871. - Chris & Jason

All right, uh, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Stateside with Kai and Carter, a new podcast from The Guardian, and they are using this podcast to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions that we all have about what's happening in the world, and they do it three times a week. Jason, does that sound familiar to you?

We don't really talk about, you know, a lot of international global news items and climates and cultures and sports and things like that. We do talk about fashion and wellness, but for everything else, Kai and Carter are a great place.

All right, so who couldn't use more news? Listen wherever you get your podcasts or watch on YouTube. [upbeat music] How Long Gone, are you fucking ready? It's a Sunday in New York City. Jason and I are in the Nine Orchard Hotel over here in beautiful, iconic Dime Square.

Iconic.

That's what they say about it. I, I mean, I could take it or leave it, of course, but I do find myself here pretty often.

I have a view of both... I have the Dime Square on this side, and then over here it's another street. What is that?

I, I don't-

The big... It's a main thoroughfare?

I don't know. [laughs] I didn't look. [laughs]

[laughs]

I, I don't know where this room is positioned. I apologize for that.

Why didn't you admire my view?

I'm sorry, 'cause it's... I was focused.

Fellas, is it gay to admire your view?

[laughs] Yo, he came in, right, and then you start looking at the view?

I guess it depends on what your view is a view of.

[laughs]

Right? Am I right? You know?

That's actually facts. Facts.

My view is dick.

[laughs]

Um, yeah, I'm... We've... Uh, I w- I was saying it yesterday or we were discussing yesterday, our social battery, running on E, bruh.

I'm so excited to get on a flight tonight alone-

[laughs]

... and just not have to talk to anyone.

Where are you going?

London.

[laughs] My word.

This is what happened. This is when I had the whole issue this week.

We got London on the track.

We got London on the track.

Okay, so tonight-

Yeah

... b- b-back it up. You go... GQ's Man of the Year.

Yeah.

You show up Wednesday.

Yeah.

So we can get into the table read, into the writers' room. We go in, they give us gold. We turn it into platinum.

[laughs]

Don't we? [laughs]

Yeah, yeah. That's exactly what happened.

Yeah, yeah, we take... We, we take their magic and we give it a spit shine and, and add-

I think they were a little put off that we brought our own red Sharpies, um, but-

Yeah, the-

... they seemed to be fine in the end.

The, the person who was the, the head writer, she came up to me at the after party when I was downright tipsy and she was like, "You really had a lot of notes on that." [laughs]

[laughs]

But like, but that, that's the problem. It's like I've never been in a writer's room, so it felt official. I mean, these are real people, real producers. We had a, a three-ring binder with our name on it, and run of shows and color-coded documents, and it was very official. So I was like, I'm, I'm acting like somebody who would act in a writer's room. I, I don't wanna just sit there and be like, "Sounds good."

I don't think that-

But then you also don't wanna have too much feedback because then you look like a-

I just am like-

... annoying person

... we wa- I just also am like, I'm gonna ask these questions or I might not, so I don't really care.

[laughs]

Like I'm just saying like if it goes another direction-

Right, right, right

... like I'm not worried about if these are so good or not because-

Right

... I think we'll be able to-

That's the-

... handle it, I guess, is what I'm saying

... as a master improviser, you're not married to the notes.

I'm not married to it, but I'm also a little bit... And I know this is necessary and I understand it's how... But the binder, all this shit, I'm like, all right, dude.

[laughs]

Like, it's just like this shit is gonna be on a teleprompter, right? All right, I'm good to go.

Do you think that's because everyone needs a job and that's just the way things are done, so that's the way we do them?

I think it's necessary when you're making like a TV... Like when you're really doing something, I think it's very necessary.

Mm-hmm.

I, I think it's like... I, I guess what I'm saying is the idea was that we would take those binders full of women back to our room.

Binders full of women?

Yeah, that's a, that's a...

[laughs]

They'll know. So you take the binder, you take the binder with all the, the script back to your room and you're s- and you're gonna study it?

[laughs]

Is that... You know what I mean? Like what is it actually for?

I don't even know where mine was or wha... As soon as we left I just got up and, and left and I never looked at it again. W- and w- binders full of women, you said they'll get it, they meaning the audience who's listening to this?

Binders full of women is a reference to... God, I'm blanking on it now. It's, it's a reference to like a political thing where somebody said he had binders full of women, and I'm blanking on who did it.

It's okay, it's okay. Um, binders full of women. I'm gonna look it up right now.

I don't remember.

Binders full of women.

It's not Epstein shit. It's pre that, I think.

Don't talk.

I'm s-

I'm doing my voice to text.

Sorry.

It was Mitt Romney.

Oh, it was Big Mitt.

October 2012 during the second presidential debate.

Can you be... C- can you imagine being named after a baseball glove? [laughs] That shit's crazy.

[laughs]

[laughs] And he's, he looks so presidential, but then this motherfucker's name is Mitt. I'm sure that's like some WASP shit that's like a nickname for something like Mitchell, you know?

Mitt is a very WASPy fucking name.

I just, all I could think about, this motherfucker look like Rawlings. Um-

[laughs]

Yeah, so we did our read.

[laughs]

And then, uh-

We did our read. We got to y- and you got to stay at the, at the Chateau. We, we had a room as well, but I'm not gonna stay there when I live in the city.

It's too, it's too an- it's too annoying.

The Chateau Marmont is better than my house overall, just in terms of history at the very least.

Sure.

As well as square footage, et cetera, et cetera. We don't have a pool. But, um, you know, famously the rooms there-

No, the r- no, it's not the-

... leave much to... Well-

The rooms are nice

... in some of the rooms

... where we are is not nice. That, that's-

Look, we were in the hotel.

No, we weren't. We were in the bungalows. It's very different than being in the hotel.

But it's, I mean, it's on the property. I, I have a-

But I'm telling you, I'm telling you the room quality is different.

I know that, for sure.

But, well, it just feels like you're camping.

Yeah, I guess so.

Versus... You know what I mean? Which is ni- if it's summer and you're right there next to the pool, it's sick.

Yeah, yeah, true.

I think when it's... Well, I guess the weather was fine. It wasn't that bad.

Look, we had a lot of hardships at the Chateau, didn't we? [laughs]

Yeah, I was hurting. I was really hurting. Uh, the... Well, the real-I, no, I didn't have any issues actually. It was, it was all good.

Beautiful. Good.

I'm just trying to think if I found any issues.

You got up, Alex had some Pilates. You, we walked around. We did a fitting.

It was a nice... Yeah, we did [laughs] yeah. We did a fitting and left with our own clothes.

Had to say-

Although I'm, I'm des-

No to the Buck Mason V-neck today, guys

... I'm desperate to get the Hermès leather pants that fit, because I do quite like them.

Yeah, I bet you do.

I did, but there was, there was one pair that was black that's obviously cool, and they, then they made a, a strange gray color. I'm just like-

Mm

... I don't know about gray leather pants.

Who's gonna wear a gray leather pant? Not even Shaboozey could pull it off.

Oh, I heard some rumors yesterday. Shaboozey and SZA.

Really?

Yeah.

Wow.

Low-key.

Save a horse, ride a cowboy.

He's been beating for a minute is what they say.

Really?

Yeah.

Interesting. I see it.

I heard another rumor yesterday too.

Oh, wow.

Jordan First-

Dunwa ass over here

... Jo- Jordan Firstman and Josh Hutcherson smashing.

Who's Josh Hutcherson?

The guy from the fucking show that was in The Hunger Games. The guy that's in Rachel's show.

Oh.

The whole, the whole cast was, like, kissing.

They were, they were kissing in slow motion-

But then people were like-

... red carpet

... "They did it three times. [laughs] Why did they do that?" And then gay Twitter was saying low-key-

Gay Twitter. [laughs]

... that's what's been going on. Not that I'm on gay Twitter at all, but I, you know, somehow it my FYP.

Someone, uh, uh, it's like-

These are all just obviously unconfirmed rumors, but.

This, y- a very similar defense to the, the congressman who was caught looking at, quote-unquote, "pornography" on an airplane all day long. And a rock solid defense saying like, "Bro, that's my FYP on Twitter."

[laughs]

"I can't, I can't claim that. That has nothing to do with me."

I hear shit like that too, about that. We can blame Elon for that too.

Yeah, I mean, the, the f- the For You page algorithm, I think as a... For our listeners who don't know, it was like a couple days ago, and somebody was narcing out a guy on an airplane-

Yeah

... because he w- he... It was, like, old guy looking at an iPad and multiple photos of just, like, Twitter hoes in various forms of nudity and-

I always forg-

... and not nudity

... honestly, I forget that Twitter allows all of that.

And the problem is if you know that your Twitter FYP serves you up pornography, because I'm, I'm sure some algorithms are just that mostly.

Yeah.

We have gay stuff, Black stuff, et cetera, et cetera. You know, sometimes I'll have some Ridiculousness type content, you know?

Oh, I love that.

You know, some British fight vids and things like that.

[laughs]

But if you really hone in on it, you can just get straight porn. And this guy, if you, if that's what your Twitter is... Like, I won't open my Twitter feed on an airplane on my laptop because-

Oh

... God knows what it's gonna be.

I don't give a fuck. I'm opening it. I mean, you, if you're really-

Then you're gonna get caught up like this little congressman.

If you're ab- if you're about it, about it, you get the little screen protector.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Which I see, like, finance guy, like lawyer finance guy types-

I see it, yeah

... and photographers.

Yeah.

'Cause they don't wanna be editing that in front of you. They don't want, they don't want you to see what they're doing to that.

I see hot influencer hoes, they have it on their shit too, 'cause they're, they don't wanna be seen deciding which of the 478 photos of them in their new fucking ass-

[laughs]

... ass-strengthening tights [laughs] served up in avocado-

Wait, are those the new ass-strengthening tights in lilac? Those are nice.

Yeah, yeah, and they're...

[laughs]

You're using AI to find if there's a difference between all of the, you know-

[laughs]

... what the best one is, whatever. I don't wanna share that process with my seatmates.

I don't love, I, I, I mean, for me I, I just don't... You know I'm famously anti-laptop in public. The, the plane is a weird liminal space that I don't consider public.

Yeah.

But I also know that somebody can look at me going back and forth from Gmail and Twitter and Daily Mail and Hypebeast and think I'm a psycho.

Well, that's not, that's normal browsing.

No, but I think the way I'm browsing could be too...

[laughs]

Like, I think, I think it could be-

I mean, you, this man looking at Hypebeast on the airplane, boy.

[laughs] I know, I'm saying I think the-

Grown ass man looking at Hypebeast on the airplane, boy.

[laughs] I think the refreshing could be problematic. Like, I think the amount of Twitter refreshing could be a problem. I think somebody could be like, "This guy's a psycho. Why, why is he refreshing the For You and the regular-

Oh

... all the time to get more I need a hit type shit?"

Yeah, you're, they're gonna be like, "This is the first guy who has a social media addiction. I've never seen it before."

It's different on the comp-

It's like a dopamine hit.

No, it's different on the computer. It hits different on the computer.

We know. Well, this is a thing that I learned recently as my, my Chrome browser updated, whether I liked it, wanted it or [laughs] to or not.

[laughs]

That you can do split screen tabs. So you can have-

Okay

... two websites [laughs] open on the same-

At the same damn time?

... at the same damn time, and there's a, a dividing line.

That's kinda nice.

And you could drag... I mean, this, interesting that it, this feature was launched right after the Gunning article was-

Mm

... was debuted.

I see kinda where you're going with that. I think-

So, you know, you could, I can have my Wikipedia up while I'm watching my YouTubes to cross-reference what I'm learning. I could have-

Mm, I'm sure that's what people are using it for

... left side Asian chick, right side Black chick.

[laughs] That's what I was-

You could have... [laughs]

That's what I was guessing people are using it for more.

Yeah.

I, I didn't, I haven't, I, I don't know if my Chrome is current, so maybe I should check out, when I get home, just check and see if it's-

Insert Zach Bia joke here.

[laughs] Is my Chrome current?

Bro, your Chrome ain't even current.

[laughs] I, have you seen, did we talk about Jim Jones' new clothing line that's just fake Chrome? And he's like, "I made Chrome hot, so fuck it, I'm doing it myself."

[laughs]

It's an insane way to g- to think about it.

His mind, as they say.

One of the greats.

I don't... What do you think the likelihood of that stuff shipping is higher or lower or the same as a Soulja Boy product?

Higher, but less orders.You know, I think Soulja Boy, the joke is that it's like 30 bucks and you don't care if it shows up.

[laughs]

I think Jim Jones' fake Chrome Hearts jeans are probably a little more expensive-

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm

... and I think less interesting. Anybody who wears real Chrome Hearts doesn't want them, and anybody who wants-

Mm

... to wear real Chrome Hearts knows they're fake, so I'm not sure who the customer is exactly.

Yeah. He figured out, he's like, "I got a product with zero customer base."

[laughs] Yeah, just I don't fully... Maybe something-

Well, that's, it would be weird if Jim Jones wasn't doing things like that

Well, I think maybe the only customer base is the possibility of someone who doesn't know what Chrome Hearts is.

Oh.

But I don't know if there's somebody who doesn't know what Chrome Hearts is who likes Jim Jones enough to buy his cl- you know, it's a f- it's a tough-

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Zero results found on that one.

[laughs]

But I, I saw that the Chrome Hearts people, the family, the Starks-

They bought the Surf Rider?

They bought the, they bought a cute little hotel, motel in Malibu, California, and they're gonna flip it into the Chrome Hotel By The Sea.

Bro, I'm calling my travel agent right now.

This is gonna be-

I need my Chrome surfboard, my Chrome wetsuit. I need my Chrome rash guard.

Do you think this is a, a smart idea on their part?

I think that, I think, yeah.

Is the Chrom- is the Chrom- I mean, not to use a beach pun, but is the Chrome wave gonna crash by the time they turn this-

No, 'cause the beautiful-

... you know-

The beautiful-

... $50 million investment into something that'll start making profit?

The beautiful part of Chrome Hearts is it's, it's, it peaks in pop culture but always continues to thrive no matter how, like, how much in the zeitgeist it is. It's like a thing-

There's always a, a strong-

Yeah, like-

... solid market base for it

... 25 years ago they were making a fortune in Japan and no rapper was... You know what I mean?

Mm-hmm.

It's like that's just g- It'll be fine. This feels like a I-have-too-much-money move. Like, fuck it, let's do it.

Sure.

But the Surf Rider is a pretty classic. I've never stayed there. It's, it's already pretty expensive.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. 'Cause it-

'Cause it's like on the water.

Mm-hmm.

It's like on the water.

Do you think they're gonna keep the sort of Pamela Anderson shabby chic Malibu vibe, or are they gonna black lacquer that shit?

Bro, if I don't, if I check into my suite at the Chrome Hearts Hotel and them sheets ain't leather-

[laughs]

... I am, I'm turning b- right around and driving back to LAX. That's crazy.

Leather sheets. [laughs]

I need leather sheets, leather bathrobe. I need, I need the toothbrush made out of fucking-

Robe weighing-

... platinum

... 18 pounds.

Yeah. I need all that. Yeah, I need all, everything leather.

Look like a guy that breaks down sides of cattle for a living.

Yeah. I want crosses everywhere.

I want there to be a hose in the, in the, in the room.

It's like Drake, when Drake d- I think Drake did a Chrome Hearts bedroom, or maybe Drake did, um, I know he did the Chrome Hearts Rolls Royce.

Yeah.

And it was a similar... It was like the, the seats are leather with the crosses on them.

Of course.

I want all that. I've seen a Chrome Hearts, there's a great store in Aspen that has a Chrome Hearts white leather club chair that works.

Oh, wow.

It's n- it's subtle, actually. [laughs] It's pretty nice.

It actually works.

It actually works.

[laughs]

It's pretty nice.

Okay. So do you wanna talk about, about GQ and all, all of our-

Yeah, sure

... red carpet fun?

I mean, I, I feel like we've posted 150 videos of it, but I guess we could talk about what it was like BTS. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by a new podcast from The Guardian, Stateside with Kai and Carter. This is covering a lot of our bases, Jason. It's, uh, it's trying to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions we all have about what's happening in the world, and I know you particularly have quite a lot of questions.

A lot of questions, but how often? 'Cause we do this podcast three times a week, and that's a sweet spot. How many times do they do it?

Three times a week, and I, I, I have a feeling just based on the platform and these talking points that they're maybe gonna be covering different stuff than we do. That's just a guess.

The Guardian is not some billionaire-owned platform. They're not afraid to say what they wanna say, brother.

Yeah. Rupert ain't sniffing around in, in what, uh, journalists Kai Wright and Carter Sherman are up to over there at, at, uh, [laughs] Stateside.

Mm. Mm-hmm.

But yeah, listen wherever you get your podcasts. You can watch it on YouTube. It's three times a week, and, and who couldn't use more news? You know, especially, especially when it's, when it's not, you know, from here, let's say.

[laughs]

Give, give it a, give it a listen. Give it a listen. Every time I go to the doctor, I walk out of that bitch feeling dumb. I got no real info. This guy in a white coat just say, "You're fine," you know, "Drink more water."

He knows how to charge my copay.

Exactly. As if-

That's about it

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[laughs]

So from disease prevention to treating that annoying brain fog or simple optimizing for your gym game, let's go. SuperPower is more comprehensive and advanced system out there.

Make this year the year we all stop guessing about our health with SuperPower. For a limited time, How Long Gone listeners get $20 off to unlock their new health intelligence. Head over to superpower.com and use the code HOWLONG for $20 off your membership. That is code HOWLONG, and after you sign up, they'll ask how you heard about SuperPower. Do us a favor if you could and tell them How Long Gone sent you, and that'll just support us. Thanks. Uh, well, first of- I mean, there was a s- there was a snafu because there were, there was Carrie Coon and Korean pop star Kun spelled K-U-N, so there was a lot of kun-fusion-

[laughs]

... on the red carpet. I did not set that up as a joke. That was off the dome right now, just to be clear.

I did not know who either of those people were.

I, I knew Carrie Coon.

At, and, and then everybody did-

I, I, far from the Criterion closet-

And Alex was like-

... I think she's an actor

... "It's crazy you haven't seen this be- you don't know who that is." I'm like, "I, I don't..." And then she listed off all the stuff she was in.

Yeah.

And I was like, "I don't know if I've seen any of this."

Yeah, I mean, your ass ain't watching Gilded Age and-

But she's like a leg- but she's a beloved legend.

She is a beloved ac- actor

She's been doing it for a long time is what I'm saying.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sureI li- I like the idea that she's this talented actress who's been w- grinding for a long time and earning her keep, and prob- you know, uh, 1/600 as famous and popular and rich as Kuhn

Kuhn, Asian Kuhn, got tackled. Like a fan ran, like a fan ran up to him

Yeah, no, yeah. We were at a star-studded event, all these people going crazy. When Kuhn was out there, people screaming like, like the Ariana Grande getting tackled type scenario. Like, the-

That guy's tackled before

Really?

That guy has ta- I can't remember who else he's tackled. He's a-

And I'll do it again

... he's a two-time tackler, celebrity tackler

[laughs]

And I can't remember who else it was

My Colts coulda used him last weekend

I'll tell you what, Arch Manning's dying right now.

[laughs]

I, I, I... But I don't know what, um, I don't know what his... Like, I guess wherever he's f- it's like the charge, whatever country he lives in, it's like a, it's like a light, it's like a $2,000 fine or something. You know?

[laughs]

It's not like a bi- it's not like you go to jail

Okay, the tackling cost is just costs of doing business. I'll eat that fee, no prob

Yeah, if you get the, if you get... Imagine the video of you tackling Grande. That's, your life is made.

[laughs]

He didn't tackle. I think he just tried to get the flick.

I don't... Yeah, you can't really spear tackle Ariana Grande. She'll shatter like a dropped wine glass

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Pshh.

Yeah. A thin wine glass

Gonna look like the, she'll look like the Drake Sprite commercial where he-

[laughs]

... he just defragments into a-

Is Kuhn the singer?

[laughs]

But he's not from a group

Uh, Kuhn is maybe from a group

I think he might be, but he is also Chinese. He's Chi-pop

Oh, is he?

Yeah, I don't think he's K-pop

Might be. Might be. Kuhn is a Chinese singer-songwriter. Never mind, yeah. But he was, uh, he's a member of the South Korean boy group NCT-

Okay

... and Chinese sub-unit WayV.

[laughs]

W-A-Y, uppercase V.

Hold on. Chinese sub-unit? Like, what, what... That is very dramatic

Okay, so the South Korean boy group NCT and its Chinese sub-unit WayV

Dude, the, the shit they're doing over there-

[laughs]

... the, the contracts they're getting these people in are different. Like, we haven't seen anything like this before

But also, there's two Kuhns. So maybe... Okay, there's, there's Kun Kun and Kyukyung-kun

I mean, look at him

And that one f- rose to fame as the lead singer of the boy group Nine Percent.

[laughs]

So we got Nine Percent, NCT, and sub-unit WayV. These are all normal names for a musician

Dude, these contract, these guys-

[laughs]

... they got them so fucked up in these contracts, and they have to go to war and stuff. It's just too crazy

Okay, no. The, I think the Kuhn that we were talking to is from WayV.

Okay

Is this, is this the Kuhn that you were talking?

Sure

That's the, that's the one. Okay. Anyway-

I didn't talk to him

... we didn't, yeah, we weren't allowed to speak with him. That was only, uh, our girl Quinlan Rockwell

Did she talk to him?

Yeah, I think so

Okay, okay

She, she interviewed Zaun with Kuhn [laughs]

[laughs] Yeah, but it was, I was very impressed by the fact that there was, you know, there's a prediction of rain, so there was a decision made by production to flip this whole shit and put it in the garage of the Chateau Marmont, which if you've been there, the garage is, um, legendarily hard to navigate in a car. Like, very hard

Yeah. Yeah, yeah

It's v- it's like a very, it squeaks a lot, but it's also just, it's not very big-

Mm-hmm

... and there, it's just very, very difficult to get in and out of

It's almost an ornamental garage-

Yeah

... that's just there to look at and not be used

But the fact that they cleared this out in 12 hours and made it, built a full red carpet with multiple walls and full, like, live stream capabilities

Brought in HVAC system-

It was crazy

... sound, video, broadcasting

Next morning I woke up, garage had cars in it. I was like-

Wow

... "You motherfuckers were up all... You just got it done, like, all night. It's all good." It was really impressive

I'm, I'm blown away by those people over there at the Marmont

It was really impressive

And then the day before, full Maybach Goop buyout. So full red carpet, a fucking half a million dollar Maybach parked in the, in the front entrance, and then just an hour later, gone-

You g- yeah, switched out

... now a GQ. That shit is im- impressive. They don't even need to have hotel guests stay there anymore

I mean, that's how hotels... I mean, Chateau Marmont prices, they're probably making money on the rooms-

Sure, sure

... but the, those, I'm sure they could do that every night if they really wanted to

Oh, yeah.

Yeah

I'm a little sad that we didn't get invited to the Goop Maybach dinner. That's a different echelon

Well, I think it's a different echelon, but I also think it's, uh, [laughs] I'm not sure who that's for

It's, if, uh, if, if I was a little more Republican and had 12 to 37 more million dollars-

Mm-hmm

... than I do right now-

It does feel-

... I, I think I'd be on it

... it does feel like people we would never interface with, by accident or on purpose

I, I, I knew a couple people that went

Did you?

Shout out Nick, Nick from Sweetgreen. But, I mean, sure, I'm sure they know Gwyneth-

Yeah, yeah

... and I'm sure they've, like, collaborated with Goop

But was Gwyneth there?

She was there, yeah

Okay. I mean, I figure if they're, if they're paying the big bucks, she's gotta be there, but I wasn't sure

Also, Ian, I know you're listening right now. Sorry that we are missing the call right now that was supposed to happen. [laughs]

Oh.

He just sent a Zoom link right now and said, "Are y'all jumping on?" Can you hit him back right now?

Sorry

No, it's all good. It's all good, player

But I, I feel like we had a good, um-

We had a great time. We got to talk... Who, okay, so best and worst people that we talked to. Worst, well, I'm, I'll give worst to our homie Patrick Schwarzenegger just because... And it's not his fault. I think it's because the questions that we had for him were probably a little insulting, insultory. Like, we wanted him to do an Arnold Schwarzenegger impression and ask him to, like, take his shirt off and if he eats hamburgers with no bun and stuff. So-

He didn't seem particularly, uh-Down to clown

Less down to clown than professional comedian Stephen Colbert

Unfortunately, Stephen Colbert is my top guy

Colbert and ... Well, I mean, also we need the Will Arnett report because we've obviously been beefing in our one-sided battle with him and [laughs]

We're great at one-sided battles

And Jason Bateman

That's kind of our thing

Yeah, people have para-social relationships with us, and we have para-social relationships with other podcasters as well, and that's why we're human

Our producer told us that Will Arnett has probably never listened to a podcast

Yeah. [laughs]

Which I was like, "That makes him very cool"

"Not only have I never heard of you or your podcast, I have never heard of any podcasts"

I, and I think it's ... I think that explains a lot

He just watches hockey and goes on Raya, like-

[laughs]

... counts his money

No, he's dating, um ... I think he's dating Carolyn Murphy

He is

Which is very sick

So what do, what do we know about her other than has the same name as my beautiful wife?

She's a leg- she's a legend model, like legendary

She ... Okay, she's a model

Yeah, yeah, yeah

I looked, I looked her up because she looked very good, of course, and she's 51

Yeah

That's great

She's age appropriate for him, which I think, I'm sure, uh, that wasn't always the case post-Polar

For the first time in his li- And also, when I was looking at Carolyn, the model that he's dating, had a little bit of Polar in it. Uh, uh, she was a yossified Po-

Don't do that. Do not do that, bro

She ... Look, he got a type

No, that's dark, bro

Yossified Polar. [laughs]

You cannot, you cannot put those two in the same category

Bro

They're ... No, th- that's different countries

Open your third eye, though. Different countries, but s- there's crossover. The flavors of Oaxaca and Szechuan have-

Bro, just 'cause she has blonde hair does not mean-

No, no, no. It's the physio- it's the nose and eye placement

Bro, you need to have your eyes checked. You got-

No, no. You, you need to get your third eye checked. Open. Shit clogged up.

[laughs]

[laughs] Look, I'm not ... This ... It's a, it's-

Let me tell you something

... it's slightly speculative

Don't, don't worry. The, the listeners will chime in and say, "Yo, you're crazy for that one."

Mm-hmm.

"You're crazy for that one"

TJ Mafia is gonna be in my DMs be like, "Yeah, bro. I see the vis"

No, no. I mean, maybe if they wanna kiss your ass and agree with you, but they're lying

They do. [laughs] They do

I ... Yeah, Arnett was great. Stephen Colbert was great. I think Seth Rogan gave me more than I thought he would

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm

But I also just don't know, in these situations always, I think people are just like, "What? Where? What?"

Yeah, yeah, yeah

You know? And it's like even though they've done this a million times and they know exactly what it is, every time it's like, "What is this?"

Yeah, every time you're like, "So you're about to be interviewed on the red carpet for the 975th time of your entire life," and then you're like, "What? Is this a camera? Do I stand here? Is this ... Where am I going? Is that a-"

I think it's, I think it's part of the bit to an extent

Yeah, yeah, yeah. "So you want me to s- look into the camera-"

Yeah, yeah, yeah

"... and talk i- is this microphone? Is that how it works?"

Yeah, it's funny. I mean, Stephen Colbert being like, "I haven't held a microphone in ... [laughs] It's been a long time" [laughs]

He was cool, man. He was a nice little ripper

He, he's, he is cool, and I guess that's why ... I mean, again, I ... the late night hosts that cry are not my favorite genre of people

Mm-hmm

But I do forget that they are absolute pros when it comes to doing-

Yeah

... anything like this, and could run laps around us doing our job as well

Absolutely

And I need to remi- remind myself of that

Absolutely not

I've ... No, I kid. I ... But him being like-

Like if, like if we were talking to Jimmy Fallon on the red carpet, we'll talk shit on him all day long, but then when you're, when you're with it and you're holding the mics and you're in the cipher-

Oh, h- yeah

You'll, you'll be like, "Okay, I get it"

Bro, if you've been on TV for 20 years, you're gonna be good at it

Maybe 30

Yeah, I guess shit, he's ... Yeah, he has been a long time

Getting on there

But the pa- I mean, the party was fun. I, you know. I, I gotta, I gotta be honest, man. I

Preach

I got a little choked up

When?

When Jake was playing Long December, I gotta say, man

Mm-hmm

I gotta say, I really was like, he really slowed it down. [laughs] He made that m- he made that thing last

[laughs]

He, he said, he said, "I'm chewing this bite 40 times before I swallow"

He chew ... Landser hopped that song

He Landser hopped. [laughs] Long December

Talking about digestion, gut health. No, he did a good ... It was funny 'cause I was, I was sitting on a chair in front of you, and then I was in the shot kind of, and then they're like, "Okay, you're, you're gonna be his guitar tech, so you gotta switch it over." And I look behind me, and you and Will Welch, you know, you got the Kleenex out listening, uh, just enamored by the majesty of MJ Lenderman and this powerful Counting Crows song. And then I'm looking at him sing, and then I look over to the right. I took a video of it. I don't know if I'm gonna post it, but there's a guy literally asleep in his chair

[laughs]

I'm like, "This man is playing a acoustic song. It's gonna be three minutes and 31 seconds."

Oh, you can't make it

"You're at a A-list celebrity party"

Was it a person working?

No. It was a, it was a guest

Damn

And I don't want-

Think he nodded out?

He was just, he was just like, "Damn, I'm, I'm sitting down," and he w- he just literally was asleep

Sometimes you get too comfortable

I'm like, "Bro, Sydney Sweeney is 14 feet away from you. It's, it's 7:00 PM"

I didn't see Sydney Sweeney. I didn't see Sydney Sweeney

"7:00 PM and you are asleep, fam." Yeah, actually, there's a photo I posted where MJ is playing, and then I'm sitting on the, on the chair, on the cuck chair watching him like a proud father, and then somebody replied. I posted it on Instagram, and they're like, "Look through the window," and if you look through the window, it's like a spooky, like, you see a face in the window. It's Sydney Sweeney. She was outside watching him through the window like a fucking-

I was about to say stop doing-

... burglar

... stop zooming in on photos, but I was like, "All right, that's worth it. All right, that's funny. That actually, that went somewhere"

The Sydney Sweeney jump scare got us

But I, yeah, I thought it was, I thought it was, um ... I just feel like Will could've gotten anyone to do that, and I think it's an inspired choice-

Mm-hmm

... to get someone who can actually do it-

Yeah

... without any help, and just sorta like-

[laughs]

"What do you want me to do? You want me to walk in with a guitar like I'm fucking Prince and climb up on a table? Sure."

Mm-hmm.

"Okay, no problem"

Mm-hmm

I guess I just ... I mean, I'm obviously biased, but I, I thought it was great

Versus having like, "Here's my handler who has the backing track and then the, the TV vocal and whatever"

It felt appropriate for the settingYou know, it felt, like, appropriate. The way that, honestly, jo- we joked about it, but the way Miley Cyrus shows up because she can si- it's just like, "Yeah, I'm gonna-"

Mm.

"Somebody play the piano, I'm gonna fucking belt this."

Remember when musicians would play music?

It's, honestly, it's rare.

With their hands and their mouth.

But even with Clipse, 'cause Clipse played.

Yeah.

It was fucking insane. They were good.

Ah.

They were, like, really, really good, and it was just kinda like-

Even though they're well past their prime, you say they're, they did well.

I think they're actually in their pri- I think they're gonna, this is going to be... They're gonna win a Grammy for this, for sure. They were o- nominated for, like, four or five maybe.

I'm happy for them.

I like it. I don't, I mean, obviously it's not their prime, but it's, like, better than the last three. You know what I mean?

Whatever. We're... I like old Clipse, not new Clipse.

It's good. I'm telling you, it's good.

But any, any time a rapper is like, "I'm 49," I don't care if you're Jay-Z or Clipse or any of these people, we don't-

No, Jay-Z's 100 times worse

... we don't need to... Yeah, he is. But, like, it's, it's a young man's game.

But they don't, what I f-

I want, I want hungry rappers.

Well, they're all, they're all so bad now, I think they're eating too much.

That's the problem. Back in the day, you'd be a hungry rapper, and then you'd work your way up, and now no one's hungry. Everyone is y- they're, they're already entitled and ruined by the time they turn 17.

I thought that-

Little Netspend is already jaded, and he hasn't even written a coherent song.

Does he rap?

Yeah.

Oh, I didn't know. I, I thought he, like, did some weird-

What'd you think he did?

... like, bad singing with Auto-Tune.

Well, he does that, too. [laughs]

[laughs] You're like, "No, no, no, that's part of it. That's a big part of it."

He models, too.

I've ha- I'm happy to say that Netspend, and what's the other one?

2Hollis?

Neither have ever blessed my ears.

Come on, bro.

I don't, I don't, I just don't need it.

Yeah.

I like them. I think they're cool looking.

Yeah.

And that's kinda the whole, I think that's the whole-

They're powerful

... I think that's the whole point.

The, yeah, most of the point is that they're cool looking. Um, yeah, so yeah, that was all good. We, we finished up the party.

I was a- I was asleep by midnight.

Not me. Me was hungover the next day.

But you guys didn't stay la- I mean, it was kinda o- it didn't, it didn't, it wasn't like s- That's what I like about it. It's, it... I mean, we were there all day, but it's over at a reasonable hour.

Yeah. Yeah, it was over at midnight or something like that.

It was a really, I, it was a good party. I thought it was, I thought it was, um... The layout, the, this, I liked the layout. I liked it better than being in the parking lot.

I got to, I had a good mo- I was hanging out with Aziz, and he was like, "Oh, is that Somber?"

[laughs]

And I was like, "Yeah, that's Somber." And he's like, "Oh, I wanna talk to him." And I was like, "Oh, you should go talk to him." And he's like, "Oh," he's like, "busy talking to somebody. I don't wanna get in there." And I was like, you know, "Hey, Somber, this is Aziz." And then they just started talking or whatever, and then I got to take a, a photo of the two of them, and, uh, it was like Aziz was very-

Do you think-

... interested in building with Somber. It was cool

... do you think Somber knew who he was? I don't.

Uh. [laughs]

Only because, only for age. I mean, only for age.

Only because he was born in 2017?

I literally think he would be like, "Oh, hey," like, "Nice, cool to meet you, fan."

[laughs]

Like, I literally don't-

Do, uh, do you work here, or...?

I honestly don't... I, I think, I don't... It's tough.

No, no, it's, it's, it's 50/50 that he, he-

He may be pro enough to fake it

... he's probably heard the name, but if he, maybe he couldn't pick him out of a lineup.

"Oh yeah, my mom said you were canceled. Yeah, I rem-" [laughs] He looked good. Aziz looked good. I, I, I wa- I asked Cho. I was like, "What was that suit?" Like, he looked cool. It was a nice suit.

Okay. Aziz's look ate down?

I, yeah, I, I'm not saying that, but Aziz is-

Aziz and I are finally friends now. We have exchanged phone numbers, and I think in the next year we're gonna get a burger at Telegrammar or something like that.

[laughs] Aim high, king. Aim high.

[laughs]

Aim high. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by our best friends at BetterHelp. Jason, we're, we're deep into May, which is, uh, Mental Health Awareness Month, and this is just a reminder that whatever you're going through, you don't have to go through it alone. Life is a damn journey. Some days feel good, and others feel overwhelming. Whatever's keeping you up at night, it's easy to feel like you have to figure it all out on your own. But the truth is, no one has all the answers. Well... And no journey should be alone. Having someone with you to listen, to understand, and to support you can really make all the difference.

I agree, Chris, and sometimes, you know, it, it's nice to be talking to somebody, even if they're not even listening, even if you don't even get to s- be in the same room with them, because what you're doing is you're admitting these things to yourself, and that's the most, that's the most rewarding thing you can do sometimes. So you can have a great little therapy sesh with your perfect therapist at BetterHelp. Choosing between over 30,000 people so you can get the right one just for you. Over six million people globally are using it, and you know, have some breakthroughs. Go on that walk after your BetterHelp sesh. You know, whatever it might be. Get a nice little lunch all for yourself, maybe a non-alcoholic kombucha, and just think and be like, "Damn, I really am him." You don't have to be on this journey alone. Find support and have somebody with you in therapy. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com/howlong. That is betterH-E-L-P.com/howlong.

What is a Revolve Man, Jason? It's, oh, [laughs] funny you ask.

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Genuinely, yeah. It's one of those things. We're all busy. Let's say we got an important dinner coming up at the end of the week. It's Tuesday. You're working every single day. You don't have time to go shopping and try clothes on and blah, blah, blah, or even just browse. You know, Revolve, it's all there. It's all curated for what you want, and then you click buy, you go to bed. Couple days later, that shows up in packaging that's a little nicer than y- the other places you're buying clothes from, and you've got a nice look for the big night out. And then you're like, "Wait a minute, I don't even have to return this because I enjoy this clothing and I wanna wear it again another time," versus all those dumb other websites. So whether it's a big night out, a wedding, a trip, or you just need something last-minute that actually works, Revolve Man always has it. Go to revolveman.com/howlong to shop and use code HOWLONG for 15% off your order. Free two-day shipping, easy returns. It just makes everything easier. That is revolve.com/howlong, and use the promo code HOWLONG to get 15% off your entire order. Offer ends soon. Don't sleep on it. And you don't need clothes, too. You can get just, you know, a cool candle or an incense gift for a baby shower, whatever it is. Revolve.com/howlong.It was, it was funny. I was like, damn, I'm, I'm putting Aziz's name into my phone right now, and all I could think about was being at the Cha Cha Lounge in Silver Lake and screaming Randy to him-

[laughs]

... from a parking lot, and him being like, "Man, really man? Come on, dude."

[laughs] Yeah. What a... I mean, look, gift and a curse. I mean, man.

That was, I mean, that was like a, that's a benchmark mile marker-

I didn't know you ever blow up-

... in my blow up

... I didn't know you behaved like that. I never behaved like that.

I used to act a fool.

I mean, I [laughs] I mean, I've behaved in bad ways, but not that kind of bad. That's a different f- strain.

When I'm loose off the goose-

Sure

... I'll, I'll, I will yell at a celeb from across the street 1,000%.

Sure. I feel like that's also LA living a little bit.

Going off Patron.

But I, the reason I was so impressed with the party was they got Kendall, Hailey, and Bieber.

Mm.

That's big.

Kendall, Hailey, and Bieber.

Justin.

Three, three-way kiss.

Ju- I'm saying Justin, Justin came through. He was getting out.

I didn't see him.

Bro, he got out of the Sprinter. I saw him in the party, but I s- I saw the picture of him getting out of the Sprinter.

Damn, I didn't see him in the party.

He's got the... He honestly looked sick. He was wearing black jeans with boots and a sleeveless white T-shirt, but he's got 11, 11:00 PM-

Little eyes on him

... Celsius floss stick.

Mm.

Which-

Mm

... I know you've performatively floss sticked before in your life.

I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll leave the house with a floss stick in my mouth.

And it's something-

Carolyn finds it truly disgusting

... I hate it.

[laughs]

And I was like-

Okay, but you, but toothpick okay, floss stick not okay.

Yeah, toothpick is... Yeah, I mean, I s-

They're performing the literal same task.

Yeah, but a fl- a floss, it's, you can't hi- it like... A toothpick, if I wanna hide it, I can hide it.

Oh.

A floss stick, it, it, the gir- it's too long.

Why would you ever wanna hide it?

Well, just if it's b- if it's, if it's mint flavored or whatever and I want it for a gum purpose.

Oh, okay. Okay.

Where flossing, I feel like I can do that at home during my dental routine. I don't need to performatively floss.

Nobody needs to performatively do anything, but we d- we nevertheless-

Flossing, dental care [laughs] dental care-

I don't need to read a book at the bar a- alone by myself

... dental of, dental-

But I do it

... care in public is, that feels maybe unnecessary.

I agree with that. No, c- I think you and Carolyn have this in common. Like, she believes that brushing should only happen in front of the bathroom sink while you're staring at-

Yeah

... yourself into the mirror.

Where else would you do it?

I-

Not shower. That's disgusting.

I will-

Shower brushing is fucked up.

I shower brush.

It's fucked up.

Why?

The water's hot.

What water?

The water from the shower.

What, what does that have to do with brushing?

I have to w- rinse my mouth out after I brush. How am I doing that when I'm in the shower?

[laughs] Oh. I, well, I mean, I guess-

You just put a little hot water in your mouth and swish it around?

I don't ha- I don't take that hot of a shower, I guess. It's, I'm, it's not like-

Bro, don't-

It's not scalding

... there ain't no way to justify. I get that... Look, I know you're a guy who's biohacking and you like to take shortcuts to make your life better.

[laughs]

But you can take I, you can take an extra couple minutes and brush your teeth in front of the sink like an adult.

I like to go do things around the house while I'm brushing.

No, bro. This is insane. Insane. Insane.

I'm a multitasker.

I understand. I, I-

I'm an efficiency thinker

... I understand that, and I am too, but there's a time and a place. There's a time and a place.

I'm not performing certain things while I'm bru- I mean, you know, I'm not, like, gonna go take out the trash with the-

No, no, I know that

... toothbrush in my hand.

I, I underst-

I'll go, you know, go into the other room and, you know, put a p- a T-shirt in the laundry or-

That feels also like-

... put a glass in the kitchen sink or something

... how long are you brushing for at a certain point?

Eh, three minutes.

That feels excessive.

I love to brush long. [laughs]

[laughs] I, I mean, I, I prefer a floss, brush, mouthwash. That's the ultimate, that's the-

[laughs]

... that's the everything shower.

That's the ultimate three-pack right there.

That's the, that's the ultimate three-pack.

Wow. Chris Black dental routine revealed.

[laughs]

Get a load of this, ladies.

I love-

He flosses, then brushes, then a mouthwash?

I fucking love Listerine. It's bad, 'cause I heard it hurts your gains. Joe Holder told me that.

What?

Yeah. It's been a, he's been a thing-

Specifically Listerine, or just all mouth-

Just mouth wa-

Really?

Like, I think alcohol, I think mouthwashes-

Not like the little gay Aesop one?

All those mouth... I, I kinda like the Aesop one, the flavor of it, but I want the burn.

Mm-hmm.

You know me. I wanna be, I want my mouth on fire.

Do we know the [laughs] do we know the science behind why-

I, I can't-

... it affects your gains?

I cannot remember. I'm sure Joe will let me know, because it was a thing he told me about, and then I think he posted... This was a long time ago.

Joe Holder. Let's get Joe Holder on the phone.

Dude, he's, he's always happy to bless us with knowledge.

That's, that, I mean, that's a fact that I'm interested in, but I f- yeah, I feel like whenever... I don't, I don't use mouthwash, but when I did when I was younger-

I love it

... it felt, it felt wrong.

If they have it in a bathroom, like at a ho- you know, like at a hotel or something, I like Equinox-

You like, you like the astringent burn of it

... I love it. I want it to burn. I want it, yeah, I want it to hurt.

Burn me down.

It's, it's like, it's like ginger beer or sparkling water. Like, what is the hardest hit?

I think that it, the, it disrupts the microbiome in your mouth potentially too much.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

No, I, I definitely think there's-

It's like, oh, we, oh, I need to clean this, this wall, and then you, you sandblast the paint off of it, and you're like, I just wanted it, the dirt off of it

... took it a little, I took it a little too far.

I, the, the, it breaks it down to the studs-

Yeah, breaks it down to the studs

... every morning.

Breaks it down to the studs. But I, I, I try to-

It's all good

... I try to do morning and night if I'm really feeling myself.

You try to brush your teeth twice?

No.

I'm just kidding.

I'm saying mouthwash twice.

Wow.

I wanna mouthwash every time I brush, but it's tough with the travel schedule.

Damn.

Oh, I need to tell you this Delta story.

This is good podcasting. [laughs]

I need to tell you this Delta story because I've, I, so- this has never happened to me before.

Go on.

I purchased a premium economy ticket.

Classic or extra?

[laughs] Classic.

[laughs]

Classic. To go to London with the plan to use one of my global upgrade certificates-

Yeah

... to, to upgrade. So I call, and they're like, "All right, yeah, you're on the waiting list. It'll click-"

Thank you for being a Diamond Medallion member, Mr. Black. How may I help you today?

Am I speaking to Chris Black?

My name is Sharice.

So I'm, I'm like, "The, it won't clear. It's not clearing." And I'm, like, looking at the seat map, and I can't choose a seat, but I bought one.

Yeah, yeah.

And I'm like, "Why can't-

I've seen that

... w- why..." I'm like, "What the fuck? I bought it."

You thought-

So when we're leaving after GQ, I'm like, "I gotta figure this out." Of course, I get on the phone 30 minutes before we have to leave to go to the airport, and it turns into this entire... Basically, the woman's like, "Yeah, I don't know." But I'm like, "So what happens?" She's like, "Oh, well, if you show up, I'm sure there'll be a seat."

You'll probably be fine.

And I'm like, "But I paid for this."

[laughs]

Like, I, "What do you mean?" She's like, "Well, why didn't you select it when you bought it?" And I was like, "That's up to me, bitch. I select-"

[laughs]

"... what I wanna select. I paid for the fucking ticket."

Yeah.

She was scolding me for not selecting when I bought. I'm like, "Usually I do. I don't know what was going on." You know?

Yeah.

So then she's like, "Do you wanna talk to my supervisor?" And I said, "You know what? Yes, I do."

[laughs]

I went Karen mode, which I try not to do. I get on the phone with the supervisor, and the supervisor's like, "Look."

Karen Black has the time.

She's like, "This doesn't happen often, but there's an issue with the flight, and there isn't a seat for you." And I was like, "What, what do you-"

Mm.

"What do you mean?"

Mm.

She's like, "There's, there's air marshals that have to be on this plane, and they've taken those seats. And the way that works is they do that, and then it's our problem to, like, figure out how to fix it."

Mm-hmm.

"Like, we have no say in it."

I like that the supervisor was like, "This, this guy, he has enough miles logged to let him know."

I can audit this. I can audit this one.

'Cause the, the average person, if you let them know, "Oh, this, the air marshal got it," that might break their brain.

So she was like, "What can I do to fix this?" And I was like, "Well, I don't know. I just need to get there. Like, I have to get there 'cause I have something to do."

I don't know. Give me a seat on an airplane to the city-

[laughs] That I paid for

... that I paid-

Yeah, yeah

... thousands of dollars for.

She was like, "All right, how about this? Every Delta flight, every Delta one premium economy and, and Delta one is sold out for Sunday going to London direct."

Mm.

And I was like... She's like, "I can get you main cabin." I'm like, "I can't do that 'cause I gotta wake up and do stuff. I can't do that. I can't. I won't sleep."

No, we can't main international.

So-

I won't even main to Maine

... she's like... From here, I would. Uh, she was like-

[laughs]

... "Well, how about I give you Delta one to Amsterdam, and then we get the Cayenne to take you to the, the connecting flight."

Mm.

"And then I see that you're on a Virgin Atlantic premium economy on the way home. I'll put you on a Delta one on the way back, too."

Mm.

And I was like, "Thank you."

Diamond experience.

But I, I, my p- I just, it, I'd never had this experience with an airline, but I've had it with other things in my life, where if you get the right person on the phone-

Mm-hmm

... it's literally like, "Let me hit some buttons, and we're gonna change your life."

Well, this is, this is the Chris Black method. I typically don't take any of your advice.

[laughs]

But this is one where you said it's a good, it, Blackism. You're on the phone. The person's not doing what you want them to do.

If it ain't feeling good, if it ain't feeling good.

Hang up, try again.

Try again.

Fail fast.

Fail [laughs] fast.

Sometime you gotta cycle through-

I love when you talk like a founder. Fail fast

... and this next step is so important. Fail fast.

But I was just like, wow, this is an amazing... I just, I've had that with, like, a credit card company, like, a cell phone company, but not-

Yeah, with all this stuff

... but not this. So I f- I'm feeling pretty good about it overall. I feel like I came out as best I could in the situation.

Jolly good, Chris.

Jolly good.

Yeah, when you're in that Virgin, that Virgin America lounge heading home from, uh, London, don't, don't sleep on the fish and chips, Chris.

Oh, g- that's a good one

... it's a nice one.

That's a good one.

Get the little malt vinegar.

Oh.

Mix it in with your tartar sauce.

Oh, I just all love a little malt vinegar before I hop on the plane. Nothing sounds more appetizing.

I think that I've, I've had the full English, and that, to me-

[laughs]

... is a step too far-

Yeah, no shit [laughs]

... at the airport. But it, the problem is it's good. Like, I'm, I'm always leaving London in some level of, of disarray.

Yes, so you, like, need it kind of. It's-

And I'm s- I'm so ready to tuck into a full English, and it's nice when you just order, you know, QR code it, and a lovely person brings it over to you with whatever juice option you'd like.

No, n- oh, yeah, nothing like a green juice with a plate full of fucking-

[laughs]

... beans and blood sausage to really set the tone.

Can I get a burnt tomato and some canned beans?

[laughs] Not the burnt... I'm always like, "Oh, it comes with tomato, great. Did you stomp on that with your foot?"

[laughs]

"Or did, is this, is this just how you cooked it?"

But, but don't s- the fish and chips with mushy pea-

I do love mushy peas

... is banging.

I love mushy pea.

I was, uh, I guess speaking of food, I was looking on, uh, on my la- my, my form of R&B Twitter, and there was, uh, somebody, somebody posted, "Noth- nothing beats R&B," and there, there's an AI image of all these rap, like, R&B people-

Oh, I s-

... and it says, "My, my type of music"

... I saw this. I saw this. [laughs]

Bryson Tiller, PartyNextDoor, Chris Brown, Summer Walker, all, you know, Joe Budden music. And then somebody, uh, their Twitter name, Ethical Stud-

[laughs]

... called this chicken Alfredo music.

[laughs]

Which I thought was so poignant.

It is poignant.

Is that, is that, like, Black coworker music?

It's just, it feels like one of those descriptions that-

[laughs]

... you would, could've never thought of, but when you see it, you know it's right.

[laughs]

You know? Uh, yeah, maybe it is Black coworker music. But, like, Summer Walker and Bryson Tiller-

[laughs]

... like, that kinda shit is just like-

Mm

... I literally only know about it from Joe Budden.

[laughs]

That's the only reason I know about shit like that.

But the, I, I like it because obviously Chris Brown, the, the king, the linchpin of the whole operation of people who are beasting, you know-

Mm-hmm

... millions and millions of streams all the time, but you don't really see him in the zeitgeist. You don't see... They're, they're not doing award shows. They're not doing-

Sure

... SNL.

They just do their thing.

They might get radio play, but we don't really pay attention to it. You don't really see a video of them ever, but they're just, they're existing in the world of, of, of chicken Alfredo Twitter. [laughs] Why did chicken Alfredo get co-opted by the urban community so much?

I don't know.

Does it-

It's disgustingLike, it's a disgusting dish

[laughs] Unless, of course, you get the, made, made the, the original Italian way, not with the cream. You know what I mean?

Yeah, but come on, that's, you know, that's rare.

I know.

You know, that's rare.

It is, it is rare.

That, that, that, also that image is really funny.

[laughs]

It's like, it looks like a kid drew it, kinda.

[laughs] Yeah.

It's really funny. It's like a kid with an iPad made it, is what it looks like.

Yeah, definitely.

I went to, um, King yesterday-

Restaurant King

... for lunch with Larry and Al. Larry, who, who now owns this hotel.

Shout out to Larry. Ran into him, gave him a hug, and it was weird.

[laughs] Larry had on a nice Loewe sweater, like a cable knit-

Oh

... with a half zip. Anyway, we go there, and I'm like, "It's lunch on a Saturday." I'm like, "This is not the kinda food I want. I wanna go to the Bowery Hotel and get eggs and toast and avocado like an adult." But this is, you know, they wanna have wine. It's a whole ... They wanna have, like, a lunch.

Mm.

He's in the business, you know? I'm like, "Great." All right.

You're about to get some chicories for 48.

I was like, "You're visiting. It's your choice. Let's, let's go. Let's have a double date at King."

I want white toast with butter, an egg with no salt, please.

And I have to say, King is still a restaurant for women.

Mm-hmm.

But I f-

Rich women

... I think I found ... There was an omelet, and it was a little too French and a little too goat cheesy.

Mm-hmm.

But delicious salad. The panisse is delicious, you know, the, the long chickpea-

Yeah

... you know?

Yeah, yeah, the little appetizer.

And, and I have to say, I think I was like, "Okay. I g- I understand this better than I ever have before."

Are you Team King?

Um-

We have a lot of, a lot of King employees listen to this pod.

I, look, I'm-

Shout out to my King girls

... I like being in there. I, I like the vibe a lot.

And we were gonna have Claire on the pod, but there's too many people involved. Too many cooks in the kitchen.

I'm sure if we just texted Claire, we could have Claire on the pod.

Claire, come on down.

I don't think it ... But I was, I left King after two hours.

Let's talk about the hearth.

After two hours.

Two hours, long boozy lunch.

It was a great lunch. I had a great time, and the f-

Bottle after bottle of Chablis was popped

... the food was good, but there was a lot of, there was a lot of wine flowing. No bloody Mary, though. They didn't have any mix, which I found interesting.

That is interesting. Okay. Good old King. Um, I hope to one day be able to afford to eat there once again. And then you had-

I don't know

... and then last night-

Oh, yeah

... we had a wedding. Shout out to, uh, our friends Maddie and Sam.

Yeah, congratulations. We were, the wedding was at The Grill.

The Grill in New York, which is-

And The Pool, and the Lobster Club. [laughs]

And the Lobster Club.

They took over the whole conglomerate there.

The whole property.

But I was, that's the best wedding food I've ever had in my entire life.

As a non-guest of the wedding, I got to hang out in the PDR, which is the private dining room-

Yeah

... which was catered by Parm, the restaurant Parm.

Not bad.

So yeah, I had a, I had some Caesar.

Parm's good.

I had some large croutons in that Caesar salad.

It was, oh-

Ah

... nothing I like more than a fat-ass crouton.

Barely get your mouth around that-

Sits, the size of a city block

... little critter. Okay, so the food was good.

Well, it's just, like-

No duck press, I'm assuming.

Thank God, no. It was, um, it was sushi grade tuna.

I walked through the kitchen. They have a full sushi area.

Salad. There was a, there was a salad that was good, but then there, I had a bass, and then there was a filet. There was potatoes, broccolini.

Mm.

But the real star of the show-

Mm

... was before the ceremony when there were some passed hors d'oeuvres, which are usually awful.

[laughs]

Unbelievable.

Oh, wow.

Crispy rice, spicy tuna.

Yeah.

Little artichoke-

Mm

... uh, arancini, but it was just, it was a pig in a blanket with mustard to dip.

Oh.

Shrimp cocktail pre-sauced.

Ooh, yeah.

You, you ta- it was on a metal skewer. Take it, had a little receptacle for the skewer.

Ooh.

It was, it was just a really, it was really nice.

Okay, so they shine with the tray pass.

The tray pass was the be- best I've ever experienced in my life.

Shiver me timbers.

And then Matt also, you know, Mario had to bless us with the spicy rigatoni as well-

[laughs] Oh

... at the, at the dinner, which is a nice major food group.

Wow, okay.

I think that had to be a, I think that was a special request.

There's a little extra [clicks tongue]

There's a little extra-

A little rigatoni fee on baked in

... there's a little extra. But I wanna say, we've talked about wedding speeches on this podcast before.

Mm-hmm.

Jonah Hill, number one.

Mm-hmm.

Matt's dad was unbelievable.

Really?

It was amazing. And Matt was like, "I didn't know ... I've never seen my dad..." [laughs] He's like, he came up to me after, he's like, "I've never even seen my dad in a social situation. Like, I didn't know."

[laughs] I've never seen this motherfucker address people.

Yeah, he was like, he's, I guess he's a trial lawyer, so he does do this.

Oh, okay.

But he was, I mean, it was, he did it all. It was hilarious. Like, the timing was amazing.

Damn.

He fucking wrapped it up. It was, you know, had the emotional.

Interesting.

It was very, very good. Very good.

The, the oration of a trial lawyer translates well to the, the wedding speech, I guess.

It was just, it was just so funny. He was really... You could just tell he was, like, actually just a really funny guy.

So he, he slayed Annie Hamilton at her own game.

He did, and she would admit that.

She'd, she, I talked to her about it last night.

She would admit that. But it's tough.

I was like, "I heard your speech was good." She's like, "Yeah, it wasn't as funny as I thought it was gonna be."

I mean, that's how it always is, though.

Not with her. But I mean, it was good to see her dad-

I'm saying at weddings, I'm saying

... succeed.

You know. It's, well, it's rarely a parent that kills.

Oh, yeah.

It's rarely a parent that kills.

And when a parent kills, it is so sad.

But there wasn't a drunk girl speech.

Right.

Like, where it's all like, "Oh my God." Oh, I can't say that. [laughs]

[laughs]

Remember that time we were in college and you went home? Oh, I can't, I can't, I can't.

Everything was earnest, and I, I heard that the, the, the speeches were sort of roasting. There was a roast element.

There was a roast element. There was a roast element, for sure.

Which is cool to see.

Which I think that's, I think that's necessary.

We need a little roast.

Yeah. I mean, [laughs] yeah, we, we need a little roasty.

Yeah, I was, um, I was DJing it up. I saw a friend of the show, Kobe, our, uh, our photographer friend, and I, when I was playing OutKast, Hey Ya, I, I, I peer through the crowd and I see him doing the sick shake it like a salt shaker dance.

[laughs] Look, Kobe's from A- bro, Kobe's got ATL roots, bro.

Oh, yeah, I know.

You gotta, like... Kobe looked good. He was wearing a nice tux- I've never seen Kobe in a tuxedo.

He look- he kinda, he was dressed kinda like, uh, Fran Leb- wait

It's a little Fran

It's a little Franny. I don't know. He, he had the air of, like, a very successful New York woman.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The spectacles-

Mm-hmm

... and the collar. I don't know why, but it would just, it felt, it felt rich and lesbian.

Last night was the-

In a good way

... first time I've ever understood black tie.

I wish somebody told me it was black tie. [laughs]

[laughs] It does... Black tie I find annoying, but I was able to-

My fucking tie was yellow

... get a suit, thanks to Sid Mashburn, in plenty of time. But basically it ma- There's a standard it creates that is, I think, very easy for men, but more difficult for women.

The standard is no broke hoes allowed?

No, no, no, it's not even that. It's just, like, there's, like, a uniformity to it that makes, that, like, elevates the room a little bit. That, that-

Mm

... because there's not a lot... For men, at least, there's not a lot of room to fuck that up if you follow the, the actual meaning.

It's, yeah, it's basically like do you want your bow tie to be regular or kinda floppy?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whereas women, I know it's more difficult. I know it's more difficult to-

Oh, yeah

... to suss out what it actually means.

Yeah, especially with our bodies.

Oh, I know.

You know what I mean? When I'm wearing a tux, you've got your cummerbund, it's all tucked in and buttoned up, and-

I need a cummerbund

... it doesn't matter if you have a bad body because the, the tux sort of gives it the shape of a classic, classic man. Whereas the ladies, you know, like Carolyn wore a, a dress at, at Motti and leaving nothing to the imagination, you know? [laughs]

[laughs] It's not black tie, but...

It's not, but it's, it's, it's Galliano. Um, okay, couple questions for you really quick.

Sure.

Um, oh, also, I noticed yesterday on my Chrome browser twitter.com, you know, like I have-

I heard about this. It's over. It's just X now.

It, yeah, it's just X. They, they stopped redirecting twitter.com to x.com. End of an era, so I had to update my bookmark bar.

It's tough.

Oh, so-

That actually sucks

... fellas out there, update your bookmark bar.

We're praying for you.

Um, so hotel tipping etiquette question for you.

Sure.

I had to call the front desk yesterday for an ironing board-

Yeah

... to iron out my, uh, my Sid Mashburn shirt.

Yeah.

It gets very wrinkly, very wrinkly. And I had $2 bills. Is it worse to tip zero or is it worse to tip $2 bills?

It's worse to tip two.

[laughs]

We gotta... We can only start at five.

Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You gotta start at five and goes up, it go- I would say it goes up to... I mean, I was-

But what about-

I was peeling them off at Chateau Marmont. I don't know what was wrong with me. I was just like, "20 for you, 20 for you." I just-

You're in the spirit of Tony. But when you go to a hotel, I like to try and get fives, get a bunch of fives.

Yeah, same. I think a five is, especially for a valet, I think that's, that's the going-

Mm-hmm. You know, "Can you bring up a," whatever it is.

Don't keep it up front. I don't care.

Yeah, don't keep it up front, but, you know, for the, you know, the room service, bring something up or, "Hey, can you bring a steamer?" or whatever. You know, "I need more towels."

I think room service you can write the tip in. I think leaving a 20, depending on, or 40, depending on how long you've stayed, for the housekeeping staff is, is the right thing to do.

But what... Uh, so this is... I gave them... I took the $2 bills and I obviously folded them in such a way to it only looked like money and I, uh, and I handed it to the guy and I apologized saying, "I'm sorry, I only have a little bit of cash on me." And he gladly took it and, and left and seemed okay.

Oh, of course. Yeah, I mean, I mean, look, of course two is better than zero.

But you just said it isn't.

I wouldn't do that.

[laughs]

I would, I would get him back next time.

Yeah.

But I- maybe there's not a next time. You did the right thing.

Okay.

You did the right thing. Also, I think guys like that are so used to getting stiffed.

Sure.

That it's like if you're nice about it, it's fine.

Yeah, I was nice about it. I talked to him mano a mano. Yeah, la- lastly, I was watching the, the Eddie Murphy doc on Netflix, and he, he brought something up that was kind of interesting about, uh, why, why I think, like, the rise of podcasts and video-

Yeah

... YouTube shows and all that stuff. He was saying, like, he'll sit down and, uh, and watch, uh, his TV and he's got 800 channels or whatever on his shit and every streaming service and there's just ain't nothing to watch.

Mm.

Like, whatever. He s- he said that his favorite show, the best show of all time, is Ridiculousness. He watches it nonstop all day long.

My man.

And he, like, compared it to, like, experimental, like, '70s French director-

Like outsider art

... yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I get that.

He, he was like, "This is the pinnacle of, of art creation," or whatever. But he said other than that, there's just... He's like, "When I was..." You know, "Back in the day, there was just shit on that you would wanna watch, and there really is nothing to watch," and it used to just be like that, that is what it is.

Mm.

And now they're like, "Hey, I'm just gonna make my show in my garage-

Mm

... and you guys are gonna watch it and I get to keep all the money."

Yeah, no, for sure. I mean, him liking Ridiculousness is cool-

Yeah, it is

... first and foremost. Is it good, the documentary?

It's not, it's not bad. It's okay. I mean, it's a little self-glazy.

Sure.

It's, it's definitely like, "Come over to my house so I could show you that I can retract my roof with a button"-

Exactly [laughs]

... kinda thing. [laughs]

Sure, sure.

But it has everyone in it, you know? Sandler and Chappelle and, you know, all the, all the original movies-

God, what I wouldn't do to never hear about Sandler again

... glazing his ass.

I don't know. What, what could I do? You ma- maybe I'll just do a blocks, like assert a word block, you know?

Well, that's a, that's a thing that I was thinking about, um, a, like a month or two ago. Predicting the, the future as, as people become more and more triggered by certain people and certain things, and then as everything that we consume is all gonna be centralized in one thing, are we gonna be able to mute people in real life? So, like, the same way I'm like, "Oh, this Instagram account keeps leaving me troll messages. I'm gonna mute them or block them," that is what it is. Are we able, let's say, um, who's some, who's someb- uh, Harvey WeinsteinLet's say he has hurt me, and whenever I see his name pop up on a movie or whatever, it triggers me.

Sure.

Or an actor I don't like or whatever.

We're gonna have a way to stop that.

Am I, are we g- gonna be able to go into the Google settings and say s- "Don't ever show me Call Her Daddy," and then across all platforms-

I, yeah

... you know, like if, if I've been raped by an actor and I open up my Amazon Prime or my Hulu and that person's face is on my screen, that's a trigger.

I think we'll definitely be able to do that.

I think we should start working on this, you guys.

I also, before we go, there's been photos of Timothee Chalamet wearing Phat Farm-

Yeah

... and Timberlands.

Mm-hmm.

And I wanna say he's gone too far.

Yeah. [laughs]

It was really working for me. All the freaky shit was working. The Phat Farm and the Tims, I know you're from New York, you can't do that.

Mm-hmm. L- leave it to, uh, Billie Eilish.

Literally. Billie Eilish is making it look better than you, and I hate to say that. I hate to say that.

Well, she can fill it out a little bit more.

That's true. All right, How Long Gone, thank you for listening. Uh, thank you to Will Welch and our GQ family for having us at the Man of the Year awards. Uh, you can still probably watch the live stream on gq.com.

Mm-hmm.

Uh-

Check out my reel on Instagram

... Jason put a great, a great, uh, reel together with-

Sizzling

... with all of our... Sizzla. Um, congratulations to Matt and Sam on their wedding, and, uh, I think that's it.

Yeah, that's pretty much it. Um-

All right, bro

... and sorry that we missed your call, Ian.

We'll call you back.

Uh, have a great week, you guys.

Later.

I don't wanna go another day. So I'm telling you exactly what is on my mind. Seems like everybody's breaking up. And throwing their love away. But I know I've got a good thing right here. That's why I say. Hey. Nobody gonna love me better. I'ma stick witchoo forever. Nobody gonna take me higher. I'ma stick witchoo. You know how to appreciate me. I'ma stick witchoo, my baby. Nobody ever made me feel this way. I'ma stick witchoo.

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