleep?

No, he ca- he, he stayed up.

Okay.

I'm just saying that two of my, some of my family were staying with me, so it even elongated. People felt comfortable to stay long, 'cause people were just-

Let me ask you a question

... really staying long.

Let me ask you a question, Robbie.

Mm-hmm.

You're doing pretty well now. What about putting them in a hotel? Have you considered that? Or do they wanna stay at your house?

They wanna stay, yeah.

That's a problem.

No, it, we, we, we don't... By the way, a hotel, my sister s- uh, my sister Chaya was in a hotel. She's allergic. I have a little cat.

Mm.

But no, they love, we love to hang out with each other. And we would not... A hotel, if I didn't have space, but like you said, I'm doing well, and they're welcome to stay.

[laughs] That's beautiful.

By the way, when Tim says rental, he didn't, uh, you know-

He didn't mention how many bedrooms

... he didn't mention what kind of re- and by the way, I would wanna follow up. I may call him and get it on the record how nice the fucking place is.

Yeah, mm-hmm.

The fellas, if I had you guys over-

Mm-hmm

... I think you'd be very impressed. And I think for our next one, I'd love to get a full rundown. If you guys are in LA, I wanna see what you guys think.

It'll be the, the HLG A- AD room tour.

I love that. Exactly.

Mm-hmm.

That's what I want, Jason. Okay, perfect.

We'll get a small camera crew out, no big deal.

Uh, that's what I'm asking. Thank you.

[laughs] I, I think he was just, you know, he was, he was negging your home to, to better his joke. You, you know, and that's, and you know what time it is, and it's all good, and... I wa- I was thinking about when he was, when he was mentioning if he got invited to the Conan party, Rob Reiner would still be with us today, and how every, every-

I agree

... um, but every tragedy, you know, like that or the first person to make the Rob Reiner joke, the first person to make the 9/11 joke, the first person to make the school shooter joke, whatever, it's a dangerous game. It's very risky, and I applaud people who take those chances, you know?

100%, and I'll say this. Him and Nick Reiner would've been besties.

Mm. Yeah. [laughs]

Okay? You know who he wouldn't have been uncomfortable around?

[laughs]

Nick Reiner. You know who he would've had a great time at a party with? Nick Reiner.

I mean, imagine if, im- imagine if Tim was there and he was playing defense so Bill Hader couldn't get over there, and we would still, Nick would still be with us.

It's so fu- you know what was the funniest thing? So Nick, uh, so Nick. So Tim tells me, I'm so nervous around Tim still, 'cause for all his bullshit, I respect and love him so much, and I can't help it. It is what it is. And I was so touched-

Mm-hmm

... he came, because I did tell him on the phone. Like, he called me, he's like, "Who's gonna be there?" And I had to sell him. I'm like, "We're gonna have Art's Deli. I have a bartender." Like, you open with Art's Deli with Tim.

[laughs]

I was like, "I have donuts," like, you know.

He's like, "Which platter did we get? Which platter?"

And he said, "Okay, you're selling it." He said-

Number three?

"... you're selling it."

Okay, so you, you don't open with John Early might show up?

No, exactly.

[laughs]

Exactly. I'm like, "Hannah might be there. She might not." I, I was like, "Art's Deli. Jelly donuts."

[laughs]

He was like, "Okay, you're selling it. You're selling it."

Like, Troy, Troy Sivon, he's a maybe. You know, we're, we're still feeling it out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He said, "Okay, okay."

I said, "You're doing a really good thing. My brother Shmully will be there, very excited."

[laughs]

And so Tim is outside. He's holding court. He's doing great. And-

Spacious backyard

... very. He tells me-

[laughs]

... that, uh, oh, Rob Reiner just died or whatever. But he says, "But keep it low. Keep it low." Immediately, I'm retarded. When I hear, like, don't touch something, I touch it. I have all of those instincts.

Mm-hmm.

So I right away announce to the table outside, which was, like, maybe, maybe a, a, a, a fifth of the party was outside at this point.

Mm-hmm.

So a smaller group of the larger group that Rob Reiner... And my brother was one of the people. And then we decided not to, like, ruin everybody's night by sharing this, 'cause we were just, we had a great special and the food, and it was really-

Mm.

So I was like, 'cause he told me, "Don't tell anyone." Like, Tim actually wanted the vi- you know, he wanted, he's very professional at these. And I'm like, immediately I told. And my brother the whole next day was like, "Could you believe Tim Dillon told me Rob Reiner died? That's how I found out."

[laughs]

It made my family's entire trip that they got to find out a Hollywood exclusive.From

They got a taste of life behind the curtain.

Exactly.

And they got to hear about a death before most all their friends learned about it back home.

Exactly.

Okay, that's big.

It is.

Okay, so yours, your family is aware of the comedy space. They know who Tim Dillon and other players in the, in the game are.

Yeah, I think for me, they've, you know, been more educated on the comedy space in terms of... I mean, they've, they know probably classic comedians. I don't know that they're, like, so up to date with everything happening.

Sure.

But certainly my brother.

He, he know, your brother knows that Bo and Yang left SNL, something like that, right?

Oh, yeah. What happened there? Do you have the tea on that? I was gonna call someone and find it out. [electronic tone]

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Genuinely, yeah. It's one of those things. We're all busy. Let's say we got an important dinner coming up at the end of the week. It's Tuesday. You're working every single day. You don't have time to go shopping and try clothes on and blah, blah, blah, or even just browse. You know, Revolve, it's all there. It's all curated for what you want, and then you click buy, you go to bed. Couple of days later, that shows up in packaging that's a little nicer than the, the other places you're buying clothes from, and you've got a nice look for the big night out. And then you're like, "Wait a minute, I don't even have to return this because I enjoy this clothing and I wanna wear it again another time," versus all those dumb other websites. So whether it's a big night out, a wedding, a trip, or you just need something last minute that actually works, Revolve Man always has it. Go to revolveman.com/howlong to shop, and use code HOWLONG for 15% off your order. Free two-day shipping, easy returns. It just makes everything easier. That is revolve.com/howlong, and use the promo code HOWLONG to get 15% off your entire order. Offer ends soon. Don't sleep on it, and you don't need clothes too. You can get just, you know, a cool candle or an incense gift for a baby shower, whatever it is, revolve.com/howlong.

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We don't have the tea, but I can guess, and I've, I mean, it's, I think he-

What are you guessing?

That he thinks he's gonna be a movie star, and he doesn't need that anymore.

Oh, that's what I think.

Yeah.

Okay, I think he probably got a huge role.

I mean, is Wicked not a huge role? You're saying something bigger? [laughs]

Oh, right. He's on Wicked. I didn't watch Wicked.

His B- his Berghain movie he, that's in development I don't think is gonna really bust the box office down.

What is that? What is that movie?

Apparently he's developing a movie where two... Is it, Jason, is it two gay guys that can't get in, or is it just they go?

It's him and Matt from the podcast. They are producing a film that was based on a story from Reply All, the podcast-

Yeah, okay

... from, uh, from our friend. Whereas, yeah, it's, it's about two guys trying to get in to Berghain, the, the classic hard-to-get-into techno club in Berlin. So maybe because he's putting on the PGA hat, I need to really focus in, and I know, you know, stars on SNL will ask Lorne, "Hey, I need to film this. Can I take this time off?" And he famously always says no, and, you know, makes people go work over the week. You know, you go film on Monday and Tuesday, come back and into the table read, and maybe Bowen just said, "Fuck it."

Oh, wow, you have the full s- yeah, well, I think Bowen, yeah, is a really, a really preeminent star on that show. I think he's just phenomenal, and he's been there a while. I, I'm wondering-

Yeah

... to me, the only hint, I'm sure he, they were on borrowed time with him because he's been such a success, and I don't fault him at all, and it's a grueling schedule, and he could probably have more of his own schedule at that fucking level. But I think that something must have happened mid-season.

Yeah.

My thing is, is like he got some big deal. Maybe the movie. I, I didn't know about his development, but maybe that got huge financing or, or another thing we don't even know about that was a conflict that he was like, "I have to say yes to."

Yeah.

So.

I'm sure, I'm sure he's got multiple offers and projects and things flying around. My, my theory was all of that. I agree with all that, but also SNL has sort of in the last year, it's just been, it's just been really bad, and I think it's making-

Yeah, s-

Like, he's not this amazing talent that has to carry the show. I think it's like-

Right

... everyone else is, is just doing such a bad job and like in this-

Well, also it's 50 year... Like, I think 50 is a good time to end it. Like, 50 years with a guy. Like, it's kinda like remember when EllenShe signed three more years. I'm telling you-

[laughs]

... there was a darkness. There was a-

[laughs]

People don't listen to Hashem, to whatever it is. It doesn't have to be... It could be the forces. And I know she's connected spiritually. She likes m- mediums and stuff. So it is shocking.

Yeah.

But that three years was a bit of a tug, and she got the money grab that she, you know, that she, um, jumped on, but-

That she didn't need.

Yeah, didn't need.

Or desperately needed.

[laughs]

I don't know what you're talking about. She desperately-

Yeah. I went from-

She's overextended

... 467 million to 476 million. Yay. Awesome.

Exactly.

At what cost?

Yeah. And, and during that time, it combusted. It's kinda like we're now in, we're now on the line with going o- Like, it's now, like, at a fever pitch 50 years of... Now it's like 51, 52, 53.

[laughs]

You know? It, it feels like-

Those are decidedly less exciting.

Well, I, I th- I think that people are giving Bowen a lot of shit, but he said on the last episode of SNL, "I wanna go out on top."

Yes. Smart.

That's the most admirable, smart thing to do.

He seems more like a bottom to me, but I guess, uh-

Oh.

Well, that, that was, that was the joke on the show. Ar- Ariana Grande-

Oh, the gods come in

... made the same joke, but-

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're right

... he, he is going out on top.

But it hit with Chris, it hit with Chris with me on this time, Jason.

[laughs]

So you lose. I like to-

But he, but he, he's, he's on his last episode, the gay guy from SNL, arm in arm with Ariana and Cher.

Yeah. There's no-

And they're crying. That is going out on top, and most people on SNL never go out on top.

True. I will say this. I will always respect Bowen Yang for one incident, has nothing to do with anything of his career but his character.

Mm.

Your audience probably remembers I was, uh, also the breakout model of 2022 or 2023 [laughs] New York Fashion Week.

Oh, yeah.

Where... Okay. Thank you, where I was featured in Vogue and a bunch of other really nice outfits.

For, for your runway work.

For my runway work as a model. I was modeling The RealReal and real- wearing Susan Alexander at the world famous Comedy Cellar Show.

Uh, that's where I first saw-

Mm-hmm

... that's where I first saw you.

Thank you. Thank you. There was an after party, like the Vanity Fair or the New York Fashion Week after party, and it was a big party that I kept saying, like, the whole night, like, people were like, like, Kate Berlant and all these cool people were like, "Are you going to the after party?" And I, I wasn't on. Like, the... I said I never got... [laughs] Like, I have no invitation to this.

[laughs]

And nobody's like, "Oh, you'll come with me." Like, nobody.

[laughs]

So.

Nobody's like, "Oh, you're not coming? We'll fix that."

No, exactly. Like, that didn't happen, so I was just gonna go to the subway home. And then I decided, I was like, I was walking, 'cause we were close to where the party was, and I was like, "I'll just walk by. Just wanna see it," you know? I'm never as a comedian part of Fashion Week this and that. And I go, and everybody's going in, the security, and I was gonna go to the subway, and then I see, uh, Sarah Sherman, lovely, B- Bowen Yang with Celeste and a bunch of people.

Mm-hmm.

But it's... So many people are there, so I'm just walking by. I just don't even... You know, I don't really even know him. Obviously, in the realm of comedy, I'm sh- I've heard of him. Whether he's heard of me, who knows? And he goes, out of nowhere, I think he sees me walking away or something. He goes, "Robbie," and he pulls me into his crew.

Mm.

It's literally crazy. So I'm like, "Oh, I, I don't think I got an invite to the, um, after party." And he talked to the... He was like, "She's..." And he, not only that, when we got in, without any fanfare, got everybody their first round.

Mm.

I, like, couldn't believe the generosity.

Well, the b- it was an open bar, but still, it was nice for him to go get those. [laughs]

No, it wasn't. I don't think it was.

[laughs]

Chris, I don't think it was. And by the way, to pull just another comic, him recognizing.

So Bowen Yang, an ubermensch, is what you would say.

I think that's an uber... And, and kind of there was such a kerfuffle of people there. It was really busy.

Mm-hmm.

So it's like-

Mm.

Jack Antonoff's there. Reneé Rapp's there, you know?

Literally.

And then they... Bowen, Bowen parts the Red Sea.

[laughs]

"Get out of here. I want Robbie in now."

Yeah. Yeah. And, and he didn't... And that thing, I didn't even... I hung out with everybody. You know, then, uh, my friend Anna Fabrega was there. Lots of people were there.

Mm.

And I... It's not like I had to thank him all night, or he's one of these... Like, he's like, "Go have fun." Like, I don't give a fuck.

I do like that. That is a ni- that's a nice thing to do.

Solid.

I hate to admit it. I hate to admit it.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Yeah. This, this holiday season, be a little more like Bowen, huh?

One more incident where I had the exact same story, but it happened maybe six months later.

Mm-hmm.

I was at SNL. Um, I was watching Ramy's SNL. I wanted to go see it, and I'm friends, uh, with, with Sarah and Marcello, friendly with some of the people on SNL at this particular cast, even though they're both on there, Michael Longfellow and Devin Walker. So I got to go to SNL, which was really, really fun and cool, but then they have the after party after party.

Mm.

And I brought my friend Trey, who's a Comedy Cellar comic who... I was like, "I'm going to SNL. Just come with me." Wait, actually, I don't even think this was the Ramy one. I think this was Dave Chappelle.

Mm-hmm. Okay.

The story is so name droppy, so it's almost not worth it, but to, to just show-

No, no. We live for that. That's fine.

[laughs]

Just to show you, just to show you the mensch of this. So we go to the after party. We're not on it. Shane Gillis goes, "Robbie, come in with us." So he got... And I said, "Can Trey come?" And he goes, "Oh, fine."

[laughs]

And the same thing, he got us in. So I'm just saying, I don't know these people well, but anybody who pulls me up who's at the top, I try and do that. And they do it. It, it just-Bodes so well to the character. I don't know

That's how, that's how it should work. I agree. I agree.

It pays well to be the comedian's comedian, and I think this-

Yeah

... the, the long story short is everyone in this town's on your fucking dick right now, huh?

Yeah, but they weren't. This is when they didn't have to be.

This is pre-dick.

Mm-hmm.

This is, this is pre-dick.

Thank you. Thank you.

[laughs]

They didn't have to be.

The real heads knew to be on your dick early and often, uh, and now the rest of the world's just catching up.

Or just a real mensch. Like, or it's like who cares? Rob, first of all, I'm small. How much room am I taking up at a party?

Physically, you mean, you're not taking up a lot of space.

[laughs]

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Exactly. Okay, yeah, yeah. No, I'm certainly annoying talking and-

Yeah, Renee Ren- Renee Rapp's got the shoulder pads on. They're coming out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it's terrible

... she's turning around knocking drinks over. You, not so much.

I'm svelte. I'm in the corner. I'm having one Coors Light. I'm not running up a tab.

[laughs] Speaking of svelte-

Yeah

... are we still, um, are we still hitting Equinox?

No.

What happened?

[laughs]

But you know what? They're still charging me.

I bet they are. Oh, so you're saying you gave up, but they didn't?

I'm literally in a war with them.

[laughs]

It's insane. You got a email here. Then you got... I said I've emailed. I filled out the form.

No, you ha- uh, Robby, if you wanna cancel Equinox, you have to tell them you've moved to a state where one doesn't exist, or they will find a way to keep you... So you have to be like, "I moved to Little Rock," and there's nothing they can do.

[laughs]

It's insane. I might have to to... Like, I might literally have to do that.

They, they keep you locked in over there.

So why, why are, why did we stop going? Did life get in the way?

Life got in the way. I'm on tour a lot. I was filming a lot. Like, I'm just... I, I'm quite literally not, uh, wasn't around. Now I am around, but I'll tell you what we did. I got a treadmill, and I have a little bench with six weights.

Mm.

'Cause that's really all I was doing-

Okay

... was a little bit of weights-

Sure

... and 12 3:30. 12 minutes, uh, 12, 12 incline.

That's, that, yeah, that's... I do that, too. I do my little hot girl walk, too, Robby.

Yeah, exactly. So what am I doing at Equinox? I do love it.

Where are your people watching? That's what you're doing.

No, I love the s- the steam. That I miss.

Yeah, I used to... I mean, I miss the steam at Equinox as well. I used to go. I, I don't go to the Equinox anymore. I, I switched to Pilates instead, so that's, that's my experience.

Yeah, no, that's way too boring for me.

What is, what is-

Boring?

... what does Gabby do?

Gabby does 12 3:30 at Planet Fitness.

[laughs] Planet Fi- so, so you own a treadmill?

You got your chick at Pl- you got your chick at Planet Fitness, Robby?

[laughs]

Come on now.

I don't know. She likes Planet Fitness.

[laughs]

Uh, she goes in, nobody knows her, and she goes out.

Damn, if, if I, if I had my chick at Planet Fitness, I'd be getting some feedback from the homies saying that I'm not-

Do you... When are you gonna start letting her use your treadmill?

[laughs]

No, she likes my trea- I mean, I've never used my treadmill. She's the only one who's used it.

[laughs]

[laughs]

I just got this.

Okay.

And by just, I mean, like, four months ago.

But for the record, you haven't... Your, your body still looks good. You're not gaining weight or anything.

Yeah, I, you know, I'm a mobile person. Can we just discuss this for a second? I am on the move.

Yeah. You're walking around. You're pacing. Your hands are behind your back. You're-

I am through airports. I am on the bus. I am on the subway.

Mm-hmm.

I am walking and moving. I am on stage-

Yeah

... for an hour, and I'm not, I'm not static on stage.

Yeah, we call that ambient exercise.

I'm dynamic.

Ambient exercise.

You're known for your physical comedy, so I do see where you're-

Thank you.

Yeah. You drop down and give 'em 20.

Thank you.

Yeah, you're, you're a stool fucker. You're humping that stool.

Never once.

[laughs]

Never once? Come on. Maybe special number two-

Never once

... you give one a little lick.

You, you know I don't switch, Jason.

[laughs]

Like we said, we, I don't switch with the fellas.

The stool humps me.

So I wanna get into the nitty-gritty of this special stuff-

Please

... 'cause I feel like, you know, a lot of people have these, and they're not good from what I-

It's terrible

... can see.

[laughs]

But I wanna understand, and I don't need any hard facts here, but let's talk about how the money works a little bit, 'cause I feel like, so I feel... I, I just, I need to understand, the, what, how the deals are structured.

I'll tell you this, I thought you were gonna talk about it being one of the greatest stand-up specials recorded in recent history-

[laughs]

... which I would say even if it wasn't mine.

[laughs]

Right? I'm just saying it 'cause it's the truth.

Of course. Of course.

I, I... Look, Robby, I watched it this morning, uh, doing my 12 3:30.

Yeah.

That's not a joke, and I did love it, but I'm also familiar. I g- I was going in knowing I was gonna like it as a fan of the work.

Yeah.

You know, I'm, I'm familiar with the brand.

Listen, I, I, uh, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna throw, I'm not gonna throw anything-

Mm

... under because I, if you put m- if you put food on my plate, I will till the day I die-

Yeah

... respect it, okay? So I will give it up to Netflix for putting food on my plate. That said, special shout-out also to John fucking Mulaney-

Mm-hmm

... who you might, you might both appreciate is a real man.

[laughs]

I can't even tell you how much he's contributed to this, not only creatively, but, you know, by putting his name-

Yeah, yeah

... and putting his-

Mm-hmm

... you know, his weight behind it. But financially, financially, I mean, the song, I Got to Come Out to the Cranberries. I thought a song... Okay, so we have, we had, uh-

[laughs]

We had $1,250, I said, for 30 seconds of a song that, "Let's just give them all." I said, "Give it" ... You know what?

You got 12 hundo set aside for the Cranberries, and that, that wasn't enough?

[laughs]

I said, "Give it all."

[laughs]

"You have to hear me on the call." I said, "No worries."

You're too kind.

"I don't even care about the credits. Give them all for the opening." That was my sentence.

[laughs]

And they were like, "No, you don't understand."

[laughs]

[laughs]

It's like, you know, $80,000 or something, and I'm like, "No, no, no, ask them if they'll take 1,250. Let them watch the special."

[laughs]

And they're like, "The bitch has died." Like, there's nobody-

[laughs]

[laughs] Nobody will watch this.

Yeah, yeah, it's... Yeah, Charlotte is not watching it and saying, like, "I'm so moved by it, I'll, I'll give it to her for free."

Yeah, exactly.

You're talking to a lawyer somewhere in New York.

Yes, exactly. It's like an asset. Like, it's like part of a portfolio at a label or something.

From the estate. [laughs]

And I'm like, have they, uh... Mulaney calls me. He goes, "The song is covered. I don't wanna hear it."

Mm.

"I'm a wealthy man."

Mm. [laughs]

Wow.

He's just... Not only that-I'm talking leading up to the special. He's like, "If you wanna jump on any of these dates..." And by the way, this has been the most name droppy I've been, but the fellas like that. They're gossipy little bitches.

[laughs]

Okay?

Of course.

So you can cut. I don't want people... They came to me with the gossip from Tim. I didn't take it to this l- uh, th- this route, okay? So all the listeners, please, if I come off... You know, I've been very insecure recently, 'cause I've been doing back-to-back press, which is my first time doing this pod, this pod. Normally I really spread them out, but I realized how annoying condensed. And I'm not known as the least annoying person my whole life. I've been annoying my whole life.

[laughs]

I know this. And then when you add it-

[laughs]

... when you pile it on and it's just, it's condensed like the Minute Maid can, and it's all pushed together-

[laughs]

... it's even more annoying. But please understand I didn't wanna be this annoying.

Oh.

They made me be this annoying.

No, no, no, no.

They came in with the gossip. Um, he said, "If there are any dates you wanna jump on and work on chunks or whatever."

"I'm doing a few stadiums this summer if you wanna hop on and try out some new shit."

Literally. So I go. Not only does he bring me out with fanfare and just, just tr- Not only is my comedy the antithesis to his [laughs]

[laughs]

Not only does it make his job harder-

He doesn't come out and say-

He comes out-

... "What's up, faggots?" [laughs]

Yeah, when he comes out, having to excuse what just happened. [laughs]

[laughs]

Really sorry. Really sorry.

Yeah, he puts me up at The Four Seasons. I was going to check out of The Four Seasons in Austin, and I had my credit card. I feel so em- so I had my little credit card and I said, "I'm checking out," and, um, I put my card down for incidentals. "I would like to pay my incidentals," 'cause I ordered a coffee both mornings, you know, at The Four Seasons. And it's like, you know-

And you wanna make sure you get the Delta miles with the Amex on those coffees.

No, I just wanna make sure that I don't leave a bill.

Sure.

He's already paying the room. And they said, "There's no charges." I said, "No, no, no, no, no, there's charges. I ordered coffee both times." By the way, if I'm honest, with a side fruits. I like a little fruit.

[laughs]

Okay, so-

[laughs]

[laughs]

Okay.

A little fruit in the morning's gonna kill you, huh?

[laughs]

I don't wanna be a pig, but, uh, I don't wanna be a little pig-

[laughs]

... but a little citrus in the morning goes a long way. So-

[laughs]

So [laughs] there you go.

[laughs]

Making Chris and Jason laugh is maybe my favorite thing.

[laughs]

Oh my God.

It's stupid.

Chris laughing is my favorite-

I mean, the mandarins are in season right now.

Oh, God.

You know, so it does make sense.

Yeah. No. So I, I order a little fruit, and they're like, "No, it's all covered." I guess he's... You know, he checked out and, and they take, you know, the whole bill. And I said, "No, remove the charges."

[laughs]

[laughs]

"And put them on..." He's not also paying my coffee when he's paying this. He called me, "Robbie, I'm a wealthy man."

[laughs]

"Thank you for joining me on tour." Like, he's just class like you can't imagine.

Mm-hmm.

I just haven't seen that in a minute, and I know you fellas appreciate.

Of course.

Not just class in terms of, okay, he wears a sh- a suit, he's married to a baddie, he's a father-

Yeah

... he's, you know, been through some real shit and overcome it. But just class and char- just the way he carries himself.

Yeah.

Class and character.

The story he told, the story he told about being on coke for so long that he went to SNL to get a haircut-

Yes

... when he didn't work there anymore is one of, one of the all-time-

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm

... great stories I've ever heard anyone tell. I think about it all the time.

He's unbelievable, his unraveling.

Okay. Well, you said that he was very, uh, important with getting the special made.

So that's why it's tough to talk about money, because it's different for everyone. You know, I guess some people know music costs. I don't. You know?

Mm-hmm.

I don't think they even shared the final budget with me, to be honest, because I was like, "What if we, could we have this?" And they're like, "Well, here's the budget for this." And I'd be like, "Mm."

[laughs]

And then [laughs] I would get a call that it was done or something. So I, you know, I, I was very spoiled. I think Netflix really liked the hour.

Mm-hmm.

You know? And I'm not somebody who has an hour. They're like, "Oh, can we get the hour before?" Kind of like I'm always working on new stuff, and when we film, that will be what it is. Um, and they came, and I, I, I, I was, I, I was told they don't come to all of them and they don't watch them all, especially on an inaugural or... I, you know, I'm not a household name. I'm just lucky to be invited. As you see from, from the theme of this episode-

[laughs]

... I'm just literally lucky to be invited. So the fact that they pushed, that, that they really took care.

Mm.

Everybody did. So I know it is different for everyone, Chris, so I, I don't have, uh, the numbers on that. And thank God I don't, because I, yeah, I just think if I was limited by knowing, oh, we have this much for that, I don't know what lights fucking cost, and I don't wanna know.

Yeah, yeah.

[laughs]

To be honest, I don't fucking wanna know.

And, and we haven't even got into the union, the union workers. You know, they always charge an arm and a leg.

I don't look at the union workers. I don't talk to them. I don't know them.

[laughs]

Same, hey, same, same.

No eye contact at the closet.

No eye contact.

Same.

I'm just praying to God they're being paid, and I have a feeling they're not always.

[laughs]

So I just walk to the stage, my head down, and do what the fuck I have to do.

Wait, what city was it?

LA, baby.

It was LA.

It was LA. Okay, okay, okay.

Was there, um... You s- you said Mulaney helpful financially, creatively. I'm sure he gave you a lot of direction and advice.

Yeah.

Was there any note or direction he gave you that you chose to ignore?

No, he didn't give direction in that. I think people mistake, like, directing television with, or, or film, with, um, reality or unscripted. Um, if you've ever... You fellas have probably seen a, a live taping of maybe a late night show or, or maybe-

Mm-hmm

... something unscripted.

Craig Kilborn.

Okay, perfect. There we go. So the director is really doing a lot of technical stuff that I have no idea about. For instance, you know, the five cameras. He's going, "Camera one, camera two." He's capturing the entire room. If it was just me filming it without a director, I'd have my iPhone on a little tripod [laughs] in the back, call it a day.

[laughs]

You know, he's got lighting, he's got, um, the sound.He asked me things like, yeah, having a speaker on stage or not. I had no... I, like, it's its own craft directing in terms of the technical know-how of camera, lighting, and sound and mixing and, and, and mixing that all. And really having to direct more the technical people. There's like 30 people under him where he's going, "Push into camera B. Push into ca- " I don't really know how to ca- you know, I just-

Mm

... I'm on the stage. So he gave me no notes. He just was like, "You do what you wanna do, and I will capture it all."

It's all trust.

Yeah. He just... I, I... And I felt like that's a style of directing, too. I think had he come in, it would've felt like early on when Fallons and, and shout out to Fallon. I'd love to do Fallon. I, I hate that this is the example, but, um, they said, you know, Fallon, if you could send five minutes of a clean set to Fallon, you know, they'd have you on as a standup. And, uh, I think we sent in and they said, "Oh, could she do this like this? Could she do this like this?" And I said, "Probably not." [laughs] Like, once you hit play, once you hit we're rolling, I'm probably gonna say whatever the hell. And you fellas have had me on your show. But it's not gonna be a prompter that I'm gonna be reading.

Yeah.

Like, it's just not even-

Fallon's gonna want you to play beer pong. You're gonna wanna do your jokes. It's gonna be a, a tough one.

Exactly. I'm just not able to-

Can you juggle? Is there a hula hoop?

I'm not able to stay in that line. I'm kinda just gonna do me, and that's what's gonna have to get us there because I'm not able literally to, to not. I won't... You know, I, I just... So-

Yeah

... maybe it took us a little longer, but then a Netflix comes around and they go, "You say whatever the hell you want. We'll capture it."

Mm-hmm.

So I, I think if I had gotten n- notes... I just think he knows sa- he just, we just totally trust each other on the standup front.

Yeah. And I think when people... It, this, this happens in other industries a lot with chefs or whatever. There's a young rising person. You can either let them destroy you or work with them, bring them into the fold, and, you know, maybe one day make money off of you or, like, have you be a part of the team. You know, it's a, it's a real sign of respect that somebody's helping you out like that from such a high position.

Yeah. I think he's also, like, a man in terms of he's not, like, desperate.

Mm-hmm.

Like, he's, like, moving into direction, and he's a really good director because he's knows when to input and when... You know, like, he's a really professional director, and he's also acting and wr- Like, he's totally comfortable-

Well, he has nothing to prove at this point

... moving through life as a man. Yeah. Like, he's just totally generous-

And he's got a baddie

... comfortable. He's got a baddie. He's got his skates. Like, I don't know. He reminds me of, like, he's just a totally secure man, which you don't really see all the time. It reminds me of when I-

Few and far between

... when I was on John Mulaney's live show for Netflix, when I was a guest, it reminded me he- Andy Samberg was the same way. I was popping off, running my little mouth as fucking usual, and Andy Samberg just let me have it 'cause he knows I need it.

Mm.

You know? I need something. You know, they're already there. They can relax a little. I'm still hungry.

Yeah. Are you, are you the first person to vape on live Netflix television?

I guess I am. I didn't even realize, you know, for that segment they did tell us he was taking a call. I thought we were not on... They made it seem like, and then he'll be doing a se- they told us nothing.

Right, right, right.

But except the segments, like, "You're gonna come out." Okay, so fine. "And then he'll take a call." I said, "Oh, he's taking a this" As soon as he took a call, I said, "He's taking a call." They did tell me that, so I was relaxing. The audience laughed and picked up, but I didn't think it would be in the... I didn't think we were on camera.

You thought when the call happened, director went, "Camera three, no more Robbie time," and then you could hit that sour apple.

That's what I'm saying. They made it seem like, "By the way, you guys can relax. He'll take a call-"

Mm-hmm

"... then we'll come back to you."

[laughs]

So that's what happened.

What fla- yeah, what flavor is it? 'Cause it did make an appearance in the special as well.

Kiwi lime.

Oh, wow. Okay.

It's tropical.

You're, you're a real fun one, aren't you?

Yeah, kiwi lime. I mean, they're not making it anymore. I've quit vaping. That was-

Why? You-

... the last of it on the special.

Just regular cigarettes now?

Occasional ciggies.

Um-

And then that's it. Yeah, they don't make flavored vapes anymore. I can't do the tobacco.

Oh, in California. I forget. Yes. I forgot, I forgot, I forgot. There's the whole law.

Yeah, the tobacco, it's, like, not tobacco. I'd rather a ciggy, honestly.

Um, do you, do you think that now, now that you've hit this moment in your career, you've been doing it for a while, do you think that being Canadian is, has been helpful or has it been good or bad for your career overall?

I don't care. It's just the best.

Mm-hmm.

I love being Canadian.

Okay.

Um, you know, I'm a dual citizen. I used to love... It's funny, when I moved to Canada, I was such a proud American. Born in New York, you know? My father always told me Canada was full of pussy bitches and-

Well-

... you know, he was always insulting Canada. And then I realized, like, oh, like Americans are ins- like, it actually is better in Canada, minus the weather.

Mm-hmm.

But even then, I like the cold. It's funny, I'm trying to convince my wife to go, I really wanna go to, like, the Yukon or even Alaska. I love, like, a winter cozy trip.

Mm-hmm.

It's something I really am nostalgic about.

No chick wants to do that, Robbie. Sorry. No chick wants to do that.

I know.

But you got the cabin here, right? How's that going?

I do. I do. And we get snow. And but it's not the same. So it's not that cold.

It's not the same.

Bro, I've met Gabby three times, and I'm telling you she only wants to go somewhere where she can be in a bathing suit.

Exactly. She's like, "Cal," she's like, "Can we go to Sandals?" Like, she'll literally pick the worst.

[laughs]

[laughs]

She's like, "I'd rather go to Sandals than go to some high-end retreat in Jacksonville."

Literally.

She wants to go to Sandals. You wanna go s- you wanna see a moose, and we need to find somewhere in between the two.

Like, bro, I'm talking I wanna be ice fishing.

[laughs]

I wanna be maple sapping.

[laughs]

I'm t- I'm, I'm telling you, I wanna be in the cold.

You wanna be sleeping inside the cavity of a dead yak.

Yes.

Robbie, Robbie, no chick that you wanna have sex with is gonna wanna do that. That's the problem.

Well, I might for my birthday. I'm working into it.

Oh, if it's your birthday, then maybe you have, maybe you have a little more power.

I don't know. She took me for my birthday this year-Um, I felt, actually I felt like the bachelor. I felt like I got the one-on-one-

[laughs]

... because she took me shopping. Like, she took me to this really cool consignment shop that I love in Toronto that I remember when it was like-

Oh, were you talking... Was it VSJ?

Yeah, VSP. Very close.

Oh, VSP. I'm sorry, VSP. Yes.

Yeah.

Legendary.

Even I've made a purchase there.

Yeah.

Yeah, and they had, like, a little curated, like, rack for me. And, like, they had some champagne, and she had a cake, and she said, "Buy whatever you want."

Oh.

And I got a shirt.

Damn, she tricked off. That's a classic trick off, is what we would call that in the business.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, and I loved that birthday, too, but it's not to say I wouldn't love a, a real cold plunge and a sauna up in the Yukon.

Wow, okay. Wow. That's a, that's a really nice birthday, but I mean, I'm-

I would, I would suggest maybe a g- a good compromise in, in Santa Fe, New Mexico. They get snow. It's wintry.

No.

They got, they got Ten Thousand Waves, which is a Japanese spa. So you can do the hot plunge, the cold plunge, in the snow. It's... It'll... And it's a, it's an hour flight away.

Really?

Beautiful Japanese restaurant there as well.

Okay, wait. Wait, that's actually amazing.

I'll send you the info.

Okay. Wait, at first I was, "No," but please send me the info. She's also from Colorado mostly, so I'm like, I like the Aspen, but the... I can't breathe over there.

That's- that is one of the downsides of Aspen.

You gotta get the oxygen.

I, I g- have the oxygen. I, I, I, no, I do.

Good stocking stuffer.

But it's, it's crazy, the altitude. It used to never affect me.

Well, this is what happens with age. Things start to challenge us.

It j- it's your popcorn lung is, is, uh, likely picking up. I, I think it's vape related.

[laughs] Yeah.

It's true.

You, you're not helping the matter.

Oh, my God.

You're not helping at all.

It's true. It's true.

Okay, so w-

Well, I quit for t-

What are you gonna, what are you gonna do for-

Yeah

... for Christmas? I know you are a Jewish person, but do you guys... Where are you gonna celebrate?

We're doing nothing.

Hm. Get a little Genghis Cohen delivered to the house? Hit the edible?

Ooh, that's good. No, no, no. I definitely... This is the first Hanukkah in years, I feel like, so... Where I did, I lit the menorah every single night. Like, I haven't been home.

Mm-hmm.

This will be my third Christmas, and I fuck so hard with Christmas.

Oh.

Like, since hearing about Christmas, I'm like, "Hanukkah who? I don't give a fuck about Hanukkah."

Since, since hearing about Christmas [laughs]

We, we don't remember her.

So man, this Christmas shit's crazy. Y'all got, y'all weren't playing with me.

Okay.

Yeah, I never really looked into it, but I, we were never even the Jews who, like, there are, like, secular Jews. Like, we had no Chris- Like-

Yes

... zero Chri- The, the... No tree, of course not. Like, no even mention.

Mm-hmm.

Like, we just did not... Literally nothing.

No Jingle Bells.

Nothing. So now I'm, like, really into it. I love a gift under the tree. I don't think anything can beat a gift under a tree. It's such a... The tree and the present, everything about it, I fuck with.

Wow, that makes one of us.

[laughs]

I m- I wish... Maybe I should try to discover Hanukkah at 43 and change my whole life.

No, it's not, it does not hit the same, I will tell you.

The presents feel a little smaller.

Mm-hmm.

I don't like that.

I wanna... There's a couple moments on the po- on, on the special I wanna bring up before we go.

Thank you.

I, I too am a hard towel lover. I hate a soft towel. They're absorbent. It's a sponge. It's perfect. Um, you had a bit about the putting the lar- too large item in the small bathroom trash can.

[laughs]

It kills me.

We all have a, we all have a moment in our life where we stop doing that. I wanted to know what age you were when you stopped putting too large items in the small trash can.

Probably s- probably 17, when I moved out.

Hm.

When I moved out of my house... So we lived like animals, okay? Yes, the roaches, the, the pack ratty-ness. We, you know, a million kids in a room. And then when I moved out, you know, I was very influenced by hip hop videos like Usher or R&B or even, even the Nelly, where it's like they're going on a date, and everything's fresh and clean.

Mm-hmm.

[laughs]

Like, they had the white towels. Like, you know-

Mm-hmm

... I don't wanna, like... But it's like they had the white towels and the big white bathroom.

Mm-hmm. Everything is chrome and white and clean.

It's crisp. It was something like-

Yeah

... you know, like one of these hip hop stars would, you know, Omarion, would get out the shower.

[laughs]

Okay? And it's like he was fresh, like-

Yeah, Maybach 0 stays fresh getting out of the shower.

He wa- he washed his ass. He got in there and did everything.

Yeah, and he just took a white fresh towe- And so I realized early on, and I was living in a really, at the time, crappy area over done in Montreal, where I moved out. My apartment was $435 a month.

Oh.

And I just thought, "If I keep neat, like, I'll feel 10 times richer."

That's a, that's r- that's real. That's real.

It doesn't matter how poor I am. Like, my apartment was, you know, maybe 400 square feet, maybe 300 square feet, and it was drafty and cold and, you know, whatever.

But your tank tops were clean. The, the-

Everything-

... the, the wife beaters looked good

... every- My grandfather bought me, rest in peace, Zidy. He bought me a used washing machine and dryer set, 'cause he said-

Hm

... "You can't be going to the laundromat." He, like-

I agree

... gifted me that, and I just... My sister gifted me... And this is such a great gift, and I encourage all people for a housewarming. She was our older sister, and every time anybody moved out, she got us, like, a, a set of sheets or a set of towels, which is so kind.

Actually useful.

Mm-hmm.

Actually useful.

Yeah.

Yeah. Great gift.

Yeah, and I just had two white towels. I kept them white. I washed them separately. And I kept everything neat. I had no things. Almost, I kept nothing. You know, I don't... Because I was coming from a house where there was-

Too much

... yeah, because you, there had to be. Even if everybody had nothing, it's still a tiny house full of 11 people and their minimal stuff.

Yeah. That's just math.

So yeah, I just, I think at seven... I think when I started keeping neat as an exercise, and it really... I think I just, yeah, I stopped doing with the trash.

That's the name of your first book. Keeping Neat has a nice Robbie ring to it.

Mm.

Well, Chri- Chris has, um-

Keeping Neat

... last year, or was it the year before?Maybe we should get you this gift for the holidays as a congratulations for a special. There's a very nice trash can that Chris has

Oh, yes. Robbi, VIPP.

Oh, what is it?

It's, it's a German brand, V-I-P-P. It's the best trash cans in the game.

What is it?

Unfortunately, the small one's going for 500. Um, but the-

What?

It's a, so basically it's a small trash can that you would have in your bathroom, but it has a very heavy bottom base. So when you press on the little foot lever to open it, it stays still.

It's an amazing-

And it's like-

It's an amazing-

It's like German, it's like the G-Wagon of bathroom trash cans.

No, no, no. I don't wanna press. It's already done.

Don't press.

I'm not pressing. That's too much work.

I think you'll like the VIPP.

It feels so good.

No, no, no.

It feels so, it's like closing the door of a Porsche.

So you leave your trash in the bathroom open, tampons flying?

Yes.

Okay. [laughs]

Okay. All right. I have to, I have to go.

[laughs]

I have a call.

Okay.

I think I'm gonna be sick.

Love you both. Happy holidays.

Robbi, thank you.

Love you both.

Happy holidays.

Wait, we had a name for the, for the, for the, for the episode, but I forget what it is. Something about invited to the party or, or, or, or, or it was something.

We just name it, we just name it after you. Don't worry. We're not like other podcasts. We keep it s-

Okay

... we keep it neat.

Robbi Hoffman on tour, Robbi Hoffman on Instagram. Thank you all. Robbi Hoffman's Netflix special, Wake Up, streaming now. I love you both so much.

We love you so much, Robbi.

Okay, happy holidays. Happy holidays.

All right. Thanks Robbi. Later.

[singing] Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. You gotta say. And you gotta say oh.

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