885. - Chris & Jason

All right, uh, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Stateside with Kai and Carter, a new podcast from The Guardian, and they are using this podcast to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions that we all have about what's happening in the world, and they do it three times a week. Jason, does that sound familiar to you?

We don't really talk about, you know, a lot of international global news items and climates and cultures and sports and things like that. We do talk about fashion and wellness, but for everything else, Kai and Carter are a great place.

All right, so who couldn't use more news? Listen wherever you get your podcasts or watch on YouTube. [upbeat music] How Long Gone, uh, Chris Black and Jason Stuart coming to you rare Friday pod IRL here in-

Thursday

... beautiful Los Angeles.

Thursday.

No, but it's gonna come out on Friday.

Rare Friday solo pod. You're right. I'm like-

We're both right

... whose brain is more fried right now?

I'm actually... Look, I... Like, I got... Okay, so I got back from Tokyo.

Let's get into it. Let me... I gotta take my foams off while I'm recording.

Jason showed up to my hotel room wearing the orange foams, and I have to say, as usual, I hate to admit it, but he's doing his little thing.

They're the c- they're the... They have the Navajo print kind of vibe.

On the inside?

Like, the, the little, the tongue right here.

Oh.

You see that on, a little detail in there.

Do you know what edition these are? Or is there a special... Uh, are they like... Okay.

See that?

Woo. Wait, that's the Cavs logo, bro.

Yeah, these are just some Cavs.

No, them LeBron's, bro.

Did Bron have foams?

I don't know. I, we... Somebody, don't worry, I'm sure someone will correct us.

Talking to the wrong people.

I can go down to Luke right down the street and find out.

[laughs]

I can find out from Luke.

Ugh.

I got back from Tokyo on Monday. I w- Tuesday I was in New York. I went to the Marty Supreme after party, stayed out till 1:00 AM.

I got invited to that party. I felt proud of myself.

Got up at 4:30 and now I'm here, but I felt-

Stayed out till 1:00 at the Marty playing table tennis, Blue de Tiger-

No

... in the mix.

This was more me, waiting-

Three hours sleep

... me waiting all night to get a photo with Mark Cuban, 'cause all the, all the Sharks were there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I was with Sarah and Jeff, and Sarah was like, "He's here. We'll get it. We'll make it happen." And then we waited. I didn't see him. I'm like, "God, it's so annoying. I don't..." Entirely created a move, like get out the way, where's Mark?

It wasn't like there was a line to take photos with him. It was just-

I just thought it'd be funny

... it was just you're waiting for your moment.

But listen, listen to what happened. This is unbelievable. We walk out of the National Arts Club, there's, an Escalade pulls up, the door opens, Cuban's getting out of his car as we are leaving.

Mm.

And I was like, "Cuban, I gotta get a flick." He's like, "Yeah, of course." And I'm like, "Your fly's down."

We-

And his fly was down, and he zipped it up, and then he had a, a little shorty with him, and Jeff was like, "Do you think, do you think-

Really?

... Mark Cuban was getting topped off in the Escalade?" And I was like, "Yes, I do."

Little slop bowl in the Escalade.

[laughs] Do you think Mark Cuban was getting topped off on the way to-

I can't play, I can't play ping pong with a full tank.

I wonder. I, anyway, so, uh, but I-

I mean, h- how many m- how many billions does the guy have?

Enough to get topped from a young lady on the way to the Marty Supreme after party.

And it could have been... I mean, it, we don't know that it was a piece. You know what I mean? It could be-

Oh, it felt piece-ish by the her... W- when, when I asked him for the... She, it, it wasn't his girlfriend.

He came in peace?

Yeah, I don't think it was his girlfriend. I think it was a KFC. I think it was a 12 piece. I don't think it was-

What, what's the difference between a piece and a girlfriend? I, I was thinking more like personal assistant-

Oh

... stylist, consigliere, sister-

I'm just saying-

... aunt

... it didn't feel like they knew each other super well.

Mm.

That's just the vibe I was catching.

Okay, okay, okay.

That's the vibe I was catching. But this has never happened to me before. I felt nauseous from jet lag.

Okay.

Like, I was getting my hair cut on Tuesday, and I was like, "I'm gonna throw up in the fucking barber shop. I feel awful."

Okay.

And I've never felt... And then yesterday I flew here.

You do yoga on the plane or no?

Yeah, I did Diplo yoga on the plane.

Well, that's the problem. You didn't do... D-

[laughs]

I mean, you have to-

That's the problem. [laughs]

No hyperbaric chamber, no cold plunge.

Well, that's what I'm saying. So today I got here, I, I work out with Hunter, I hit fucking Next Health, get my drip, get my B12 shot.

What'd you get in that bag?

Daddy's back. I don't know, whatever the hang everyone is.

[laughs] Okay.

Yeah.

So sober eight years, give me the hangover pack. You're nauseous, and it, and it worked.

Yeah. I, I was like, "This is so ba-" Like, I was like, "I've never felt this bad." Like it nev- it never affects me that bad.

So your, just, just, like, the sheer act of your body going back and forth and back and forth over several time zones in a short amount of time-

It finally caught up with me

... it was just too mu- Okay. So I mean, just flu season's here. I just want you to take care of yourself, you know?

Yeah, that's what I'm doing. Yeah, that's, that's... And I have plans every night here, and then I'm gonna stay out on Friday night till 1:00 in the morning and get up at 4:30 again to go back to New York. So it's-

Mm

... it's Christmas.

It's Christmas.

This, but I f- I, I was just like, I've never felt this bad from jet lag. I guess this is what people are talking about. Like this is, this shit is real.

I don't, I never feel bad from jet lag. I just can't, I just can't sleep is my only thing.

I have no problem with... That's the weird... And the, uh, so I finished the haircut-

Crazy

... and it was cold as fuck, and I was like, "Do I have to take a car back? Am I that much of a pussy?" I was like, "No." I got on the fucking city bike like a fucking man-

Mm-hmm

... and felt like I was gonna throw up for the whole ride home and made it.

[laughs]

And that cold wind in my face, and it brought me back to life.

Damn, bro. I'm sorry.

Oh, no, it's fine.

No, it's not fine. [laughs]

It's fine. I mean, look, we're, we're, we're, the, the worst part's over now.

It's fine-ish. Is it? I mean, I don't know how many nights of no sleep you can go before you-

No, I'm s- that's the thing. I sleep fine.

Okay. Well, I mean, you're, I'm, I'm hearing 1:00 AM bed, 4:30-

Oh, I'm not sleeping very long

... uh, wake up.

But I don't f- I sleep.

[laughs]

You know what I mean? Like I'm not, I'm not tossing and turning. I'm just not asleep long enough.

Short and sweet-

Yeah

... is your sleep pattern.

Yeah.

You get in-

Sabrina Carpenter sleep pattern.

Okay. So your, your circadian rhythm is-... ha- uh, double time

Yeah, it's, it's [laughs]

Is 140, not 70-

Yeah [laughs]

... for my eight-track soundtrack

Yeah, so we c- so we can ta- so it's language you understand. Yeah, it's a BPM thing.

[sighs] Damn. Yeah, I mean, I'm- I'm feeling a little frazzled, not much, not as much as you because I haven't been traveling, but just, you know, a lot of stuff going on, getting every- getting all the books closed up before the end of the year.

People are like, people-

Content creating

... as usual, people are... I'm like, "What? Bro, it's fucking Thursday. Like, what are we talking about?" We got th- we got two full days next week, too, I would like to remind you.

Of course, and I'll be using them-

I don't understand what people are doing. Like, what do you wanna do? Like, what, what, do you want more time with your family and friends?

Well, I, I think what it i- I mean, I think they do. I think maybe they just want less time with their-

Email

... Slack.

Sure. That's fair.

Less time with their Discord.

That's-

Well, not their Discord, but their Slack, I guess.

They want more time with their Discord.

More time with my other Discords that I use-

[laughs]

... for my other time. [laughs]

My other stuff.

Yeah. I mean, I, I think people are... Th- look, this is still the thing. I was wondering when the, when the, the phenomenon would end where you would hear like, "Oh, the, it's the end of the year," and it actually, if the companies don't use up all of their money by-

Yeah

... the end of the year, they actually don't get it next year.

Yeah.

So it's wheeling and dealing, and I'm always like, how does that keep happening every time? And then it keeps happening every year since I was, you know-

Oh, yeah

... for the last 20 years, because the people that run these Fortune 500 billion-dollar corporations are just as dumb as you and I are, and just as procrastinative and lazy and forgetful and-

Oh, for sure

... slack jawed.

It does hap- that happens, and then my personal favorite, it's we're in a, we're officially in last shoot of the year with the best team [laughs] territory.

Has it been a year?

Has it been a whole year? It's, it's, this is, this week on Instagram you're gonna see a lot of, a lot of that, a lot of last shoot-

Mm

... of the year with the best team heart.

We wanna... The, and, and all of these brands, they need to get the shoot in before the year-

Yeah [laughs]

... but they can't let the money out until next year. It's interesting how that works, you know?

If you're gonna, if you're gonna rush to get something done, I want that money before January 1st.

Yeah. It costs money to hurry up and wait.

I'm gonna send Susanna to knock on doors-

[laughs]

... fucking New Year's Day, "Where's my money at?"

QuickBook.

Y'all... [laughs]

I need the books quick.

[laughs]

Uh, yeah, I, I, I had a, I had a Pilates today. The, there was a, the shoot, like a video shoot of some sort above, and then some guy came down and told the cl- the class right before me-

Yeah

... said like, "Hey, we're shooting. You guys gotta turn the music off. We can't hear the fucking Titanium remix featuring David Guetta and Sia" [laughs] at, at nine-

You're like, "Actually, that works for me. I don't know if you guys mind."

So we, we did a, we did a silent, like a no music-

Oh

... Pilates for the first time, and the instructor was like, "You guys performed so well without the music. Like, you were going slow," and, 'cause, like, the whole thing with Pilates, you move slow and-

It's methodical

... methodical. So when they're, when you're hearing the Dua Lipa mashup or whatever, it, it seems incongruous with, with that meditative w- uh, fitness. And she was like, "Damn, maybe we should start doing all these classes with no music." And I was, I didn't have the heart to tell her that there's other music that you can play-

Yeah

... that isn't, you know, Berghain-

I would love, yeah, music for airports on the fucking reformer.

I mean, there's, there's a big spectrum between Brian Eno and-

There is. No, there is

... and David Guetta.

But that's, that's funny that that had never crossed her mind, where it's like, really?

I know.

Really? Never?

I know.

Huh.

Pilates is-

But I, I-

... a different thing

... I still have a theory that instructors of any fitness class have to have bad taste in music. It's like it, it's a pre-

Otherwise it doesn't... Yeah, yeah.

It doesn't work.

If the taste is too good, then the training is not good enough.

They, they can't... Yeah, it's, it, this doesn't work. Something about it doesn't work. I, I really believe that.

I walk in, they got, they got B-side Bon Iver playing that works perfectly. I'm like, "Mm, I'm not-"

No

... gonna get the pump I need today."

Oh, oh, today? Oh, no, it's actually a live cellist we have today if that's-

[laughs]

... that works for you guys.

It's actually, we, we got DJ Them Jeans in here to do an ambient set, and everyone, "I'm out."

What's the, what's the amb- what was it called? The ambient thing that people used to go to under the blankets?

Under the blankets?

No, but it was, like, a whole thing where they were clearly on drugs.

A diplo's house?

Huh?

A diplo's house?

Y- yeah. Yeah.

Oh, oh, oh. The, um, solstice something.

It was like, it was, like, weekly.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then Rye got canceled, and I feel like it kinda dried up.

It got a little, things slowed down a little bit.

Bro, that song came on the other day. That song-

It, it, I think it stemmed from the Eslon-

Yeah

... people. It was, like, their outreach.

Dude, that song came on the other day. I was like, "Bro, this song [laughs] is so good."

There's music for airports, and then there's music-

What is that song called?

... for dinner parties.

What is it? The, the, the original one where people were like, "Is this a woman?" When that came out and everybody was, like, freaking out about it.

Yeah.

Amazing song.

[sings]

Yeah. Amazing song. Still comes on a lot in the, in the, in, like, a grocery store type vibe actually.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Hear that shit at Safeway.

Very Safeway.

[laughs]

Yeah. Very Safeway, when I'm pumping gas.

I'm gonna do it the same. Yeah, and I, I started, I realized, you know, I think I asked a few months ago, like, should, is it bad for men to go to Pilates classes? Like, should I do my part as a-

Mm

... cis male and just not go? And I, I, every time I go, I'm the only guy there, for sure. And-

It's so interesting 'cause I feel like in New York it's not that extreme

... it's, I used to see a fella every once in a while.

Yeah.

Like a, a guy with his Latina girlfriend. But I'm j- it's just me solo, so I've-

Nothing wrong with that

... I've started trying to think of ways to, like, make myself-

Smaller?

Yes. So I've, I've been doing-

It's literally hard for you.

[laughs] It's very hard for me. So I sto- I, like, trained myself to stop sweating. I don't know how. I used to be, used to be a clean up.

Well, I think that might just be-

Big clean up

... getting better at it, too.

Yeah, I think that is, that is what it is.

'Cause when Alex goes, she comes, she, like, goes, has a full day.

Yeah, well, yeah. Good for her.

I'm just like, "Bitch, what? Did you exercise?" 'Cause I, if I exercise, I'm drenched.

No, it's the same, same way with Caroline. I mean-

I don't get it

... girls who are good at Pilates-

Yeah, no, sure

... they're able to do it.

I just, I want to sweat, though.

Absolutely

You know?

Smear me across that vinyl

I... [laughs]

So, so I started, and I started moving in silence, because I think that's the biggest thing, is, like, they hate to hear the-

Okay, gangsta. All right

... the, the meh. [laughs]

This is... I'm moving in silence now.

A-

No big things coming

... slide on the ops.

You're saying that you're, you're not grunting and breathing and suffering.

Correct. Or if I am, I'm doing it internally.

Are any of these chicks trying to talk to you? Not like that, just in general.

Yeah, the older ones.

Yeah.

Older ones are, really wanna know what's going on with me.

'Cause they just think it's crazy that you're there?

I think they're just happy to see a man.

That's what I was gonna say. I think that there, there is... I see both sides of this, this case, where I think-

[laughs]

I think I would say half the chicks are probably like, "Oh, thank God there's a guy here. All these bitches. I don't wanna hear the hens clucking."

Mm.

And then there's others that are like, "Why is this fucking guy here? This is our safe space."

It's half and half, but then th- when, when somebody comes down from the, from the next door and s- and starts yelling, "Hey, you guys gotta turn this shit off"-

You're like, "Hey, bro, don't talk to them like that"

... that's when [laughs] that's when big country comes in and says-

Jesus Christ

... "What kind of budget are we working?" You know, I work in Hollywood, so.

"Hey, you got a problem? Hey, you got a problem?"

"Oh, you're recording. Um, that's great. Well, we're trying to make money here with our business, and sh-"

Was he a dick?

Apparently he was a little dicky. I didn't see him. I, I just-

Oh, you're telling me a production guy was kind of a dick? That's unheard of

... I walked in as he was apparently leaving, and then, you know, the, the women that were older than me, there's three or four of them, and they're like, "Oh, we coulda used you a minute ago," but they w- when I used to throw parties back in Hollywood, they would be shooting above or next door, and we'd be, you know... I got fucking Kid Cudi on [laughs] some-

We ain't turning this down for nothing

... on someone's shoulders right now. Mastercraft remix is going down right now, bitch. [laughs]

[laughs] Kid Cudi's on Mastercraft's shoulders right now. You want me to turn this down? [laughs]

You expect me to turn this down? This is a function one sound system.

There's 100 French guys in here. We can't turn this down. They brought their CDs. [laughs]

God damn. The Kills are outside. I'm not gonna cut... The, I'm not even-

[laughs]

I'm not gonna drop a one DB-

Hey, who's gonna tell Jamie he can't, he has to turn it down? Not me. I'm not telling Allison Mossheart anything.

So we, when that would happen, I... W- when that happens to me, it's cha-ching. It's like, oh, well, you know, let's, how do you want, how much do you wanna pay per hour? 'Cause you got him bent over-

Yeah, yeah, yeah

... ready to go. And I would, I would make two grand, and I'd give the bar manager, like, a little four-

'Cause you would just turn it down a little bit, basically.

Yeah, we'd turn it down halfway and negotiate for, like, one hour in- instead of the whole night. Give me a couple grand. Peel a couple hundos off for the guy, you know.

I mean, they have that... I think they, they have allotted petty cash for those purposes-

Yeah

... exactly.

Exactly.

But now with Hollywood shrinking, who knows? This guy might not have a dollar to his name.

Petty cash doesn't exist anymore, unless you're a drug dealer, you know.

It would have been cool, it would have been cool if, if-

Unless your peptides guy doesn't take Venmo right now. [laughs]

It'd have been cool if you had to buck up to a guy, 'cause you're like, "Hey, we don't talk to women like that" type shit.

Get behind me, ladies. [laughs]

That's the beauty being b-

As soon as I finish putting on my sockies, it's over for you.

That's the thing, though, is as long as you're big, people think you're tough. They don't know you're a full bitch and you're not gonna get in a fight. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by a new podcast from The Guardian, Stateside with Kai and Carter. This is covering a lot of our bases, Jason. It's, uh, it's trying to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions we all have about what's happening in the world, and I know you particularly have quite a lot of questions.

A lot of questions, but how often? 'Cause we do this podcast three times a week, and that's a sweet spot. How many times do they do?

Three times a week, and I, I, I have a feeling just based on the platform and these talking points that they're maybe gonna be covering different stuff than we do. That's just a guess.

The Guardian is not some billionaire-owned platform. They're not afraid to say what they wanna say, brother.

Yeah, Rupert ain't sniffing around in, in what, uh, journalists Kai Wright and Carter Sherman are up to over there at, at, uh, Stateside.

Mm-hmm.

But yeah, listen wherever you get your podcasts. You can watch on YouTube. It's three times a week, and, and who couldn't use more news? You know, especially, especially when it's, when it's not, you know, from here, let's say.

[laughs]

Give, give it a, give it a listen. Give it a listen. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by our best friends at BetterHelp. Jason, we're, we're deep into May, which is, uh, Mental Health Awareness Month, and this is just a reminder that whatever you're going through, you don't have to go through it alone. Life is a damn journey. Some days feel good and others feel overwhelming. Whatever's keeping you up at night, it's easy to feel like you have to figure it all out on your own. But the truth is, no one has all the answers. Well, and no journey should be alone. Having someone with you to listen, to understand, and to support you can really make all the difference.

I agree, Chris, and sometimes, you know, it, it's nice to be talking to somebody, even if they're not even listening, even if you don't even get to be in the same room with them, because what you're doing is you're admitting these things to yourself, and that's the most, that's the most rewarding thing you can do sometimes, so you can have a great little therapy sesh with your perfect therapist at BetterHelp. Choosing between over 30,000 people so you can get the right one just for you. Over six million people globally are using it, and you know, have some breakthroughs. Go on that walk after your BetterHelp sesh. You know, whatever it might be. Get a nice little lunch all for yourself, maybe a non-alcoholic kombucha, and just think and be like, "Damn, I really am him." You don't have to be on this journey alone. Find support and have somebody with you in therapy. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com/howlong. That is betterH-E-L-P.com/howlong.

Every time I go to the doctor, I walk out of that bitch feeling dumb. I got no real info. This guy in a white coat just say, "You're fine," you know, "Drink more water."

He knows how to charge my copay.

Exactly.

That's about it.

As if, as if I could drink more water, doctor. I, I, I don't get data. I don't get a game plan. I just get a pat on the ass and get out there and, and make it better. But Superpower is doing something different. Superpower sends a licensed professional to your homeOr you can visit a nearby lab if you're a little freak. It's a simple blood draw. One simple blood draw with over 100 biomarkers, which is way more than what you usually get, and it unlocks a real understanding of your body. Uh, their app includes detailed information on your heart, liver, thyroid, hormones, metabolism, vitamin and mineral levels, and even environmental toxins. Ooh, ooh.

[laughs]

So from disease prevention to treating that annoying brain fog or simple optimizing for your gym game, let's go. SuperPower is more comprehensive and advanced system out there.

Make this year the year we all stop guessing about our health with SuperPower. For a limited time, How Long gone listeners get $20 off to unlock their new health intelligence. Head over to superpower.com and use the code HOWLONG for $20 off your membership. That is code HOWLONG, and after you sign up, they'll ask how you heard about SuperPower. Do us a favor if you could and tell them How Long gone sent ya, and that'll just support us. Thanks. [beep] They don't know that I'm... I'm not a full bitch.

Oh, I am. No, I'm talking about me.

Oh, okay, okay, okay.

No, I'm talking about me.

Okay, got it. But, um, the last step of the puzzle that I think is good for making myself small is I'm doing a shower right before with no, no other scents.

Mm. Yeah.

So there's no, like... Not even, like, deodorant. There's no, like, neutral body mists.

I think you're-

There's no-

I think you're being too respectful.

I kn- Well, I, I just really like doing it, and I've, I've been really into it lately and I just wanna, like, you know, pay respect to the discipline and-

Well, here's the thing about it. You're paying respect by charging that credit card, and that's all they care about.

Um, is Pilates expensive? [laughs] I didn't notice.

I just don't know how any of those places are in business.

What do you mean?

Dude, the machines are $10,000 a piece.

Yeah, I know.

The rent, it just doesn't-

We buy them in bulk.

It doesn't make sense. Like, it... The, the math on those d- never makes sense to me.

Math ain't nothing.

It just doesn't... I'm just like, how does this actually work? 'Cause you're only busy in the... I mean, in LA it's a little different, but usually places like that are busy in the morning, busy after work. Maybe they have a couple dead ones in the middle of the day, but in LA I guess those are probably busier.

Yeah, I mean, I go like 10, 11 and-

Yeah, but if you're, if you're doing eight classes a day and they're 40 bucks and there's 12 people-

Mm

... that's not a lot of money. You gotta pay the instructor.

Mm-hmm.

I, I just... I honestly don't know how it works.

Okay.

This is not a shot at the system, 'cause clearly it works. There's millions of these all over the place.

Any, uh, any Pilates instructors, just chime in to Chris's DMs.

No, I honestly, I wanna know how it works, 'cause it clearly does. I mean, these, this place, they have a few though, so I think maybe it's like-

There's multiple locations, brother

... like restaurants. You gotta open a few before you make any money.

Yeah, but I think the, the, the final step is acquiring a Lagree reformer in, in my house at all times.

I mean, you could definitely find one on Craigslist.

You just said they're $10,000. That's intimidating.

Maybe they're eight. But you could still find one. You could... Th- that, that's also-

Low miles. Get one low miles.

No, that's just the kind... Bring a trailer. That's just the kind of thing that people buy and never use and sell on Craigslist.

Absolutely.

Like, that's the th- it- that's why you could get it cheap, not because they are cheap.

There's so many times where I'm, I'm in there and she's telling me to do, you know, X, Y, Z, do this move, and I just don't wanna do it for whatever reason. I just don't like it, and I'll just start doing my own thing. And I think like, man, it would be so nice to just-

It's interesting you said you're trying to make yourself small, and then you're disobeying the teacher.

[laughs]

That's the... I would say that's worse than wearing deodorant.

Well, that's because the Lagree machines are ableist and not every-

Mm.

Just the geometry-

No, you're right

... and geometrizing with my-

You're right

... with my body.

You're right.

So sometimes, you know, it's a big old salmon doesn't fit on the cedar plank.

You should get one. You should get... Yeah, you should l- look it up. I'm sure you could get one for the love.

Lagree XL. Anyone looking to move their XL, Moonvez, you got an extra one in a garage-

I don't think they have-

... come hit me

... I don't think they have any... I, I don't think they make... I think it's only one size.

Carolyn says Mr. Lagree himself was a tall man or is a tall man.

Well, I think the idea is that you're supposed to be able to make it work no matter what, flexibility-wise.

Oh, uh, no, I, I mean s- for some stuff, yes. Some stuff, it's just like, it just doesn't-

Yeah, there's not enough room

... where, where you're like, you'll be on here and they're like, "Okay, do a bicep curl."

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And my arm doesn't even, like-

Yeah, yeah, yeah

... go. Like, it's behind my back-

Yeah

... like I'm being arrested, and that's just maxed out. You know, it's tough. Some shit is great, but all I wanna do is just smoke a nice, um, pure beauty, how long gone joint and just-

Work-

... freak it for two hours

... working out at home just doesn't interest me at all. Like, I like going somewhere. I don't wanna be in a garage. I mean, I like the idea of building one and it looked cool.

Got a flat screen in the garage, have TPBN all streaming all day long-

That's right. That's, that's-

... getting your fucking pump on

... I just don't like-

Fucking kidding me, bro

... like, you do- having to u- like, have a little iPad with your Pl- Yeah, I'm just like-

[laughs]

... this sucks, dude.

I would never u- work out with an iPad.

Y- you, if... You can't really freestyle Pilates and it work the same way.

That's wrong, brother.

You definitely can't.

I could flow. Combos, bro.

No. There's a reason people go to-

360 flip to crooks to front side tail grab.

It's Tony Hawk's birthday tonight at Living Room, by the way, if you wanna go. [laughs]

[laughs]

That reminds me. Just so, just so you know.

And I, and you told me after I left my house without my USB stick.

I'm just, I'm just telling you, I don't know what the deal is, but if we wanna roll through after.

I'm gonna go there and fucking Clase Azul over Burnquist's head.

I don't know if Burnqu-

Run out the back door

... I, I wonder if Burnquist gets the invite.

Hopefully him and Tony have beef.

I, I feel like he also probably-

See you outside the club. You can't get in.

I feel like he lives in Brazil.

He's like, "I can't go. I, I go to bed at 7:30 and have my acai ceremony."

Speaking of yoga. Speaking of Pilates.

Yeah. Um, so let's see here. Oh, I was, I was a little stressed earlier today. I had a, had a sm- a cigarette on the way over. Car cigarette. How many ti- I was asking Carolyn this last week. How many times a year is the perfect amount of times to smoke in your car?

I would never do that.

Saying that zero is not an option, because smoking in your car is inherently cool.

I would say quarterly.

You can... Yeah, I was thinking four to six times a year.

Four to six, and maybe, maybe f- three of those are during the holiday season.

Oh.

You could... You know what I mean. Like-

Like your vacation days, you usually save them up-

Yeah, you gotta sa-

... and spend them all in the last two weeks of the year.

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Okay.

I just feel like I would never do that. I guess I used to smoke a bit different.

The six cigarettes of Christmas.

I used to smoke weed in the car all the time, of course, but that's different.

That's the, that's the thing I would never do.

No, I used to smoke weed in the car every day.

I know, I know. I mean-

Like, roll a blunt, get in the car, light it, drive

... roll it

Light it

Drank

Speak it. [laughs]

Car start, drank

But I, I, but that smell dissipates more?

Yeah, weed smell does dissipate unless you're, like, Wiz Khalifa in Romania level chiefing, then it's just baked into the upholstery.

I was gonna tell you this, actually. When I went to, when I was in Tokyo, I went to the Park Hyatt, and they had redone the restaurant, the New York Grill. So it's like the 52nd floor or something.

Yeah?

And I was with my friend Josh, and he was like, "Oh, there's a smoking room if you want." I'm like, "Okay." So we go to the bathroom. He opens the door to the smoking room. And I'd seen these all over Japan, but I hadn't been in one.

Mm-hmm.

And it's just, like, a dark paneled wood room that has a space for eight people.

Mm.

And they have an insane filtration system.

Mm.

You walk out, you don't even smell like a cigarette. It was fucking insane.

Really?

It was insane. And I, like, felt crazy 'cause I was, like, so fucked up and like-

They got Dyson technology in there sucking it out?

Honestly, it was really... And, and they have them all over Japan, but this one was, like, sexy.

Mm-hmm.

'Cause it was in, like, a nice hotel. I was like, "Wow, if it was like this, I think a lot more people would be smoking." [laughs]

Yeah, make, make smoking sexy in Japanese yet again. You know, and, and, uh, R&B rapper Dav1d with a 4 for an A in the word David, he also had a, a smoking room inside of his house.

Saw that. It was more of a tabletop barbecue.

Yeah, the bocce grill.

The... Bro, free David. He didn't do it.

So the, so they just re- uh, an- allegedly his home in the Hollywood Hills do you-

You as a chef should know-

Do you have a-

... that if Dav1d wants to go Francis Mallmann mode and get a pig out there...

This is the first time. I've lived in LA my whole life. I've spent a lot of time in the Hills. I have never been-

This guy

... I, you know, from, from Brandon Creed's home in the, you know, palatial estates to Zac Efron. You know, I've been to some fucked up Hollywood people's houses. I have never seen one person's burn cage. Burn cage.

I think you're, I just think you're not hanging out with, like, foodies really.

Well, [laughs] what am I... You also have been in the biz, and maybe the burn cage seems like something of your, because when... I, I know two things. Like, if I walk around old neighborhoods in LA, some people's backyards will have incinerators from, like, you know, the th- like, the homes that are built in, like, '30s, '40s, whatever, 100-year-old homes when they used to, like, literally burn trash. Or you go visit, you know, Tuscany or, uh, you know, Spain or some-

Yeah, yeah, yeah

... some more remote E- European cities.

Well-

You'll be driving through the hills and be like, "Oh, there's a, oh, there's a trash fire there-"

Maybe we're thinking-

"... 'cause they burn their trash here."

Maybe, maybe we're gonna do a, a, a new movie, The Burn Cage starring Nathan Lane.

[laughs]

And it's gonna be, it's gonna be about-

Like The Birdcage, but okay

... yeah. But it's gonna be about the Dav1d story and the drama surrounding the murder that he didn't commit.

[laughs]

I think this is a good idea.

Okay.

Do you, but you-

I was thinking more like Nicolas Cage face off, like burn cage. But you're thinking make it gay, Nathan Lane, how long on alum Nathan Lane. It's, it's, he, he just, it's a fixer-upper.

Yeah.

Him and his life partner-

Yeah

... bought a really cute... The bones are good, but honey, it needs work.

Exactly. No curb appeal, but we'll get there.

The master bath is gone. This is gone. The island is no. The, the burn cage, maybe that we'll-

Maybe the whole thing is the burn cage is, becomes the centerpiece of the house and the remodel.

Who needs a conversation pit when you've got a burn cage?

So explain to me, because I did see this, but ex- can you explain to me what a burn cage would be used for if it wasn't for a human body?

So I, uh, all I-

[laughs] You're like, "Ah."

All I, all I know is the burn cage, it, it, it is capable... Okay, this is what I know, which is not good.

[laughs]

It has the word cage in it, which is a room-

But it, but, but-

... that is meant to-

Keep someone entrapped, or thing

[laughs]

Or thing. [laughs]

To keep somebody trapped.

Keep.

And then the other information I know, it's able to reach a temperature of 1,600 degrees Fahrenheit, which is the le-

That's just like my Matty Matheson Gozney.

It is not.

What do you mean, bro? That's the same shit.

It is not the same as a Gozney.

Bring the, br- bring the buffalo mozzarella over. We'll get this thing going.

Look, if you put-

Can you give me some dough? [laughs]

If you put an ani- if you put a living thing in the Gozney at, let's say, on a-

We'll make it out

... on a good, no, yeah, on a good day, your pipes are clean, your propane's pumping, you got no wind, we're, we're gonna touch 900 degrees. But realistically, it'll be more like 7, 8.

So you're saying we're doubling that over at Dav1d's crib.

Dav1d, Dav1d is doubling those BTUs-

Can I ask you-

... and the Fahrenheit. So he's like, "I don't want to get, I don't want the, the pizza dough to leopard. I want the bones to turn to dust."

What is... Okay, w- what...

[laughs]

Did he build this thing himself, or is this something you can cop?

I don't know.

That's the que- now, if this is a Frankenstein construction from, like, trips to Home Depot and Lowe's, he's a murderer.

[laughs]

If this is something you can buy at Williams Sonoma...

Or, I w- what I think it is, is the home already had the burn cage in it before he moved in, because, like-

Oh, then, like, once again, free the guys. If the, if the burn cage was there, the real estate agent didn't even tell me what the burn cage did. I thought it was a hot tub.

[laughs]

What the fuck am I supposed to do?

I've just been keeping my shoes in there.

[laughs] Oh, shit, can you... Oh, no, those are my Travis Scott's, babe. I asked for... No, no, no. Go back. I need the Fragment ones.

It does beg... I'm gonna, I gotta ask the internet. 'Cause it does beg the question: What is... Name, name one good reason for the burn cage. What is the use of a, quote, "burn cage," end quote, in a home? Okay, we're, we're g- looking it up. We're pumping it up. Um, uh, uh, all I'm getting is-a cage that you put over your radiator or the little cage that goes around your fireplace so little kids-

Yeah, they're thinking we're trying to prevent burn. We're trying to make burn.

[laughs] I'm not preventing burns.

No salt. No salt.

Yeah, this says how to protect children, pets, and vulnerable adults from an open fire.

All right, look, once again, though, once again, if David... Why is David not in cuffs?

That is the question.

That's what I'm saying. There must be something-

Well, I mean, the one question is he was dating a 13-year-old.

Oh, he's a criminal. I'm just saying I don't know if he's a murderer.

And that's... Well, I mean-

But then you're saying they could already have him for that.

That seems like a cuffable offense, right?

Well, unfortunately, the witness ain't, is no longer with us.

And then the other question, if you have a burn cage, why are you letting the body decompose in a Model 3 in a tow yard? Why only-

Because he was protesting the Elon stuff.

[laughs]

He wanted to [laughs] kind of wanted to smear some dirt.

I bought this burn cage before Elon went crazy.

Yeah, I think he put a sticker on his burn cage that said, "I bought this before Elon."

Why poach, why sous vide when we can-

Look, I don't know-

When we can broast?

I don't know about the burn cage. I don't know nothing about this. I'm just saying there's got to be a reason this guy ain't arrested.

The burn... I mean, the burn cage, that's what they're going to do with all of Olivia Newsie's books in a few weeks. I mean, what else would it be?

I think it could be a leftover. Depending on how old the house is, I think you're right.

Mm-hmm. Okay.

A relic.

Okay, let's see here. Oh, I was thinking earlier. Oh, I went to that Puck dinner, got to hang out with my man Jens, the CEO of Skims. Great guy.

Spelled with a J.

Yeah, J-E.

Yeah.

Lends with a J. He said he enjoys the podcasting of Andrew Schulz, but he also has floor seats at the Lakers. So I'm kind of torn. Like I want to kick it with him and build at crypto, but I feel like my brand of humor and his-

I've never heard... It's cool because I've never heard anyone say they like Andrew Schulz. That's not, I'm not joking.

Especially a Swedish-

But I think that's why

... CEO.

I think there's a little bit of a disconnect.

Yeah, I guess so.

That's really interesting actually because I've truly never heard anyone in real life say that.

I know. I was like, "Oh, you listen to pods?" He's like, "Yeah, yeah, I listen to pods." His wife does like a entrepreneurial, like probably Zooms with Mark Cuban and talks about-

Yeah, you know she's on Dear Media

... top five dope ass ways to be productive.

So he likes Andrew Schulz. He likes Brilliant Idiots or he's like a flagrant tube guy.

I just asked him like what are some pods you like and he, the only words that he said was Andrew Schulz.

Oh.

And I said, "Mm."

That's-

Kept it pushing.

Well, I will say Andrew Schulz is a better podcaster than he is comedian.

Almost every comedian is.

What is a Revolve Man, Jason? It's... Oh, funny you ask.

What's a Revolve Man?

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I mean, they're just, they're two different forms and people are really starting to enjoy just the conversational version of-

Yeah, that's true

... Stavi or even Robbie Hoffman or what, you know. We like to hear these people just talk in a natural convo versus go up on stage and go, "Oh, here we go."

Yeah. No, that's true. That's true. That's really funny though that he said that.

Yes, it is

I wonder if he knows what that means.

[laughs]

I don't think he does

But when, um... This has nothing to do with him or, or that dinner, which was really awesome. And I, that was the first time I had a Mr. Chow meal where I truly enjoyed it.

I mean-

I don't know what, what happened this, you know, whatever it was, but-

No, food's been the same fir- since the first time I ate there till now

It was free this time, so that did help as well. Um, I don't know.

I think it's... I guess that the... I just like it-

Maybe it's 'cause you didn't order

That may be, yeah

Oh, shit. Damn fool.

Well, no, but did you have duck and shit?

Yeah, the duck was so dry. That was the only thing that was bad. It was criminally dry.

But what did you have that was good?

You, like, the-

The noodles?

... the candy beef. I didn't really like the noodles but, like, you know, the green shrimps.

Yeah, the shrimp is good.

All that stuff. Um, there, there was like a-

Did they do a special noodle performance for you guys?

... it was a steamed cod or steamed, like some steamed fish and ri- it was just, it was good. Oberg was like, "Why is the shrimp green? I don't like that." And I was like, "It's like herbs and one of those, like, you know-"

That's one of the most famous things on the menu.

I know. I told her. She knew it.

Feels like a place she's been there ma- sh- she's been many times.

But you, yeah, she, she is very familiar with the green shrimp, but you know how some people are. They're just like, "I, what- the shrimp is green. I just can't, you know, I can't parse that in my mind."

It tastes like cilantro.

Something like that. But I was thinking when, um, when you're talking to these people who are in these positions, successful CEO types, maybe at a party or maybe you just hear them on TV or whatever, and they, they're explaining something and they k- they keep saying the word right to themselves. Do you know what I'm talking about?

Well, I think they're saying it to you, but they're, you're saying they're also reassuring themselves?

They're reassuring every, like they're, they just... It's like, um, it's like a subconscious tick where they would just say like, "And then that's why this lamp right here is right, right? So then like-"

Oh, sure. Yeah, yeah

... "you know, that's gonna cost like 30,000, right?" And like, so for some reason, every time people use the word right to punctuate every sentence when they're explaining something high level to me, I just, it's a, the, the biggest turnoff. It makes me feel like they're just bullshitting.

Well, unfortunately, people that aren't CEOs also do that pretty often.

Not as much in my world.

That's a pretty common tick.

Yeah, but there's like a way that you hear people do it where it, it sounds, uh, it's not condescension, but it's, it's in that field a little bit. I don't know. It's hard to explain, but...

I mean, I, I think that people like that are, some of them are really good at talking.

Mm-hmm.

And some of them should not be talking at all.

Yeah.

Is the problem.

Maybe they're saying right to themselves this whole time.

I think they're saying right... I think it's like a, it's like saying like, it's like using the word like.

Yeah.

Like, I think it's just, I think it's just like a, I know what you mean, but I think it's sort of like, just like something you say.

Nice.

We all have those, I guess, is what I'm saying.

We all have those, I guess. I think it's just a me thing. Here I go projecting up in here. Um, I wanted to talk about, we don't need to talk about Bari Weiss hiring people, right? There's nothing there.

I, I c- there's nothing I could care less about than Bari Weiss working at CBS.

Mm-hmm.

There's nothing I could ca-

You've never watched CBS News and you never will.

No, I mean, I think that it's like, I, I think that it's one of those things where that, that medium is so dead-

Mm-hmm

... that whatever she does that might seem radical could work.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like it, it, 'cause it's just like, well, I don't know. This ain't working, so we might as well get some fucking sub stackers on here and mix it up.

I, yeah.

Honestly, I don't, I don't, I don't know if it's gonna work, but I don't think it's the craziest or the worst idea.

Yeah. I, I'm, I'm of two minds because as much as, as, as kind of evil as she seems to me or slippery or just nasty in general, I do like that someone somewhere is shaking things up and just trying new things in the dying medium just to-

I mean, she makes people so mad that it's like, that could work. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That alone could, could work. I mean, I don't think they can ever d- I mean, I don't think that terrestrial, uh, TV news is ever gonna pulse. I just don't-

Mm-hmm

... like I don't think there's anything in the world that could happen to make it like the same-

Yeah

... as it was.

Mm-hmm.

But like, if that's the case, then just do whatever and see if anything works.

Yeah.

Like people are so mad about the Oscars going to YouTube. I'm like, "What, what? Of course they are."

Yeah. That one, that one-

You can't watch it anywhere else. Like no one else does it. I have, I have YouTube TV to watch shit like that.

[laughs] Yeah.

It costs me $80 a month.

Mm-hmm.

I don't watch football.

Yeah, it'll make it a lot easier than like watching a, like a Cambodian stream on Twitter or whatever.

Yeah, but it's like if you guys want... Like you can't have it both ways. You can't want s- like want something to stay the same and it also never succeed. Like, I just don't under- like if you want the eyeballs-

Right

... for advertisers to keep paying for it to keep happening, it has to have eyeballs.

Yeah, i, I mean, I guess is it a, a death knell? You know, the, people are saying like, "Oh," like, "here we go. This is the beginning of the end."

No, they should've done it 10 years ago.

Yeah, probably.

Like, I'm not saying they need to go, I'm, I'm not saying they need to have Kai Cenat host it. I'm just saying like you have to go where the people are.

Yeah.

Like, I don't think it's, I, I don't, I don't... Look, of course I'd prefer to turn on my TV and flip through my cable box.

Mm-hmm.

But I know that's not the reality anymore. So what are you gonna do? It's not gonna change the production quality. Like it's still gonna look like the fucking Oscars.

Yeah, it'll still look great.

It'll still be not funny. Like it's gonna be fine.

Production quality might even be better. Who knows?

I j- yeah, I just don't understand. I just am like, I don't think that's a death knell for anything really. I think it's like a necessary thing so it doesn't actually die.

Yeah, I guess so. I guess so. Yeah, the, um, it used to be such a thi- like a thing that networks would fight over so much, like how, you know, the, the Super Bowl whatever.

Yeah, pay a fucking fortune. Yeah, you pay a fortune for those rights. That's the whole thing.

Yeah.

But I still think people, I just don't think anybody, I don't think anybody that... I think it'll get more people to watch it than it would less people, if that makes sense. Like there's no downside for them except The Hollywood Reporter and Variety and guys on Twitter saying it's bad.

Mm-hmm.

There's no actual downside

Or people that work at the networks, I guess. [clears throat] People that run networks. But I, I, I, I imagine streaming on YouTube, 10X viewership-

Minimum

... minimum.

Minimum. Minimum. I mean, they may get Justin Bieber to come host from his drug den live on Twitch.

[laughs]

Just put- fucking pipe that shit in.

But i- if we have these huge shows, these a- these anchor tent pole shows switching over to YouTube, Bari Weiss is paying people to come on CBS National News, you know, $1,000 a pop, 30K a pop, what's the point? Like, why wouldn't everything switch to YouTube?

Well, I mean, you gotta hold onto hope.

[laughs]

I mean, you know. And there's a lot of jobs. There's a lot r- I mean, I think, again, I think it's like, it's fine. Like, it's, it's fine. It's just like if, if you... It's a lot of work to switch too, I think. You know what I mean? I think this is not the easiest-

Mm-hmm

... thing to... I'm sure they've been planning this for a while. But yeah, I don't know.

Mm-hmm.

I mean, great question. I don't fucking know.

OnlyTime She Will Tell. Um, ma- ma- ma- ma- um, what was it? Oh yeah, and, and also the New York Times Cooking, they, um... There was, like, a story I just read. There's a, a woman on there named S- Sola.

Oh, I know her.

Yeah.

Oh, I h- I read this shit.

She was like... She was on Bon Appétit, and then she left for The Times, but they, they, uh, were gonna pay her $300 to produce 60 videos.

Who was?

The New York Times Cooking asked chef and cookbook author-

Let me-

... Sola-

Let me say something

... to produce 60 social videos for $300.

Let me remind people once again.

[laughs]

Let me remind people once again, 'cause it seems that people get mad about this every day. If you don't wanna-

Preach

... do something, you say no.

[laughs]

It's like, what the fuck? Like, if that's the budget they got and you don't wanna do it, and you feel like it's disrespectful-

Mm-hmm

... say, "No, fuck you." That's it.

Yeah.

It doesn't need to be... You don't need to go online and say that you were done wrong.

Mm-hmm.

They offered you money. This happens to us all the time. People come to us-

Yeah

... they offer us money. If it's not enough and they don't wanna come up, you just don't do it, and you move on to the next thing.

Yeah.

It's not... This isn't a personal affront to you.

I don't, I don't think it's a personal affront, even though some people are gonna take it as one, but I think it is a... It's like a, a, a s- It, it's in line with what we've been talking about, where you think, "I'm gonna work up, and one day my dream is to get on Bon Appétit or get on New York Times Cooking or whatever," because those are the only ways where if I'm the type of person who doesn't wanna go freelance-

By the way, anybody-

... that's the only other route

... who's ever talked about New York Times Cooking mentions how well they pay. So I'm just gonna put that out there.

Yeah, I mean, uh-

Liter- literally

... maybe Andy B. getting a little bi- bigger check than-

Literally. I've heard... No, I've heard that from other people too, like literally.

Yeah, no, I, I have as well, but that almost... That, that figure seems-

That feels almost like a lie to me

... less than $5 per video.

That doesn't really make sense. I also just... I just think that it's like people want sympathy so bad.

Mm-hmm.

It's like you... What, what? For what? You're successful. Like, what are you do- what are you doing? Who are you trying to get symp- like, what-

Mm-hmm

... who is that for? Like, are you trying to call out the industry? They're gonna be like, "Yeah, that's all the money we had. Sorry."

Mm-hmm.

"The fuck do you want me to do?"

Yeah. It... I guess it's one of those things where you should just say like, "Wow, that's an insane thing. It's not personal. I'm not offended, and I'm gonna use that to light a fire under my ass to go, you know, take some cookbook advance money and whatever, film my own shit and, you know-

I just don't... That whole-

... split it with nobody."

That whole style of doing things feels so antiquated and, like, loser-ish to just-

Mm

... to be like, "I'm gonna air them out." And it's like, you think The New York Times is gonna be affected by you airing them out?

[laughs]

You think anybody that's going to look for a carbonara recipe gives a fuck that they weren't gonna pay you enough? They don't give a f- no one cares. And the people-

Yeah

... who do care are your friends and your fans, so, so you're not...

Yeah.

There's no win here for you.

Or, or people that are flabbergasted a-

I've seen her on TV. That's how I know her.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She was on TV.

No, I mean, she's a, she's a known entity. Um, but al- also the people who are flabbergasted after working at a failing, uh, magazine for eight years, and then suddenly, you know, they, they lay people off, and it's like, wow, that magazine is... I didn't even know that was still around.

I, I-

And, and it's like-

It, it's all bad. Don't get me wrong. I would much prefer them offering her $10,000 a video. That would be great.

Mm-hmm.

But you can't be... You can't do... I don't know. I just, the, the public airing of shit like that just feels loser behavior to me.

Mm-hmm.

I don't, I don't know what you're trying to... Like, but you get sympathy for fucking 12 hours on Instagram from people you don't know.

Well, there's a large group of people out there who really like sympathy porn, you know?

Of course.

Justice King sympathy porn.

Well, look, that... If that's the case, I want all the fucking [laughs] the Brooklyn liberals that love her to fucking unsubscribe to The New York... If you really wanna put your foot down-

[laughs]

... let's unsubscribe to The New York Times in protest, if you're really serious.

Absolutely.

But let's get serious.

Yeah, I, I... You can watch Carmonica on TikTok. It's all there, baby.

I just don't, I just don't... I, I don't know, man. I'm just like, okay, well, don't do it. It's, it's a very simple equation.

Okay, what do you think about George Clooney and, um, Callum Turner both saying in the last week or so that they're no longer interested in kissing other women on camera? In, in the same vein of making a public announcement-

Let me tell you-

... about something-

Let me, let me tell you something

... that you don't need-

Let me tell you-

... to make a public announcement about [laughs]

... let me tell you something, guys. Let me tell you something, guys. The only good part about being an actor besides the money-

[laughs]

... is that you get, you get to do that.

[laughs]

And for Clooney, you've been doing that for 40 years. Maybe you're tired of it, but now you're old. Now they might give you a age gap movie all of a sudden.

I don't know if that's... To me, I, I, I, I disagree with you.

Dude, it's also just part of the job. I mean, I'm joking, but it's also like-

Yeah

... if the movie calls for it, like, you do it. What?

It is a, it is an odd-

Oh, so Dua Lipa's not gonna get felt up by one of her gay backup dancers? I bet she's not stopping that.

[laughs]

You think Amal Clooney's not gonna let the fucking, you know, the guy presenting her with a humanitarian award double kiss her on the cheek? What do you-

Do you think, do you think Calum goes down the line for all the backup dancers and tries to sniff out a s- a, a hetero?

Look, Calum, I g- look, bro, I get it. You're, y- you, you're trying to keep this shit locked down. I t- I get it. You're saying, "Babe, no, no, no, I'm not, I ain't messing around."

Well, I, I don't, I don't think that Calum or George Clooney are worried that their wives are going to-

Well, Amal Clooney ain't leaving, 'cause she ain't nobody, but Dua Lipa, Dua Lipa could be outta here.

Yeah. Well, I, I guess I'm saying ... I mean, I don't know what I'm saying, but it, it seems, I mean, number one, that seems like something that you can just tell your agent and it doesn't have to be a public announcement.

Oh, Jason, though, you know everything has to be public-

[laughs]

... 'cause you wanna look like you're a friend. They're trying to make that shit like they're a friend to women. It's like, bro, the movie's about you being married to s- like, it, if it calls for it, it calls for it. That's just part of the job.

Making the announcement is hoe-scaring behavior to me, though. It's, it, it's like, oh, you, you brought up a thing that, like, nobody was thinking about out of nowhere, and now it's making me examine this whole thing-

It's just, I just think if you're gonna-

... with a more keen eye

... take the job of actor, you're going to have to do things that are pretend.

Mm-hmm.

And that's the whole thing. So if you get to kill a gremlin, that's fake.

[laughs]

If you get to kiss a baddie, that's also fake.

Sometimes you have to take your shirt off when you aren't happy with your body. Sometimes-

I just, you get paid, these motherfuckers get paid way too much money-

Mm-hmm

... to be complaining about shit like that. Like, that's the least of your worries, bro.

And I g- and for Clooney, it makes sense, as he's on, you know, the, the tail end of his career, perhaps. You know, he-

Don't do that to Jay Kelly, bro.

[laughs] Oh yeah, I forgot about that movie.

Don't do that to Jay Kelly.

Did a single person watch that?

I think a lot of people watched it.

Did they?

'Cause it was Clooney on Netflix. It was, like, easy to watch.

I heard it was a snoozer, but you know, what are you gonna do?

Well, what movie is it, Jason?

I'll check it out. M- uh, Atropia with a beautiful score. Marty Supreme. Who knows? Maybe Marty. Um, a- and, um, I th- I was watching a clip of, of Timmy playing beer pong with Jimmy Fallon, and it was making me think that, like, we are, we are almost living in a post-talk world where it's like physical things that we do are, like, more important than us talking about, you know, whatever it is that we're promoting-

Yeah, definitely

... on a talk show.

Well, if he talks now, he's just talking about how great he is, so he prob- it's probably better if he plays ping pong.

[laughs]

I mean, I will say the-

It's like, like Double Dare on Nickelodeon.

Yeah. The Drew-

Physical challenges only.

The Druski thing unfortunately has brought me back.

Yeah.

There's a video of hi- [laughs] of him singing, like, a traditional Black church song.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And Drus- Dru- Druski was literally like, "Wait, how the fuck do you..." Like, he was truly, you could tell-

Mm-hmm

... he was, like, actually, he's like, "How the fuck do you know this?" And I was like-

He's a musical genius

... this guy's too good. The Druski th- him, like, trying to keep a straight face is, it's just too funny. But that, I give, I'm giving that to, that's Druski. That's the GOD. Timmy just got to plug into his world.

For the moment, Druski can do no wrong, of course, but just the ... I mean, maybe it is because when you talk to these people, they're just saying some wild bullshit, or they are only in the mind of, like, "I'm here for clips, so we are just going to play beer pong."

But those guys, him, like, having people audition for, to be on Druski's fake record label is-

It's a great premise

... but that's, yeah, that's f- almost funnier than anything he could possibly do, or anyone could possibly do-

Mm-hmm

... if they're cool.

Yeah.

Like, there's no podcast. There's no late night. There's nothing that's that, gonna be that funny.

Mm-hmm.

Because it's just set up to be that funny.

Yep.

And you ki- and, and Druski'll put you in some positions where you might say something fucked up, and that's why it's funny.

Mm-hmm. Watch him squirm.

Yeah, it's funny.

And you can self-produce it. We don't need The New York Times. We don't need any money behind it. Costs 20 grand. Rent out a room.

Speaking of New York Times Cooking, though, I feel like they're, they're doing their little celebrity. They're having people come cook now-

Oh, really?

... as part of their promo. Yeah, as part of, like, a press-

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's what I wanna see.

Like Selena Gomez on Netflix during COVID type shit?

Imagine s- imagine seeing Callum Turner's fine ass trying to make a salad. I'm good, bro. I'm good. Go kiss some chicks on camera.

Proper beef Wellington from Callum Turner. Um-

I talked to Ben about his, his beef Wellington. He made one when we, remember we talked about it with him?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right.

And I was like, "Damn, you did it, bro." He's like, "It's a lot of work." [laughs] He was like, "It was not worth it." [laughs]

It seems like one of those things that you make once-

Minimum

... and never again.

That's it.

And, and the chances of it actually being satisfying-

'Cause what's the pro- what's the problem? Is it dry?

Yeah, the problem is making sure that the, the steak inside, which is usually a steak that, like a tenderloin or a filet-

Yeah, is just still rare

... it doesn't have very much fat, so you have to cook it perfectly. You have to, like, sear it and then-

Yeah, yeah, yeah

... let it chill and then cook it in the oven wrapped in all this stuff, and then it ha- you have to nail it. It's like when you make a scotch egg and you want the egg to still be runny.

'Cause you're basically making a croissant and a steak at the same damn time.

Yeah, I guess so. You know. We, uh, more of a pâté en croûte or a, you know, something, like a meat inside of a puff pastry and then baked off kinda thing.

But ... Okay. Okay. No, I don't-

Pâté chaud?

No. I don't, don't know what that is. You lo- you lost me, bro.

Just French shit, baby. It's just French shit.

It's French shit, baby.

So yeah, tonight we are gonna have a nice little man dinner. Oh yeah, I went, I went to Max and Helen's yesterday.

Jesus Christ, finally we can stop talking about it. How was it?

Finally. With, uh, with Ryland, our good pal.Um, and shout out to Alexis for hooking up the table

Is it the best waffle you've ever had?

It was a very good waffle. Very good waffle.

Not to, I'm not poo-pooing anything, but-

Mm-hmm

... waffles and pancakes are in a pizza-like category, where it's, like, pretty good no matter what.

That's a g- that's a strong point.

They're... That's a kinda, like, the worst one is still pretty good.

Tuffeto waffle that I didn't enjoy.

Yeah. I put syrup on that shit, I'm happy.

Yeah.

But, but there are levels to it, don't get me... I told you about the waffle I had in, in-

Yeah, yeah, yeah

... and it was fucking good.

From Blue Bottle?

Yeah.

I mean, sorry, you were in Japan.

[laughs]

I won't do that voice. Yeah, there's something. I mean, it, it's very good.

So why are people waiting eight hours for the waffles?

Well, I-

Is that the hit?

The wa- the waffle's the hit. I mean, people just get the regular breakfast. I think the tuna melt is a big thing, and then the hot cocoa is also a big thing.

I mean, I wanna try it. That, that all sounds delicious.

The tuna melt was quite good.

Is it, like, sit at the counter vibe?

Yeah, it's sit at the counter vibe.

Yeah.

There, there's counter, and there's regular seating, and then there's outdoor seating as well. But Larchmont is just-

It's crazy, dude

... it l- it makes the Grove look like a open field in Utah.

It's crazy, 'cause I used to go there every day.

Yeah.

I used to go there every single day and hang out with Mikey and Tim, and get a coffee, and just sit there, and I loved it.

Mm-hmm.

I loved it.

It was one of those things where it's-

Park on the street

... it's so developed, and pumping, and hot that I think it alm- it might almost negatively affect the real estate. Whereas, like, 20 years ago, you get in early in Larchmont and it's like, "Yeah, this neighborhood's really pumping. Property value's only gonna go up," blah, blah, blah, and I think it-

It's, like, too much

... it tran- it went o- it jumped the shark and now it's like I live in an IKEA parking lot.

Yeah.

Just-

It's all the time

... nonstop, bumper to bumper-

I, the, and also-

... insanity

... like, all the DoorDash guys are, like, with the flashers on in the fucking-

Ugh

... turn lane.

Damn, bruh. It's, I mean, I, I would be bummed if I lived a, a beautiful, idyllic life-

Dude, I mean, the whole-

... in Hollywood's Larchmont area. It's so nice and so chill.

If you can walk over there, it's fine. I feel like if I'm, if I live walking distance-

Yeah

... 'cause the c- parking and the car situation is what really is fucked.

Yeah, if you can... The walking is nice.

If you can just walk up and get a coffee, it's pretty normal.

It's good. But if you live right over there-

You're still dealing with it

... there's just... Like, people who live, like, right by Mozza.

Yeah.

You know? Like, you live in this amazing, like, multimillion dollar-

Yeah

... historic home. It looks so great, but any given moment from morning, noon, and night, there is just a parking lot of cars-

Yeah, it's annoying

... in front of your home every single day b- you know, blocking your driveway when you get in and you get out. It's-

No, it's annoying

... I c- I kinda do it, brother.

I went to Quarter Sheets last night with-

Mm

... Morby, and he told me about something that he asked me-

Morby?

... to specifically not say [laughs]-

Okay, well I can't-

... on the podcast

... I can't bleep it.

No, but, but I'm saying I'm gonna tell you after, and it's fascinating. Fascinating thing that from a culinary perspective I think you need to go investigate.

From a culinary s-

Yeah

... perspective.

Not that Morby's known for that. He makes, like, hot dog sandwiches and shit, but-

Yeah, what was his fucked up sandwich that he would make?

It was hot, it was like bak- I can't remember.

It was, like, a peanut butter banana hot dog or some shit like that.

It was disgusting. It was disgusting. But Quarter Sheets is my favorite. I can't believe how good it is.

What was your dish of the night? Can't say pizza.

Bro, they s- they flip the beans and they're g- they're just as good but different preparation.

The seasonal bean preparation.

I was like, "Bro, the beans were different last time." He was like, "Oh, yeah, we switch it up."

C- could you go-

Same bean, different prep.

Do you, can you say anything about the beans?

There was a-

Tell me about the beans

... there was a, some sort of, like... It was not a lot, but brothy almost.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

There was-

Brothy bean

... a breadcrumb.

Yeah.

And there was a green.

Okay. Okay.

Is, is all I-

Okay

... the salad was delicious.

Beans vongole.

It was delicious.

Okay.

I just, I really, I really love that place.

No dessert, though?

No, we did get a princess cake.

Oh. [laughs]

Morby had never had it, and I was like-

Christmas time is here

... "We have to." I mean, I'm like, "Bro, you gotta have it."

Yeah, that's a good litmus test. I've seen people say, like, "The cake's not for me" and, like, you don't get it, bro.

Also s- splitting that piece of cake is, like, three bites each. Really?

Whatever you gotta tell yourself, man.

I was just like, "Oh, this cake." I feel like the only time I've had it was when we had a full cake [laughs].

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I was a little... I forgot that a slice is-

It's light, it's airy.

Yeah. Well, Kevin was like, "It kinda gives ice cream cake vibe," which it sort of... I, I, I got that after he said it.

Say what now? Um, let's see here. What else do we got? I think that's almost pretty much it. You know, we gotta go-

Dude

... to our din-din.

It's not gonna be that bad to drive over there, I don't think.

Okay.

We're close here.

Yeah, we're, we're in town. Well, Chris is in town 'cause we're gonna be, we're gonna be recording a little end of the year podcast video especial. So, uh, stay tuned for that. Hopefully it'll come out in the next couple of weeks around the-

Oh, it has to come out before the f- [laughs] first of the year.

That's why I said ho-

[laughs]

I said hopefully.

No, it's going to. Some heads are gonna roll.

Look, I, I, I'm gonna be really hands-on with the edit, so I'll be in the bay the whole time, so-

That is absolutely a lie, but it's gonna get done.

It's not a lie. I have to.

No, you don't.

Yes.

No, you really don't.

I, I need it to be airtight.

Good luck.

Like one of Epstein's gloves.

[laughs] That picture of him and Woody Allen. Or Woody Al-

[laughs]

Woody Allen's got the hood on and you just see his eyes.

Yeah, it-

Like he knew he was getting photographed with a bad guy when he's also the bad guy. It's just so-

Bad guy

... it's so funny.

Bad guy.

Killed me.

Bad guy.

It made me l- it was those pictures-

It, it was very much like, um, when you see a kid who is g- gets put on an airplane to go home by themselves and this is, like, the legal guardian that has to watch 'em.

It was giving Cartman Stone Island, kind of.

[laughs]

Weirdly k- a combo I never thought I would say.

It was They Killed Kenny.

Yeah [laughs]

They killed Woody.

[laughs] Killed-

But Woody was also like-

Ah

... "Are you my new dad?"

It was so... It's really funny picture. That just, that, like, just surfaced, right?

Yeah, the, they're doing a nice, slow-

They're slow rolling, yeah

... rollout with all of the pics.

They're, they're, they're really dripping it.

Which I'm okay with.

I don't ca-

But they said they're supposed to really launch a big chunk tomorrow, the 19th, Friday, AKA when this podcast comes out.

I just don't think anything's gonna come out that's gonna be that shockingThat picture's funny, but it's not shocking. [laughs]

Yeah. I mean, some of the stuff is, is shocking. But-

But it's all redacted, so you don't even really-

Well, there's, there's some photos of a bunch of, like, girls' feet with lines from the book Lolita written on it.

It's called art.

There's a... [laughs]

Okay. Oh, we're gonna start... Okay.

[laughs] Vincent Gallo's like, "I don't see a problem here."

So you hate Picasso? Okay.

[laughs]

Whatever you gotta tell yourself.

Okay, so there... Okay. Well, grand opening, grand closing.

I'm-

Shut that one down. There's another-

Shut down

... photo of Epstein sitting at his desk, and then on his desk where you would have photos of your family-

Yeah

... children, you know, your, uh, golden retriever, Max, or something on there, maybe a picture of you meeting a president or Mark Cuban, he had a photo of a teenage girl passed out on a couch.

[laughs] Okay, that's pretty bad.

Okay?

[laughs]

But the thing is, like you said, it's not shocking because we all know-

Yeah, we know it's bad, but that's pretty-

... that this is bad, but-

I mean-

... at this point we need to see that photo-

Like, dead bodies.

Well, I mean, there's that, but it's, we need to see people who are alive and active in today's world-

Yeah

... in the same 35 millimeter photo frame as the glove that-

I wonder, I wonder what-

... every single finger goes up a hole, or photos of-

Yeah, yeah

... you know, Bill Gates-

What would happen, do you think-

... and a 13-year-old-

... if, if David met Epstein?

[laughs]

Something to think about.

Well, I mean, reincarnation is a thing, you know what I mean?

Shout out to all our Buddhist homies.

Epstein, the day Epstein left us was the day David risen from the ashes like the phoenix.

D for David.

Have you ever listened to David's music yet? What if it was so good? [laughs]

I think it, I think it is.

[laughs]

I think if you like that kind of stuff... No, no, I think it-

I don't even know what kind of stuff it is.

It's like R&B, but I think the streams are crazy. I think he was, like, one of those low-key, like, very, very big.

Okay. Okay.

I've never listened to it either. It's, like, not... I, I think it's, like, I think it's like, um... I'm, I'm trying to think of, like, there's a lot of that sort of, like, R&B shit that's really popular with, like, young people that, like, we would never hear if we were-

It's like on some, like, Destroy Lonely type shit?

I don't even know what that is.

[laughs]

I, I'm talking about, like, um-

It's the guy who wears, like, mascara and skirts.

Yeah, basically.

[laughs]

But big. But big.

But big.

He could afford a Tesla.

[laughs]

All right. How Long Gone. Thank you for listening. Uh-

Oh

... happy holidays to you, you and yours, and we'll, uh, we'll be back next week with some more podcasts.

And if you live in LA, come to Homage tonight. I'm gonna be DJ-ing. It's, the party's from 10:00 to 2:00. I'll be on from 11:00 till 2:00, three hours of nonstop jeans all up in you. A lot of holiday parties going on. This is where you end up after you got a bag, after you got a couple martinis in you. It is beer and wine only, so come ready to get your-

[laughs]

... a tasteful pinot that's chilled. Don't come expecting a, uh, a negroni or a vesper or anything like that.

No vespers for the homies.

If, if we're gonna do shots, do them in the car beforehand. Just get the baggie going. And, uh, I look forward to coming. Uh, you... I look forward to coming.

He's just too good-natured and he's got too much money and he's got too many girlfriends. I'm jealous, that's all.

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