877. - Chris & Jason

All right, uh, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Stateside with Kai and Carter, a new podcast from The Guardian, and they are using this podcast to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions that we all have about what's happening in the world, and they do it three times a week. Jason, does that sound familiar to you?

We don't really talk about, you know, a lot of international global news items and climates and cultures and sports and things like that. We do talk about fashion and wellness, but for everything else, Kai and Carter are a great place.

All right, so who couldn't use more news? Listen wherever you get your podcasts, or watch on YouTube. [upbeat music] How Long Gone, uh, the rare Saturday late afternoon recording time. Uh, Chris Black, I'm coming to you from the, uh, Nobu Hotel in fabulous Las Vegas.

Cannot believe you're still in Las Vegas.

I've only been here for two days.

It feels so much longer to me, your friend who's not there at all.

[laughs] It feels longer to me too, because I have to force myself to get, like, sunlight. You know what I mean?

Mm.

To le- to leave a property while the sun is still out. Sometimes... Yesterday, Alex and I were walking back from the spa and we just walked outside to stand there for a few minutes just to make sure we-

Damn. [laughs]

Just to make sure we caught a vibe.

Well, I mean, to get your circadian flowing. I mean, Margo and Bean, they do that sometimes. Just go out there and just, just get fi- just grab, let me grab five of sun.

Just let me... [laughs] Just let me... Could you just give me five? Could you just give me five?

So you, you walk to the spa at which hotel? In the same-

Yeah, it's at Ce- Well, it's at, all the... They have this crazy new spa and gym at Caesars, which is in the... The Nobu is, like, a tower inside of Caesars, which I learned when I got here.

Nobu is a tower inside of Caesars. Got it. Okay.

Yeah. Exact- [laughs] Exactly.

That's a good sentence.

Sounds really good out, out of context. [laughs]

I know. I know.

Uh, where are you?

I'm, uh, I'm in Laguna Beach at a unnamed hotel. Like, when a hotel is like, "Here, we're in Brentwood, Laguna Beach, Carmel," you're like, "Okay."

Yeah.

Like, just location kink alone, you've got my interest. You know what I mean?

I d- I do know what you mean. How's the we-

[laughs]

Is the, is the weather, is it cooperating?

Bro, it's... I went to the beach today.

Let's go. Wow. Okay. Well, see, that's, that's how... This is what I'm saying. This is what Thanksgiving should be.

I was letting the fucking shore break splash my ankles, dog.

[laughs]

I was, I was exploring, I was exploring the tide pools-

Hey, dog

... of Crystal Cove, bro.

Hey, dog. [laughs]

[laughs] Yeah, I was, I was... Like, we went hiking this morning, and I told Carolyn like, "Yo, this is like low-key, like, hang gliding weather." And she's like, "Who the fuck do you think you are?"

[laughs]

"You, you know goddamn well you're... Imagine me in a squirrel suit-"

I think-

"... to my death."

Where was I? Somebody was talking about how they went hang gliding with their dad all the time, and he would never let them do it with him. It was like a podca- [laughs] Like, like a guy, like a b- like somebody's deadbeat, like, alcoholic dad was super into hang gliding, and he would go all the time and take the son and tell him he was gonna let him do it, but never did.

[laughs]

Like, after years and years of hang gliding.

So, like, like mental abuse. Like, like, "Come with me," but then at the very last minute, he's like-

Yeah

... "Psych, bitch."

I think it's more gaslighting, but when it's c- when it's coming from your father, it feels a little, a little crazy.

And we need a new word for it if you're being gaslit by your dad, right?

Yeah, for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We can, we can ruminate on that.

We're not gonna come up with that word right now.

No, we can't, we can't come up with it on the spot.

Yeah. When I, I was cruising down PCH this afternoon, we went hiking, we went and got lunch, blah, blah, blah, and I, I look in the rear view and I see a couple bikers, like '70s style-

Uh-huh

... you know, bikers. Like OC chopper bros.

Yeah.

And then I a- almost as if I willed it with my telepathic mind, Matty Matheson appears-

Bro, no way. [laughs]

... riding on some fucking-

I was literally gonna joke

... chopped low boy.

I was literally gonna joke, was it Ma- Matty and some of his OC homies? Was it the, was it the Ruka squad? Or what, what, what's it-

No, there was... It was, it was the first time in my life, I'm not trying to make a joke, that I've seen a, a biker gang like that where it had one Black guy in it.

How many people were in the gang total?

Um, I would say, let's call it six. Six, seven.

Did you s- don't do that. Did you wave at-

[laughs] No, I swear to God I did not try to do a six, seven. No, God.

Did you wave at Matt? Did you... I mean, you wouldn't wanna-

Did I chuck the deuce down low? No, I did not. It was too-

I wouldn't... Yeah, you don't wanna, like, scare somebody there. Those motorcycles are-

I was, I was too busy. But, but like, the guy that was in the chopper group, you know, it's normally Orange County dudes covered in tattoos, Woody Woodpecker, STP logo, you know, Ruka bros, all that shit, Gracie jujitsu, et cetera, et cetera. But the one African American friend in the group, he had Lenny Kravitz dreads and was like, kinda had like a little bit of a rocking bod.

This is very, this is very cool.

And I was like, "Is Matty cruising down PCH in a, in a, like a ratty '70s chopper with one Lenny Kravitz?" Who's to say?

That's really cool.

With no camera crew. I was trying to... I almost crashed the fucking Cayenne trying to get a reel-

[laughs]

... a clip for my reels. [laughs]

Trying to do, trying to do both at once? Bro, you can't drive and reel at the same damn time. I-

No.

I know you have.

And you know traffic gets fucking hectic down here, dude.

[laughs] You're turning, you're turn-

[laughs]

You're turning into... This is like when I go back to the South and I see someone and I'm like, "If I would've made a few different decisions in my life, this would be me." That, I feel like-

[exhales]

... that's what you're having, you're having that moment in Laguna.

Carolyn and I are having that moment, I would say, every 15 seconds for the last 24 hours. Like, we went to-

Because every, because every couple there is an Asian woman and a White guy?

[laughs]

Or for another reason, another reason? [laughs]

That represents a large chunk-

Does- [laughs]

... of what I'm talking about, but not all of it. It's, I would say the main, the main diff- or the main, like, uh, it's like we, we're a couple of mixed race, of origins of some sort, which is very popular in Orange County, not just-

Mm-hmm

... but more so we are walking around and they're walking around, but they have four kids in a cart, in a bucket, in a stroller-And, uh, you know, this and that, and helmets, and Stanleys, and all that shit. And Caroline and I are just walking, just-

Just walking. No, I know

... carrying nothing but our smiles, you know what I mean?

I mean, that's how it is in Vegas too. People pull up, they got the fucking ... People crisscrossing a hotel with one of those four-wheel-

[laughs]

... carts that people use-

Mm-hmm

... for, for groceries or the beach.

Filled with their fucking supplies.

I just don't know ... The whole point of going on holiday of any kind is to not need supplies. You know what I mean?

[laughs]

Like, the whole point is that the supplies are there, and yes, they're gonna cost more than you'd like them to, but they bring them to your door and you don't have to think about it, and it's a couple days of your life. You know? It's like I- I-

We take a break from that

But I do need to-

Take a break from supplies

... I do need to tell you something that kinda shocked me. A- as you know, I'm not a, a gambler.

Mm.

Um, and, and I've s- I stay away from the tables at all cost, but-

Okay

... after, after Thanksgiving dinner, Shiv was like, "Oh, yeah, roulette, there's no skill involved in that. You just pick some stuff and, and pray." I was like, "Okay, that, that's good to know. I've never-"

Pick and pray

... I've never looked into this at all. And Alex was like, "Yeah, I wanna try it." I was like, "All right, great." I give her 100. Bitch turns it into 600 one roll.

[laughs]

One spin.

Do you know what she put, put it on?

My birthday. Exactly. Times 35 or whatever. I, I don't remember what the r-

Wow

... but so, so then we walked away and I felt, uh ... It felt powerful to be able to stop doing something that seemed so easy when y- 'cause you know deep down it's not easy.

So you, you held.

Yeah.

You didn't fold.

Exactly. Yeah, we, we literally went directly to the fucking, what do they call it where you get the money? The cage. Went over to-

Yeah, you went to cage

... went over to the cage, handed them, handed them the-

Just, "Let me grab a handy Pit Boss and head over to the cage."

[laughs] Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I got, I got, we got our-

"Mr. Black, why don't we go into a room more comfortable for you?"

It wasn't that much, unfortunately.

Little glass of bubbles for the lady, right?

Un- uh, unfortunately. But it was, it was a ... I, I did see ... I guess it gave me a, a slight tease of ... I'm like, "Oh, I see why people like this so Goddamn much."

Wow. I mean, that, that reminded me of, of the restraint, because while I'm down here in Orange County, it's reminding me of when I lived down here in Orange County.

[laughs]

And I was like ... Some of my friends smoked Oxycontin and had to crash their car and go to rehab, and some of my friends smoked Oxycontin once and said, "Eh."

Yeah.

"I'll go back to Coors Lights."

Yeah. That's ... I mean, that's, that's real talk.

And some people, they turn 100 into 600 and go, "Dope. I can buy half of a roshu. Let's do it."

[laughs] I can get one. I can get left.

[laughs] I'll hit the K.

This is awesome.

I, I can get left.

This is awesome.

Pull left on layaway with my little six piece. [laughs]

[laughs] But I don't know, I don't know how to ... I feel like the money should be spent frivolously.

Of course.

But I don't know exactly what the ... You know, it's like when you got your rebate check from having a Prius.

[laughs]

Like, you gotta, you gotta blow that money. It's, it's, it's dirty money. No ditty.

Okay. This is a fu- what a, what an activity, what an exercise for a, a lazy Sunday podcast. I'm thinking, okay, your girl is on a power trip right now because she cashed in. She's feeling larger than life. #LTL. Dropped that six hundo at the AR-15 in the desert shooting range.

That's ... Jason, it's funny you say that because I have tried-

[laughs]

... to go to the AR-15 shooting range multiple times. Even before we left I was talking about how it would be so sick to go to the sh-

You couldn't get in?

... shooting range.

You need the priority pass?

No, no, no, I've got the priority pass. I don't-

You had the wrong Amex? What's up?

I don't know if they let illegal shoot. I don't know if they let-

[laughs]

I don't know if they let ... I mean, even-

Do you mean 'cause Alex is Canadian? [laughs]

Yeah. Deadass. I really mean that. I really mean that.

Wow. They're gonna ice her ass out. That's a bad joke.

You might, you might have to have, you might have to have a, a, like a US ID. I, I could be wrong. I haven't done ... I haven't been to a shooting range in quite a long time.

Okay. Well, much like your homie and the hang gliding, tell Alex we're gonna go shoot guns.

[laughs] You can watch.

Shorty gotta wait and they go, "Oh, look, I, I've ... It's Homeland Security, babe. What do you want me to do?"

[laughs]

Anyway, so my best angle's from the left, and you're gonna wanna zoom in all the way and make sure you get me-

I don't think I-

... with the rocket launcher

... I, I don't think that ... I think it's gonna just be Carbone, and hopefully it doesn't-

Eh

... cost the entire 600, because that's, that's ... As soon as I finish this podcast, that's where we're going, so.

But you already ... Oh, so fun. Okay. You already, you already hit the spa, 'cause that seems like a, you could get, like, some type of dumb-

Yeah

... you know, get the CBD hot stone treatment.

I got ... [laughs] Dude, they really, they love-

These stones are made out of CBD? That's awesome

... they love adding CBD. I actually got a massage today, and the woman and I are making small talk and, you know, I'm just like, "Oh, yeah, I'm from-"

The woman being your masseuse, you mean.

Yeah, the masseuse.

Oh, God.

Yeah. We're talking on the, on the-

Not your concierge. Go ahead

... on the way from the, you know, on the way from the locker room to the, to the, the table. We're having a talk.

Mm-hmm.

She's like, "Oh, I'm actually, I'm fr- I've lived here for, uh, 15 or 16 years, but I'm actually from Georgia." And I was like, "The state of?" She said, "Yes." And I said, "Oh."

No, she said, "Country."

And I said, "Oh, me too." And she said, "Yeah, I'm from a s- a small, like ... You probably wouldn't know it."

Oh, no.

Conyers, Georgia, baby. Representing out here in big LV.

You were blessed by the hands of Conyers today?

I was blessed by the hands of Conyers, and I have to say, best high-end hotel massage I've ever had. Because they make sturdy chicks in Conyers. They can put the elbow into the quad and get that shit cracking.

[laughs]

I wanna just give a big shout-out to my trash hometown, because I think that's important.

Okay.

When we have these small victories, when we have these small victories and we look good and God shines his light on us, we must, we must speak on that.

Okay. So Conyers, take a dub where you can get it, and in this particular instance, uh, checks notes, got sturdy chicks in it.

[laughs]

Okay?

[laughs] Dude, dude, bet that, that massage was the best-

Give a shout-out to the coun- to, to the state and the city, but not the person, okay?

Yeah. The massage was on the level of, of Pickle Rick without the charges.

[laughs]

Like, it was that, it was that serious, but there's no ... Like, it was-

Without the allegations?

Without the allegations and at, without having to go to, uh-

Do you remember what her p- Did she have, like, a finishing move? Like, you know what I mean? Like, the Razor's Edge?

No, the thing is, is, and this is when you know somebody's gonna give you a good massage, is when they get into the armpit.

Mm.

When they go armpit, lat shit, like, regular massages don't do that.That's like a bridge too far for, for regular massage

She could have armpit kink, though.

That's fine. I, I don't care what she's got

Yeah, yeah

... it, it works for me. But-

You're a truffle pig, I got truffles

... ex- what I'm saying

Get, get, get to work

I think that's a good, easy judge of how serious the body work is going to be, if they're willing to dig into spots

If shorty hit the pit

If shorty hit the pit [laughs] no F1-

[laughs]

... then it's gonna be, it's gonna be, it's gonna loosen you up.

What about if guy hits the pit?

I don't care-

There any-

Anybody can hit the pit

... more question?

I'm taking-

Okay

... no, anybody can hit. A- anybody can hit. I'm wide, I'm wide open in the pit.

A no loads refused in Chris Black's armpit?

[laughs] Exactly. That's kinda, that's what I say when I'm asking-

Good to know

... "Are there any problem areas?" And I, I just say, "No loads refused in the pit."

[laughs]

Uh, that's kinda what I say. [laughs] That's what I say up front.

Say no more-

That's what I-

... Mr. Black

[laughs] That's what I s- they know what I mean. They, they don't get grossed out, they don't act scandalized. They know exactly what I'm talking about.

I understand completely.

They play ball. It's, it's nice. It's really nice. It's really nice. Um-

Okay. Maybe, maybe that 500... Is there some dumb luxury item-

Well, that's the thing

... small leather good. You know, go to the Balenciaga store and get just like the worst wallet

We did. We went to all the... You know what was really interesting? 'Cause we were here on Thanksgiving Day, and we went to the, the shops here at, the f- the Forum shops at Caesars.

Of course.

Everything's o- a- all the designer stores are open, popping. F- so funny, Vuori, Alo, Nike, Sephora all closed for Thanksgiving. And I just wonder, it, it-

Mm

... there's such a clear distinction between those brands and like Bottega, Balenciaga, Prada, whatever. It's just such a interesting... I don't know, I was just surprised to see that

Well, I mean, I guess it's, it's American brands versus Italian brands who don't celebrate American Thanksgiving

True, but I-

Could that be it?

Yeah, I mean, definitely

But it, but it's American employees-

Yeah

... working at their retail locations.

Yeah.

But maybe, and you know, Vegas is an international city, and there's a lot of people who don't mind working OT to get a little bit, get a little bit more of that Klonopin money this month, baby.

That's, no, that's true. But I, I was, I was surprised by that. But yeah, we, I mean, I'm, I wanna go to Chrome Hearts and maybe that's, maybe that's what we do. Maybe I go, maybe I hit Chrome Hearts

And 500 won't really go too far there, buckaroo

Well, I mean, I'm looking for-

Maybe a toothpick

... that's, that's all, I mean, if that's all I can get [laughs]

[laughs]

If the idea of go-

Sold

... the idea of going into the Chrome Hearts store in Las Vegas and being like, "I got 500. I'm not spending a dollar more"

Mm

... and just getting whatever I can get, is really funny.

I agree. Yeah, you're gonna get some fucking Chrome Hearts no-show socks, little three pack.

I actually think at Chrome Hearts, if you're at the actual store, I think a T-shirt is like 250. I think it's what you-

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

... I think, I think on Grailed and, and fucking Justin Reed and, and you know, that's when it gets crazy.

But is it like a Rolex store where you're like, "Let me buy that T-shirt" And like [laughs]

I don't think so. I've, I've o- I've never-

No

... bought anything at a Chrome Hearts store. Uh, I've only received Chrome Hearts-

[laughs] Shit

... as a g- as a gift, thank God. My, my first boss gave me several Chrome Hearts T-shirts in the early 2000s.

Did you wear them with pride or did you not know what you had?

I didn't know what I had, but I still wore it with pride because I knew it was expensive. If that, if that's a g- suffi- sufficient answer [laughs]

That's my boy.

That's a suffi- if that works.

My boy.

This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by a new podcast from The Guardian, Stateside with Kai and Carter. This is covering a lot of our bases, Jason. It's, uh, it's trying to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions we all have about what's happening in the world, and I know you particularly have quite a lot of questions.

A lot of questions, but how often? 'Cause we do this podcast three times a week, and that's a sweet spot. How many times do they do?

Three times a week, and I, I, I have a feeling just based on the platform and these talking points that they're maybe gonna be covering different stuff than we do. That's just a guess.

The Guardian is not some billionaire-owned platform. They're not afraid to say what they wanna say, brother.

Yeah. Rupert ain't sniffing around in, in what, uh, journalists Kai Wright and Carter Sherman are up to over there at, at, uh, Stateside.

Mm-hmm.

But yeah, listen wherever you get your podcasts. You can watch on YouTube. It's three times a week, and, and who couldn't use more news? You know, especially, especially when it's, when it's not, you know, from here, let's say.

[laughs]

Give, give it a, give it a listen. Give it a listen. Every time I go to the doctor, I walk out of that bitch feeling dumb. I got no real info. This guy in a white coat just say, "You're fine," you know, "Drink more water."

He knows how to charge my copay.

Exactly. As if-

That's about it

... as if I could drink more water, doctor. I, I, I don't get data. I don't get a game plan. I just get a pat on the ass and get out there and, and make it better. But SuperPower is doing something different. SuperPower sends a licensed professional to your home, or you can visit a nearby lab if you're a little freak. It's a simple blood draw, one simple blood draw with over 100 biomarkers, which is way more than what you usually get, and it unlocks a real understanding of your body. Uh, their app includes detailed information on your heart, liver, thyroid, hormones, metabolism, vitamin and mineral levels, and even environmental toxins. Ooh, ooh.

[laughs]

So from disease prevention to treating that annoying brain fog or simple optimizing for your gym game, let's go. SuperPower is more comprehensive and advanced system out there.

Make this year the year we all stop guessing about our health with SuperPower. For a limited time, How Long Gone listeners get $20 off to unlock their new health intelligence. Head over to superpower.com and use the code HOWLONG for $20 off your membership. That is code HOWLONG, and after you sign up, they'll ask how you heard about SuperPower. Do us a favor if you could and tell them How Long Gone sent you, and that'll just support us. Thanks. W- is the vibe in Las Vegas, everyone is saying, or I guess they were saying, it's a ghost town, it's blah, blah, blah. Are we, are we feeling like Vegas is back?

This shit is lit as fuck. What are people... I, it's busy everywhere all the time. And this is, I guess last weekend was F1, and this is supposed to be like, when I've talked to like employees and shit, they're like, "Oh, it's kinda slow." And I'm like, "Really?" 'Cause walking through these hotels, it feels like fucking JFK on the, on... You know what I mean? It feels busy as fuck.

Mm-hmm.

But I guess their version of busy and, and my version of busy is very different.

Sure, sure, sure. So are you ready to leave?

Yeah.

Yeah. People say like two days in Vegas. I think day and a half.

I mean, yeah, for sure. I'm, I'm h- I'm, I'm... The goal was accomplished, and it was fun.

Mm-hmm.

And the room has a pool table in it, so I've been kinda honing my skills a little bit.

Did Alex get a little Pilates session?

Uh, she was in the, she was in the gym with me this morning. She's been in the gym every day, actually. She's been lifting some weights. They do have Pilates available, but I feel like it's a whole thing, you know? I always forget when I come here that walking around is so difficult because it's, it's like you can't just cross the street. You have to use all those, like, fucking-

Yeah

... pedestrian bridges everywhere.

Yeah, it's fucked up.

And I totally forgot about that, 'cause I remember that in Singapore and it really bothered me there. And now it's a very similar, I... It's a much cleaner version.

I think parts of Canada are like that too w- for the wintertime, so you have to use the-

Yeah, Canada's got a, Canada's got tunnels though too.

Gotta use them tunnels.

Like underground, yeah. Yeah, gotta use [laughs]... Gotta, gotta dig out the tunnel.

Gotta use them tunnels. Uh, yeah, Thanksgiving for me, we... You had, you had your, uh, your Nobu Thanksgiving and you said it was enjoyable. Did we talk... We talked, we podded right before Thanksgiving, right?

Yeah, we g- yeah, we left on... We flew on Thanksgiving, uh, on Thanksgiving Day.

Yes.

Which also I thought the airport... I've, 'cause I've flown Christmas Day many times.

Delta One or no?

They don't have-- It's not... Delta One's only New York, uh, San Francisco, LA.

I was just wondering if they're gonna have a special-

Maybe Seattle

... Indigenous Day meal-

Oh, [laughs] yeah

... in Delta One, you know?

You know what I was thinking about? I was thinking about how when they s- they cook the meal on the plane and, and I'm always... I, like I just got back from London. I was, you know, I'm falling asleep, and that smell of the food obviously jars me awake and ruins my-

Yeah

... my slumber.

Mm-hmm.

But why does it... I feel like I'm asking an expert here, or phone a friend.

[laughs]

Why is it that all the f-

Real eater

... all the food, no matter what they're cooking, it smells the same?

[laughs]

Is, i- is that the, is that-

Great question

... am, am I s- 'cause am I smelling, like, the oven, like, the, the, the machines?

Yeah, what I'm thinking-

I, like, I don't-

Okay, so I know exactly what you mean. It does kind of just smell like miscellaneous food being warmed up in a microwave kind of feeling.

Yes, yes, yes.

And I think I was, I was just talking about this with Carolyn. My... When I was a little kid, my grandma was volunteered as a lunch lady at a school in our neighborhood.

Yeah.

And sometimes we would get the, like, s- school lunch little take home joints-

Yeah

... back to the crib, and it was, like, the, it was in a little cardboard tray with the plastic wrap and you use a fork to punch a few holes in the top and you microwave it. And it, whatever we cook, it could be mashed potatoes, it could be chicken nuggets, it could be w- you know, whatever, Salisbury steak. I don't know. Maybe that's too old. But it all just kind of had the smell of, like, cooking plastic-

Yeah [laughs]

... and-

Yeah, yeah, yeah

... metals and textiles and plastics and things like that.

I like metals. I like... No, it does [laughs]

[laughs]

It d- no, it does though. It has a metallic flavor to it.

Yeah.

Like, like it just-

Because, like, things are wrapped in foil-

Yeah, you're right, you're right, you're right

... and with, like, those heat retention cardboard boxes and, you know, it's kind of... It, it, it feels a little like cheating God kind of in the way that food is cooked. And it produces an ungodly odor.

It's sh- it feels like they put a bunch of forks in a Styrofoam receptacle-

[laughs]

... put tinfoil over it, and, and zapped it for-

Mm

... five minutes in, like, a convection oven. And I just don't-

[laughs]

I don't know how the menu-

Sous vide forks.

Yeah, [laughs] I don't know how the menu can-

Boy, you smell like sous vide forks.

[laughs]

[laughs]

Oh. Yeah, and then I took his pants off, motherfucker smelled like forks.

[laughs]

But the, I think it-

I think I'm having a stroke. I smell forks

... I think it's like, yeah, I don't know. I just, I find it... Because I think sometimes the food can be... Like, I'm going to Japan soon, and I think the menu on that flight obviously will be different than the menu on a flight from New York to Las Vegas, but I feel, I-

Yeah, you're gonna get that little chicken curry

... I feel like the smell's going to be the same. I feel like no matter what you're doing, what cuisine you're preparing-

Mm

... you're going to get that smell, and this is something that I hope a, a professional can weigh in on. Maybe there's-

Wonder what a racial tightrope this is. Like, which race airline is gonna have the stinkiest m- airport microwave food?

But I don't, but I don't think that-

I can see the Japanese being one of the only airlines or, or I would say routes that did not have a smell just because of their clean-

Possible

... kaiseki way of living, you know?

Yeah, it's possible. I'm gonna, I mean, I'm, I'm-

Everything like, oh, the cabin, it just smells of faint dashi broth. You know what I mean?

Well, I wish that, I w- I mean, I wish I was flying a Japanese airline, but I think they, I think they merely tailor the menu to the final destination.

Yeah.

If they have, you know, if they were able to-

Yeah, i- instead it's gonna be, "Dude, John and Vinnie's hooked up a Japanese sweet potato. It's got, like, fucking-"

[laughs]

"It's, like, burrata, like, all over it and, like, pistachios. It's kind of like Italian vibes."

[laughs]

[laughs] But on, like, a dank Japanese J Sweet. [laughs]

J- [laughs] Jap- Japanese J Sweet potato-

Yeah, we just got a bunch of J Sweets in

... with hella burrata is so funny.

They're really good right now.

[laughs]

Like, super buttery. Like, kind of like nutty.

No, no, it's the se- it's the s- it's the season, bro

I'm joking. I'm joking-

No, it's, it's the fucking season

... but honestly, that sounds pretty good right now, just like-

It does sound... No, it sounds delicious

... instead of getting a nice J Sweet. Yeah, af- right, so right, right after we pod, you're going to Carbone in Las Vegas, which we have dined at before, right?

Yes, we have. You and I, yeah, we, you... That's the only time I've ever been there was with you.

We were the only table where it wasn't a guy and his escort, huh?

Yeah, and still somehow cost me 500 bucks. But yeah, I mean, [laughs] I don't know, I don't know how we did it, but yeah.

[laughs] I didn't even suck it under the table.

I, I think that I remember that meal because I remember being stunned at the price and realizing that you'd had, like, one glass of wine or maybe one martini.

[laughs]

I was like, "Oh, did he drink that much?"

Yeah.

And I was like, "Oh, no, no. No, he didn't drink that much. We just had to get a few of the hits," you know?

Mm-hmm.

And it starts adding up.

You're like, "Damn, that's, that fusilli tariff is high right now, brother."

[laughs] The, the tariffs are hitting everyone. They're terrible.

"This ain't 75 cents worth of dried pasta."

[laughs]

"Shit cost, cost me a car note." Um, so you're, you're going to Carbone. You're gonna have a, a beautiful piece of fish and some, uh, arugula that's been flown in.

Oh, of, of course.

I'm gonna say steak frites for Alex.

Maybe.

Salad instead of fries?

Maybe. I mean, I, I don't like f- when they serve fries at Italian restaurants. I just wanna put that on the record.

Ooh.

That feels-

Italians, they should have chips, potato chips, crisps.

N-

Aperitivo style.

No, they sh- no, I, I think if you're serving pasta and breadAt that clip, that fries are just too much.

[laughs]

Like, that's just too, that's just too much. If your restaurant is focused on pasta, fries feel like a real slap in the face.

Potatoes a- as a whole are, uh, feel like a redundancy in the world-

Yes

... of pasta-

Yeah, that honestly-

... and bread

... yeah. I think, is that not cra- is that fair to say? It feels not bad.

You're, it's a, it's a greed of starches.

Exactly. It's, it's too starch forward.

My debut novel.

Agreed of s- [laughs] Agreed of starches.

So af- after this, Carolyn and I are gonna go to the Gulf Stream, her favorite Hillstone property, which is-

Yes

... a nautical themed Houston's.

I think ... No, no, I went to the other one when we were there. Um-

Bandera?

Bandera. Yes, yes, yes.

Yeah, the Bandera, it doesn't really offer too much of a Latin flavor. You'd think there'd be more.

Thank God. I mean, I, I was-

You'd think it'd be a little more Juarez than Houston.

How can they make a veggie burger Latin, is the question, and I'll leave that to you. You can come back to me with some, uh, r- recipe and menu ideas when you get a chance.

We, they, they ta- their black bean burger is with brown beans. That's the only real switch up. And then the chips and guac comes with a queso.

Too easy.

Yeah, so we're gonna go down there, have too many martinis and some gulf shrimp sliders or whatever the fuck.

That's nice, though. I like the, I like the, the 5:30. We, we got-

Some stone crab biscuits.

[laughs]

[laughs]

I was la- I was really ... I was talking to [beep]. He described [laughs] he described-

[laughs]

... a band as sounding like cuckoo clocks. [laughs]

[laughs]

And I [laughs] and I just, I don't know why that really stuck with me. He said cuckoo clock ass music or something.

Bands sound like cuckoo clock- oh, do you remember what this band is?

Oh, I definitely do, but I'm not gonna repeat that here. Uh, so it was-

I'll bleep it, huh?

Uh, no, no, no, no, no. It's not worth it. I'll tell you, I'll tell you.

Okay. Wow.

But it was just-

She said off record.

But it was just a really funny ... I'm like, I gotta start describing shit like that. It's such a funny thing to say.

Cuckoo cl- yeah, well, can you think of a band, not the band that you're thinking of right now?

No, that's the thing. I can't. I, I barely even, I barely even know what it means exactly, [laughs] but I also know exactly what it means.

'Cause every, well, every hour on the hour it goes cuckoo, cuckoo, and you hear ding, bells ringing.

Sure. Sure.

Okay, hold on. What bands sound like cuckoo clocks? Okay, we got The Resident. Oh, what the fuck? Mr. Bungle.

Yeah, Mr. Bungle. That, that fe-

Mr. Bungle. Stereolab? That's, mm.

Oh, hell no.

Mouse, Mouse on Mars? I'm with it.

Okay, Mouse on Mars I'll go with. Don't, we're not coming for Stereolab, ChatGPT.

The Books, Panda Bear, Broadcast, Avalanches.

Unfortunately, this is-

Okay

... yeah, these are all bands I kinda like.

Yeah.

It's just a-

Look-

... it's a really funny thing to say. So-

There's good cuckoo and there's bad cuckoo, I've learned

... that, that's true. It's just, it, it made me really laugh that, that phra-

[laughs]

... that phrase. Like I was in-

An astute burn

... I laughed out loud. I lol'd.

Um, so yeah, when I, when I got down here for ... There's a coffee shop right next to our hotel, and it's, there's like a Korean guy from Orange County and we were talking about, you know, just Orange County guy stuff. And-

[laughs]

... I was talking about how I had to, I got to do two-

No, those, those are, those are 30 inches on my Raptor.

[laughs]

Yeah, they're ... No, it's sitting on shoes, brother.

No, they're Blads. No, they're Blads. I w- I was saying like, "Oh yeah, you know, we had, we got to do two Thanksgivings, one white people, one Asian Thanksgiving." And he was like, "Oh yeah, me too. My chick's white." He's a Korean guy. And then it was, it was a nice little flip-flop switch around, but I was wearing my Quince quarter zip when I came down, and I was like, this, I need a good like Orange County Thanksgiving uniform, and it was really hitting nicely. But I was noticing the, the trend that I saw on Twitter about like people switching the Nike Techs to the-

Yes, the, yes

... to the quarter s- quarter zips.

Central Cee, to be, to be cl- or to be clear, Central Cee, the most famous Nike Tech wearer-

Mm-hmm

... uh, has switched.

Yes, and various-

As well

... YNs across the nation are switching up as of-

Yes. It's a, it's a good, it's a good, fun trend.

It's a good, fun trend and ... But then when I got down to Orange County, it's, it's not a trend. It's like, it's-

Lifestyle?

Yeah, it's, it's ingrained. It's a civic duty to wear the quarter zip down here. It, I would feel naked without it. It was odd. So if you are considering a, a quarter zip, honestly, I mean, not doing an ad read, the Quince really is perf for me.

I can't wear ... I have a Loro Piano one, and I just don't ... I would just rather wear a regular sweater. I don't know. I've tried. I don't mind it. Um, but I j- I don't know.

You'd rather wear a DeLoro?

No, I ... No, no, no.

Oh, you, you mean you have a Loro and you don't wanna wear it?

No, I'm saying I have a Loro Piano navy blue quarter zip, which should be right in my zone, and I've worn it a few times, but I would just prefer to wear a regular crew neck or a V-neck sweater.

Could it ... Chris, be honest with me. Could it fit a little better?

Um, no, it fits great. It's just, it's just something about-

Shit

... something about the zipper m- does make it a little tighter in the chest area for some of us.

Yeah, but you wanna ... You got the titties. You wanna show them off.

I don't actually wanna show them off at all. That's the, that's the problem. I-

Huh.

No. I, I don't, I want my clothes to be loose, like ... What they call it? The girls on, on TikTok and Instagram have a word for it when they-

Th- it's called thinspo.

No, no, no, they have a word for it when they have hot bodies.

Hashtag ED?

No, they w- it's like these workout chicks that have crazy bodies, but they wear baggy shit so men can't tell.

Oh.

There's like a term, there's a term for it. There's a term for it that they use. Like, that's the hashtag they use, and then it, it'll show them like, take it off, and you're like, "Oh, shit," you know? You-

Is it like buff studs?

No, it's like hot regular chicks. It's like hot, it's like hot regular like chicks who lift vibe, and then they, but they're wearing like a giant T-shirt.

Right.

You know? And then they take it off and they have like fucking guns.

I'm looking it up.

There's a term for it.

Term for muscular women who wear baggy clothes to hide it. [laughs] Undercover muscular or stealth muscular?

Stealth. I think it's stealth. I think they're just like, "Yeah, I'm going stealth," which is not obviously original.

Sleeper build? Shorty got a sleeper build.

Sleeper build. Sleeper, sleeper build.

[laughs]

Yeah, sleeper build.

Hashtag-

Sleeper build, sleeper build

... sleeper build or hashtag shadow sculpted, hidden build-

Shadow s-

... covered powerhouse, or quiet muscle type. [laughs]

[laughs] Quiet muscle type. No, the first one. What was the-

Sleeper build sounds like my fucking like '86 Land Cruiser project.

No, sleeper build open for cave-in is what that sounds ...

[laughs]

That, that sounds a little more like that to me, but it both-

Sleeper build, Coalesce split seven-inch.

But sleeper build also it sounds like a weird, like web three-

Okay, so this, this is the type ofBodybuilding woman who has her Instagram handle airbrushed on her Jeep Wrangler

She had-- Well, she might-- She also might have a custom decal with her Instagram handle on the-

Sure, sure. Either. Or it's a, it's a, it's a die cut or it's a custom-

And if she drives a, she drives a Jeep, you know she's got hella ducks up front.

[laughs]

All the rubber duckies. The, the fucking dashboard, you can't see the dashboard.

She's ducked up. She's got a couple back covers from, for f- Women's Fitness quarterly.

[laughs] Back covers. [laughs]

She'll let the stealth bill... Yeah. That's, it's stealth, bro. I, I don't get the full cover. It's just like low-key.

I, I, I think it's good because I guess people, I guess people really do holler at each other at the gym, but as a person who's at the gym every day, I don't think I've ever seen it happen.

I've never seen it happen.

Like, I've never seen a guy just be like, "This chick's bad," on the StairMaster and go up and start talking to her. I've never seen that.

I've never seen a holler, but I've seen a lot of hovers.

Well, yeah. Yeah.

Same, same letters, rhymes. There's a lot of leering, hovering, simping.

Yeah. That's fine, though. That's, as long as you're not talk-

No, it's not fine. That's bad

... I- Talking's the worst thing you can do, though.

Yeah, I guess so.

Interrupting someone is the wor- If, if-- Interrupting someone is the worst thing that you could do at the gym, in my opinion.

My move, I knock their tripod camera over with my 45 plate, and then I act like she did it.

[laughs] Oops. Wow.

Gets things off to a good start.

You're just in my way, I guess. I did, I did, um... I was listening to Joe Budden today, and they talked about Thanksgiving for-

[laughs]

... an hour maybe. Like, about, "Oh, let me get a plate. Oh, plate this, plate that."

I love plate culture.

They love plate culture, but I'm just like, Thanksgiving is so awful, and I, I just didn't kn- I don't know. I, I don't know. I just didn't know people, like adults participated like that. I, I guess p- pe- people in our life just don't really. You know what I mean? Like, our, our peers.

Well, it, I think it, I think it depends on how much food and cooking culture is in your family because to me-

Hmm, that's a good point

... Thanksgiving food, it's sort of like the Olympics or like, it's like the Met Gala of, of cookout food or, like, soul food or... You know what I mean?

True. True, true, true.

Like, good old down-home American cooking. Like, this is the big show for your mashed potatoes and gravy and cornbread and stuffing and blah, blah, blah. You know what I mean?

Yeah. That's, that's a-

All the real shit

... that's a good point. That's a good point. I do. I mean, I have, I have the one thing I... But also I saw a story, it might have been in The New York Times, where they were talking about, like, how to deal with your different family's political views at Thanksgiving, and I was like-

[laughs]

... what year is it? Like, are we still doing that shit? Where it's like, "Oh, my fucking uncle..." Like, w- I couldn't believe it. I was like, they have, they had, like, 35 writers, like media people weighing in on how they deal with... I'm like, you guys gotta-

Like, tips and tricks on how to navigate-

You gotta be making this up

... your uncle.

You gotta be making this up. Like, that just... I, I, I don't... I come from that kind of place, and that doesn't ha- has never happened to me in my entire life. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by our best friends at BetterHelp. Jason, we're, we're deep into May, which is, uh, Mental Health Awareness Month, and this is just a reminder that whatever you're going through, you don't have to go through it alone. Life is a damn journey. Some days feel good and others feel overwhelming. Whatever's keeping you up at night, it's easy to feel like you have to figure it all out on your own. But the truth is, no one has all the answers. Well, and no journey should be alone. Having someone with you to listen, to understand, and to support you can really make all the difference.

I agree, Chris, and sometimes, you know, it, it's nice to be talking to somebody, even if they're not even listening, even if you don't even get to be in the same room with them, because what you're doing is you're admitting these things to yourself, and that's the most, that's the most rewarding thing you can do sometimes. So you can have a great little therapy sesh with your perfect therapist at BetterHelp. Choosing between over 30,000 people so you can get the right one just for you. Over six million people globally are using it and, you know, have some breakthroughs. Go on that walk after your BetterHelp sesh. You know, whatever it might be. Get a nice little lunch all for yourself. Maybe a non-alcoholic kombucha. And just think and be like, "Damn, I really am him." You don't have to be on this journey alone. Find support and have somebody with you in therapy. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com/howlong. That is betterH-E-L-P.com/howlong.

What is a Revolve, Man, Jason? It's... Oh, funny you ask.

What's a Revolve, Man?

It's a r- a place where guys who care about how they look go to shop. Revolve, Man is stocked with only the elevated essentials and trend-forward styles from brands like Polo, Ralph Lauren, Solomon, Fear of God essentials for our hoopers out there, and more. It's not fast fashion and it's not stuffy. It's the sweet spot between looking intentional and not looking like you tried too hard. That's what we're all trying to accomplish out here, Jason. New arrivals drop twice a week with free two-day shipping and next-day options. Plus, returns are genuinely easy.

Genuinely, yeah. It's one of those things. We're all busy. Let's say we got an important dinner coming up at the end of the week. It's Tuesday. You're working every single day. You don't have time to go shopping and try clothes on and blah, blah, blah, or even just browse. You know, Revolve, it's all there. It's all curated for what you want, and then you click buy, you go to bed. Couple days later, that shows up in packaging that's a little nicer than y- the other places you're buying clothes from, and you've got a nice look for the big night out. And then you're like, "Wait a minute, I don't even have to return this because I enjoy this clothing and I wanna wear it again another time," versus all those dumb other websites. So whether it's a big night out, a wedding, a trip, or you just need something last-minute that actually works, Revolve, Man always has it. Go to revolveman.com/howlong to shop and use code HOWLONG for 15% off your order. Free two-day shipping, easy returns. It just makes everything easier. That is revolve.com/howlong and use the promo code HOWLONG to get 15% off your entire order. Offer ends soon. Don't sleep on it. And you don't need clothes, too. You can get just, you know, a cool candle or an incense gift for a baby shower. Whatever it is, revolve.com/howlongNo, it's, it's never... I don't know, but it, it really does feel, like you said, is it, is this still happening? It, it reminds me of, like, antiquated, like, '70s sitcom story tropes. Like, oh, the, the boss is coming over for dinner and, uh, my souffle deflated or, you know-

[laughs] Yeah

... like, it's a disaster.

Ooh la la.

Like, oh my God, my, my uncle is coming to the dinner table and he doesn't like gay people, and I'm bringing my boyfriend for the first time. Like, I don't think that stuff really happens anymore realistically in 2025.

I just think there's no surprises because your uncle follows you on Instagram and knows that you-

[laughs]

... have a fucking septum piercing and wear a skirt. You know, it's not, it's not cra- It's, like, it's just... There's nowhere to... There- How could you surprise any family member, I guess?

Yeah.

But I think that... I, I don't know. I just, I-

And you could just sit on your phone for 45 minutes and then go to your room, and, you know, it's, it's not like the old days where you really had to sit there and take it.

That, that's ha- That's another thing. You have an escape is what you're saying.

Mm-hmm.

That's what I do too, bro. You kidding me? When I get really co-

And the ra- the, the racist uncle that you're worried about is gonna be on Facebook on his phone at the dinner table anyways. It's not a big deal, guys.

Dude, there's nothing, nothing better than looking over at the racist uncle and seeing his, his font on 150 looking at-

[laughs]

... looking at, like... I saw a guy on the plane, this kills me every... I've seen this, like, kind of a lot actually, where he's got the iPad and it's zoomed in huge and he's reading-

[laughs]

... uh, the New York Post digital edition front to back.

[laughs] Front to back.

And I'm just like, dude, this... I know that you think this is... Th- this is making you dumber.

[laughs]

You know what I... I think, I think reading New York Po- reading anything but page six and the front page is making you dumber, especially at that font size.

R- right, right, like r- like reading the real stories being written in that will only do harm.

Yeah. There's no upside to that. Like, there's, there's zero, zero upside. You'd be better off reading, like, just headlines from any other newspaper.

Hey, some people wanna be radicalized, man.

I get it.

Fuck it.

I get it.

Yeah.

I saw that friend of the show Kai Gerber has switched up her, um, relationship status.

Hmm. Mm-hmm.

I don't know if you heard about this. She broke up with Lewis Pullman, and now she's dating a guy named Homer-

Hmm

... who is Richard Gere's son.

Yeah. I th- I'm pretty sure he's on Carolyn's radar.

Wasn't Cindy Crawford... Didn't-

Oh.

Like, didn't Cindy Crawford date Richard Gere or maybe marry Richard Gere?

Damn, is it, like, is that your cousin type shit?

It's pretty sick. She's... Between her and Zoë-

Kai Gerber's the bratty step-sis?

Between, between fucking Kai Gerber and Zoë Kravitz, like, women are eating. No Thanksgiving.

[laughs]

Like, they are get- These, these chicks are doing whatever they want, and they're making us look like clowns, and I like it.

We're not clowns. We're, we're boy toys.

That's fine. I, that's fine. I mean, if, uh, like, Harry Styles walking around-

Yeah, let a, let a golden retriever play fetch, you know what I mean?

Oh. Yeah, I do. I do. I just saw that and I was like, wait a second, that's, like, really extreme. But-

[laughs]

... if love is calling.

Look, when you're at the top, why not? You know what I mean?

It's true. No, that's true. They find each other.

You go to the Delta One lounge, you're gonna get the caviar.

How many people tagged you in that, that lounge-

[laughs]

... New Yorker article?

So yeah, the New Yorker had a, an article about just lounges. Um, a lot of people sent it to me saying like, "Yo, you gotta talk about this on the podcast," but I don't really think there was much to talk about that we haven't already talked about.

It was, it was pretty... The, I didn't know the history of, like, why-

It was, it was well-written. Whoever wrote it, I was like, I like this person's style of writing. You know? It was fun to read.

I didn't know, I didn't know, I didn't know the history of the, the lounge. Like, I didn't know that it started, like, as an invite-only... I, I just didn't realize the history of it.

Way it should be.

I guess. And, and now it's just a scam for credit card companies. But I did like how he ate, like, all... He just did everything at all of them, which is, I know that's your job, but it's also disgusting.

The thing that, that struck me, that, or that upset me the most was talking about a guy, I forgot, it was somewhere in Asia maybe or-

Oh, the guy, the guy that went to them-

... I wasn't sure but he-

... for like f- a month straight?

He sc- yeah, he s- he, like, scammed the system on a loophole. He missed a flight and went from lounge to lounge to lounge in the same airport for 18 days, um, just, like, living at the airport. And then, which is, like, one of those, like, catch me if you can, like, oh, you got me this time, like, you got a free fucking-

Yeah

... charcuterie plate and a iced tea. But they fucking threw the guy in jail and charged him with fraud.

I know. That-

Just, just for, like, hopping around at the, at the lounge.

Like-

That seems so excessive

... eating a free turkey sandwich shouldn't land you in jail.

No. But also, if it was in, like, Singapore or something like that where the laws can be a little more harsh.

Yeah, that's true. It definitely-

You know?

It definitely was in a country where the laws are har- That would never happen in America.

No.

That, they would think it was funny and then he-

No, in America, they're like, "Dude, will you pose for a selfie with me?"

[laughs] He'll go t- he'll go on Good Morning America-

[laughs]

... with Al Roker and have a good old time.

How'd you do it? Wow.

I did, I did find that story pretty inter- I mean, I think that the whole, like, the way that it's just a battle for credit cards and that whole, you know, and that airline blah, blah, blah, I think it is, it is pretty interesting-

Yeah

... because they're gonna keep... Like, because it's so mass and they're so popular, it can never actually be that nice. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah. Mm-hmm.

And I think that's the, that's the struggle, is, like, how do you keep elevating it when it can never be that nice because it's, there's just so much foot traffic alone, it can't feel that good, you know?

Yeah.

I mean, even Delta One lou- Delta One is fucking popping. Those lounges are packed.

Yeah.

Like, it's hard to find a seat.

And they're packed full of people who do not look like they can afford a $8,000 flight.

Well, that's because the people that can afford an $8,000 flight don't wanna look like they can afford an $8,000 flight, which I respect.

Yeah, I guess so.

But I also think it's, I mean, it's also-

You can, you can usually sniff it on them, though.

It's business travel, though. It's people not paying for it themselves.

That's true.

I mean, that's, I think it says that in the story too, that, like, those tickets, like-

Yeah, but look like they're busine- they're traveling because they're a fucking librarian or something.

No, I mean, the real... Yeah, I mean, you see guys-

Not like they own fucking Jimmy Johns.

I love it when I see a con- a guy with, like, a hard hat-You know, like the guy that brings his own hard hat for ... 'Cause he's like that high up at the construction company.

[laughs]

I always, I find that to be aspirational in some way.

Sitting in D1.

It's so cool. It's so cool. But yeah.

Perks of the job.

I just didn't, yeah, I just didn't realize, um, I didn't realize some of the initial stuff, but I wonder how much, how f- much further it can be taken at this point.

D- yeah, I mean, it, it's one of those things, like, 'cause, uh, the Delta classes, instead of adding Delta 2 or whatever, Delta Clear or whatever is above Delta 1, they just start breaking the other categories up into subcategories, Classic and Extra. So now instead, they're like, "It's, it's the same footlong sandwich, it's just in 12 bites instead of-"

[laughs]

"... cut in half." You know what I mean? So they're, they're making it look like it's more, but like, what do you do? Is it just like you, you bought a Delta 1 ticket and our concierge, like our headhunter or PR person or social media correspondent, whatever, or do we use AI to decide who gets to have access to the Delta 2 lounge?

I, I, I think they're gonna keep, I think it's, it's the-

Because it can't just be money, I think.

Uh, well, I think it's gonna start being ... It's, no, they're just gonna start giving more and more shit you don't want. Like, I don't, like, I don't care if John and Vinny's made the meatballs. Like, it's gonna be more of that. Like, oh-

That's nice.

It isn't though. It isn't, because it's all, because when you're in that environment, it's never gonna feel like it should feel. It might taste pretty good.

No, it never feels the way it should be, feel, but even if it is, like, um, just a full placebo effect, psychosomatic, it, this is same exact food, but it just straps on the John and Vinny's name on the menu, it still makes it 10% more enjoyable.

Do you think that, do you think that because of, like, contracts with, with providers that the, the actual ingredients and all ... All, I think all the ingredients in all the food at the airport are coming from the same place, correct?

I don't know. I, I wi- I normally would think that with, like, crazy unions and restrictions and that's what has to happen, but I know that, like, on some of the flight, the Delta flights, it's like, "This is Cookbook granola." So I think some things-

I j- I mean more like a-

Or maybe, I mean, is it possible that they're using ingredients from the airport-

That's, that's what w-

... thingy and then making the granola? Ugh, I shudder to think.

They have to, because there's no ... I mean, it's like if you own-

Because if I worked at Cookbook, I could put some fucking C4 and fentanyl and bullets and shit inside the granola and sneak it in through the homie and serve it to the fucking-

No, they're not, that's all fake

... Al-Qaeda front runner.

There's, there's no way. There's no way.

Like, "Here's your bullet, sir." And then he puts in his 3D-printed gun and-

There's no way. Because-

Boom.

Because also if you own, if, if, like, when airports have, like, small b- small businesses in the airport, you know, like a bookstore, a coffee shop or whatever to make it feel, like, local, those are operated by the airport. Like, you don't get to hire-

No

... like, so it's gotta ... There's no-

The Moose Lounge book- bookstore in Minnesota Airport is a- is not real?

But I just, I ... No, I'm saying it's real, but if you can't hire-

[laughs]

... your own people, then they're, they're definitely not letting you bring in your own potatoes to make the french fries taste better. There's no fucking way.

Do you think the Barry's instructors are just, like, random people that also work at Shake Shack?

Maybe.

[laughs]

Maybe. Anything's possible.

I'm, there's not a Barry's at the airport, but could you imagine?

No. But the Juice Press, like, the Juice Press at LaGuardia is bad because the employees are bad and they don't care how ... You know what I mean? They don't know how to make a smoothie.

They're like, "It's the same recipe as Juice Press, we just use fucked up carrots, bro."

They, they use bad stuff, but they also, it's not made with love. You can feel that, you know what I mean?

Ooh, it doesn't have that JP soul.

It doesn't, yeah, that's, yeah, that's, yeah. [laughs]

It's like JP Smooth's cousin.

[laughs] It doesn't have the soul, but it really is.

[laughs]

It's, it makes it, I think it makes-

Damn, you're talking like me. Mm.

No, I-

It doesn't have the soul in it.

No, I just think a smoothie, I, I think that smoothies have to be th- I told the guy at my local Equinox, I was like, "Bro, I gotta tell you something. You're the, you're the GOAT of this shit at this location. Your, your shit is thick."

You're the GOAT of this shit, meaning making my smoothie?

Yes. I was like, "I want you to know that you're the, by far, the best," because did I tell you that my, did I tell you that the Equinox in Tribeca was, they were out of bananas for three days in a row? [laughs]

Jesus fucking Christ.

And I was like, I was like, "What do you mean you're out of bananas?" They're like, "We're out of bananas." I'm like, "Well, what..." They're like, "So we can't make any smo-" I'm like, "Well, then why are you-"

One of the mo- most ubiquitous-

I was like, "Why are you even open then?"

... food items on the planet.

And they're like, "Our bo- our boss is making us." And I was like, "Well, why don't you just go to the bodega and get some bananas?" And they're like, "We can't do that." And I was like, "All right, well..." And I came back the next... I was like, they could tell I was, they were so annoyed that I was being... I just was like, "This is too unbelievable. This feels fake."

Yeah. I mean, back when, back when we were teens working in the smoothie shop and you run out of bananas, your 19-year-old manager says, "Go to fucking Ralphs and get-"

Yeah

"... a case of bananas, bro."

I mean, you see it in New York all the time. You see, like, guys from restaurants buying fucking 60 b-

Mm-hmm

... you know, 60 cans of beans or whatever at Whole Foods 'cause they need them, and the, the delivery-

Yeah, we're all, "We ran out of butter."

Yeah, it's-

But yeah, but nowadays, you know, everyone's just like, "I have, I have, if I, if there's not a button for what you just asked me on my iPad, I have to shut down physically and mentally."

[laughs] Jesus.

You know what I mean? Like, there's no protocol for that. Uh-uh.

I saw somebody talking about how their, their coffee shop didn't do, like, Starbucks style, like mobile ordering.

[laughs]

And like, the, the person that owned it was like, "Yeah, I'm not gonna..." They're like, "If I, if I start allowing that, then you'll never ha- te- telling this person you'll never have another conversation with a human being if I don't fucking-"

[laughs]

"... if I fucking, if I succumb to the pressure, then you're ne- you're gonna, I'm gonna stunt your growth and many people like you."

He's doing it for him. He just wants to talk.

You gotta stand up.

Um.

You gotta stand up for it.

I, I have a... We were, we were hiking this morning, top of the world, beautiful hike up there, but there was, it's like a big mountain biking spot, and there's a lot of kinda like rich Orange County dad cosplaying as, like, mountain biker types of guys. And I, I was thinking, like, once you, once you buy a, a shirt for mountain biking, like once your T-shirt isn't good enough for mountain biking, that's when you know you've sort of crossed over.Into the nether region, you know what I mean?

Like a-

Like, you can't ride a mountain bike in the park with your son without wearing, like, a dry fit jersey

But is the spandex ... Does ... Well, this is how I feel about the running vest. And if I talk to any-

[laughs]

... of my real runners, they're like, "Bro, if you're running in the city, you don't need a vest with gels and six water bottles to do eight miles."

Right.

Like, you don't need that. Like, you think it looks cool, which is fine, but you don't need it. The same way if you're a rich guy in Orange County mountain biking on the weekends with your friends, you probably don't need the most technical gear that is available to you.

Right. But you're doing it so you can have a w- something to post-

Yeah

... with your meta glasses kind of vibe, you know? It's not because you're like, "I'm really trying to get my, like, jumps good."

[laughs]

"I'm not trying to, like, barrel this new fucking gnarly drop-off."

Trying to get my jumps good.

It's like I got this new 360 drone and it's gonna follow me, and then I could upload it. It, it feels like that. But, um, we were, we were sitting. We had a little continental breakfast, like, at the hotel kind of vibe, and there was ... Uh, the room next to us were a family from Ohio, and they were, like, I don't know, I guess obviously on vacation, visiting. But they woke up at, like, 6:00 AM to get coffee, and were, like, super loud by our door and woke us up, and we were kinda pissed off. And then we go. We're sitting down at the little breakfast area, and then they sit next to us again. All this loud talk. Like, Midwestern people really be talking. But one of them, there's two dogs. They both had these golden retrievers, and they're, like, super well-trained and have dumb names and shit. And the mom asks the dog super loud, "Did mommy give you eggies?"

[laughs]

After her daughter f- feeds a, a, a soft-boiled egg to this dog.

Oh.

And, and Carolyn and I, I just couldn't control my laughter.

[laughs]

And I, I've c- I've just been repeating, "Did mommy give you eggies?" in my mind all day.

That should be punishable by law.

[laughs]

Like, that's fucking crazy. Dogs, there's dogs in casinos. I didn't know you could bring a dog to a casino.

[laughs]

People walking around with a fucking dog in a casino is so crazy to me.

I know. We need to get away from our dogs. We need to get away from our bad stuff as well as our good stuff. I, I think we-

But I think, I think it's-

... need to get away from our good stuff more than the bad stuff

No offense to our Ohio listeners, but I think if you're from Ohio, having a dog is all you got, you know?

[laughs]

It's, there's not m- I mean, there's not ... You know, I, it's-

No offense taken there. I get it.

Shout out to Cleveland. You know, shout out to Cincinnati. Of course, they've given us so much great stuff, but-

I flew to Columbus on Southwest.

Uh, yeah, Columbus. How could I forget?

[laughs]

Great, a g- the great state of Ohio.

The great state of Ohio. [laughs]

Um, but I, I just don't think that ... I, I don't think there's much action there, so if you don't have a golden retriever, what's the purpose of living, really?

Football. College football and dog ownership, I guess.

That's ... The ... College football is the Ohio State University, which we taught you about the other day.

I was l- yeah, I learned. I was, I learned a- about the, the Ohio college football shit is really no joke.

The-

It, it, it's like an infection-

I know. It's ... I... Who-

... that gets into the skin

Who were we talking about that with? Who was telling, who was saying that and I got it?

We were talking about it on, on the pod, the last pod. Or one before that? I don't remember.

It, it was definitely, it was definitely not the podcast with Maddy Diaz or Haley Benton Gates. [laughs]

But we did say the Ohio State. I, I feel like it was very recently, but-

It was recently

... I don't think we would discuss college football with either of those women.

No, I don't think so either. I don't think so either.

Just saying.

But m- who knows?

I, I like getting away from, you know, just whatever. Getting away from the screens on vacay.

Dude, LA's fucking cr- LA's fucking crazy, bro.

[laughs]

I had to come down to Orange County, brick up, and just kinda, like-

Brick up?

You know.

But Orange County is, like, bricking your life, though. You know what I mean? Like, you, you have to-

Yeah, you brick your life. You don't have to be around anybody that's not white. It's, it's so sick. [laughs]

[laughs]

That's, that's exactly what Orange County-

No. No, no, no. L- Laguna Beach has a very strong Indian population.

I, I know that from ... I, I do know that, but I-

Did you?

Yeah, because when we stayed at the, um, the Ritz there, they, they had all these weddings, and there was a great Indian restaurant in the hotel.

Oh.

And I was like, "What's up? Why, this is such an interesting choice." And they're like, "Oh, no. It's, like, a big ... This is huge in the Indian community. This is, like, a hotspot." I was like, "Oh, I had no idea."

Yeah.

Restaurant was banging.

I guess b- because, like, w- I was thinking about it earlier because w- I would come here when we were teens and go to the, the Krishna temple.

Of course.

You know, which is, you know, In- Indian adjacent, whatever. And I'd, and I was like, "So why do Indian people love Laguna Beach?" And I feel like they're ... Indian people are a very meditative, you know-

Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's true

... serene-

Yeah, yeah

... spiritual person, and it's definitely the most meditative city in Orange County. It, you know, it's very ... We're reflecting by the sea, and we're eating fresh produce and vegetables and lentils and-

Mm

... praying to God and meditating and-

Nothing I want-

... all that stuff

... nothing I want more than to pray to God and have a hot bowl of lentils.

[laughs]

That sounds fucking, that sounds great. I have to go ... When I get back, I have to go to ... Um, well, I don't have to. I'm going to. I'm lucky enough to go to Chicago on Tuesday.

Ooh, lucky.

And-

It's gonna be so warm

... 'cause Snow Cap- Snow Caps are touring, and I haven't seen ... I'm not, I'm gonna miss New York-

Mm

... and LA, so I, I have to go to one of the shows. And I, yet, but I didn't realize it was snowing in Chicago. Somebody's like, "Oh, it's gonna be cold." I was like, "Yeah, whatever." I didn't realize it had snowed anywhere yet. I feel like it's been so warm.

You haven't been watching football games, bro? It's snowing out there.

I, it's been, it's been so warm in New York. It hasn't even been, like, serious jacket weather yet. So I've been kind of out of the, out of the zone. I'm not-

Yeah, I get it, bro.

I don't wanna have to wear a jacket, bro.

It's happening now. Uh, uh, do you have a snowshoe for this season?

No.

What's it gonna be?

I wear the same ... If it's really snowing, I wear those Salomon cross-country, the z- 'cause they zip up the front.

Mm.

And they're fully, fully waterproof. Those are my number ones. I got the Nike Stussy boots, which I really like, but they're a little, they're suede on them, so that's tough.

Do you have a more formal-

No

... w- winter moment?

No.

No?

I don't, I, I don'tWhat is a formal winter boot for snow?

[laughs]

I mean, I guess like a Danner, like a hiking boot, like a-

If you have to go to a wedding at The Grill in the snow, what you gonna do?

Oh, I'm gonna, I'm gonna wear Belgian loafers and then figure it out. I'm not wearing a snow ... I mean, Morha-

That is sexy. Go off.

Morjas makes a really cool Alpine boot that zips up the front. I've looked at a few. I mean, the classic Red Wing is probably the best if you wanna just-

Mm

... like rock with it. You know what I mean?

Yeah, I guess I always wondered like what does Mr. Big on Sex and the City wear when it snows, or does it just not snow on SATC?

Well, no. When you ... No, no, when you have a driver, you can still wear your-

Right

... your fucking John Lobb lace-ups to the office.

They ... The, the sidewalks are heated in front of Epstein's house.

But, but maybe [laughs] yeah, maybe, yeah, maybe.

[laughs]

Maybe. But maybe it m- ... I don't ... You know, this is a tough question. I, I ... 'Cause I, I don't wear ... Yeah, I don't know. I, I really like the Salomon ones 'cause they work so well.

Yeah.

But you're right, they're, they're not, they're not appropriate for every situation.

What do you think about, um ... I, I've been reading Thanksgiving stuff about how this was the year where we're moving away from drunk Thanksgiving, like I'm gonna get wasted to tolerate my relatives. And now it's moved on to marijuana to tolerate my relatives. Is this better or worse? Is it neutral?

I mean, that's what society has been doing for the last five years in every facet.

The coz- the cousin walk has finally reached mainstream.

If I have ... Dude, if I have to hear about the fucking cousin walk one more time.

What's worse, plug, plug walk or cousin walk?

C- cousin walk. Nothing is funny about it. Nothing is clever about it. It's also not a real thing. Like I, I don't think that like ... I don't know. My cousins didn't ever smoke with me, so I was, I was smoking alone.

[laughs] Yeah, 'cause I feel like alcohol is something that brings people together, and I think marijuana is maybe a little more, you know, I'm going inward kind of vibe. You know? I'm becoming a perhaps less social-

I think for some people, I think-

... after my, after my cuz walk.

Yeah. I, I mean, the thought of-

But then if my cousin and I put a little fucking Tito's in the Martinelli's and we get a little twisted, then, you know-

Let me, let me-

... maybe we become a little more friendly

... let me suggest something that would probably be better for everybody. How about a coke walk?

[laughs]

Do a couple bumps with your cousin. You come back, you're chatting to grandma.

[laughs]

You're chatting to your a- everybody's getting along.

We go over to the little, the, the f- the park that has one half court.

[laughs] Yes.

And some of the old people workout thingies. And then you go over there and just a couple little tooters.

Just do a li- just do a line in the, in the-

Whose iPhone are we gonna do?

But honestly, I think this is a good idea. If you're gonna do any drug at Thanksgiving, first of all coke is gonna make you eat less, which is great.

Overeating is unavoidable on Thanksgiving until the coke walk.

Do a coke walk. Do, do a couple bumps. If you're ... I mean, I don't think a lot of people have cousins that cool. I, I like my cousins quite a lot, but I don't think they would do a bump with me even in my headiest days.

[laughs]

I've done coke at Thanksgiving though for sure.

Really?

Fuck yeah.

Do a bump with me. Come on now.

I've done a couple ... Yeah. I mean, I, I just ... At certain points it's like this is just another night, you know?

[laughs]

I'm gonna go out afterward. Especially on blackout Wednesday, you know, 'cause you're going out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

You're going out after. Like at Thanksgiving Day I think bars would open in Atlanta. I think a bar would open at like 5:00.

So we're ... I'm like so hurting from blackout Wednesdays and then I need a bump just to make it to Thanksgiving for my 3:00 PM dinner, right?

I remember having some like Roxies, like the little blue, and just one Thanksgiving just getting fu- I was just ... My parents, I was scratching my legs so much they fucking-

[laughs]

... they must've thought I had a disease. [laughs]

Oh, he loves the stuffing. Get him some more of that.

I was, I was stuffed all night.

He's itching for it.

I was fucking stuffed. I was fucking-

Stuff both nostrils?

I was having, I was having the time of my fucking life. But yeah, I've definitely ... I've done coke at a Christmas thing too. Yeah. I, I just ... These are just parties. Let's like really break it down.

Yeah.

Is your family-

There, there's a difference between a party and a party where all of your family is hanging out at.

Who gives a fuck? I, I ... M- family, fa-

I will say one ... Paranoid cokeheads give a fuck.

Let me tell you something right now. At least in my family, I don't think ... I bet I might be the ... I bet there's one other person at Thanksgiving dinner that's done cocaine in their entire life.

You're ... So okay, so you show up yeeted off of-

No, I'm not showing up yeeted. I'm, I'm gonna eat a little bit first, excuse myself.

Okay.

Do a couple.

I mean, you always have to eat before you show up to a public dinner. It's unbecoming to eat.

Of course. Yeah, you can't eat on camera.

Especially as a woman, but it's still tough for you.

That's ... [laughs] Yeah. I'm closer to a woman.

[laughs]

Yeah. Yeah. I just-

Get a good base and then yeet. So your, your family is like, "Oh, Chris must have had an extra shot in his, uh, in his latte today," or something.

Yeah. I don't think that-

"He's a little, he's a little hyper and his teeth-"

And like if-

"... are a little chattery."

Like unless your family is really about it, I don't think they're gonna catch on to you doing a couple bumps is what I'm saying. Whereas if you're, if you're stoned everybody knows because it smells.

Mm-hmm.

Your eyes are low.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Giggling. You're yeet. It's a dead giveaway. Coke is the al- is the best, the best holiday drug I would say.

Yeah. You're coked up, but then I guess both the coke and the weed at Thanksgiving, both of you guys are gonna forget to drink water and then drink all of your water in one sip and they're gonna be like, "Something's going on with him."

No. You could just be thirsty. That's fine. The, the, the stuffing was a little salty this year.

How many times have you had a, a cocaine water sip where you ... the whole bottle in one?

Oh, [laughs] yeah. It's-

Straight down.

That's next day usually.

Yeah, okay. Okay.

That's like, that's like after a night, after busting down a ball with the homies. Sometimes you can wake up-

[laughs]

... and that Poland Springs is, it go, it disappears.

Busting down a ball.

[laughs]

He was on a sick one, fool. The mad ball.

[laughs] Yeah. You gotta take down the Poland Springs. And nothing bet-

Mm

... nothing better 'cause the Poland Springs, the plastic doesn't have the thickness of a Fiji. So you can kinda, it kinda crumples as you're ... Like it's-

Like a Marvis tube.

It's a satisfying, it's a satisfying ... When you're really sucking it down-

Mm-hmm

... it's a satisfying feeling.

Because when you're, when you're, when you have cocaine running through your thick veins, you wanna squeeze and you don't wanna let go, do you?

You're telling me, bro.

[laughs]

Oh, baby.

Mm-hmm.

Oh my goodness. Well, Thanksgiving rocks

Let me think

Maybe I'm, maybe I'm back. Maybe I like Thanksgiving now.

Okay. Thanksgiving, the, it, it, once you don't make it about food, the-

Yeah

... the doors open up.

I, I completely agree with you. I completely agree with you.

Okay, beautiful. Well, um, it's time for us to go eat our meals now, Chris.

Let's go eat our meals. Uh, How Long Gone, we're back next week. Got some, we got some fun ones next week actually.

Oh, do we?

Yeah, we do. Yeah, we do.

I forgot. Who... Is it we got OPN?

Yeah, and, and Roddy.

Oh yeah, it's gonna be just the lads. December with the lads.

December with the lads. Um, yeah, How Long Gone, thank you for listening. We're back with more podcast next week. Uh, Happy Thanksgiving to all you fucking turkeys out there, and, um, run your game.

We're getting ready for holiday party season, bro. The calendar's filling up. I can already feel myself gaining weight. It sucks.

It's sick, 'cause I don't have any... I'm going, I'm literally going to Japan the week of the holiday parties.

Are you?

I'm kind of... By, yeah, by no... I just didn't-

Right, right, right

... plan it that way, but I'm, I'm realizing that now.

Wow.

Which is fine with me.

So this is like going to Charlie's wedding during Fashion Week. It's like, "Ugh, what am I gonna do?"

It's... I'll be fine. I'll be fine.

Okay, Chris.

Uh-

Well, thank you. Um, thank you guys for listening. I hope everyone had a dope holiday. Let's get back to it. Monday we're gonna grind. We're gonna fucking kick ass, okay? Love you guys. Bye. [upbeat music]

Now at Bakers, your points go even further. Use them your way to take dollars off groceries at checkout or save at the pump. Same points, more choices. And with low prices on fresh quality food, plus digital and personalized offers tailored to how you shop, it all adds up to more ways to save. Because we know every dollar matters. That's why we're committed to making every shopping trip work harder for you. Bakers, fresh for everyone